So many men think it is their god-given right to tell women what to do with their uteruses. Women aren’t having their BS. Such a man decided to come for Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child after she posted a lighthearted video on Instagram discussing her upcoming book. This Instagram troll decided that he had had enough of Michelle Williams engaging with her fans. I guess he felt what she had to say was frivolous and that she needed to be pushing out babies. The following exchange is all women feeling frustrated with folks, mostly men, telling us we should offer our uteruses as a service to the world.
The Instagram troll began the exchange with:
“Michelle I love you but you need some children…u r 2 bored…”
Michelle’s clapback was quick indicating that she does not suffer fools lightly. Michelle wrote
“You’re an idiot!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂”
Not taking the hint to back off. The user responded to Michelle’s subtle warning by acting as if she hurt his feelings:
“woooooooow that was uncalled for thank you 🤔”
So Michelle, being the powerful woman that she is, schooled this fool-
“No, what’s uncalled for is you telling a woman that she needs to have children. What if that woman CAN’T have children?? What if that woman DOESN’T WANT children. WATCH YOUR MOUTH and FINGERS….. Don’t you ever let that come out of your mouth or your fingers on a comment section again to ANYBODY. I would have ignored but too many people need tp stay out of a woman’s uterus!!! Now scram and be blessed!!!”
Dude eventually apologized for his error and hopefully he learned a valuable lesson. However, what irks me about this exchange is how often it actually happens. I decided that I didn’t want children at 21 and I have yet to change my mind about it at 44. But I had to constantly defend my decision to men and nosey old church women who thought I was being selfish by choosing not to bring children into the world. One guy even had the nerve to tell me it was my DUTY to carry on my race. Like really dude? I no longer apologize or explain my decision to anyone but wouldn’t it have been ironic if I just COULDN’T have children and not that I didn’t WANT children? I have plenty of friends who have struggled for years to get pregnant. They are made to feel inadequate because they cannot have babies. That is why the recent stories of Meghan Markle and Chrissy Teigen having miscarriages are very important. It gives women the space and courage to openly discuss their struggles. I would also like to see more women talk about choosing NOT to have children and how their lives are fulfilled in other ways.
This policing of a woman’s body needs to stop. Like Michelle said, no one has the right to ever tell a woman what she should or should not do with her ovaries. Women have enough they need to deal with from day to day without having to deal with this antiquated ideal of feminine fulfillment being wrapped up in being a mother and a wife. That ideal must be deaded. Like 2020 deaded.
I am so glad my girl Michelle did not take any quarter with this loser. Let it be a warning to everyone who believes they have the right to tell a woman that she should have kids. Until women have the right to tell men what to do with their semen and penises, STFU and stay out of our uteruses.
photos credit: Instagram
I had my only child at 40, and people immediately started asking when I was going to have another. 🙄 Good for Michelle, and it’s about damn time
My sister had one child and people couldn’t believe she only had one. I don’t have children and I have no regrets. The thing is, it’s a lose-lose situation. Women are criticized for having no children, one child, or too many. I’ve had women look at me with blank stares when I tell them I’m not married and don’t have children. Their look says “well I don’t know what else to talk to you about” as if that is all that a woman is.
Yes, as soon as people knew I was pregnant, they stopped talking to me about anything else. It was infuriating.
Same, down to the age and people telling me immediately that I need to have another. 5 years later people are still telling me I need to give my son a sibling. I just tell them I’m too old and let them compliment me on how young I look. LOL
I had just given birth and the next day, I was asked when I’m going to get another.
I’m 36, decided I didn’t want kids in my late 20s and hubby and I are happily childfree – it’s amazing how rude people are about my choice to be childfree. apparently I’m selfish, immature, lazy and worthless if I’m to listen to the criticism …worst part is the criticism usually comes from other women 🙁
I respect women so much for their choice not to have children. It tales a strong woman to do so because it goes societal norms – we are expected to have them. I have a friend who was told by a coworker “I am so sorry you don’t have any children” and my jaw dropped. It’s a woman’s right to choose what to do with her body and that includes having kids.
I was lucky to never feel pressured to have kids, but when I adopted a cat my mom thanked me because she now had a retort for when her friends talked to her about how she should push me to have kids, because (apparently) daughters, specifically, owe their mom’s grandkids. Before that I wouldn’t have realized that parents are pressured to pressure their kids. (and if anyone is curious, my really dove into the idea of being a kitty grandma in a very unexpected and sweet way).
I’m not “strong” for not having kids. It’s just a choice and it is becoming more and more common.
I don’t have children, I have never wanted.
