Paris Hilton married venture capitalist Carter Reum late last week in a three day wedding celebration that was captured for their reality show, Paris in Love. We didn’t hear much about the guy except for the fact that he didn’t want to be filmed at first, he comes from a wealthy family and that he was worth tens of millions. It turns out that he’s also a sort-of a deadbeat dad. Carter has a nine-year-old daughter whom he financially supports, but has no relationship with. In fact he’s only met her once. The Daily Mail reported this initially, and I might not believe them except for the fact that Carter issued a statement admitting as much. A source told Page Six Carter’s daughter saw the news about his wedding to Paris and wonders why he’s snubbed her all her life.
Carter Reum has a never-before-revealed love child, whom he has only seen once since she was born 9 years ago, a source with direct knowledge of the situation told us.
The girl’s mom is Laura Bellizzi, a reality star who appeared on the VH-1 show “Secrets of Aspen” and briefly dated actor Mel Gibson. A native of Chicago, as is Reum, she lives in California with the child.
“The people who this story matters to have known about it for 10 years. Carter supports this child. While he does not have a traditional father-daughter relationship with her, he has provided for her since she was born, and will continue to do so,” said a spokesperson for Reum….
“From the beginning of Paris and Carter’s relationship, he was upfront with her about the matter,” said the spokesperson. “They are looking forward to starting their own family together in the future.”
The millionaire venture capitalist signed a document acknowledging he was the father, despite never taking a paternity test, legal records filed last year and seen by The Post show.
The source said the little girl had been “triggered” by seeing coverage of Reum’s nuptials and felt “left out of her father’s life.”
“Also, she saw the articles of Paris and Carter talking about starting a family. She felt tremendous rejection and felt left out. She wants to have a relationship with him,” said the source.
There’s more in the Page Six article about how his daughter feels and it’s sad! This poor girl. Paris is planning on having twins with this man who has a terrible track record with the one child he has. No one expects this marriage to last more than a couple of years, but it might. It takes some fortitude to marry Paris. This is also kind of what she deserves, let’s be honest. It might have been a fling or things might have ended badly between Carter and Laura, but people go through those things all the time and still manage to show up for their kids. The fact that he has zero relationship with his daughter and just sends a check every month speaks volumes. It sounds like he’s made no effort to get to know his daughter in nine years. No one is that busy, especially if they’re so rich they can travel freely. This was a choice he made, just like his choice to marry Paris.
That’s really sad. I can think of circumstances in which both parents have agreed it’s for the best if the father isn’t part of the child’s life while he financially supports the kid and the kid is fine with it (not always but it does happen), but her saying how upset it made her is just terrible.
Typically that’s in situations where the parties are married to other people or maybe the other parent has something really terrible going on like addiction or incarceration. No excuse though, a child is not an unwanted pet. Doesn’t seem to be the case here though. Seems more like he wanted to throw money at the problem and that’s it.
How is some tabloid media quoting a NINE YEAR OLD CHILD? Is her mother her primary care-giver and if so, did she allow this? If she did, what a slag.
It’s an odd quote. I’m sure as we speak, hush money is being transferred to this young girl’s account to keep her quiet. Nothing, not even a secret child, will destroy the wedding of Paris. (snort).
Those quotes are from her mother. I can’t see why she would tell daughter that her biological father is getting married when they have no relationship.
Don’t know who leaked it, and if the mother did it then that kind of sucks, but 9 years old isn’t 4. A nine year old can use the internet and find this stuff out for themselves.
@ Maria, thank you!! A 9 year old is more computer literate than I am!! She can certainly see her fathers name plastered everywhere on every news article in bold letters. The tabloids probably called the mothers house and asked for a quote. Hell, they may have approached her while she was going to school, as they have no morals to speak of. If they did approach her, she spoke her mind.
Man, Paris picked a real winner with him! 🙄
Excellent point Charm.
The quote likely came from the child’s mother who’s probably jealous Reum impregnated her but failed to marry her.
If Carter Reum has no relationship with his 9 year old daughter but financially supports her, I wouldn’t call him a “Deadbeat Dad.” It’s emotionally and psychologically better for a child to NOT develop a relationship with a parent who has no interest in their child.
IF Reum’s daughter’s mother falsified a statement to the media, THEN the child already has one dysfunctional parent and doesn’t need a second.
Good luck to Paris Hilton.
I’m disgusted with him thinking that throwing cash her way but refusing a relationship is fulfilling his responsibility as a parent.
I am disgusted with whoever is using this 9 year old to get back at sperm donor and exploiting her situation for …profit? headlines? more child support? I don’t know who stands to gain from this but if she found coverage of the wedding it’s because she had help.
But I don’t see how Paris, vapid as she is, somehow deserves any of this.
She married it so its her problem too. The article says everyone close to Carter knows about it, I assume that means Paris too?
Sure she knew , my point was the author stated she “deserves” it and that just doesn’t sit well. Like this kid gets the shaft because we don’t like Paris Hilton and this situation is somehow her karma ? Feels icky.
@Same…I read the comment to mean that Paris deserves someone who would be so low as to emotionally abandon their 9 year old child? Been on this site a long time and I can’t imagine any of the authors saying that a child deserves any bad karma.
Oh I didn’t word that well at all , apologies if that was the implication.
Paris is vapid and does not seem at all inclined to make the world a better place , but she has worked and built quite the empire (yes she started halfway down third base) so I don’t really see why she deserves an asshole .
I don’t understand how anyone can treat their child like that, or how anyone else can fall “in love” with a person who treats their child like that. Also, that crack about having a family “of their own” is disgusting.
Woof. I judge people on their parenting hard – not the silly stuff but if people have the means and aren’t making an effort to be emotionally available, I’m sorry but as a pleb who sacrifices everything for those little nuggets, I don’t understand. If he can be that detached from a child, he can do the same to her. Red flags all over. Team kiddo.
@ Gracie, another reason why Tom Cruise is the epitome of a POS father! No woman would want a serious relationship with him. Look at what he did to Kidman. Filed for divorce, behind her back, and stated that they had separated before their 10 year wedding anniversary. To top it off, Kidman was pregnant at the time as well and suffered a miscarriage. Then she became a SP, and she has zero contact with their adopted children. Then what he has done to Suri.
Tom Cruise isn’t getting another piece of ass for the rest of his life unless he pays for it!!
I sort of think of it like he put his child up for adoption, but instead of the baby going to a completely new set of parents, the baby’s mother “adopted” her.
Sometimes unwanted pregnancies end in abortion. Sometimes they end in adoption. Sometimes they end with the baby being born and then raised by their parents. In this case, the people who made the baby didn’t agree on what to do, so he chose “adoption” and she chose to keep the baby and raise it. I don’t think any woman should be forced to parent a child they do not want to/cannot parent. And I think the same should apply to men because I worry that if we force men to accept and be present and involved with any pregnancy, then I worry that the same thing could happen to women. Things like “if he didn’t want a baby, he shouldn’t have gotten a woman pregnant” sound very much like the things that are said to woman by anti-choice leaders.
