Singer Maren Morris gave birth to her son, Hayes Andrew, just four months ago. I say “just” because poor Maren has already been targeted by the Meddling Mom Mafia when she posted an adorable photo with her baby. Even though that experience affected what Maren will post, she is opening up about his birth. Maren had an unintended Caesarean Section after it seemed a vaginal birth wasn’t possible. Because she hadn’t expected a C-Section, she’d not read anything about the procedure or its recovery, something she now regrets. Maren wishes more people would talk about C-Sections so the recovery won’t come as such a shock.
Maren Morris is remembering both the physical and emotional difficulties following her “unintended” cesarean section to deliver son Hayes Andrew, now 4 months old.
In a new video for Little Spoon’s Is This Normal surrounding her support for the Black Women’s Health Imperative, the new mom, 30, reveals that since she was “not planning for a c-section,” she “didn’t read up on” the procedure beforehand and now wishes she had.
“I labored for 30 hours, wanted to do it naturally, but I stopped having contractions and it was just time to call it and get him out safely,” says Morris. “So I just wish I had done a better job at preparing myself for the shock of a c-section, because the postpartum of a c-section is so brutal.”
For example, the country star’s husband Ryan Hurd “would have to lift [her] out of bed” before she could do so safely herself. “You can’t use any of your abdominal muscles,” she says. “I had to army crawl to get out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.”
“And you’re also wanting to hold your baby and breastfeed and pump and all this other s—, so that was crazy,” the “My Church” singer adds.Morris recalls feeling “really isolated” and “really lonely” following her son’s birth, because she just didn’t hear stories about c-sections the way she would’ve hoped to before experiencing one herself.
“I wish people talked more about their c-section stories because I felt, like a lot of mothers, really isolated, really lonely, right after because it was this unexpected major surgery I ended up getting,” she explains.
The difference between an emergency C-Section, an unintended C and a scheduled C has to do with the state of the fetus. An emergency C means the baby is in distress and the C is the best way to save the baby’s life. An unintended means the baby is okay, but something is preventing it from coming out and will eventually become distressed… or maybe just live inside you for the rest of its life (kidding!). A scheduled C is the planned method of birth, often because of a prior difficultly giving birth. My friend, who had had an emergency with her first and a scheduled with her second, asked how I would handle it if I had to have a C-Section at the last minute. I swore I wouldn’t need a C, but hypothesized I wouldn’t care. I was wrong on the first count and right on the second. My first C was unintended and my second was scheduled. I did not have the physical issues that Maren discussed. The recovery with my second was a little more painful because the hospital couldn’t agree on a pain killer for me so I ended up with just Tylenol for the whole postpartum. The oddest part is when the incisions start itching because they’re healing. The exterior one feels normal but the incision on your uterus itches too and its strange having an embedded itch you can’t reach. However, immediately following my first C, I, too, had no idea what to expect and the morphine withdrawal was terrible. And to Maren’s point about being prepared, when I had my second child, I was ready for it and it was much less of a problem for me.
I do know that there is a section of the Meddling Mom Mafia that treats women who have had C-Sections as if they haven’t properly given birth. There are support groups for women who have Cs and part of that deals with this perception. As you know I can’t understand any kind of mom shaming, let alone the idea of harassing a woman who made a medical decision based on the health of her baby. Take care of yourself, take care of your baby, anyone saying anything different than that needs to take a seat.
I’m glad Maren brought this up because we need to view C-Sections as part of the birthing process. Any kind of isolation during motherhood is hard, especially so the first time around. And doubly so if you give birth during a pandemic. I hope Maren’s comments help other expectant moms. The only parsing I will do of Maren’s statement is I was corrected when I said “normal” birth instead of vaginal birth because the whole idea is to normalize the safest option and not give the stigma of only one way being normal or right.
Photo credit: Instagram and WENN/Avalon
“The recovery with my second was a little more painful because the hospital couldn’t agree on a pain killer for me so I ended up with just Tylenol for the whole postpartum.”
I am so sorry! I was so lucky both times, but I shared room with women who had emergency c sections…they suffered so much!
