Former ‘Bachelor’ Colton Underwood comes out as gay: ‘I hated myself for a long time’

Colton Underwood attends The Monster Energy $50K Charity Challenge Basketball Game in Los Angeles

Colton Underwood was a college football player and then an NFL player. Then he appeared on The Bachelorette, then Bachelor in Paradise, then he became The Bachelor in 2018. There was a lot of talk about his season because he was all “no sex before marriage.” He became very serious with Cassie Randolph on the Bachelor in late 2018, and they broke off their relationship in May 2020. Soon after, Cassie accused him of stalking and harassing her. She got a restraining order against him after he put a tracking device on her car, harassed her parents and walked around her apartment building dozens of times every night post-split. What I’m saying is that this dude is problematic as hell. And now… Colton has come out as gay. I don’t know what to do with this information.

He says, in part, that during the pandemic, he had time to reflect on who he really is and “I’ve ran from myself for a long time. I’ve hated myself for a long time. And I’m gay. And I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it. And the next step in all of this was sort of letting people know…I’m still nervous, but yeah. It’s been a journey for sure.”

It’s a lot. I think yeah, he was probably overcompensating and not being his authentic self and “performing” his masculinity at a toxic level. I do think that Cassie was genuinely worried that he was going to hurt her, and I think he’s a total creep… separate from his sexuality. Or perhaps it was all mixed up together, the toxic masculinity, the fear of being who he really is, the performative heterosexuality. Whew.

(FILE) Colton Underwood Tests Positive for Coronavirus COVID-19

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.

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49 Responses to “Former ‘Bachelor’ Colton Underwood comes out as gay: ‘I hated myself for a long time’”

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  1. atorontogal says:

    When I saw the headline stating “big news” coming I knew it would be this. I’m just sorry that for some reason it has to be a big announcement.

    • Joan Rivers says:

      Maybe he didn’t cynically appear on these shows and pretend to be straight. Maybe he really didn’t “know.” But he probably had a clue, at his age.

      I agree w/Carole Radziwill. Though I go farther. I think he was that cynical. And he’ll keep the money.

      And I think people attacking CR for commenting about him so mildly are wrong.
      And I bet someone will show up to say he knew he was gay and acted on it in the past.
      My bro. went through a lot before he came out, I know the pain from growing up seeing that, but in this case I think there’s some cynical behavior on this man’s part.

  2. Lily says:

    The whole situation reminds me of Nate from Euphoria.

    • FHMom says:

      Omg. Yes. I just hope Cassie feels safe and gets closure. Her parents must be ecstatic and unsurprised.

  3. Tiffany says:

    I cannot believe a GMA producer not only gave this waste of toxic attention, but also prime attention by having Robin Roberts do the interview.

    That producer should be fired because this ain’t landing for me. And I don’t think I am the only one who feels that way.

    • Oh_Hey says:

      I’m with you in this. People get abused or have inner pain and don’t all automatically take it out on other people. I’m not giving a stalker that traumatized someone else a pass because he had things he was going through. We all do but we don’t get massive platforms to abuse people with then absolve ourselves either.

      Also if this was so much pressure and that caused the bad behavior, why do the bachelor at all? He can miss me with the redemption tour.

    • Original Jenns says:

      I agree. I see it every day, hurt people hurting people. And it is never ok. Never. Especially to this degree. Be a jerk, be grumpy, but to cause someone that level of fear… I feel like it’s being excused because of his coming out and everything else is just brushed under the rug of “I was in pain, so ignore all the bad I did”. Never ok. I think there needs to be some actual acknowledgment on his part that he inflicted trauma on someone, otherwise, it’s the same old story of a man’s rise through adversity (as he trampled over the women in his path).

    • a reader says:

      Wasn’t he also the one who made the incredibly ignorant comment about women’s period panties?

  4. Alexis says:

    Who didn’t see this coming?? I’ve always thought the “virgin bachelor” was gay.

  5. Astrid says:

    Doesn’t matter if your gay or straight, it’s never OK to stalk people.

  6. Nev says:

    Hmmmmm hmmmmmm.
    He’s so tiring.
    And I say that as a gay man.

  7. The lady says:

    I feel bad for him. He couldn’t be who he was so he over-compensated ridiculously in the other direction. And while that doesn’t excuse his behavior re: stalking, being nuts, making people feel unsafe, etc., it does help me understand how he got to that point.