Would we think that he’s a scummy deadbeat dad if this child’s mother had agreed with him and they chose together to put the baby up for adoption? I don’t think anyone would say that a couple that places their baby for adoption are bad people. It’s just in this case, mother and father didn’t agree.
I also think it would be 1000x worse if the mother wanted to keep this pregnancy and this baby and then he bullied her or paid her to terminate the pregnancy or place the baby for adoption. This woman got to make her own decisions about what to do with her pregnancy after she was accurately appraised of his intention to not be a father to this baby. I feel like that’s much better than if he had told her he totally was going to be involved and then he left when the baby was a few months old and then never saw them again. This doesn’t sound like he promised to be an active father and was an active father up until one day when he just left and never saw his kid again. It doesn’t sound like the child had a relationship with her father up until he ditched her for a new family. And it doesn’t sound like the mother thought he would be present and parenting with her and that’s the only reason why she chose to have the baby.
I wonder if it would have been better or worse if he didn’t sign the birth certificate, legally gave up all of his parental rights, and then didn’t even have to pay child support anymore. I think it would be worse. I think this child probably benefits from the child support payments that he pays.
“Things like “if he didn’t want a baby, he shouldn’t have gotten a woman pregnant” sound very much like the things that are said to woman by anti-choice leaders.”
Sorry but this irks me. Cis men have SO much more control over their reproductive choice, ability, the socialization of it, the medicalization of it. And even when they become parents they have more resources because of wage inequality etc. It’s absolutely not even remotely the same thing. Hell, the existence of insurance company policies where Viagra is classified as medicine and contraceptive pills are classified as “lifestyle drugs” shows that.
People shouldn’t be forced into children but people should be assigned the same amount of responsibility in preventing conception if they aren’t ready and that is not the case in our society which often gives men a pass.
The other fact is that we have no idea if he bullied her and was unsuccessful, if they dated and the child was the result, or not.
I agree with you about all of those things but I still think that language like “if you don’t want to be a parent, don’t have sex” or “you chose to be a parent when you had sex,” shouldn’t be used by anyone towards anyone of any gender. Because accidents happen. Because sex is not now, and has never been, only about making babies for humans and we know that not everyone who has sex wants to be a parent, or be a parent right now, or be a parent with the person they’re having sex with. Men have it easier when it comes to sex, preventing pregnancy, and literally everything that has to do with pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare, but if we allow that kind of “if you were fine with the sex, you should be fine with baby” to be used for men, it will be used for women, or for teenagers, or for people who are super poor and can’t afford to be parents, and I personally don’t want it to be used for any of those people. I just don’t think that sentiment and that kind of language is helpful or appropriate. It might be *more* appropriate to say to men, but our society doesn’t seem to be good at taking a sentiment that should mostly—if ever—be used for straight cis men and *not* lobbing it back at women or anyone else.
I mean, I get that, but those things are already lobbed at women, and teenagers, and poor people. It’s not like using it towards men is going to open a Pandora’s box of bad things that aren’t already existing. In fact, the dialogue about these things is designed to keep those statements only being lobbed at the groups you mention, not financially stable men. That’s why people direct those statements at women, teenagers, poorer people etc in the first place. It’s the erasure of responsibility of those responsible for the hierarchical inequalities in the first place.
You made some really good points. I never considered what it would be like to flip the script — that women should never be forced into an unwanted parenting position. Sounds like he owned up to the fact that he helped create a life and that came with some responsibilities, but he had no interest in being a father. I don’t know their backstory, and I have a hard time immediately judging a man who has supported a (let’s assume unwanted for him) child her whole life without even getting a paternity test.
@Maria, what would be the logical conclusion to your reasoning in this particular case? That because he’s a man, and white, and of a certain social status, with a particular income level, we shouldn’t be applying the same norms that we keep shouting from the rooftops should exist for every other group? You’re speaking in generalities, and though I don’t disagree with the underlying sentiments, they don’t tell me much about how this case should be treated.
Maria, it sort of sounds like we both would like fairness in this sort of unexpected pregnancy should/should not equal automatic parenting but I think you’re saying “if it’s already being lobbed at women and teens and the poor, then why should men be exempt from that criticism?” And I’m saying more like “I don’t want to it to be lobbed at women and teens and the poor anymore, and I worry that by expanding it’s use to men, it will just solidify “sex=parenthood no matter what” as an idea in our society.” But who knows? Maybe if we do start using this for men and saying to *them* “if you made a baby you have to be a parent” then men will be like “wait no, that’s dumb. Nobody should have to be a parent if they don’t want to be” and then they won’t say it to women and teens and the poor?
@Pamplemousse – I’m not necessarily referring to those ideas as a solution in this case, because I was responding to the commentary of Amy Too and not offering it as a stand-alone comment.
Rather, because he’s a man, we should be applying the norms that already do exist for other groups: the assumptions that personal responsibilities drive the outcome, because for white upper-class wealthy cis men, that’s generally the case, more so than other demographics. And that the idea that applying those norms to men will somehow snowball and make people apply them disproportionately to other groups like teenagers, disenfranchised poorer people, and single women, doesn’t make sense to me because people already do that and exempt men in the first place. Because that demographic of men is the reason that the reproductive rights and choices of other demographics are compromised and often assigned disproportionate blame.
We don’t know anything about this relationship and the fact that he didn’t need a paternity test before paying support implies to me this was a relationship not a fling, so I don’t have a solution. But the idea that it’s unfair to presume he had responsibility in preventing pregnancy if he wasn’t ready, and that that presumption is the same as the anti-choice rhetoric aimed at women, is something I disagree with.
@Amy – that’s a solid take
@Maria – I agree with most of that – biology didn’t give us a level playing field . If we laid eggs in the sand and someone had the option to fertilize them or not, we would be equal on the reproductive front .
Now do men have all of the advantages socially and economically ? Absolutely you are spot on.
I still think a man has a right to chose not to be a parent. He doesn’t get to opt out of the financial aspect obviously , but I believe it should still be his choice .
Amy, I agree with you. He financialy supports the child, he signed the birth certificate without muss or fuss.
If a woman can choose to not have a child regardless of if the man wants to keep it or not, a man should have the same option. If we want equality, we have to agree that it goes both ways.
I don’t get it. Paris seems desperate to have her big wedding production with whoever would go down the aisle. And that poor little girl feeling so rejected. It’s sad all around.
Also Paris doesn’t look like Paris in the wedding photos. She looks like Holly Madison but I can’t figure out why.
Yes she does look like Holly!
This marriage gives me HUGE Kim & Kris Humphries vibes.
Same here. Finally getting the fairytale over the top wedding..and ignoring the fact that she isn’t in love..and neither is he.
