Katherine Schwarzenegger’s marriage advice: ‘I don’t like to go to bed angry’

Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger are married **FILE PHOTOS**

Katherine and Chris Pratt are just SO suited for each other and their whole marriage/deal is like a conservative fairy-tale. The princess – a daughter of a movie star/governor and part of one of the most famous political families in America – meets a charismatic (?) movie star and falls in love quickly. Everything works out perfectly and they marry within a year. Getting knocked up after a year of marriage is part of fairytale, and it’s already happened. Also part of the story? They barely have any problems and they never go to bed angry, because they’re both excellent communicators!

Like many authors navigating the COVID-19 pandemic, Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt has continued to promote her new book, The Gift of Forgiveness, through virtual chats. On Tuesday, the author gave advice about the importance of forgiveness and communication for married couples—drawing from her own relationship with new husband Chris Pratt. Her suggestion? Talk to each other.

“I’m a big communicator—I got married last June. Communication constantly is really the most amazing gift you can have in a partnership and relationship,” Schwarzenegger Pratt, 30, said during a chat with Amy Nelson, founder and CEO of The Riveter, a community and workspace initiative built for and by women.

Schwarzenegger Pratt emphasized this hope again while talking with Amy Nelson, before ending the chat with her marriage advice. She also shared what her mom, Maria Shriver, told her.

“My mom likes to remind me that I will learn more as the years go on,” Schwarzenegger Pratt told Nelson. “For me, especially in this time, constant communication [is important]. I’m not good with leaving things unsaid. I can’t do it. I’m not the kind of person who is able to do it. I don’t like to go to bed angry.”

She explained that her husband is the same way. “We both do not want to ever go to bed angry. We both communicate a lot—it’s super important to us,” the author said. “And we also always check in, no matter how crazy our days are. We just like making sure we’re doing a temperature gauge with one another because we’re a team and we want to make sure that team is a strong one.”

[From People]

I read a lot of the Reddit relationship threads (compiled on Twitter) and I’m always amazed at how many very deep and serious problems arise in a relationship because two people are simply unable to sit down and f–king talk to each other. It’s like another world – “I think my wife might be killing hobos and dissecting their bodies in the attic, should I ask her about it??” That being said, I mean… Katherine hasn’t even been married a year, they’re rich and privileged and pretty uncomplicated people, what is there to fight about? Talk to me after ten years of marriage, when they’re both giving each other the silent treatment for weeks because the dog farted.

Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger take an evening stroll

Chris Pratt and wife Katherine Schwarzenegger go out and about in West Hollywood with coffee in hand

Photos courtesy of Backgrid.

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65 Responses to “Katherine Schwarzenegger’s marriage advice: ‘I don’t like to go to bed angry’”

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  1. Carol says:

    Just the type of advice I would expect from someone so young. I believed that too when I was inexperienced, but after 37 years as a couple sometimes I go to bed angry. Shit happens.

    • Mel M says:

      Agreed, I love getting marriage advice from newlyweds. Also, this is the most overused piece of advice for marriage.

    • Slowsnow says:

      My husband’s stress response is to sleep so when we fight I always go to be angry and fall asked to him snoring deeply.
      Ah young newlyweds. Such innocence.

    • lunchcoma says:

      I’ve always found it to be YMMV advice. It seems to work well for some people. It can also mean that the person who needs less sleep can use that as a tactic to dominate their partner. After dating someone who did that, I pass on dating anyone who’s not willing to deal with serious conflicts in the morning.

      • Eda says:

        OMG YES!

        My partner does this and it’s totally unacceptable. I need a lot more sleep than he does, and he chooses to have these long and circuitous discussions during the late evening hours. Totally not effective. Not everything needs to or can be settled before bed.

    • Leslie says:

      Amen to that. When you’ve been married longer than a year, going to bed angry could be the least of your issues

    • AnnaKist says:

      I’m just going to say to Katherine, “That ain’t gonna save you, luvvie.”

    • Normades says:

      Seriously, I don’t think we even fought the first couple of years because we were young and having fun. It’s been almost 20 now, throw in age, kids, finances, daily grind etc….even for the rich it won’t be the same honey!

