In our next podcast, coming out tomorrow morning (subscribe to us, we’re Gossip with Celebitchy), Kaiser and I talk about something we haven’t discussed in much depth yet – that Ben Affleck does not come across as sober in his recent interviews. I watched him on Kimmel and saw clips of his Howard Stern interview. He slurs his words, his eyes are half closed and you can tell he’s on something. It’s very possible he’s simply baked. Recreational marijuana is completely legal in California. If that’s the case Affleck is not at Seth Rogen levels where he can smoke/vape all day and speak clearly and understandably. A key part of his job is to give interviews promoting his work, and he’s doing poorly at that, as shown by the controversy over his quotes to Howard Stern.
While some people have defended Affleck’s quotes to Stern, he really said those things. He said other complimentary things about Garner, to be fair. Of course it was part of a larger conversation but the way he dealt with the fallout was not great. Garner has handled her divorce and Affleck’s ongoing substance issues with so much grace. He cheated on her with their nanny in 2015 and he cheated on her with SNL producer Lindsay Shookus. She still staged an intervention and literally drove him to rehab after he started drinking again in 2018. Garner has been silent about Affleck half-blaming her for his drinking problem. Someone gave quotes to Page Six about how she might feel though, which is understandably pissed.
Now, sources around the actress are furious that Affleck aired his frustrations about their marriage to Howard Stern this week — and blamed their troubles for his alcoholism.
“It’s disgusting,” one industry insider who knows both Affleck and Garner well said of the actor’s comments. “Jen has been the only one picking him up time and time again when he’s done horrible things — fallen off the wagon or worse.
“Jen stood by him because she loves him. This is the mother of his children.”
Another well-placed source told Page Six: “Anyone who knows addict behavior knows how untrue those comments could be for any addict, but particularly Ben. It’s one of the first tenets of AA not to place blame for your disease.”
To Garner’s friends, Affleck’s new comments echo the cringeworthy speech he made when accepting a Best Picture Oscar for directing “Argo” in 2013.
“I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases,” Affleck said at the podium. “It’s good. It is work, but it’s the best kind of work. And there’s no one I’d rather work with!”
I’m glad that they brought up Ben’s backhanded compliment to her during his Oscar speech. That was so rude! I think Page Six’s sources are just fellow gossips like us, because we talked about this in the Celebitchy Zoom and came to the same conclusion about Garner. People have so much more sympathy for her now that Ben is sticking his foot in it. Ben is blaming other people and situations for his drinking when he’s the common denominator. Plus Garner helped him so much! She’s probably the reason he got sober, not the other way around. Who is he going to blame for whatever is going on with him now? He blamed J.Lo, for years, for his career slump post-Gigli. He’s spiraling and self-sabotaging again, as is his pattern.
Garner and Affleck are shown together outside on 12/9, before the interview came out. The photos of her with the mug are from 12/15. The car photos are from 2018. Credit: Backgrid
Honestly without her, there’s a big chance he would be dead. He should kiss the ground she walks on.
This, so much. She helped him so much (or tried to) and he is an ungrateful asshole. I would be livid if I was her.
Ben often looked miserable with Jen Garner, and I always thought he felt “trapped”. JG got pregnant, and he married her. Ben can never seem to stay happy long term with anyone. He thinks women are disposable. Remember when he had Ana’s cardboard cutout thrown in the garbage?
@LaurenMichelle, it’s so funny you bring up the cardboard cutout of Ana de Armas too. All the bleating about how Jennifer Garner solicits publicity and paparazzi–how do people figure the paps got that shot of Ben Affleck stuffing that cutout in the trash anyway? He wanted people to see him do that, and I’ll bet he’s the one who called the paps to make sure people got the shot of him doing that. Out of the two of them, he is by far the one who solicits that sort of attention more than Jennifer Garner does, and yet she’s the one who gets blamed for it, while he gets away without any criticism for being an attention whore.
Ben Affleck got Jennifer pregnant. She didn’t do that on her own. Wear a condom, Ben. Don’t blame your baby girl for entrapping you in a supposedly loveless marriage.
