Quentin Tarantino gave an interview to The Moment podcast last week. One part of the conversation went viral in a big way, which was Tarantino talking about how his mother disrespected his writing when he was very young. She belittled his writing career and told him “that sh-t is over.” In response, he made a pledge to her and to himself that when he was successful, he would never financially support her or buy her a house or a Cadillac. Tarantino said that he’s kept his promise/pledge to this day, although he did “help her out” with an IRS thing at some point. Tarantino seemed proud of the fact that he’s never generously supported his mother in all of his years of success, and that launched a larger conversation about toxic parenting, grudges and the responsibility adult children feel to financially support our aging parents. I still don’t know and Tarantino wasn’t actually all that specific. But here’s something interesting: his mom issued a statement in response to her son’s comments.
Quentin Tarantino’s mother Connie Zastoupil has said she “supports” her son and is “proud” of him, after the director’s remarks about not supporting his mother financially after making a vow as a child. Earlier this week, the 58-year-old Once Upon A Time in Hollywood director revealed his personal pledge to not support his mum after she was not supportive of his ambitions during his childhood.
Speaking on an episode of The Moment podcast, Tarantino said his teachers viewed this “as a defiant act of rebellion”. After getting in trouble, he said that his mum “was bitching at me about that… and then in the middle of her little tirade, she said, ‘Oh, and by the way, this little “writing career”, with the finger quotes and everything. This little “writing career” that you’re doing? That s*** is over’. When she said that to me in that sarcastic way, I go, ‘OK, lady, when I become a successful writer, you will never see penny one from my success. There will be no house for you. There’s no vacation for you, no Elvis Cadillac for mommy. You get nothing. Because you said that’.”
When he was asked if he “stuck” to his pledge, Tarantino said: “Yeah. I helped her out with a jam with the IRS. But no house. No Cadillac, no house. There are consequences for your words as you deal with your children. Remember there are consequences for your sarcastic tone about what’s meaningful to them.”
The director’s mum has responded to his words. She told USA Today quoted her as saying that her son has her “love” and “support” no matter what.
“Regarding my son Quentin – I support him, I’m proud of him and love him and his growing new family,” Zastoupil said. “It gave me great joy to dance at his wedding and receive his news upon the birth of my grandson Leo.”
She additionally said it’s easy for podcast comments to “spin and go viral without full context” and that she “does not wish to participate in this salacious transactional media frenzy”.
So… clearly Quentin and Connie are still in each other’s lives. Clearly, he invited his mother to his wedding and sent her baby photos or something. They still talk and have some kind of relationship, and he’s the one setting the boundaries. He simply kept his pledge to not buy her a house or a fancy car or keep her on his payroll or anything like that. I kind of wonder if Tarantino actually does feel that adult-child guilt and he does give his mom some financial support, just to maintain herself in an apartment or something like that. Who knows. Parent-child relationships are always pretty complicated.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.
Yes, this is what he was saying all along, I believe. He helps her when she needs it but just doesn’t go out of his way to lavish her with expensive gifts. To me that doesn’t equal no relationship, just sticking to what he feels is appropriate given the type of dynamic they have.
When your parent is narcissistic, this is EXACTLY the kind of $#!+ they say. His mom KNOWS that her statement makes her look magnanimous and makes her son look petty and irrational. That is deliberate.
If you read between the lines, the last time she saw Quentin was when he danced at his wedding and it sounds like he’s restricted contact with the grandkid.
I know how this looks to those of you who did not have completely screwed-up parents, but trust me, there is more going on here.
Yup, I could totally see my father saying something like this if someone asked him about our relationship. Just say “no comment” and let QT issue a clarification if he wants.
I had the same upbringing and I agree. She knows exactly what she’s doing.
All of this.
Yup. He doesn’t wear that perma-sneer without reason.
He wears that sneer because he’s a racist, sexist entitled member of Old Boys’ Club Hollywood.
He may very well have had a narcissistic mother and I won’t dispute that (being well
acquainted with narcissists; although I don’t think we have enough information to deduce it), but he’s done little to prove he himself is a decent person. So they can hash out their issues in private.
I would venture that given his stans they might have even been doxxing her, hence her statement. But that’s just speculation on my part.