    • Kelly says:

      My boyfriend and I have been together over 7 years and living together for 3 (we keep saying one of these days we’ll just run down to the courthouse) and I love him more than anything in the world, but sometimes if he doesn’t just shut the hell up and let me sleep off my anger that he loaded the dishwasher incorrectly, I’d gladly murder him. She should wait a few years to give advice.

    • Jo73c says:

      Exactly what I was thinking! Nobody *wants* to go to bed angry. But also, sometimes you just can’t deal with having the whole argument at midnight.

  2. Snazzy says:

    So, she drives me nuts. No real reason, but every time I see a comment from her I get a massive headache from my eye-roll.

    • Kate says:

      She can’t close her lips. Her mouth is always open like everything amazes her. Maybe it’s bc she has big teeth

    • Sushiroll says:

      She comes across as prissy and vapid as well as abysmally tone deaf. Like sorry honey, can’t relate to your privileged Christian fairytale life, please go live your life quietly instead of giving us plebs more bland and meaningless advice. She’s a nothing-burger with no wisdom and no charisma, so if she could please sit down and go away, that would be nice.

    • minx says:

      Me too, and I’m not sure why. She just seems like a rich, sheltered girl who now will be a rich, sheltered wife/mother.

    • Leslie says:

      Totally agree. Zero reality or life experience with some of these privileged people!

  3. Lucy says:

    Anyone else got the impression that whenever she smiles, she actually looks like she’s in pain, or about to burst into tears? Maybe it’s just the way her face moves, not her fault at all, but still. Her eyes seem a little sad.

  4. I am Mimi says:

    That’s so pedantic. Be married more than a few weeks and then come back to me.

  5. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    Just wait.

  6. Emily says:

    I usually address something as soon as it happens but sometimes go to bed angry because I’m cranky and in the morning it feels like no big deal and I ended up avoiding a fight about nothing. If I’m still feeling like it’s important in the morning, I’ll talk about it.

  7. David says:

    We’re on our 13th year together and still don’t let the anger fester. It’s honestly really bad for our mental. Different strokes and all.
    Also very aware that we have a backyard and screened in porch to get away from one another in this crazy period.
    One tactic I have implemented in my life is to write down what I’m upset about and it has helped me greatly with being impulsive and immediately reacting with rancor.

  8. McMom says:

    Yeah, that’s a nice idea…kinda. But when the alternative to “go to bed angry” is “stay up and fight,” sometimes you just have to put a fork in it, go to bed, and talk about it after some rest.

    I don’t agree with Kaiser that they are less likely to fight now – I was a much bigger fighter when I was younger because I didn’t have the tools to tell my partner what I needed or how to listen without preparing a rebuttal. It’s taken years of therapy and maturity to be able to communicate better.

  9. ooshpick says:

    that’s not advice. that’s just something someone said a million years ago and has no value to real relationships

  10. SilentStar says:

    Dayum, after 12 years with the same person we’ve had ups and downs, and sometimes one or both of us have been angry for days at a time. With that advice I’d be very sleep deprived! I’d rather sleep then stay up late trying to hash out something that may take for than a couple hours to sort out.

  11. DC Gal says:

    They have so much money. She’s never had to work. They have both Hollywood and Kennedy connections and they are just so irritating and dull. So much privilege, I guess at least he somewhat earned it.

    Come back to me with any kind of advice when you’re a full-time working parent and don’t have an insane amount of inherited wealth.

  12. Melissa says:

    Bless her heart

  13. Rachel says:

    Maybe Chris should have communicated better with his first wife lol. Now he decides to be a great communicator with the second wife. How nice of him.

  14. paranormalgirl says:

    I find some issues do better when slept on. Like someone upthread said, sometimes, the issue looks different in the morning. I’ve been so angry the night before, gone to bed, and in the morning, we wake up and realize that our fight was ridiculous.

    • Léna says:

      I understand that so much! But at the same time I interiorized so much the idea that my anger or my discomfort with a situation was not valid that I sometimes sleep on it for days and it makes me sleep bad, have nightmares etc… It’s a balance I’m trying to find, and being in a healthy (well, normal, but it seems extraordinary in our living days) relationship really helps with that.