Of course he wanted the public to see the Ana De Armas cutout thrown out, but that doesn’t mean he called the pap. People seem not to understand he really doesn’t have to call pap. For two decades, paps have been staking out outside of his house 24/7. That is a known fact, confirmed by many people known him, or working with him. At this point in life, he got too many controversies and narratives around him that tabloids just like to publish his latest story, be them love interest, or in this case, a foot in his mouth. This genuinely attracks viewership, hence advertising revenue.
Anyway, come back to your point as well as mine, even if he didn’t call the pap, his knowning pap staking out of his house and the Ana cutout being seen thrown out make it clear that he wanted it to be seen. And you know whom he intened at? JLo!
Exactly!!!
and if not dead, he’d have (almost) no career and NO relationship with his kids. he sounded like an ungrateful a-hole.
I read a story that J.Lo is pissed about the interview, too. lmao
Ben is so certain that he’s special, but there are thousands of addicts who are just like him. Run, J-Lo.
Yep, Affleck believes himself to be unique. In addiction work, we call that “terminally unique” bc those folks are often not able to be helped by their own choice. It’s very sad for Ben and all who love him, particularly his children.
I JUST listened to a podcast that discussed the term “terminally unique” yesterday, its so so true and of course absolutely fits Ben.
Wow, I’ve never heard that term before, but that’s exactly the way my addicted loved one talks about themself. Interesting.
I’ve sensed that he gets frustrated with Jen Garner always being credited as capable and do-no-wrong (I think he’s even said that before?) so he lashes out while she stays composed, which just feeds that perception. One of the many bad cycles that seem to be happening here.
That is my feeling as well. I have seen people who always come across as calm and collected be different behind closed doors. I don’t think Jen is that way but I think for a narcissist like Ben he can’t stand her seeing like she did no wrong even if her fault was she wanted a stable marriage and family.
I wonder if she feels like she has to stay calm and collected, especially for their kids, to balance out his chaotic behavior. I imagine that would be exhausting.
I get that impression as well – that he’s frustrated that she gets credit for being so capable and saving him etc – but the irony is the more he talks and the more he says things like he was trapped and that’s why he was drinking, the more she just looks capable and calm and on top of things and composed and all that. It’s like his behavior is such a contrast to hers sometimes that it makes her look MORE like the image that frustrates him.
If that makes sense lol.
I can see this being the case; I think that Ben cares a lot about public perception and also sees himself as the hero to his own story, so I can imagine him being frustrated that his ex-wife is constantly seen as the savior to his messy butt. I also think that there is a part of him that wishes that Jen really was an asshole, because it would make it easier for him to justify his behavior to himself.
I keep seeing there’s “nuance” in Ben’s comments and those nuance comments are typically talking down to folks saying that older, married folks with kids “understand” what Ben meant to say.
No. As the child of this type of man, who told me this year that he felt “trapped” in our family it landed very poorly and I’m an adult. Imagine his children who are 16, 12, and 9. Also as has been pointed out Ben had been an alcoholic and gambling addict for most of his adult life. He was in rehab multiple times before BOTH Jennifer’s and JG took him to rehab 3 years after they separated.
There’s no nuance. He sucks and I’m starting to think lots of other people secretly suck too.
This is what struck me. His comments actually blame his children, which is worse than blaming Garner.
My grandfather told my dad (his own son) he hated him because he was the reason his life was ruined (my grandmother got pregnant and he had to marry her). I somewhat have difficulty in forgiving him for this, because watching my dad getting home and crying so much was heartbreaking…
My dad told me the same thing when i was 10. I never understood why all my friend’s parents celebrated things like wedding anniversaries, and my parents just said ‘there’s nothing to celebrate’, til the day I saw their marriage certificate. They were married on New Year’s Eve, and i was born on Memorial Day-exactly 5 months later. I honestly never got over it.
@ oh_hey If there was any nuance in his comment, it’s been all but destroyed by Jen G and her friends coming to her defense. I am SO happy she is not taking his BS public comments lying down and those of us calling it “problematic” and “blame-shifting” are completely vindicated by her response. So happy to see that as all of us with eyes can see, she has been the one rehabilitating his image and giving him chance after chance to get his act together.