    Bottom line – THERAPY!!! So much for everybody.

    • Harper says:

      I agree. The first mistake he made was aligning himself with The Bachelor franchise ghouls instead of sitting still and getting help to figure himself out. The stalking and manipulation of Cassie was really bad and unsettling. I have the feeling he still needs massive guidance to walk him through this stage of his life but he’s very fame-hungry. Would a good therapist decide that going on national tv to make this announcement was the best next step? I don’t know. I hope he finds peace.

  8. lucky says:

    Aside from the problematic bits, it makes my heart so profoundly sad and tired that this is the reality that people feel trapped in.

    As for the problematic bits; trapped people sometimes do effed up things because the rage is just seeping out of every pore. He was a grown man and knows better, but that white hot rage can cloud anyone’s judgement. I have empathy for him. One persons villain if not THE villain. I believe Cassie, and it isn’t like people were coming out of the woodwork accusing him of terrible things. I imagine he was in a very dark place and did shiz he deeply regrets and now he is coming out the other side. That doesn’t mean Cassie has to forgive him or that she wasn’t feeling what she was feeling too.

  9. FC says:

    This is one of those times all things can be true at once.

  10. Scorpion says:

    I’m shocked, shocked I tell ya! Said absolutely no one

  11. Lightpurple says:

    Why did I already know this?

  12. Amy B says:

    As soon as it was announced that Colton was to do an interview on GMA, pretty much anyone that knew him from the Bachelor franchise, or knew what happened with him and his ex-Cassie, figured this was going to happen. Even when he was cast as the Bachelor – people speculated about his sexuality. I realize coming to terms with one’s homosexuality is a HUGE deal, and coming out is no easy feat. HOWEVER, his past of stalking and harassing his ex is shady and scary AF!! The poor woman had to get a restraining order! I really just don’t know about giving him this platform, without also addressing these other serious & destructive behaviors as well. It doesn’t seem right IMO. To just “come out as gay” seems to just gloss over all his troublesome behavior in his past. I feel very bad for his ex, and the other women he hurt. But, I am glad he has been able to come to terms with his sexuality…he really should go away from the spotlight at this point.

    • Esmom says:

      I agree completely. One of my closest friends has struggled with his sexuality for decades and has gone through some truly dark times. He’s spent a lot of time in therapy and he’s still so fragile. But never, even in his darkest periods, did he abuse, harass or stalk anyone.

      I can’t help but think he’s hoping this announcement will redeem him and that is just…wrong. He definitely needs to step away from the spotlight.

      • Amy B says:

        @Esmom – I agree completely! I think he is using this announcement to redeem himself as well, and that is just not fair. It reminds of when Kevin Spacey used the time to announce he was gay – after he was accused of sexual molesting/assaulting underaged men! Come on!!!! This is not your “get out of jail free” card! And I think it does a HUGE disservice to the LBGTQ community as well! There are enough horrible stereotypes that perpetuate, this certainly doesn’t help Colton!

        He just needs to go away and go to therapy!

      • Tiffany says:

        “And I think it does a HUGE disservice to the LBGTQ community as well! There are enough horrible stereotypes that perpetuate, this certainly doesn’t help Colton!”

        THAT PART AMY B !!!!

        Shame on ABC and GMA for giving him a platform.

  13. girl_ninja says:

    Coming out as gay doesn’t excuse the abuse and stalking that Colton put Cassie through. He terrorized that young woman and her family. If he doesn’t get the help he needs he will do this to another person/partner.

  14. Sandra says:

    I don’t follow The Bachelor at all. So. All I got out of this was the terrifying shit he did to Cassie. Glad it’s public knowledge so that the red flags are out there for any potential relationships. What a scary creep.

  15. Lonnie tinks says:

    It sounds like he is doing a lot of self reflection and self discovery. I hope this allows him to grow out of his problematic behavior and to live a full and productive life.

  16. Case says:

    I’ve always found the Bachelor and Bachelorette gross and problematic. Something about the fact that all these women were once fighting over this dude, who is an abuser and turns out isn’t even into women, just drives that point home further.

    Figuring out your sexuality is tough stuff and I’m happy for anyone who can come to terms with it. But after his behavior with his ex, GMA shouldn’t have given him this platform. Awful.