My ob gyn has 4 children and her last was a c-section. She said she was actually pretty grateful because now she has an understanding of the different challenges her patients go through when they have a c vs vaginal birth.
I think a big part of the c section struggle is that, for many women, it was unexpected, occurred because of something scary and last minute, and not a part of their birth plan.
Hi
C-section mama here.. it is not that it is unexpected. It is that it is painful and impossible to even get out of bed for the first month without someone pushing you as your abs have been cut in half. Just to get up and get my child out of her crib to feed her, I had to call a nurse to pull me up. 10 staples.. and the only way I recovered was this amazing pilates trainer who told me “kegel like there is no tomorrow” and I was like “my vagina muscles are the least of my worries!” and she explained how doing effective kegles would retrain and bond my abs to work again. I worship that woman. Best advice no one tells women who have had c-section.
The other difficult part was how dismissive a lot of women were about the process and how I didn’t earn it after 29 hours of active labour and an emergency c-section. fuzz that..
I’m so sorry you experienced such difficulty. My section for my twins (kiddo in blast off position was breech & with two there was no space for Leopold’s maneuver to try to flip him) was comparatively easy. Up and walking in a couple hours and only percocet for first day or two, then ibuprofen. But, I knew ahead of time, and was happy to have a known delivery day- I am short waisted, and I looked like an apple with arms and legs, couldn’t sleep comfortably. and moving about with a toddler to take care of was getting tough. So very different than someone who has an emergent section.
Honestly, my vag delivery with my first was waaaay scarier to me.
Idk. The unexpected aspect of it isn’t helpful, for sure. But then again something like one third of US births end in a section. All pregnant women should be made aware that it’s a possibility. That said, the pain is unreal, before, during, and after. Mine was my first proper surgery. It occured at 3am after a FIVE day failed induction. The spinal tap hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. They put it too high so I went numb and lost control of my body from the neck down. I panicked and felt like I couldn’t breathe so they put me under. I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and was overmedicated and vomited all over my nurse and son the first time I held him in recovery. The pain after was stunning. I lived in a second floor apartment with no elevator at the time, so going home wasn’t much better than being at the hospital with medical staff popping in every hour and waking us and the baby. Awful. Just awful. The first 6 weeks post-partum were a blur of misery after a traumatic birth process.
Idk. The whole thing sucked. I knew it would suck. I very badly did not want a c-section. But my son made it out okay and I suppose that’s all that matters in the end. Still, I wish I’d known the potential for how awful the whole endeavor be, I could’ve set up therapy ahead of time.
My childhood BFF was the same way, but with 2 kids. Her first was, as her doctor said “one of the toughest he’d seen in his decades of experience” so her second was a planned C section and she was so relieved. Still really difficult and painful of course.
I don’t understand that mentality that having a c-section means you haven’t properly given birth. In my mind anyone that has had to have an incision to surgically remove the baby is a freaking warrior. I was terrified of having to have a c-section because A. It would have probably been an emergency so the baby would be in distress which would be scary and B. having seen the recovery it looked hard and painful and I have nothing but respect for anyone that has to go through that. Also, when we did the maternity room tour, they did walk us through what would happen if you needed to have an unplanned c-section and knowing the step by step process was scary so I can’t even imagine what it’s like when you don’t know what to expect.
I think every pregnant woman should have a basic understanding of different delivery methods; it’s a shame if someone is completely unprepared. Having said this, I was TERRIFIED of getting an injection in my spine, and it was nothing, no problem.
When I had my first c-section (planned because the baby was breech and couldn’t be turned and I didn’t want to risk an emergency delivery), there was a celebrity who famously said something something c-section with plastic surgery after and little damage to the body. I honestly don’t remember who it was, but I remember hearing that and feeling like somehow my birth was less because I had a c-section (without the plastic surgery after, to clarify). I had two more c-sections after that and each was different. I had fairly easy recoveries once I got used to binding my stomach which gave me a little more strength, and a stubborn, stubborn disposition and desire for normalcy. I remember trying to walk through Target less than a week after having my first c-section and basically collapsed around the dog food section. I was fine, just abdominally exhausted, and realized my stubbornness can take me many places, but the Target makeup aisle was just a bit too far. And yes, it was stupid and foolish, but my mind had not yet accepted that I wasn’t Superwoman at that point.