Same
Holy cow she does ! I’m not sure if that’s a flattering comparison or
Not …
That’s terrible, it’s like how an illegitimate child in the Victorian era would be treated! Even if you only visit on holidays, or summer break, this child deserves to know him. The way that statement references her as ‘this child’ and ends saying Paris and Carter “are looking forward to starting their own family” is so hurtful. Poor kid.
He’s a rich guy. All those rich guys have “illegitimate” children they pay money to support but nothing else. I mean think of all the guys who have slept their way through half the world. Unless all the women who got pregnant were able to get abortions or even wanted them, there are going to be some babies there.
Unrelated to the actual post but the photos of the wedding look suburban fancy. Not Beverly Hills born-rich fancy.
I was going to say the same thing! I never get that with all that money she has how on earth can she end up looking so tacky all the time!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I honestly don’t get marrying in a tent with that kind of money? If I was as loaded as the Hiltons, I’d want some historical property, something extremely unique, not a white tent with a balloon arch? None of this checks that box.
Covid concerns maybe?
Right? Compare that to the Getty girl wedding the other week. That one actually looked like the millions it cost.
I agree that the aesthetic is really new money suburban tacky etc. Her dress is too white and she is too tan (unnaturally.) at the same time it’s not a new aesthetic choice for her by any means so it’s safe to assume that is her taste. Maybe that aesthetic is exotic to her or maybe her family never embraced the old money aesthetic. I don’t feel it’s the most pleasing or flattering but it’s her wedding and I’ve certainly seen worse. She and her sister both wear a lot of loud clothes and heavy makeup but her sister is less over the top and also has some relatively modest outfits on Instagram and even some neutral looks
For some reason they were hell bent on having it in her grandfather’s old property. It was in the terms of condition when it was sold that they could have the event at the property however her wedding looked like every other tented wedding out there.
@ Tessa, if I had her type of money, it would be in Lake Como or some other magical place!! A stunning picturesque place!! Greece would be heaven as well!! Then you have Italy, Paris, Barcelona, Rome or even Amsterdam!! I would choose a city rich in architecture and food!!
It looks really dated as well, grown, cake, everything you would expect from a big glitzy wedding 20 years ago.I guess it makes sense because Paris is perpetually stuck in her past glory days.
I think it looked a bit tacky and cheap, honestly
Yeah, those decorations are hideous. Truly.
The backdrops and lighting are AWFUL. Not professional at all.
The spotlights with all of the string lights mixed in, then they added candles and flowers everywhere!! Then they decided to add mirrored floors!! It looks like several different wedding rental companies vomited all over the place!!
I wish I had been there to cut that rat tail of her long curled portion front of her hair off!!!! Her hair style was the ugliest choice that she made for the entire wedding! My god, too bad Nicki didn’t talk her out of it.
It’s certainly a clear indication that they are not from old money.
It’s basic but I liked it. I loved her dresses and thought she looked beautiful.
Can I play devils advocate? And go ahead and tell me I’m wrong because I do see both sides of this.
A reality star who dated Mel Gibson makes me wonder what this lady is like… perhaps she and Carter had no real relationship to speak of besides physical, she got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, so he supports financially.
We give a free pass to women who choose not to have a baby (as we should!). Maybe he made it clear he didn’t want to enter into parenthood with this woman and this is how things panned out when she decided to keep the baby.
All I will say is I’ve known several men who are good men, good fathers, and also have another child they support but don’t have a relationship with for many reasons. Often those reasons include issues with the mother, or having had no real relationship with the mother at all.
I just wrote something similar and completely agree with you.
@ Piratewench
100% agree.
I wanted to say this but couldn’t think of how to put it. Its good hes supporting the child financially. But you can’t really force someone to be a good parent. I have a crap father and would have been better off without knowing him honestly. This kid is better off without the father who clearly doesn’t want that relationship.
Ditto, Bryn. My father is a covert narcissist, alcoholic and abuser whom I wish I’d never met. It would have saved me decades of grief and therapy.
@ Andrew’s Nemesis, I would have been so much better off having never met my father. He was an absolute POS. Grew up watching him beat my mother to a bloody pulp, including one time in the front yard on a Saturday morning. He left was when I was in fifth grade, but my mother and father still slept together. He led her on until I turned 18 before he filed for divorce and never paid one penny of child support. He back handed me one time with a closed fist. The only person that he was kind to was his little sister. She was a wonderful woman!! I adored her!! She was extremely kind and took me in after high school in Argentina. Everyone loved my dad as he was charming and brilliant as well! An absolute monster. I certainly could have used the money and 6 years of therapy back.
I agree. Women are entitled to choose whether they want to parent or not, as are men. It sounds like he has upheld his support obligations to this child for her whole life. And whoever went to the Daily Mail to talk about this little girl’s (supposed) reactions to his marriage does not have that child’s best interests at heart.
If a 9 year old has the kind of access to the internet to know what the Daily Mail is, I’m very concerned about what type of parenting she’s receiving.
Mmmm…I mentioned the possibility that kind of scenario above. And those ones do exist. But this doesn’t sound like that. This sounds like the little girl has wanted contact for a while, and he’s actually met her – which doesn’t sound to me like it was supposed to be completely financial-based in terms of his responsibility. Also, Mel Gibson is abusive, so let’s not ascribe his bad qualities to his partners without tangible proof (if partner can even be used here instead of fling).
Piratewench – *Standing Ovation*. That’s exactly what happened. I was scrolling through the comments trying to build the nerve to say this, but you’ve done it so well. It doesn’t change the fact that’s it’s hurtful to a 9 year old girl, which is very sad, but that’s on the woman who chose to use pregnancy as an ATM. At least the child will grow up in financial comfort, which is more than many children have in the U.S. and will hopefully receive a quality education and have the chance to be a better human than her parents.
” that’s on the woman who chose to use pregnancy as an ATM.”
Major, major reach. We don’t know anything about this woman. We barely know anything about him. Nobody knows who the “source” is.
“nobody knows who the ‘source’ is”
We know it’s a not a nine year old. Come on.
That doesn’t automatically mean it’s the mom. As someone else said there’s been more than enough time for the mom to press him publicly if she wanted to. It could have been family interfering, or something else. Maybe it was her, but people are concocting scenarios as if they know for sure.
those are NOT good men or good fathers. Those are men who are only as loyal to their kids as they are to their mothers. These “good men/good fathers” will put the same crap when/if the new relationship/marriage fails. Such a disgusting take.
I agree with this take too. If this woman became pregnant and Carter didn’t want a baby or to be a father, he has the right to meet his financial obligations and that’s it. He’s not a deadbeat dad. He’s effectively a sperm donor. I know plenty of women who decided to have a baby on their own, either accidentally or planned with a donor, and that’s their right too. Those children are surrounded by love and people who adore and care for them. No one should be forced into parenthood that doesn’t want to be a parent. It’s the same reason I’m staunchly pro-choice, anti-forced birth. As long as he is financially responsible, I have no issue.