Love and respect to you Els. I hope you find peace.
I’d be tired of being his mother. She’s gone above and beyond on behalf of her children where their father is concerned.
She is a better woman than I.
Jennifer should be up for sainthood! She has not spoken out about him and is very much putting the children first.
He on the other hand can’t seem to help but put his foot in his mouth and only thinks of himself.
What the hell is happening in that first picture of them together? I do not like the look in his eyes and his massive hand so close to her face….
RIGHT!
I have to keep telling myself that maybe he was putting his hand on her shoulder. Divorced parents that are friends do that – right?
It looks to me like he’s animatedly telling a story. She doesn’t really look concerned.
This!
I’ve seen other photos of that same conversation/moment, and they all 100% look like he’s telling her something, quite animatedly, and she’s invested and listening, even smiling at points, always with totally relaxed face and posture. And when they part, she’s smiling at at ease.
So I think it’s just one of those “ooh, caught a photo in the hundreds we quick-snapped that looks ambiguous, let’s use that one!” on the pap’s part.
Jen really has done so much for him for the sake of their kids having their dad in their lives. Part of me feels really bad for Ben because of course he can’t help his addiction and I feel like he’s someone who is just perpetually struggling. But Jen has done SO much for him and he should be eternally grateful that she’s worked so hard to keep him alive and with his children. She has always struck me as a genuinely kind person and he never should’ve gone anywhere near trying to blame his issues on her.
Ben seems to be the type of man to know exactly what to say to please the masses. It’s expected of him to be gracious to Jen but deep inside, his statements directed at her are his true feelings. His statements about Jlo calling her “suffocating” is how he really thinks of her.
This man’s sobriety will always be in a tailspin due to his inability to accept responsibility for his actions. Lip service will never break the cycle.
This is why I can’t get behind bennifer 2.0
he treats each woman like she’s his special one and only, and everyone is supposed to be jealous because he loves x so much, and then boom. He treats x like crap in public and humiliates her.
Jen Garner said that when he shines his light on you it’s glorious but when he turns away it is very cold and dark. That seems to have held true.
I think he is a typical sociopath . Long term heavy drinking and drunking is killing some brain cells. Wonder what are the horrible things they said he did. I wonder also what is the real reason Ana left him. A book from Jennifer Garner about her life with BA would be really interesing. I feel sorry for his children and especially Violet who had her sixteen birthday some days ago and she was old enough to remember their past troubles and to understand.
I couldn’t agree more.
I absolutely believe that.
And when/if the Grand Bennifer Reunion crashes and burns, she’ll be there picking up the pieces, too.
Affeck is repellent. Why would any woman want to get near him? FWIW, I believe that Garner has actually saved his life. Not just because she cared about him, but even moreso because she loves her children. Those kids are older now, maybe old enough to understand that mom can’t keep saving dad. He has to save himself.
Her children are small anymore; they’re old enough to understand that their father is not the sane parent. I think JG should stay out of this spiral and let him go. If JLo or his brother can get BA to rehab, fine.
It doesn’t bode well. He’s still not in control of his addictions if he isn’t owning them (ugh, what he said was really awful) and JLo herself has an addiction to courtship love, always running into the arms of the next waiting male again when her current relationship tanks, which they always do. They might make it a year or two … but.
I cannot for the life of me understand why any woman, knowing his track record and actually being part of his track record, would go anywhere near him. He’s a repeat addict, philanderer, and has more issues than Time Magazine. I agree with you Celebitchy that he’s likely baked. His eyes are red, his lids are heavy, he slurred his words and just seems “out of it”. He’s the classic narcissist who blames everyone else for his problems and will not hesitate to throw anyone under the bus so he doesn’t have to accept personal responsibility. It’s always a back-handed compliment when he speaks of his relationship with JG and he’s gonna do it again with J-Lo, mark my words. If she had a bit more sense she’d drop him like a hot turd now but she won’t, she’s addicted to performative and public love affairs, without them she doesn’t seem to feel “whole”. This isn’t gonna stand the test of time.