I so agree with you. Many people refer to a vaginal birth as a “natural” birth, as if a c-section is somehow an abomination of nature. I had two, quick, easy vaginal births followed by an emergency C. They were all “natural.” I get that people are opposed to elective c-sections, but if we could just all mind our own business and support women in their choices, we would all be so much happier and healthier. If we want respect as women we have got to start respecting each other first and foremost. We need to embrace the mantra that it’s fine to say “not for me” and support a choice you wouldn’t make.
Preach! 🙂
One of the travesties of the US health system is the lack of in-home Child care after a csection. I also had an unintended csection with my first and a scheduled csection with the second. The first recovery was terrible with the pain and exhaustion. But the scariest thing was the constipation. That’s very dangerous and even the doctor didn’t warn me, I noticed it and called in to ask what to do.
Yes! The only in-home-care I got was the nastiest Lactation nurse you could imagine. At three weeks I was having issues with my baby nursing every. Single. Minute. Of. Every. Day. and contemplated a bottle to give my poor body a break. She started screeching at me how horrible I was and how my baby would suffer for my selfishness. My husband finally asked her to leave and not come back. That was it. No one to make sure I was eating and pooping (which, after a c-section and especially with the painkillers) is AWFUL. No one to make sure my scar wasn’t infected (I actually went back to my OB because something didn’t feel right and it ended up being infected, but because I had no feeling in that part of my body I had no idea). I’m a smart woman. I knew a lot of the c-section how-to’s. I wasn’t prepared.
I am so sorry. That is traumatic and terrible and WRONG. And I know it happens ALL THE TIME, which just makes me hair-on-fire furious.
I am also so very sorry that happened to you; what is WRONG with people? Hope you get a lot more kindness coming your way in the future!
I have also had two c-sections. The first was an emergency section after 50 hours of induced labor, and a very distressed baby not coming out at all.
I had never felt so completely destroyed as I did after that, and recovery was not great.
The second was scheduled. After about 24 hours after the operation I stopped taking pain meds beyond the occasional Tylenol and recovery was easy breezy.
I think the duration and intensity of the labor beforehand has a lot to do with how difficult the recovery is. There are all kinds of crazy things that happen to the body when you’re in labor. Follow that up with major surgery and total exhaustion, and you’re gonna have a bad time.
I was the opposite. My first C section was an emergency, and it was scary but I was physically fine within 24 hours. I think it was a combination of being super fit at the time, pure adrenaline of having my first kid and being all of 21. I was never on bed rest and never even slowed down or used the pain killers they sent me home with.
My second one was hell. It took me almost a month to feel comfortable at home without someone else there to help. I was in pain for ages. I don’t know of it was because I was older, or because maybe having a second operation over a bunch of scar tissue made it more painful or if my doctor was just worse somehow. But it was like night and day with recovery.
When I hear someone say they would rather a c section, thats its the easy way, i just want to scream. I never personally had one, i gave birth to my ten pound daughter vaginally. It was hard, long and painful, but there were no complications and recovery was relatively easy and uneventful. My sister had an emergency C a few weeks later and it took her much lonher to get back to normal.
Advice IF you get a C-section: 1) get stool softeners or guzzle prunes afterwards, because your first poop can be very painful otherwise 2) instead of toughing it out, take your pain medication; you’ll sleep better and move around more, both of which will speed your recovery.
Advice no 1 applies for vaginal births as well. After giving birth to my first child vaginally, I could never imagine to ever push again. I loved my post natal nurse for immediately giving me a stool softener when I mentioned it. When I prepared for the birth of my second child, I made sure to have some at home. I’ve also mentioned to friends expecting their first that, while it may not be considered proper dining table talk, that they should be prepared for constipation. I’ve also made sure to leave my hemorrhoid medication on full display because ouch.
Thank you Fran; I never had a vaginal delivery, so I didn’t know this!! My daughter’s being induced in a week, so I’ll make sure she knows this!