You don’t know she’s narcissistic. The full context was he was writing during class and failing out of school and she finally lost it and said that. She shouldn’t have gone so far, but this one thing doesn’t mean he had a toxic childhood 🙄
Yep bingo
Eeww, imagine being such a petulant man baby so entirely capable of intellectual or emotional growth that you boast about keeping a teenage pledge made during a bicker with your mother. Ewwwwwww
You must be so incredibly blessed to not have had narcissistic or abusive parents.
I was raised by a person whose picture would appear in the dictionary under the word narcissist, and he still sounds like a petulant man baby to me. They aren’t mutually exclusive, and narcissism is passed down as often as not.
You are making an assumption based on one single argument that Quentin had with his mom more than 40 years ago. Yes, of course his perspective as a child matters, but that single instance can’t define her. If it did, every moment we slip as parents (regardless of the reason), should be grounds for us for our kids to be removed.
Quite the head f#ck having an abusive parent. I have to keep my mother at arm’s length because of her negativity and nastiness. Occasionally I feel guilty about it, but then when I drop my guard and let her get more involved in my business I always end up regretting it.
Agree, Lola. I have a parent who is a narcissist. His mother was also a narcissist and he has spent his whole life trying to one-up her and make her see that he is more successful. The fact that Tarantino would put this out in public makes me think that, IF his mother is in fact a narcissist, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
I’m baffled as to why he had to let us know any of this. Do what you want, but I don’t really need to know. If he were a celebrity whose personal life I enjoyed snooping into, I’d probably be more into this story….I guess? I’m not really sure. I feel it’s none of my business (assuming he wasn’t trying to beat The National Enquirer to outing some story. )
I don’t know (or really care) about Tarantino’s background, but I did find his statement incredibly immature. Lots of us have bad relationships with a parent. Bringing it up in an interview suggests he’s proud of it. I get setting boundaries. I’d just suggest one of those boundaries should also be keeping your private family stuff out of the way of the public. Also, was there some suggestion that Tarantino was required to buy his mom a new house or car after he made it? I mean, it’s not a requirement.
The only two people who know 100% what’s going on between them are Quentin and his mother Connie. I honestly didn’t know her name or much about her before this podcast and article. So, publicly at least, his mother hasn’t been giving tell-all interviews or writing books trying to make money off of him. That’s always a big plus. Behind the scenes, no one knows the particulars of their family dynamic. But it appears they do have a relationship. How close or distant, who knows? But at least not estranged. His Mom turns 75 next month and apparently is self-supporting, so good for her.
But my first thought when reading Tarantino taking his Mom to task for a remark she made when he was a kid, was “Let it go; this is over 40 years ago.” He just sounded like a big baby.
Then again, I’m lucky. I had two terrific parents who always supported me personally and professionally – even when I was being a brat, LOL! I realize how extremely fortunate I am to have had a close and loving relationship with both my parents.
You were fortunate. I had an awful father growing up who was very disrespectful of any boundaries and I have a sister that I have to limit contact with, as she is always the victim even though she benefited from him greatly, as opposed to me. My father was a horrible father whose greatest quote was that children should be seen and not heard. My mother had to work an emergency shift at the hospital one day which resulted in me being taken to the ER due to his negligence for one day of watching me. He refused to get off is his fat ass to give me something to drink all day which resulted in dehydration and a very high fever. For some reason I had a tendency to run high fevers. This is the least harmful moment I am mentioning. I had an awful childhood that would make your hair curl, but I was never a disrespectful child. I must also mention that I have a brother and given that my father was from Argentina, no amount of money was enough to spend on him. In fact, my brother complained that he didn’t get enough money when he died, yet he was the only one that received any money from him.
I had a terrible childhood, but I made certain that my children did not suffer the same fate. Both of my children are pretty well adjusted, given that I was a single mother during their early years.
BothSidesNow: I’m so sorry for the abuse you endured as a child at your father’s hands! That’s awful and you will always bear the emotional scars. But you’ve also found the strength to overcome and persevere and be a good mother and role model to your own children. So you broke the cycle of abuse. You should be justifiably proud of yourself.