    • Snazzy says:

      yes! I used to be one of those don’t go to bed angry people, but I realise now that sometimes it’s better just to sit on it. The morning provides much needed perspective

    • Ellie says:

      Plus after we both start to dig in and have been fighting into the evening, it’s like neither of us can think straight anymore. We fight in circles or say things we don’t mean and it’s harder to understand the other person’s perspective. Like no I don’t LIKE to go to bed angry and those certainly aren’t my best nights or sleep, but sometimes it’s for the best.

      • yellow says:

        I think that’s the point though. I think the saying is mostly meant to say, extend an olive branch, even if it’s done grumblingly, after the disagreement and before ending the night. Doesn’t mean it’s over or settled necessarily. Sometimes we know we need to put the issue on hold for the night, but still, we’ll try to at least wind things down. Doesn’t even have to be a discussion. Could simply be a touch, or tone of voice. I think that’s all it is really. Instead of slamming the door anger. It seems to help bring things together nicer the next time, instead of someone later being afraid to approach it if that other person was super upset. Once it’s a known habit, it doesn’t always even have to be spoken… sometimes it’s simply just peace and quiet and staying out of each other’s way. That’s my take on it anyway, and from practice with it. Whether or not that’s the true intention, I’ve taken something from it that has helped, and still working on it! Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t always easy. I just personally like the idea behind the saying, but also the fact that life is never perfect or meant to take the saying literally every time.

  15. qtpi says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! Give it a few years Hon.

  16. lunchcoma says:

    Sigh. I guess she might have been prompted to give her perspective on marriage, because there aren’t that many other topics she’d be asked about. If so, I can’t fault her for trying to answer the question.

    I don’t know that someone whose current relationship has lasted less than two years should be asked for or offer marriage advice, though.

  17. emmy says:

    Yeah … I don’t plan on getting married but if I do, I’m not looking for advice from her. I’d want advice from couples who’ve gone through job losses, money issues, possibly debt, families who don’t like each other … the good stuff.

    Seriously, there are tons of issues that money just erases, aren’t there? Like the fact that often when you’re younger, one person may have a job and the other is still in uni. That’s a different life. Or for me, I live in a city where rent has skyrocketed since I moved here. I have a nice little affordable apartment that’s perfect for me but too small for two. So IF I even dated and moved in with someone, I keep thinking what if it goes down the crapper? I’d have to move into a horrible mini apartment or out of the city. I know that’s very specific but these people buy and sell homes like they’re impulse purchases. These are all things they don’t have to think about. Good for them but please don’t give frickin’ marriage advice to the plebs!

    • Mika says:

      Girl, I have been living in a very tiny apartment in downtown Toronto – where real estate has SKYROCKETED – for almost 8 years, and dating my BF for almost 7 years. Do we want to move in together? OF COURSE. Are two, above ground apartments from a decade ago significantly cheaper than a single basement bachelor today? ALSO YES. So, do I want to move forward in the relationship? Of course. Have I been trying deserpately to make more money/find a job I can work in a different town? Also yes. Am I in relationship purgatory because I can’t afford to move forward right now? YEAH. It’s fucking awful.

      • emmy says:

        Well, sh*t. I’m sorry, that must suck so much. I know my ficticious problem is nothing compared to that. I like my apartment but that’s the thing. IF I moved out, I could never go back and who knows if the guy would make enough money for us to afford a place big enough for two.

        Not to digress too much but I wonder how long these real estate prices can go up in large cities around the world. It’s a real issue for families, single parents, these essential workers everyone claps for but who can’t afford to live near their place of work. I’m willing to pay for a nice home but I don’t see myself moving out of this apartment in the next 10 years. And I make good money, I can’t imagine what it’s like with kids or a lower salary.

        So when I see these people give us advice … no. Go invite Architectural Digest and show us your “sanctuary”. You know you want to.

      • Lady Jane says:

        I think we are about to experience an almighty crash. So for people who have saved up they may actually be a ble to afford to buy something. I’m worried that my rent may skyrocket.

  18. MissM says:

    Ok not really on topic, but some of these super religious people have these really big forced smiles (Duggar girls for example). She is one of them

  19. Megs says:

    Not sure about other’s marriages but everything I thought I knew about relationship went out the window when we had young kids. Sleep- deprived fights are no joke.

    • keroppi says:

      I agree! I don’t know about you, but there were days when I was so sleep deprived that I really resented my husband and every little thing annoyed me so much. Everything changed once we had a child and I only know feel like we are getting back to normal after two years!