Yes! Thank you for sharing this with other women. There are so many things many women would maybe not even think of. I would have never expected that. LOL
I had two C-sections and both were really rough in their own way (one unintended, one scheduled.) The first one came after 36 hours of labor so I was just flat out exhausted. For the second, scheduled one, they found a lot of scar tissue and were clearing that out so I was on the table for an hour and a half before they got the baby out. So after THAT I was exhausted and in a lot of pain.
so many people say things like “if you get up and walk around right away its easier!” but I couldn’t walk, so hearing things like that just made me feel like I was slowing down my own recovery.
My OB said the best thing to me though, we were talking about the recovery process while I was still in the hospital and she looked at my husband and said – “if he had just gotten his abdomen sliced open, do you think he would be worried about how soon he could walk normally again?” (and its true because my husband is one of “those” men who dies from the man-cold every year.) After that I tried to go easier on myself.
But even with that – I still think it doesn’t get talked about enough. I remember how hard it was to get up from the toilet. And getting out of bed was REALLY tough. It hurt to sit up and BF if I didn’t get the exact right angle. etc.
Yeah, and besides recovering from MAJOR abdominal surgery, your hormones go crazy, your milk comes in, and you adjust psychologically to being responsible for another human being. It’s a big challenge.
I think this is one of those situations where everyone is different and no two births are alike. I had 4 births – one emergency C section, one with an epidural and 2 without any drugs. My experience was that the emergency C section was the easiest to recover from. The largest of the 4 was of course without drugs. The hospital staff thought I was too far along in the birthing process to get drugs. That baby was a serious recovery process.
I had an emergency C section a month before my due date, and was actually quite gratefull that both my daughter and I needed extra care and had to stay at the hospital for about three weeks. It meant that there were nurses and healthcare staff to help me, in and out of bed, to help carry my child from the crib to the the bed so I could feed her.. I wasnt able to get morphine because it interfeered with my bloodpressure medicine, and it took me about 5 days to walk a couple of metres without assistance. It took about four months to be abe to do a decent situp – and I had worked out all through the pregnancy.
It also took months before I was able to call it an actual birth. I hadn’t even had a single contraction, and suddently I had a child – it felt very strange to begin with.
Talking with other women about the birth experience, and hearing their stories, has been incredibly helpful moving on from my own, and I love that more and more celebrities talk about their experience too.
Isn’t that the weirdest thing? To go from pregnant to not pregnant in what feels like a minute? It was a weird transition.
My first was a c-section for a breech baby, so scheduled but wasn’t what I really wanted. I’m squeamish so I didn’t read up on c-sections, though I knew the basic idea. I had no idea that I would only get a spinal, that it wouldn’t work fully, that I wouldn’t have pain, but I would have full sensation of slicing, clamping, other things I couldn’t identify. I didn’t understand how hard they shove on your belly trying to squeeze the baby out through the incision. I just didn’t understand.
My recovery was HORRIBLE, too. My mother in law brought the stomach flu to me in the hospital, so I don’t know how how much of my horrific recovery was due to that (vomiting for a week on fresh stitches is not my idea of fun) and how much was recovery from a difficult pregnancy. But because of my squeamishness, I was so nervous about the surgery and was just not “in” the process at all. A lot of mothers who give birth via c-section seem to do just fine and in fact they love the scheduled aspect…. it wasn’t a great way to meet my first child who ended up in the NICU for a few days…
Out of one emergency and two scheduled C’s following, the second was the hardest recovery. The pain was so unbearable, I just knew something had to be wrong. But my experience with that particular doctor and that particular hospital wasn’t great so I didn’t want to further engage. Even a week-and-a-half after the surgery, the pain was so acute. Any tiny movement made the incision feel like it was tearing open. I cried every day for at least two weeks. F@ck women who criticise other women for how they bring humans into the world. And I don’t just mean f@ck ’em, I mean shut that shit down. They’re horrible people and horrible mother’s for thinking the way that they do, and their spawn will need serious ‘f@cking off’ in the future bring raise in such a toxic environment.