I ended my longest relationship because of this, my ex is about to become father: and I am happy, I have my relationship, he doesn’t want children, so it’s ok.
Good for her. As an aside, she is stunningly georgeous.
You know that women are too polite. I knew at 13 that I didn’t want children. I let everyone know at that age. I knew that children were not for me. (I taught school for 33 years and loved my job, but I sent the children back home to their families. I have 11 nieces and nephews and love them to death, but they are not my responsibility.). I let all of my family and friends know my feelings and never disguised them. Therefore, no one, absolutely no one ever tried to talk me into having children. My husband did not want children either and I would not be with him if he did. I am 65 now and have no regrets. I do have lots of nieces and nephews and now lots of greats. I intend to take care of myself in old age by having enough money to take care of my needs. There is no guarantee that anyone else will do it for you anyway.
This is a comment that shouldn’t be made to any woman. In this case, she is choosing not to have children, which is absolutely her choice. But what if she was struggling with fertility and wasn’t able to have children? This comment would have been so cruel! I recently found out I’m pregnant with twins (kids #3 and #4) and I agonized over telling one of my best friends who struggles with fertility. I did tell her and thankfully she’s super excited, but I couldn’t help but think of her when I read this man’s comment.
There’s also another set of circumstances a lot of people forget about. Having a kid is hard. If you are a single woman, decided having a partner was paramount for kids, then circumstances are such that kids aren’t in your plans.
This was my situation. Yes, I would have wanted a kid, maybe two. But I also KNEW I did not want to do it alone. I dated, but I didn’t find a partner I thought would be a good co-parent with me (regardless of the romantic elements fizzling).
It’s a complicated issue.
I knew since my late teens that I dont want children. I have zero affinity towards them, especially babies and toddlers.
I never wanted to hold one or play with one or even to have one near me.
I’m ok from middle school age, when you can have a conversation and they can look after themselves.
I am now almost 45 so no one has asked for a while if I am going to change my mind. But until my late 30s I had a few persistent people do.
The only drawback is that most of my friends now have kids and we drifted away as they didnt want to do things together without their kids (despite so many people saying having kids doesnt stop them – it clearly does). There are a few friends who also decided to be childless or happy to see me kid-free.
Totally agree, the the toughest part of not having kids is losing friends.
I love all the posters agreeing that no one should talking to anyone about why they don’t have children / when to have children / to have more children / ask how they conceived their children. Yup. Amen.
But I just came to say “scram and be blessed” is how I will be finishing all tense conversations. It’s so elevated compared to my usual ‘f– you’
Agree!
Scram and be blessed is my new favorite!
Check out her podcast, she is great.
I knew I didnt want kids since I was 16. I’m 34 now, and people still tell me I will change my mind when i meet the right man. As if I havent ended relationships with two truly wonderful men because they really wanted kids.
give it 10 more years and they will stop.
THIS!
I knew at age 11 that I never wanted kids. I’m now 36, and I still get the intrusive questions from friends, family, colleagues…my usual response is a 3-pronged verbal assault that makes sure they never ask again:
1)I would not be a good parent, because I don’t want kids and would resent them. There are enough children in the world growing up in a situation where they feel or are unwanted.
2) What if my partner or I (or both) are physically unable to reproduce? Doesn’t that make you a jerk for asking?
3) Screw your norms. A woman is more than her womb: a leader in her field, a friend, a partner, a daughter, and yes – sometimes a mother. We should be viewed as a man is in society: multi-faceted and multi-functional. Get over it.
lol. i used to always say that to my mom “stay out of my uterus”. Glad its being said on a public platform because ppl need to stop – 4real
Out of all the questions I’ve gotten about my decision to remain childless, the two that always get me are – Don’t you think that’s selfish? And Who is going to take care of you when you’re old?
A. How is the decision to not bring a child I don’t want into this world selfish? Children deserve love and attention. They deserve to be wanted. They’re innocents. I definitely have maternal instincts, but I know I don’t have the patience for being a parent and a child isn’t something you can just give to Goodwill when you tire of it. Too many people have kids to check something off a list and then they think they’re done with it and it shows. That’s selfish.
B. Having worked in an industry that served senior facilities and having witnessed it firsthand when my dad’s health declined, I’m here to tell you that having a family absolutely does not mean anyone will take care of you. I have seen too many people just dumped at assisted living facilities by their families who don’t do much beyond paying the monthly fee, and it is heartbreaking. What good did having children do them then?
I’m convinced that many women have children without thinking much about whether they really want to have children or not, it’s just “what you do”, and when they meet women who have decided not to, it rankles them. Or at least this is what I tell myself because I frankly don’t understand why anyone else should give a rat’s ass about my childfree status.