All of this! The interview and fallout is SO predictable, it was only a matter of time. Ben has always been a mess, Jlo is clingy and needy, they are two adults that have not grown up. Garner is the only adult that comes out looking like an adult here. The over the top fan worship of Ben and Jlo only adds to the ridiculousness.
Because women are sold the bag of nonsense that tells them MAYBE they’re the “special” one who can heal his hurt and make him whole. Ugh. Such a destructive mythology.
My step mother believed this. My mom couldn’t get my dad sober but she could. Turns out he was very rarely sober and hid it from us even when he suffered a TBI from taking a header down the basement stairs while drunk. She didn’t want us telling the doctor he was an alcoholic and drug addict. My sister only found out he was drunk when he fell months later by accident when trying to help her with paperwork.
The pic of her shoving the bag of fast-food into the backseat before she drives him to rehab will forever say all I need to know about that ten-Xmas-long relationship.
Indeed. That photo says everything one needs to know about that marriage.
Omg I forgot about that but YES.
I don’t think he ever really truly loved Garner. I think he loved that she loved him, and he loved the grounded “family man” legitimacy that she could bring to his image, and I think he wanted to love her or told himself he did. On the contrast I think she was over the moon for him and with her traditional upbringing was willing to do whatever it took to “keep” him (including convincing him to stay “for the kids” when he wanted to leave.) Always looked pretty obvious to me he felt trapped (except during his Oscar campaign of course.) I don’t think what he was said was kind or respectful of his kids, but it wasn’t some big revelation to me. And being unhappy and feeling trapped (bc he was not literally trapped obviously) can trigger addiction. I guess I’m just so over this story because I don’t see it as some big thing. And I think Ben is a POS mostly, so I’m not trying to cape for him. Just that, of course he felt this way. I always feel bad for his kids honestly, so it’s just not anything new for him.
ITA with this take. People have speculated about this for years but now there’s all this outrage that he’s admitting he stayed in the marriage for the kids.
The outrage is that he said it on Howard Stern for maximum humiliation to a woman who has shown him nothing but grace and in turn hurts his “number one priority” children who don’t need to hear (or hear of) their dad partially blaming his own failings on marrying the wrong person, their mother. JFC.
@mimi my real issue is that he made it sound like there were “both sides” that they were both working on. Even the line that they would have been at each others throats. Erm no. I’m willing to bet 1000% Garner was the only one doing anything in good faith.
There’s very little one spouse can do wrong that even comes close to the horrors that entitled addiction visit on a family and children. Nothing short of abuse even comes close. And I don’t think Garner was abusing those kids. So it wasn’t an equal effort. It was a toxic asshole who blew up everything and his wife who was probably drawn into a co-dependent spiral of trying to save him.
This. And real talk: How many people commenting on this post and related posts are currently in failing marriages they cannot leave or are reluctant to leave because of the emotional and or financial fallout on their children? How many people commenting are projecting onto Jennifer Garner, white angel mommy, that like her they’re holding the family together when really prolonging the inevitable?
I always believed that they never would have gotten married if they hadn’t gotten pregnant. Garner would have eventually tired of doing the heavy lifting and the relationship would have run its course. But the pregnancy happened, so they got married.
This is a very good example of “be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” Garner was crushing on Affleck all the way back to when they were on set together for the Pearl Harbor movie. He didn’t give her the time of day but she (allegedly) carried a torch for the dude all that time, even while with Foley, Vartan, etc. Then later when he needed to rehab his image he hopped into a relationship with her. And things ended up the way I expected.
You probably nailed it. I think that’s exactly what happened. Speculation on our part of course but probably near the truth. Anyway, hope that things work out ok for everyone.
He didn’t say he felt trapped he said he was trapped those are two completely different things.
Ok, I’ll bite. What’s the difference?
When you feel trapped it means your can leave the situation at anytime. Being trapped mean you can’t leave, think of women in a abuses relationships where they are threatened with death if they leave.