My first baby was breech and would not turn. I wound up with a c-section and can remember feeling like I was missing out on the birthing experience. It was a tough recovery. I was lucky i had family willing to help out. My husband was working and going to school at night so without my family, I can’t imagine being left alone with a new baby. There is a feeling of shame that comes with being a c-section mama. It’s weird because in the end, we’re all just doing what’s best for our babies. I’m glad someone is shining a light on c-sections. Honest to god, I had a woman tell me I hadn’t really given birth because I had my kids the easy way. Ha, there is nothing easy about c-sections that’s for sure. Growing humans is a wonderful, beautiful, difficult process. There is no easy way out.
C-section mama here. My first was unexpected, it took me a year to get over feeling like failure. My second was also unexpected but this time I was mentally ready. My advice is to take the meds, then try to get up with help as soon as it’s medically safe so your body remembers how to coordinate to stand up. Do this once a day and take it super easy for the next month, aside from eating, walking, with help if necessary, to use the bathroom and feeding your baby. Also, for stairs, go backwards. For scar tissue, once the doctor says your scar has healed, I waited till the two month range, you can gently massage the scar and then progressively do a real scar massage (google!). That will be important for the long run.
I applaud all of you who have had children. I chose not to, for a variety of reasons. I think you’re all WARRIORS!
2 time c section mom. My first was an emergency after 21 hours of an induction, that my uterus and baby hated. The recovery was so horrible. I think the hours of labor and “manual intervention “ before we went for the c section, really contributed to it. My second was planned, but then he came early and while I was in triage talking to the dr, he crashed and they couldn’t get his hr back up. Rushed me to the OR and had to put me completely under. I had all of these plans for my c section and I wasn’t able to even be awake and my husband wasn’t able to even be in the room this time. The last thing I remember is the dr yelling “I need to get him out, tell me when I can cut! We need to get him out”. I have tears streaming down my face, no husband, and then I’m out. He’s a perfectly healthy 1 year old, but I just got teary writing that. It was traumatizing and I’m glad I only want 2 kids 😂. That being said, physical recovery for this one was waaaay easier. My husband was amazed at how well I was walking around the next day.
@curachel20, oh goodness, how traumatic for you. I can’t imagine your fear at that moment. I’m glad everything worked out okay and you have your healthy babe now.
@noodle thank you 😊. Luckily all ended up fine, but yeah it was traumatic and a bit sad that neither of us got to see our baby come into the world.
I so agree with other moms who said it’s what comes before the CSection that makes a difference. In India, a lot of moms are actually given an option of having a Csection if they want it. I had 2 prior miscarriages and a high risk pregnancy and I wasn’t taking any chances . Day 1 post Csection was horrible. On Day 2 the nurses showed me how to get out of bed. Day 3 they made me walk up and down the corridor. Day 4 I went home with baby and Tylenol. It was pretty smooth all in all. I think 30+ hours of labour takes more out of the body and makes the recovery much worse. Also I don’t understand the stigma and it doesn’t exist so much in India. It’s extremely common and accepted which I’m so grateful for.
I had an abdominal nerve block a day or two after my c-section and then the morning that I was discharged. It may be a new-ish option; none of my veteran CS friends had heard of it. Although the procedure was uncomfortable, it really helped with the incision pain. The anesthesiologist said she had one after her last CS, so I figured it was worth a shot.
I had 2 scheduled c-sections (the first because my kid was transverse breech and the second just because it’s none of your business) and I was up and walking under my own power within 12 hours or less of each one. I pushed myself to get moving, even though I was uncomfortable. I was lucky I wasn’t in any real pain, unless I had to sneeze! Not every c-section is unbearably painful, requiring your partner to carry you or army crawl around your house. I could get out of bed on my own and didn’t need help to sit or stand. That being said… I think there’s a vast world of recovery difference between those who labored then underwent a c-section vs those who did not labor and had one. I think if you labored then had a c-section your recovery will be more difficult because your body has another layer of trauma to heal from on top of abdominal surgery.
I didn’t labor with my c-section; my recovery was still agony. It is major abdominal surgery, so if some people can breeze through it, wonderful! But it’s a real procedure.