What I do have issue with is this story. It seems, to me, that this child is not being properly protected by the people in her life. How is she seeing all these stories? How does she know so much about a person who clearly never wanted to be involved as a parent? There are ways to be honest with young children while still being protective of them and I don’t feel like that is this situation at all. I hope whatever is going on, the people in her life have her best interest at heart.
I agree with you on some points, but if a man doesn’t want to be a father then fgs use a condom!
And as for the good men who don’t have relationships w/ one or all of their children due to issues with the mother; while there ARE plenty of bitter women who make it as difficult as possible for their exes to be in their kids lives and I have no doubt that dealing with such a woman can be exhausting, demoralizing, infuriating……have they considered the effects of their absences on their kids?? ESPECIALLY if the fathers have OTHER kids they ARE involved with? Clearly those mothers are NOT considering the effects either, and that is what we have family courts for. Certainly the children shouldn’t have to pay the emotional and psychological price for a bitter, manipulative mother (for example) and a father who shrugs his shoulders and says; “well their mom is a real bitch. What am I supposed to do?” You’re supposed to fight for your parental rights in court!! That’s what! You’re supposed to NOT let your kids grow up with a hole in their hearts.
We don’t know he didn’t use a condom, or some other form of protection. One of my kids is a both condom-failed and the Plan B-failed baby
I was scrolling down to say something along those lines. My cousin is in a situation like that, he’s the opposite of rich and tbf, a bit of a piece of work, but he got a girl pregnant who kept the child and hoped she could lure him into a proper relationship like that. Yes it’s a bit sh*tty but he shouldn’t be forced to interact with the mother if he doesn’t want to. He regularly pays child support and says he’s open to meet his daughter when she’s old enough to do it on her own, but for now he’s with his new partner and their son. Sometimes these things be like that.
I both agree and disagree with this.
And I say this as the child of a man I’ve never once met in my life, with siblings I’ve never met either.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a dad I loved deeply, one I’ve missed every day since his death in 2015, but circumstances forced my father into a deeply unenviable financial situation that effected every aspect of our lives for many, many years. Meanwhile, my biological father was financially secure enough for his family to have a house, a vacation home, a rather large boat, multiple horses, rodeo careers for both his kids as teens, flight lessons for his son, and a college diploma for his daughter unencumbered by student loans.
You could say that I’m a wee bit bitter.
Why did he want nothing to do with me? My mother. I don’t have to talk to the guy to know that. I know it because I know her. She’s got multiple personality disorders that I personally experienced the fruits of as a child. This is a woman who decided that homeschooling me was too tough, so just paid an intermediary to lie and pretend I was still turning in work so that my mother could spend the remaining funds on clothes for herself. She’s a monster. I am fully aware that.
Still, he made the choice to sleep with her. He made the choice to live his life as if I didn’t exist. I wasn’t even the first child of his she was pregnant with, just the first she decided to have after my grandmother offered to support her financially through the pregnancy. I am the living equivalent of an unemployment check. It was a bad decision all around, as that woman was not meant to be a parent. I’ve said since I was a kid myself that she shouldn’t have had me. She did, though, and he left me to her tender mercies. He knew a volatile, unstable woman was out there with his child and couldn’t be bothered to make sure I was alright.
Nothing about that says good father or even good person to me. You don’t have to like the person you have a kid with – you just have to love your child.
I’m so sorry @terra. Hugs to you.
And your point about how he left her to her tender mercies – that is going through my head too. If there is something about a woman that is so awful a man can’t bring himself to co-parent with her or even meet the child – that’s really shitty, because that child is left with that woman.
But of course, you can’t force anyone to be a parent and some people are upfront about that from the get-go and it is what it is, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. When my husband’s father learned that his wife (my MIL) was pregnant, he apparently punched a hole in the wall, so I guess he did not want to be a father (my husband does not have a relationship with him today.)
(((Hugs))) Terra.
Yes, the thing that struck me about this – how does this child even know to be triggered over Carter’s marriage to Hilton? Ok, Carter is paying support, but if he’s only seen his daughter once in 9 years, then that means he’s not involved in her life and that’s the fact of this non-relationship. Is the mother keeping a pretend relationship alive for her daughter by encouraging her to be up to date on his social life and future plans? That’s just cruel.
He married Paris Hilton. You’d have to be under a rock not to at least see a headline or two. That’s the kind of thing that will pop up if you’re just logging into Google. Which plenty of 9 year olds use.
I don’t know anything about the reality of this situation and since I don’t know him I’ll just say it’s not ideal but I think it’s a bit of a stretch to say that a 9-year-old
being aware of this on her own and upset is unrealistic.
@Eurydice if it’s as others have suggested it could be that the girl has seen the articles that mention their plans to gave children of their own. Hell, even the statement he out out to address this says it. If the child believed that the man who got her mother pregnant was never interested in being a father, it would be pretty shocking to see that he did in fact want a family afterall. Not defending the mother of the girl in any way because even if the girl found this out in her own, I believe it was still the mother that revealed this information to the press.
@Maria – I didn’t say she wouldn’t have seen that Paris Hilton was getting married – I said that it seemed odd that she was “triggered” by it. That means she has grown up with some expectations about her father, even though she’s never really seen him or communicated with him. Expectations like that come from how her mother taught her to think about her father
You mentioned her mother keeping her up to date on his life and plans, which is why I mentioned she could have seen it herself.
You *could* say that her mother instilled unfair expectations, but I can tell you that me as a 9-year-old would have been pretty upset to see this. It’s not just the fact that he’s remarried but there’s this whole fairy tale PR aspect and the fact that the whole world is watching. But that’s just me.
If he’s met her once, then I can see that she may have that expectation. Why would he do that, anyway? Seems like it would have been better just to say “No, I’m not going to see her”.
I agree with this. It sounds harsh, but he’s not obligated to have a relationship with a child he didn’t want, so long as he meets his legal obligations.
I was going to say someone willing to marry Paris Hilton might not be someone you want around anyway, but then I saw that the mom once dated Mel Gibson. Yikes.
Hope this kid is happy and well loved.
This is enough to make me hate this man. No matter what the mother is like, that has nothing to do with child. She deserves a father.
If she deserves a father, her mother should have worked harder to maintain a stable relationship with a partner willing to be a father-figure or second mother figure (not all children have fathers).
I don’t think it’s right to put the responsibility on him when he obviously wasn’t ready to be a father. That girl is probably set for life. And by extension, it sounds like her mother is too. That isn’t by accident.