  17. Megan says:

    I wonder if Cassie knew something was up with him about his sexuality , and if his scary behavior wasn’t somehow linked to it? Like he was terrified she might “out” him or something. Obviously I’m not excusing or justifying anyone’s conduct, especially his, and I don’t watch The Bachelor but hear all about it on GMA…but one can’t help but wonder.

  18. Susan says:

    There’s a girl I work with (peripherally!) who just applied to be on that show. I asked her if she was genuinely seeking love (LOL) and she said, “oh no, I want to sit at home and sell things on the internet.” Kinda sums up my feelings about that show.

    • Tiffany says:

      I remember Lauren Conrad, from Laguna Beach and then later The Hills admitting that she agreed to the spin off so that it can up her profile for her clothing line. The woman had a plan and damn if it didn’t work.

      More of these cats need to think and have the talent to back it up and be a Lauren.

  19. Lululu says:

    Well, I am happy for him, but I also think there is something weird/off about his attachment to drama and attention. Dude, go home and figure yourself out. Find a boyfriend and a job. I think he really needs to get out of the reality rat race…it clearly isn’t healthy for him.

    Also, my BIL did some really weird shit after his last girlfriend broke up with him before he came out as gay. He later said he felt like it was his last chance to be straight, and he was terrified, so he clung to the relationship like his life depended on it and did some stupid things to try to get her back. Of course we all knew he was probably gay for a long time and were relieved and happy for him when he came out.

  20. Amanda says:

    Not surprised. I always figured Colton was either gay or asexual. That being said, I think he has bigger issues that he needs to work on if he has stalked people in the past. I know a bunch of people who were in the closet, and they never did anything like this.

  21. Sansa says:

    Kaiser’s last paragraph says it all. it’s great that he is working through his trauma and can now live his truth but i think i speak for many in the lgbtq community when i say We Don’t Want Him 🤮

  22. Soupie says:

    I just don’t see how all of those reality show runners did not know that he is gay. Hollywood is full of gay at every level. They have excellent gaydar and lines of communication. I think this was a setup to bolster declining ratings. Meaning controversy, clicks, views, etc. And I’m certain they had an ironclad legal contract for the women who thought they were getting into something hetero, so that the studios couldn’t be sued down the road for fraud.

  23. Lola says:

    Sorry, but I don’t think there’s anything brave and wonderful about a man “finally accepting his sexuality” after lying about it to oblivious women, and dragging them through dishonest, dysfunctional relationships and even marriages for YEARS and even decades. I actually think it’s an especially cruel and callous form of fraud. It’s one thing to do that when you are 15 and even then, it’s not nice to do to someone else when you already know what your sexuality is. But to do it over and over as a full-grown man?

    It’s heartbreaking when women go through these relationships where they spend so many years feeling repulsive and unlovable, wondering why their husband won’t touch them, seems to find their body disgusting, claims to love them but is distant, unreachable, and rejecting. They give so many of their best years to these men. And when these men have been DELIBERATE deceivers, been cheating and fucking around with other men on the side, consciously using the women to cover up… I think it’s near sociopathic.

    Yet the woman is always expected to keep a smile on and applaud his “bravery” when he comes out, lest she be accused of being a shitty ally. She must support him lest she be accused of risking his safety or even life…

  24. Lola says:

    Also, I really wish we wouldn’t semi-explain away horrific stalking behavior with the notion that maybe he was just overcompensating his sexuality and “not being his authentic self.” That’s an extremely dangerous thing to say about an abuser, that the abuse isn’t his “real self” and that when he acts nicer, the nicer behavior is his actual real self so we almost shouldn’t hold the abuse against him. That notion prevents so many victims from gaining support in their community, and it prevents the victims themselves from cutting contact because they feel guilty. When an abuser is abusive that IS his REAL SELF. Most abusers are nice sometimes or even most of the time. That’s characteristic of them. Almost none of them are scary monsters lurking in a dark alley, they’re nice-acting, normal-looking guys nearly all the time.

    There are any number of reasons that this stalker felt entitled to terrorize Cassie Randolph and make her afraid for her life, and that has ZERO to do with his sexuality. None of the reasons that abusers feel entitled to abuse have anything to do with their sexuality and none of them require any romantic feelings towards their target.

    Have any of you been stalked by someone who was NOT a romantic partner before? I have. There are any number of reasons these people target you.

  25. Yonati says:

    Good thing he got that Netflix deal in place BEFORE he came out…