Two c-sections. The first was after labouring for 12 hours. The second was scheduled. (Because if my 3 week early baby didn’t fit, my 39 week baby sure wasn’t going to)
I had a really nice nurse when I said the scheduled one didn’t seem as bad as the first
“With your first your ran a marathon (labouring and pushing) and then got hit by a truck. With this one, you just got hit by a truck”. It is a weird analogy but a good way to explain the *sometimes* difference between how c-sections feel.
My C section was scheduled, due to my eyes problems. I couldn’t decide of I want to try natural birth, and my gyno told me that the worst thing Is to start delivering naturally, and then have to finish it with c section, because you going trough two deliveries, which carries different consequencies. So I decided not to risk, and I am so content with that.
C sections are major surgery and afterwards women are supposed to be sewn up and care for a newborn baby?! I can’t believe they are seen as “easy” compared to vaginal birth. I had my baby vaginally after a short labor and was pretty ok considering my body just pushed out an 8 and a half pound baby. Everyone I’ve met who has been through a c section has had way more challenges then I did and nothing about it sounds easy. Your muscles and uterus are literally cut into! People need to stop with the shaming, especially if they’ve never been through it.
Your muscles actually aren’t cut in a standard non-emergent c-section; they’re pushed aside. But yeah you have a serious incision (especially by the new standards in which we do so many surgeries by laparoscopy!) and your uterus is cut.
Ugh I feel for her. I didn’t research C at All. My mom had us vaginally so I assumed I would too. I had an emergency C with my first and it was awful. The whole experience was scary and recovery was extremely painful. On my first day home from the hospital I was too distracted and missed my pain meds, it stopped me in my tracks and I crumpled to the floor. I couldn’t even speak the pain was so intense.
With my second it was scheduled. The nurses assured me that the pain wouldn’t be so bad vs. an emergency C. I thought they were BSing me to calm me down but it’s true. The pain was less because my body wasn’t exhausted after laboring for 15 hours like I did with my first.
I’ve never watched a video of it and I didn’t let my husband watch. He stayed by my head the whole time.
It sucks because you are stuck laying down and it makes it hard to hold and see your baby after birth. It is what it is. I’m thankful we survived and are healthy.
Giving birth is hard and recovery can be tough no matter what. A C section is major surgery, and for the mamas who have had them, I can’t imagine how tough it is to be recovering from surgery plus managing a newborn!
I’ve had two vaginal births–my second was an induction due to my low and dropping blood pressure. I was also 41 when I had my second, and he was over 9lbs. I still have issues that need to be repaired:-( Hoping to address them when it’s safe to have elective surgery again.
I have sometimes wondered if it would have been better to have a c section–I tore so badly with both kids, but especially with my second. And then had complications when the sutures didn’t dissolve as they should have.
I wish women in the US had a lot more postnatal support in general. It would be less isolating for everyone.
It makes me emotional to read these stories. My husband and I went to natural birthing classes with eight other couples. Three months of classes. We were the only ones using a birthing center instead of a hospital. It had a tub and all that.
I went into labor in the middle of the night and I hadn’t gone to sleep yet. So I was already sleep-deprived before it started. The contractions were instantly painful, no ramping up like they described. I couldn’t walk around or watch a movie or anything to take my mind off it, because it was already awful. Went to center. It got worse and worse. There was one midwife and one assistant there. I had hours of painful labor, at one point I was standing against a table and my heels lifted off the ground I was trying so hard to get away from the pain.
As I write this I realize how messed up it was right off the bat. Another couple was there laboring. Her baby was born in distress, so we had no midwife. We had an incompetent assistant running in and out, slamming the door each time, not answering any requests or questions. I was having trouble getting enough air and I had asked for oxygen. Never got it. I don’t even know how long that went on because I was out of my head. When that baby was safe, the midwife came in and said we needed to go to the hospital. She gave me a shot to help me be able to walk to the car. My husband drove me and she was in another car. Any time I had a contraction he had to pull over and stop because it was excruciating.