An ex of mine hid from me that while we were broken up for two years that he had not one but two love children (we had practiced safe sex so this made me furious when he finally had the nerve to tell me). He took a job overseas when he could have found a job in the states and although he decided to be in the girls lives (they are from two different baby mommas, one is from an ex girlfriend that he had a booty call with, the other a one night stand – both women were in their late 30’s so I think all three are idiots) he does a very poor parenting job. Both girls call him by his name and not dad, he favors the one whose mother he had a relationship with (and is Caucasian and has emotional issues and not the other who is half Asian and is the most put together out of all the individuals mentioned. Witnessing what was going on when I became privy to the situation I realized these girls were actually better off without him in their lives. At least he provided for them financially but I lost all respect for him. A good friend of mine was about to break up with someone he was seeing for a few months when she told him she was pregnant. He didn’t want to have the child but she did and he makes sure he is a real father figure for the child because he feels the mother is very flaky. He resents how this has affected his life and relationships but he is such a good guy he couldn’t walk away from his child (if only he didn’t believe her when she said she was on birth control).
What does this have to do with the child who is innocent of all wrong doing?
She is better off without him than someone who is going to do a crap job of pretending to be a father. Less therapy when she gets older.
Maybe more therapy if this guy is going to be on TV with his new wife.
Thank you!
How did this just come out, after the wedding? Ridiculous, that poor little girl. There’s no amount of money that makes this excusable.
I thought he was SO HOT when I had only seen photos…then I watched the trailer for her show and heard him speak and was like ohhhhhh…instantly unattractive. The deadbeat dad thing makes him straight up ugly.
I’ve only seen pics but he looks smarmy and creepy, even more when he smiles!
We need to leave some room for men whose partners become pregnant but who don’t want to be fathers to do the support financially, but not otherwise be a part of the child’s life. Honestly, I kind of judge the mother for not respecting his boundaries in the matter and letting the girl follow his life from afar. “Your father wasn’t ready to be a dad, but he wants us to be happy.” would be a much healthier way to deal with the situation.
Yeah, he sucks, but lots of people do.
Absolutely agree
Then he should have had vasectomy, not to mention he more then willing to have kids with Paris .
It’s also 10 years later though, he does have the right to grow as a person or change his mind in 10 years. He may not have been ready to be a father that young and now he is.
Then he would have gotten to know his daughter and vasectomies reversible.
@ tammy
Yeah I mean think about it…a woman can have an abortion or give her baby up for adoption at age 20 but by age 30 she decides to give birth and raise a child. Is she not allowed to do that? I think there is a lot of hypocrisy going on in this discussion thread.
Abortion and adoption are exceedingly more difficult choices and processes to go through than to get a vasectomy, frankly. And they aren’t reversible.
Not saying men should have to get them, but equating them to the above doesn’t make sense to me.
Also I think what’s heartbreaking for me in this situation is that he clearly wants other children, and he doesn’t even want to get to know her.
If he wanted not to be a father when she was born, then okay, but things are settled in that he’s not functionally a father, but he doesn’t even want her as an acquaintance? That seems pretty sad. I dated a guy whose stepfather had a daughter that he never talked to, and then his second daughter with the guy’s mom had no idea she had a half-sister. It’s not a great situation for the new kids either. I would be really upset if I found out my dad had another kid who he’d totally ignored and I never knew anything about.
And it’s not like other situations with non-celebrities. You can shut that stuff out to an extent. But she’ll never be able to escape his new family constantly being in the media.
Uh. He was always free to use birth control.
men get a choice, just at a different time. you choose to have sex with someone there is always that possibility.
Birth control fails all the time. We don’t know they weren’t using it.
Part of me thinks this, but another part of me thinks it’s another way to shove the responsibility onto the woman and caters to social narratives that men just can’t help themselves. A man has more control in preventing pregnancy than the woman does (assuming we are talking about cis people here). If he’s not ready, he needs to be more proactive about it. (while pregnancies after using contraception do happen, that’s not quite the case for a lot of these situations with men wanting not to be involved).
@Maria – I agree with you to a point but women have the hard fought and won right to an abortion. And abortions don’t fail. She carried a child to term and that decision was as hers. As it should be. A right I have marched in the street to defend since before I was even of child bearing age myself. But with that right comes a choice. And we don’t know when the discussion was had that he didn’t want the baby. We don’t know what factors went into her decision to carry the baby to term and raise it. But we do know those things were her choice. The variable is whether he lied to her and said he’d be involved beyond financially.
The narrative that a woman has to be the one bearing the brunt of a man’s mistake whether an abortion is available or no is still problematic. And as I said below, we still live in a society where even if both people have a choice, the woman’s choice is the one saddled with more physical trauma, emotion, and responsibility. That’s just a fact.
@Maria – I’m not sure what can be done about the fact that women will always bear the brunt of the emotional impact of a pregnancy. That’s basic biology. I certainly don’t mean to suggest that we should just let dudes off from birth control responsibility because abortion is an option. But this guy is paying for the child. I’m just not sure what else can be asked of a man that doesn’t want a child. I suppose articles like this that publicly shame him are another option (but only for men with some celebrity connection). We don’t know what their relationship was or what he may have promised her. We only know one thing for 100% certain: she had a choice and she made it.
You can still be abusive/absent/whatever and pay for a kid. I know plenty of people whose fathers fit that bill and they’re paying for it psychologically. Money is the bare minimum of a human being in this situation. But that doesn’t mean it’s fair to just go “Oh, well, the man can decide not to have this affect him at all, and that’s his choice.” He made a choice to sleep with her and given the larger proportion of cases where men just don’t care about contraception I’d say he probably wasn’t as vigilant as he should be.
If this were reddit (and if it was indeed the mom who leaked this) I’d say ESH except for the child. If you’re a man and you aren’t ready for a kid, the social scale that tips the result in your favor if you choose to walk away (not having to birth it, raise it, etc, not to mention the issues of choosing to have a child if you are a woman who is pregnant and your partner doesn’t want to be involved, which can range from all sorts of things including familial and religious pressure, access to abortion, you name it), as well as the possibility you may be hurting a child for the rest of their life, means you should be a little more vigilant.
And that’s IF they agreed on this. As someone else said, they could have been almost engaged for all we know.
We don’t know what happened. But if we’re discussing the abstract, and the possibilities, those are my opinions.
why won’t someone think of the poor deadbeat dads??
This, completely.
I agree with @same. If she knows about it it’s because she had help. Someone is looking for their 15 minutes and exploiting that little girl to obtain it. I have a 9 year old that has zero idea about current event news whatsoever. Kids aren’t necessarily reading current events. So yo me it’s sad that her father doesn’t want a relationship with her but also that she has people around that want to use her to get more money or attention.
It’s possible that she was just curious about her father and looked him up. I know 9 year olds who know how to search on-line. If the mother were looking for the money, she has had at least the length of time he has been dating Paris and getting media attention to do something.
I predate the internet but knew my fathers name because it was on my birth certificate and used to look him up in phone books way before age 9
I was on the Internet all day every day age 9 except for school and Girl Scouts, lol. Also whether it’s right or wrong plenty of 9 year olds these days have their own phones and check pop culture.
As hard as it is, it’s better for this child to have a father who has been absent from birth than a half ass, in and out, lackadaisical father.
But I would have no interest in a man who couldn’t show up in a meaningful way for his child. It would make be nervous for what kind of father he’d be to my child, how he would treat an unplanned pregnancy, and honestly his sense of compassion and general decency.