I agree completely original lala. I am 39 and have never wanted the responsibility of children, and hadnt met the person I could trust to do it with. I think all those other women just have to make you feel bad because they are already stuck with their decisions, and can’t go back or say “I wish I never had kids” even if they want to. Akin to misery lives company.
All I can say is AMEN!! It is so so nice to be in a post full of women like myself that choose to be childfree.
I am in my 40’s married and happily childfree. Being married I tend to get the “oh you guys don’t have/want children” more thank I’d like to but I have no regrets and thankfully as some other posters have the older I get the uterine policing starts to die down.
I also agree that those of us child free folk do rankle a lot of women that just had kids for the sake of conditioning. It sucks that this still isn’t the norm but hopefully by the time my nieces are adults this sort of thing won’t be a thing any longer.
I think having a child and expecting they’ll look after you when you’re old is far more selfish than anything else.
Meanwhile I’m 40 and finally getting my hysterectomy this year, can’t wait. I had to be married and old before I could finally get my body sorted the way I want to.
Thank you all for leaving comments about not wanting children, it makes me feel less alone. I sometimes want to want children because I feel like there is something I’m missing that people who want and have kids know or realize that I don’t and I get nervous that I’ll have regrets. But I also know that if I had children and felt regret about it, that might be worse because it involves other humans who didn’t get to choose to be here.
Missmerry, you are certainly not alone in not wanting kids and I’m glad reading that some women feel the same make you feel less alone! I’m 45 & married and I have thought since I was middle school age that I was not really into the idea of being a mom. Occasionally I’d entertain the thought, probably because it’s the more common path, but I’d pretty quickly snap out of it. When I fantasized about being an adult, my vision included being a well-educated person living in a city with a career and interesting friends. I thought children would be an impediment to the life I wanted to live, and as you said, if I had them I would regret it. I enjoy being an aunt because I can be around children for a bit and then go home. I hope that as more possibilities open up to women, they will feel the freedom to choose the lifestyle that suits them, as parents or child-free.
ETA that I’m sure that some women could be well educated, with a career and interesting friends and also be a parent. Didn’t mean to imply that being a parent means you can’t have those things. It just takes more work & I’m lazy
👏
A million claps!! I’m childfree due to infertility and these kinds of extremely rude questions are very irksome to me. I’ve healed quite a bit and developed some armor, but I still get irked by the stupidity of these rude types of people who just assume our bodies are for procreation. A close second are the adoption bingo people.
I think it’s absolutely rude to ask anyone when they are having children, especially women. It’s the equivalent of saying to a couple are you screwing. Also, what is the point of asking someone else what they are going to do with their lives. Having a kid is a big responsibility and some women don’t want them, some can’t have them and some are not ready yet. It is so annoying to have someone all up in your uterus, mind your business.
I have always kind of known kids weren’t for me, when I want something I can’t live without it, and kids at best I felt ambivalent about, but mostly terrified of the idea that I’d have to make my career/own needs a backseat to motherhood. I respect people who make that choice but I personally can’t live with the idea myself. Me and my husband discussed it for a few years, we were on-and-off about it, but during the last couple years of trump/chaos/everything we decided it wasnt going to happen, which is a relief. I agree with others who say the uninvited opinions/comments are grating, I’ve gotten better at handling it over the years but there have been some times where defending my personal choice to others was downright infuriating. When me and my husband decided once and for all we weren’t doing it I told every member of my family individually so that they would stop bothering me or asking, which worked. We have two cats, a house, thriving careers and lots of plans for the future. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything!
“I would also like to see more women talk about choosing NOT to have children and how their lives are fulfilled in other ways.” YES! Thank you for your responses
I’m happy I don’t have kids. So many parents seem miserable lol. Oh and sorry but your kids won’t take care of you in old age, so stop assuming they will.
Yep, they will be up to their eyeballs in their own jobs, problems, and their own children. Also—caregiver burnout is very real.
I’ve also noticed that the “you’ll take care of me when I’m old” people didn’t take care of their own parents.
As for myself, my parents shouldn’t have abused me for decades if they wanted me to provide elder care. Enjoy your nursing home.
I never wanted to give birth, I had a quick bio clock blip in my late 30s then it died again. There is not one minute that I regret that decision (I’m 50 now and thankfully people have stopped asking), and like so many of you, I have friends who have tried and tried and have been unable… being there when people harangue them, makes me so angry.
So yeah scram and be blessed.