      They have only been married for a year and don’t have any kids yet (I know they are expecting). Marriage is easy during the honeymoon stage when everything is lovely and carefree!

  20. Suzieq359 says:

    Not looking to get marriage advice from someone who has been married 12 minutes. Really tired of them trying to make this girl happen.

  21. Mina_Esq says:

    Lol I love that everyone’s reaction is, “come back to me in x number of years”. 😂 Pretty much. I hope someone tells her that it’s ok to sometimes want to be alone with your anger while you process your own emotions. Making it all about “the team” is how you lose yourself and become resentful.

    • Züri says:

      I don’t think she has “herself.” She seems very immature and insecure and as though she’s looking for some purpose in life. Or maybe she just wants something to do given that she does nothing other than the occasional Today show appearance.

  22. LeonsMomma says:

    A basic answer from a basic person. Also, calling her an author makes me cringe—the only reason she has a book is because of who she is. I pity the editor who had probably had to rewrite it.

  23. Thaisajs says:

    I have nothing against Chris Pratt, but I just don’t care about Katherine S? Like, there is just no space in my brain for her. I imagine she’s fine? I don’t understand why she gets so much attention as she really hasn’t done much in life?

  24. Sean says:

    I bet they don’t go to bed angry because she goes along with everything Chris says or wants, without stopping to consider her own feelings.

  25. Tiffany says:

    The more she speaks, the more he and Anna breaking up makes sense.

  26. Melissa says:

    She posted an Instagram video (I think that’s what it was?) trying to bake something and Pratt is in the background being annoying. She looks hella irritated in it. Will try to find the link. She reminds me of a lot of ppl (mostly women) I know that are super irritated by their spouse/SO but shrug it off in an effort to get along and not fight. Not saying this is them, but I got those vibes from the video.

    • Melissa says:

      Ok it was an insta story from 4/20 and I’d swear there were “annoyed” Screenshots but can’t find them anymore. Have I read celebitchy so long that now I’m suspicious they made the outlet take them down?!

  27. Lillian says:

    It can be patriarchical “biblical” “don’t question-yr-husband, there’s a timelimit for your discomfort over my control-tendencies” …be careful when your partner of any gender insists on this (…I say from experience)

  28. Msmlnp says:

    No one likes to go to bed angry. But I’ve been angry at my husband for a good solid year now, so it can be done.

  29. anon says:

    So I’m just gonna get down to brass tacks:

    He was messing around with the then-married Anna Faris (who left her husband for Pratt) and then cheated on her with one (or more) of his co-stars. That’s the primary (though not only) reason why their marriage ended. Now, publicly, Faris has played along because she has a kid with him. But he was not always the conservative evangelical angel he pretends to be, though he has managed to punch way above his weight in terms of projects, roles and wives.

    That said, good luck to Ms. Schwarzenegger Pratt. I’m sure it’ll be a happy, tear-less ending for all.

  30. lowercaselila says:

    I’ve been playing a little game with myself where I’m trying to predict which celebrities will come out of quarantine lockdown pregnant and who is going to have a pandemic divorce.

  31. S1111 says:

    I feel like “don’t go to bed angry” is kinda a simplistic cliche based on misinterpreting the Bible verse “don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” My pastor once mentioned in a sermon that this is actually terrible advice if taken literally. She pointed out that an argument that’s bad at 8 or 9 PM is going to seem exponentially worse at 1 or 2 AM when you’re both exhausted and a little delirious. Basically, you can keep the spirit of the advice (don’t stew in anger without seeking resolution) without having to resolve something in one calendar day before sundown in order to be a couple who communicates well.

  32. Ange says:

    Not only has she been married barely five minutes but I don’t think she’s even been with him two years? She’s still in the honeymoon period, I can’t take any of her pontificating seriously.

  33. BendyWindy says:

    People comment that she’s so young. She’s 30, not 18. Still a lot to learn, obviously, but not a baby.

    I got married when I was 21. I’m now 34. My husband and I are GREAT communicators and although we have the normal bickering about the trash or dishes, we rarely argue.

    I always say we did all our arguing early and now there’s not much left to argue about. But yeah…don’t go to bed angry? Pffft.

    Even with above average communication skills, not every disagreement can be worked out in a day.