The hospital was close. We got there. They get me to a room and asked me literally fifty to a hundred questions which I had to try to answer while in labor. If we had registered at a hospital in advance it would have been taken care of then.
I finally managed to say, “I want an epidural as soon as possible.” They gave me pitocin to maybe normalize the contractions. I found out later I was having double contractions, one right on top of the other, and crazy strong ones. The baby was occiput posterior, which means not that he was—his head was down—but he was facing the wrong way. It can mean the baby’s head and spine are pushing against your spine and back and the baby’s head can’t move through the birth canal the way it’s supposed to.
When I had the epidural I couldn’t have cared less about any risks. I had to stay completely still sitting up while the anesthesiologist put the needle in my spine. I had contractions while he was doing it and I couldn’t move or risk something bad happening. It was all like a horror movie. When the epidural kicked in I felt like this must be what heaven would be like. After a while I could rest enough it allowed my cervix to dilate and I could push.
Then, after thirty-one hours of labor and two hours of pushing, the doctor (some strange doctor I’d never met before) came in and said he wanted to do a c-section. After everything. All that labor and pain and pushing. He was worried about shoulder dystocia, I think it was called, where the baby’s shoulder can be pushed out of joint. Okay. Let’s go get surgery. Sure. Glad I took all those natural birthing classes.
The c-section was scary because it seemed to take forever and the doctor didn’t acknowledge me as a person. Finally, finally the baby was out. He yelled his head off and they took him away. My husband went with him. He yelled so loud he woke all the babies in the nursery apparently, but he was super healthy and got some of the highest marks they’d ever had on Apgar. I figured it was because he was so mad about being stuck for so long! The doctor talked to the nurses and made a gross joke about what intestines look like. My insides. Can you believe it? I still can’t. Maybe I have PTSD from this.
The baby is now eleven and healthy and great. My recovery I don’t think I took seriously enough. I bit the bullet way too much and I should have asked for more help. It makes me so sad to think of all the mothers who have gone through extremely painful and traumatic births. I wish there were better ways all around the world. I’m sure some places do it much better than others. I had aches and pains in the years after. I went to a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor for help with sleep. He asked if after I’d had my baby I’d rested completely for a month. I said no. In many cultures that’s what the mother does. He thought my health issues since the birth were because I hadn’t recovered properly. Who knows if that was the case, but it couldn’t have helped.
If someone asks me for advice or opinion on where to go, I suggest the hospital.
C section mama here, emergency C section, I was eclamptic. I don’t remember much from the actual C-section but the recovery was painful! From having to brace my stomach with a pillow to sit up, to walking like an old lady in the halls it’s not anything I would repeat (probably half the reason why I only have one kid). I definitely gave birth and I definitely didn’t take “the easy way.” I heard that phrase when I attended a baby swim class, the moms were talking about tears, and epidurals, whether they roomed in (the one dad in the group looked like a hostage with all this talk going on around him lol). When I said I had a C section and didn’t room in (I spent a day in the ICU waiting for my pressure to come down and my kidneys to fully come off strike) there was a beat of silence. They said that wasn’t anything they would have chosen because it wasn’t good for bonding, etc. The next class I joined the dad.
I wish it was talked about more. My cousin had an unintended Csection because of “failure to progress” (sounds like the reason for Maren’s Csection too). That’s a horrible thing to tell a mom, you’re failing to progress so you need a Csection, but that’s how the medical field dispassionately describes it.
In the last few years (decades) there has been a lot of information, stories, and pushes to have out of hospital births, home births, deliver the baby yourself, because “your body was made to do this” so if you’re body can’t do it, you feel defective and you think other people will consider you defective too, along with “lazy” (where the “easy way out” comes from), not as committed to motherhood as they are, pretty much awful things. Even if they don’t say it to your face…or even think it at ALL… you can still feel that.
It’s like breast feeding vs formula. In the end fed is best. In the case. born safely is best.
(I don’t follow country music at all so I thought this woman was a Kardashian without a plastic surgery budget)
First of all: You should start calling it a Caesarean BIRTH. That will help with any remaining stigma. I had 2 natural births, but I support anyone doing what is best for their baby.