I love children but was a nanny for years and that convinced me I wasn’t cut out to be a full-time mother. Never regretted the decision –and am in a healthy, amazing 25 year marriage. Maybe it’s because i live in NYC but when women hear I don’t have children, the majority not only understand but express admiration or even envy. And men are generally…look uncomfortable. They don’t get it. I even endured a lecture in a cab from a cab driver about how I NEEDED to have children and a “family” to take care of me when I was old. Times may have changed in come ways but…I feel women choosing to not have children freaks men out.
Oh–and my 96 year old mother who had 4 kids because “that’s what you did back then” was the one who discouraged me from having kids when I expressed at one point my sense I shouldn’t and didn’t want to have kids but maybe I should because it might “make me feel less scared of my mortality.” Her response: “Trust me—it won’t.”
I’m not ‘happy’ I don’t have kids, but I stand behind my decision that I wanted a true partner to enter into that kind of a life. Could I have technically had kids on my own? Sure. But the way people throw that out as an option is extremely offensive. THAT IS A CHALLENGING OPTION PEOPLE. Being a single parent…a truly single parent is HARD. I knew it wasn’t something I wanted to do alone and that meant, if I didn’t meet a suitable partner, I would be childless. And here I am.
Does it make me sad? Sure. But I don’t regret my decision. And it took me a few years of research and therapy to land there.
These are very sensitive, personal, and difficult topics and for people to throw out comments or even questions like they are asking about a meal suggestion is absolutely insane.
This was a big reason for me. I used to tell idiot men that I need a warrior to impregnate and most of the men I meet are simpering fools so I won’t be allowing their little weak ass sperm in my womb. That shut them right up…
I had my one and only son at 37. He is almost 2 now. I felt a lot of pressure to have a child my whole life. My now husband and I met just before I turned 35.
We decided on just 1 child for financial and personal reasons. And yet I got comments from my cousin (a mom to 4 and step mom to 3) while I was pregnant that only children are a$$holes! While my dad, who is an only child, was sitting right there!
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for my son to have a sibling. But my DH and I have discussed it and we are just not cut out for more than one. Not financially or personally. Our son is amazing but it is so hard and we are tired. I don’t think I could ever do the baby and toddler stage again. I really didn’t enjoy most of the first year. He makes our hearts swell and makes us laugh on the daily but when my child free by choice friend asked if it’s something one should do if you don’t really want to I said NO. It’s HARD and EXHAUSTING and expensive. My husband works nights while I work days so I do 90% of the parenting by myself. I miss sleeping in. I fantasize about the day when my son also wants to sleep in during the weekend and doesn’t need me for absolutely every bodily function. I am often touched out. Yeah, it’s worth it (to us) but it is not for everyone.
I’m 68 and decided early on I did NOT want to have children. In my late twenties I had to have surgery to remove tumors from my ovaries (benign fortunately) and asked if I could get my tubes tied at the same time. The (male) doctor refused. It took me ten fecking years to get it done and then it was with a female surgeon who didn’t lecture me with the “oh you’ll change your mind…” bullsh*t. I knew way back then that I just didn’t have the desire to procreate. Maybe it was because of a crappy childhood, maybe it was because it was a time of explosive growth in feminism, but I just didn’t have the motherhood gene. I’ve never regretted it and I’ve been a damn good cat mother, and all the men who think having babies is a woman’s be-all and end-all, well they can figure out a way of carrying and birthing their own babies…like seahorses.
I’m another woman who knew at a young age that I didn’t want kids or getting married. While in school hearing all the other girls talk about baby blue and pink blah blah blah would have me rolling my eyes in good lawdy give it a break.
Reading this on line I also made the comment of men also need to stop tell us to smile as well
I babysat so much when I was young. I knew what was involved and that it was a lot of hard work. I played with dolls until I was 13. I knew I didn’t want children when I was about 16. I got engaged at 19 and it took me a year to break it off, he wanted babies, the whole nine yards. I felt like a caged animal. I’m still child free and marriage free by choice. I love living alone, I have a long term relationship with my boyfriend (because we don’t live together, haha!) separate bathrooms, separate homes! I still have no regrets about not having kids, I’m 63 in April. You can be the best parent and sometimes your child can turn out with so many problems or get with the wrong crowd. Plus, I would worry myself to death, the stress would overwhelm me. No thanks. I love animals more and you don’t have to put them through collage!
Mandy, you are awesome ! I don’t think I could handle the stress of kids either. It’s a 24/7 job that ends the day you die. The constant worrying about them…I just couldn’t do it. Also, I don’t think I’ll ever get married either. Doesn’t seem so great lol.