But why would a man sign articles of paternity without taking a DNA test? I find this very weird. Wouldn’t you want to be certain it was your daughter before you start financially supporting the child?
I would assume because he believes her. Why request proof if you’re confident?
because paternity wasn’t it doubt? we have no idea how long or serious the relationship was.
Well people cheat, even in long-term serious relationships. If you’re going to pay a huge amount in child support, you better damn well make sure that child is yours. I don’t understand why he didn’t get a paternity test. I also don’t understand why it was made public that he didn’t get a paternity test ?
Yeah that gives me pause. Per my comments above I’ve kinda assumed this was a casual thing, but the lack of DNA test before agreeing to financial support says otherwise. But this is a guy who willingly married Paris Hilton. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s not an emotional adult.
I have a somewhat different reaction to this article. I have daughters, and I have always told them NOT to have kids if they do not want them. I know of people closer to my own age that did, and this does not always have a fairy tale ending. Unfortunately, as this poor kid is well aware of.
To me, it seems as though Carter did not want this kid. It’s good that he is financially supporting her. In essence, he is a sperm donor who in this case signs a paycheck. If he has no desire to get to know his daughter, no matter how harsh, it’s better for her in the long run to not know him. You cannot fake love, and that’s much worse for the kid!
It would be much better if the child’s mom made it clear that she IS loved, her father is “not her father,” and find ways to help her deal with her reality as it is.
People sometimes change, but Paris should pay close attention to this. It is a red flag.
we have no idea how long or serious the relationship was, or what his feelings were at the time of conception. this comment section does not pass the vibe check.
The way this is written is incredibly insensitive and cruel towards that little girl. My heart breaks for her. My dad always put his new wives ahead of me and basically forgot about me each time he remarried so this really hits a nerve. I hope his daughter has a lot of emotional support from other family…this is one of those things that can wound you for life.
100% on brand for Paris and people she respects and associates with.
I am the kid of a similar situation and I cant even tell you how much I am still affected by it 50 years later. It is so painful for me, maybe not for others in similar situations. also, I was always angry that my mother never stuck up for me and at least once made it known how I was feeling. maybe this is a cash grab for whoever leaked it but maybe they are just doing what I wanted my mother to do, make some public statement that this is not ok or a victimless situation.
I cant imagine having a baby with someone that is already a terrible parent and has shown that they will not love this or any future child unconditionally
Lisa, I’m so sorry to hear that you went through this as a child! Your “father” (I don’t know if you think of him in quotes) acted like a jerk, and knowing your biological father doesn’t want you in their life when it seems like other kids have theirs is incredibly hurtful. I wrote that it’s better that Carter is probably not in his daughter’s life from experiences I’ve had through others. One of my friends fought for the father of her son to be involved in her child’s life. It turned out that this man resented his kid so much that he was physiologically and physically cruel to him, and it took years before he was caught. My friends’ son thought he deserved it because he had wanted contact with his dad, and because his mom was happy that he had contact with his dad. His “free-spirited” father to out his resentment on his child. I also know of another family growing up where the father was forced to interact against his will. As far as I know, the dad didn’t hurt the child, but he was often a no-show, disinterested, forgot her birthday… in my experience, this is worse that someone who is straight-up cruelly honest with a child as to their relationship.
Why is this in the news? A 10 year old girl is involved. It should all be kept private.
Someone has released it after the wedding to try and shame the newlywed couple.
I’m sorry to say this. But she chose to have his child. He is financially responsible while he may not have wanted to have a child at all.
Maybe he resent her mother, and doesn’t want anything to do with her.
Yes it’s sad, yes the child is innocent but maybe he didn’t want to be a father.
I would hate to become a mother against my will so I kind of get it.
Parenthood has to be a choice for men and women.
Well he chose to have sex with her without birth control. See how that works?
Parenthood is COMPLETELY different for women because they have to be pregnant and labor and are expected by society to be primary caregivers.
@ Emma
Is that what you would say to a woman seeking an abortion? Men have rights too. At least he’s being responsible enough to financially support the child.
men are not having kids against their will lol. They had sex, he probably didn’t wear a condom. We have no idea what he said to the mother of this child during their relationship. The excuses we give to not hold men accountable.
Yeah, honestly. Let’s not pretend about the fact that while each person has a choice, the reality of the woman’s choice is the one that’s going to involve more physical trauma, time, energy, and emotion.
Eh, he’s sending the checks, that’s accountable enough. I’m sure it hurts the daughter’s feelings, but it’s clear he didn’t want to have her but that her mother did. The mother should direct the daughter’s attention to how much she wanted her, not to the fact that he didn’t.
He’s basically a known sperm donor, that’s it.
(He’s not a good person, though. Not because of this, but because no good person would marry Paris Hilton. And also this woman dated Mel Gibson so I don’t have high hopes for her, either.)
Why am I hearing “he chose to have sex without birth control so therefore we should force him to father a child he doesn’t want?”
Would you say that to a woman who became pregnant after having sex without using birth control? What if the man she had sex with used a condom, which broke, and she did not use her own method, refused backup, and chose to have the child? Is that still his fault and he should be forced to parent?
Y’all are tredding a very slippery slope. If we’re going to force men to father, then does that mean men get to force us to mother? It takes two to tango and both individuals are responsible for making sure they don’t get pregnant if they don’t want a child. Not just one party, male or female.
I’m honestly appalled at this comment section. There’s a difference between standing up for women’s rights and just plain out “punishing” men, and a lot of this comes across as the latter.
A slippery slope of…what?
Men not having rights?
I’m…skeptical.
The comment above “she chose to have the child” is beyond out of pocket. As it is stated none of us know the context and backgrounds of this situation, they cannot confirm who leaked this information. But at the end of the day she didn’t get pregnant by herself she did not go to a sperm bank he lay down with that woman and he had unprotected sex and he does not want anything to do with child. Two people makes a baby. While she should have done more on her end if this was not a plan situation, let’s not put all this on the woman, he is at fault as well for not preventing a situation if he wasn’t ready and wanted to be a dad as well.
A lot of opinions are being thrown up here trying to in some cases put her down like it’s her fault when we as women can’t get pregnant without a man so this is 50% her responsibility, and it is 50% his. And as I said above we don’t know the context he could have been on board still with the relationship and pregnancy then freaked the hell out and change his mind before the baby was born, which does happen. Or decided he didn’t want to be tied down in life after all and felt it was a mistake when it was too far into her pregnancy for example.