My parents weren’t perfect; no one’s are. But they always did their best and I never for a minute questioned their love. I do have a brother that I haven’t spoken to since my Mom’s death, because he had an exaggerated sense of entitlement and a minimalist sense of responsibility. Translation: when my Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer I moved back home to take care of her while still holding down my full time job. And yet my brother started swooping in to grab things; even the estate attorneys were appalled. The lawyers made a lot of money though. I spent several years getting over fantasizing about pulverizing him! Eventually I realized I had to let it go. It was toxic and I was poisoning myself.
That which does not kill us, does make us stronger. And you sound very strong and well grounded!
But she made the quotes with the fingers and everything!!! /s
I agree, he sounds like a 14-year-old with a chip on his shoulder.
She also had him when she was 16, so she was 28 when he was 12. Give me a break. QT is a raging narcissist.
I don’t think we have enough information here to declare Connie a narcissistic parent. And I’m fine with that. QT opened this particular can of vitriol when he opened his mouth in front of a microphone. Let them do them, I say, and we can go back to our regular lives.
I saw an unrelated video the other day that summed this up perfectly. It’s a parents privilege not RIGHT to be part of their children’s lives once they are adults. Is QT the perfect poster child for this argument? No. But the bigger point being made is that even if your parents raised you and were around all the time, you are allowed to set boundaries and not have an unwavering loyalty to them. His mother sounds (from just this example) like a toxic parent who never supported her son and even took the time to shit on his creativity and joy. We need to stop these cycles of over dominant parents bully their kids to do everything they say and live their lives as they see fit just because “they’re the adults”.
I think as we age, we are better able to see what we would have done differently, and that time ‘softens’ most of us. She may have not been the most supportive mom or even a good one. It’s tough to say from the little information we have. From what he’s said in previous interviews, it sounds like she was a single mother who struggled financially. She probably didn’t want to encourage him to pursue (what she felt) was a career that would leave him continually struggling. However, you should support your children if they have interests and talents that align with what makes them happy. The parent’s fear of struggle or financial insecurity, shouldn’t outweigh what the child thinks about themselves or their abilities. That said, he seems to take pride or delight in her ‘comeuppance’, and that I find bothersome. He’s a father now, too. I think he’ll better understand his mother’s feelings when he lives the parental experience himself.
From what I’ve read elsewhere, it seems he was exaggerating to make it seem more dramatic.
His mom was mad because he was doing poorly in school and the writing was what was distracting him from his schoolwork. It wasn’t a moment of great parenting but I don’t really see how that makes her a narcissist or an abusive parent.
I think he is a jerk and has issues far beyond his mom telling him to do better in school. She birthed him, feed him changed his diapers and kept a roof over his head. For him to speak so negatively because he himself is a narcissistic azzhole speaks volumes to me. His mom did the right thing don’t comment about her idiot son!! Reminds me of the vague comments his buddy Pitt made about his Dad. Basically blaming him for not being able to have a non toxic relationship with his kids.
He’s no rose himself. This whole thing reminds me of that villain in a superhero movie that was spurned by someone they admire and turn to crime to “show them” who the villain is. I was raised and still have a relationship with a toxic parent. That still didn’t turn me into an asshole. Quentin has a lot of issues and really should focus on sorting himself as a person before speaking about others. Assuming he’s inclined to. With this stunt, I doubt he is. If Connie’s a narcissist, the apple didn’t fall far.
I don’t claim to know much about QT and his relationship with his Mom. But Tarantino turned 58 in March and his Mom will turn 75 next month — so she was 16 1/2 when she gave birth to him. Tarantino’s parents got divorced before he was born and his Mom moved back in with her parents for a couple of years. She remarried and from the little I’ve read, Quentino seems to have had a decent relationship with his stepfather before they got divorced. I did read on his Wikipedia page that his mother grounded him when he got caught stealing a novel. But other than that, there’s not a lot of information out there about Quentin’s relationship with his Mom, other than his own recent quotes.
The realization that she was a teen mom makes me go “ohhhhhh….that’s why she sounded like that.” Ideally, she shouldn’t have said that but maturity likely does make a difference in how you articulate your frustration with your kid not doing his homework.
He even literally finished the quote by saying something like “she meant I shouldn’t be spending my time on this and not schoolwork”. I don’t know why everyone is freaking out over this – and no, people aren’t “telling on themselves”. This shows zero proof of him being abused – it shows that his mom may have cursed at him what – 40 years ago when his teachers had enough and called about his behavior. People need to work through their trauma and stop projecting.