It just grinds my gears that all the blame is laid on a female. Now granted I am a open-minded person, if she tried trapping him to get that bag or get a ATM then the only person I feel sorry for here is the child, and again boh of them are at fault for not having protected sex, but we’re 9 years past this point. I think the important thing is that this little girl gets support and understanding about being heard about how she feels. And I think if he’s talking about being a father with paris, he needs to circle back and correct the mistake of the current situation with his child. It grinds my years how some people aren’t ready to have kids toss them to the wayside whether they’re writing a check or not, but then go get a new relationship and all the sudden want to be the parent that they should have been to the child that they tossed to the side like a piece of trash whether there’s issues with the mother or not. That’s a big ass red flag. Any man that does not want to take care of their children emotionally is something any woman should really think about before getting married with him thinking he’s going to be any different with their children, which is a wake-up call Paris may get. However I do agree with some of the comments above how some people are messed up individuals and it is best if they don’t have any parental rights or any contact with kids. However in special cases like that that’s where it’s on the mother to have support therapist to guide the child or children through that explaining the situation and having a support circle of people who love them in those shoes for the person that is too messed up they’re not able to. But it sounds like bottom line I don’t care what anyone’s opinion is this little girl is hurting and her emotional needs need to be met professionally and I hope her mother realizes that and does that and has nothing to do with this drama leaking.
This might be overly pedantic, but I would say the woman and the man are responsible for the pregnancy together, and if he absolutely 100% didn’t want a baby and she was like “eh, I’m fine either way,” then the use of protection, or multiple forms of protection was his responsibility.
But—at least in this case, where abortion and Plan B and adoption were available options in the United States in 2011 when this baby was conceived and financial issues didn’t seem to be a complication that would prevent these options— the woman is responsible for that pregnancy turning into a baby that was born and kept by the mother.
Sex can lead to pregnancy. But not every pregnancy automatically leads to the live birth of a baby. 2 people are responsible for a pregnancy. 2 people made an active decision to have sex (in this case). But then 1 person only, the woman, has the right and the responsibility to decide if that pregnancy turns into a baby.
I feel like it’s important to make this distinction because if we start saying that every pregnancy is the same thing as a born baby, that leads to the whole “abortion is murdering babies; fetuses have the right to life” anti-choice thing plus the idea that every pregnancy must/should/will end with a baby, no other options. And I feel like it’s also important to specify that women are responsible for deciding if pregnancies turn into living babies because I don’t want men making that decision. I don’t want men to either force a woman to get an abortion or to birth a baby. So I’m willing to say that a man is responsible for a pregnancy and should use protection if he wants to prevent a pregnancy, but I feel like agency is being taken away from women, and a crucial step—a woman’s choice to continue or terminate a pregnancy—is being skipped when we say that men having sex automatically equals responsibility for a baby being born. Or men choosing to have sex equals choosing to make/have a baby.
I feel for the little girl is who is seeing her father all over the place having just married and talking about having kids, on the other side is a man who clearly didn’t want a child a decade ago but is still doing the responsible thing. He probably told the child’s mother he didn’t want a child but would offer monetary support and that was it. If he was clear about this with the girl’s mother, then this is on her and up to her to explain to her hurt daughter the situation. This has nothing to do with Paris.
Yikes but pretty sure Paris knows about it. I wouldn’t marry someone like him bc if he might act the same in future. Never say never 🤐
Exactly. Huge red flag, unless there is a very good explanation for why this is the case.
Those who use children for any reason are despicable. “Deadbeat dads” are those who do not support their children in any way, whether emotionally or financially. That’s not the case here. This fellow is and has been financially supporting the child. None of us know the reason why.
The question is, “Who benefits from these stories?” It certainly is the child. It isn’t Paris. It isn’t Carter. Who is left?
Who benefits?
The child. Who can maybe see her father for a second time in her entire life.
Does it really benefit the child to be in a room (or park, or whatever) with a disinterested, cornered, possibly resentful guy? Or a guy who pops in and out whenever he feels he needs to? You can’t force someone to care about another person, even when that person is your child
he’s a deadbeat.
he is absolutely a deadbeat
the bar for fatherhood is so low that now some women think sperm with a check is actually generous, disgusting
I feel for that poor girl but also echo sentiments that it’s better she not be around who’s biologically her father but completely disinterested, but I do think it will take a long time for that to make sense to her.
Can we just say how odd it is that this man has so much money but reality stars are his “type” apparently? Money can’t buy class, I know, but he probably has options (semi-secret child notwithstanding.)
When it comes to parenting your preferences are no longer really relevant.
The child’s are.
Unless she stole his sperm and impregnated herself he participated and he’s responsible for the person he helped create. Men don’t get to say to a pregnant woman – well that’s nice, but you should abort because I shan’t parent.
And a reminder, Gibson’s partners? They were frequently victims of physical and verbal assault.
THANK YOU
He gives me the creeps! Don’t trust this guy for a second…
It’s going to take a whole lot more than that to convince me he’s straight.
I think its safe to assume Paris and Reum are just trash bag people, trauma or not. They have all the money in the world to act right or get help if they need it and the best they can do is major conspicuous consumption. What total pieces of sh^t.
I mean sorry, but who is this “source” giving info about how the 9-year-old feels? Do we believe that?
If he supports his child financially but for whatever reason is not involved with her and her mother, I think don’t think that’s necessarily shady. Maybe it’s what her mother wanted. Maybe it was a one-night stand. There can be a number of reasons why this was decided and maybe works best for their situation.
I…uh…look. We all know Paris is a horrible person. Anyone who’s marrying her is probably also awful. I don’t know how a not-famous 9-year-old came to have her views on her father’s wedding printed with celebrity gossip, though, and I suspect whatever is behind that isn’t so great, either.
I’m really frustrated by the backbends we do for men who don’t want their children. If their partner with whom they willingly had sex conceives a child and chooses not to have an abortion or seek adoption, then they are a child’s parent. Too bad, so sad. Don’t like it, don’t have sex, be more cautious about birth control choices, get a vasectomy.
It’s all fun and games when they’re getting their balls tickled but now there is a human child with thoughts and feelings to contend with and is all, welp, didn’t want her anyway.
I mean it is what it is and the child is better off with an absent parent than a poor one but you are not a good man or a good person if to leave that kind of hole in a child’s life.
100%
You’re being intellectually dishonest. We can say the same thing about women. Why aren’t women getting hysterectomies in order to not get pregnant ?
Why aren’t women not having sex in order not to get pregnant ? Yes a man isn’t caring a child yes abortion is a women choice.
I would HATE to have to wake up one day with an unwanted child. So I get men who don’t want to be father against their will.
We are all someone child. Think about that.
It’s intellectually dishonest to pretend men carry the same burden in this situation for a number of socioeconomic and political reasons.
You can say you understand his position without drawing this false equivalence.
It’s intellectually dishonest to deny the biological realities that come with procreation. The situations can never be equal because as the woman is the pregnant one, she alone has the bodily autonomy, and at the end of that decision, there may be a child.
The fact that the mom probably leaked this speaks volumes. Yes he should have been more careful but a washed up reality star could have also seen this rich dude as her meal ticket and claimed she was on the pill and “whoops” got knocked up. I feel like a lot of these “reality stars” (who also dated Mel Gibson-that says something) are looking for a paycheck. If he is paying child support then he is doing some part. Sorry but I don’t think the mom is coming across well here at all. I don’t know much about this dude but I get the feeling there is a reason he isn’t in better terms with the mom. I mean freaking Mel Gibson- a way older, gross hateful man?! I doubt women date Mel for his kindness and charm, it’s obviously for the $$$. This women isn’t making good decisions. I hope that girl has some good adults in her life.
We have no idea if she leaked it. It could have been some other overbearing family member or something. Also, “briefly dated” doesn’t mean anything. Margaret Qualley also briefly dated an abuser. Claiming a woman gets herself knocked up is unfair.
you get picked yet sis? We know jack about these people. They could’ve been together for a year and looking at rings for all we know.
At least Tom stepped up and became a father to the child he had with Bridget, and kudos to Giselle who has welcomed the son in their family. That’s how you do it.
Paris and Reum are trash.
Yes, I do believe that Tom has been a caring father to his first child but Bridget Moynahan had a lot to do with that as well.
She had to set aside a lot of hurt feelings and put her son first.
I think they have done a nice job raising their son but if Giselle gets a shout out for it then let’s give one to Bridget as well!!
She was devastated at the time.
Well said.
Shout out to Bridget being a prime factor in how to successfully co-parent.
The source of the story is probably the mother, the nine year old didn’t call the media. Why do people want to play out their lives in public. And sometimes trying to shame someone into a certain behavior makes them dig in their heels more, so her going to the press may not have the results she expected. Would the story be public if he had married some unknown person or does Paris’ $300M net worth play into it.
That he’s paying support without a DNA, I find interesting.
Paris ‘ net worth is the bottom line here. Does Mom feel that she needs to make this child public in order to go to court to increase monthly payments based on the wealth Paris has?
Another thought; I don’t believe for a minute there was no DNA testing. Just because someone said so doesn’t make it true. A wealthy family just doesn’t capitulate to request for child support without proof. They didn’t get rich by being stupid.
@ Julia K
I think it’s wise for any man (rich or not) to take a paternity test before paying child support. You should make sure the child is yours.
Also, I don’t think Paris is legally responsible for his child. That would be insane and incredibly unfair.
Poor kid. But honestly, the way things stand right now, she’s better off with no relationship than a forced relationship for headlines. He supports the kid financially, that is all he is legally required to do. It’s better than forcing a relationship for headlines/cameras/PR, only for her to realize, either through her own deduction or her father outright admitting it, dad’s only here because someone “made” (made as in public relations) him.
Unpopular opinion: I’m ok with this. He clearly didn’t want to be a parent, but once a woman is pregnant, that’s out of his control. He made sure she was financially supported and has no relationship. I’d much rather that than him swanning in and out of her life on a whim.
In my opinion, her mother should have been upfront about the fact that her daughter doesn’t have a father, because she doesn’t. She has a sperm donor who isn’t and hasn’t been interested in her. I would focus on loving and raising her and letting her know that her worth has nothing to do with that man. He’s a non-entity. I would have raised her with this attitude and she’d be in therapy if she started having difficulty processing things.
As a mother it would worry me that some random dude getting married upset my kid that much, even if there’s a biological link between them, because there’s never been a personal one. He chose not to be in her life and it doesn’t sound like he’s really wavered on that. I’m ok with him just supporting her financially. Maybe I’m weird.
I don’t think you’re weird for feeling how you do but I think you have to leave room for the possibility that a child may not feel the same way. If you know many adoptees, then you may know that they can feel different ways even if their adoption circumstances are the same or they are raised the same.
Some children do feel a loss or a sense of emptiness over an absent parent or a bio parent after adoption. And some don’t care. You would need to be sensitive and receptive to that and not take it personally if you adopted or planned single parenthood.
I think it’s awful that this little girl’s feelings are being discussed by the national media, or that she has been inserted into this story at all. She’s nine. This reminds me of what’s going on with Alice Evans and Ioan Gruffudd, somebody is using a child’s feelings to shame her dad into doing something. It’s not that I think Carter Rheum is some great guy either, but does a nine year old need to be used as a pawn to shame someone? What is the mom looking for? Hush money? More financial support now that he’s married to Paris? If I was nine and feeling sad about my dad I wouldn’t want the whole world to be talking about it. If I was her mom, I wouldn’t be showing her news stories that would hurt her feelings either. When my girls were nine they didn’t consume this kind of news. And if I knew there was something in the news that would hurt them, I would have protected them from seeing it, and certainly not reported their feelings to the media if they happened to see it. Grr. I’m really only concerned about the daughter, the adults are obviously crap. It makes me mad.
I have a friend who purposely got pregnant by a guy because she wanted a baby. (She’s a lesbian, so that was her only goal.) He already had kids and was not interested in parenting again. He signed away all of his paternal rights. I see this situation the same way. Carter acknowledges the girl by paying child support but clearly wants no relationship with her. It’s not ideal, but probably best for all involved if it’s come to this point.
My 11 year old would know this only because I would tell him. This story is bullsgit…. at least he’s paying to support her
The mom should approach this as a sperm donor situation to spare her daughter’s feelings. There are lots of women who decide to get a sperm donor from the bank and do it on their own. How do their explain that to their kids?
A sperm donor doesn’t pay child support though.
Eh, I last saw my dad when I was 5, don’t remember him, he’s never supported me, only sent some money once as a present, and that’s it. Apparently he has a big family with the woman he’s married and 4 other children with her and he’s a good dad. But I personally don’t know him at all. It is what it is. I don’t resent him but have no wish to get to know him either. I also don’t think he’s a bad man. Maybe Paris’ dude is like that. You can never judge what happens between couples.
This child exists.
This child has perceptions.
Neither the mom or the dad or what may or may have led to his absence really is the priority.
The child is here, and most of this feed’s arguments seem to end when the little one became aware enough (no matter what the source) to understand her situation.
The fact that it is such a publicly crafted situation by Carter and Paris also makes its a pretty remarkable aspect that the little girl seems to see (no matter who the source).
Pro -choice or not- choice made or not, the child is here, the child exists, and the child is is no longer part of that debate…SHE IS NOW THE DEBATE. All the pro choice and pro life bs died when she developed a consciousness that seems to come with the publicity drummed up by those two idiots.
Letting her bio-family know she is alive is a journey she should get to control, even if she doesn’t get to control its outcome, because at the end of the day????? This is about her life her story and not ours or her parents…and it is her choice and her legal right to know who her father is and feel all the feels that come with that knowledge now and as she grows up.
Just because she doesn’t seem to have been planned does not make her any less of a person. A lot of people in this feed seem to be missing this key point.
And her dad has made her the collateral damage of his and her mom’s choices.
She is innocent. And now she is a victim to the media circus that is deliberately created by Paris, Carter, that now includes her mom’s feedback and now swirls around her.
She deserves to be the hero of this story…. No one else…
And so do all the kids with absent parents.