Ben could have left the relationship at any time, no one was hold a gun to his head and making him stay in the relationship so Ben was not trapped in his relationship like he said.
Could he be implying that Jen baby trapped him?
@ fluffybunny
Again he didn’t have to marry her and if he was using protection then he most likely be in that situation. So again he was not trapped in his relationship.
@coco ok thank you. I think I’ve seen people saying what he said wasn’t that bad or blamey and pointing to this distinction—which didn’t seem to particularly exonerate him. I agree with your definition. Though I don’t even think “I felt trapped” would have gone over much better.
Btw, I’m coming to this as a woman in a very good marriage who had worked with hundreds of addicts and their therapists/probation officers. I’m certainly not projecting myself onto Garner. I’m also a now-sober, former “grey-area” drinker (great term to learn about if you are struggling with alcohol reducing your quality of life but don’t qualify as an “addict”).c
I’m no expert, but unfortunately (and necessarily) have been learning a lot about narcissism lately. He seems like a textbook narc, and therefore incapable of loving anyone, including his children. Hence they’re just as likely to be thrown under the bus as anyone else. The drinking isn’t because he’s “trapped”, rather it’s that he’s empty and looking to feel something (and he’s an alcoholic). But it gives him an additional thing to blame on others. Zero accountability
You’re the only women speaking common sense. Exactly. People always wanted to believe they were equally in love and they weren’t. It was definitely Garner who was over the moon in that relationship. And it was here that many people called her an enabler and co-dependent. I agree that the dynamic b/w them triggered his addiction issues. He was revealing what many were saying for years! And now everyone wants to be up in arms and defensive of Garner.
She knew but was in denial herself and there is a part of her that enjoys playing ‘savior’ and being credited with certain things in regards to Ben – which only fueled his resentment. I think he could see everything wrong in their relationship even if he went along with it and participated but knew in a weird way it didn’t really benefit him (it did her image) and he wasn’t that in love. I agree that this probably isn’t great for the kids but I’m sure they know the truth or will understand the nuance and love both parents.
He was being HONEST. I only disagree with you on one thing. I like him and don’t think he’s a POS. I think he should have been careful and not married Garner or at least have divorced her much sooner. But I think he sabotaged things and humiliated her (that car pick on the way to rehab, the nanny and Playmate model, etc) for a while before he finally just came clean with her and himself. That’s about the time he was single and then met Ana de Armas. I’m sure he received counseling and when he reflected he saw J.Lo as the one that got away but also as a means to rectify how he was a ‘chicken’ in 2004 and made the mistake of running under Garner’s apron strings in 2005. He’s been redeeming and rectifying those choices since that rehab pick.
People always commented up until then too that Garner seemed to be willing and waiting to get back with him. He’s kind of forced her hand and probably killed some of the hero-worship she had of him. He wants to be authentic and seen.
I think this is a good take. They were just never a good match. They forced it for a long time. She overlooked a lot and either thought he’d come around or thought it wouldn’t matter, but also thought that made her some kind of saint when it really just made her life harder than it needed to be. He was who he was, and still is. I myself am on the fence about the POS thing, but I’m not a fan.
People don’t give nearly enough credit to how much a wife + kids can make an otherwise sloppy ass man look good. Some of the worst people in the world coast by on the image of being family men, and it works wonders for them. I’m not saying Ben Affleck is one of the worst. He’s not.
But to act like women don’t do anything for these men when they do the bulk of the work to keep families together and scrub away the stains to make the image these men benefit off of pristine–it’s always the women who do this. And then they get hated for this image rehabilitation. But there’s never any of the same disdain or anger towards the men who rely on women to make themselves look good, who iron their shirts, serve them breakfast and do their laundry. Who entertain guests, who remember birthdays of various family members, who buy gifts and maintain relationships.
Why do we disdain this work? It’s work. It’s necessary work. I guess what people really hate is the idea of a woman needing to do this for a man, but if we don’t make any room for the vulnerabilities that women do have in these matters, what’s the point? Why do we expect them to be strong, and have so much frustration when they falter?
Ben Affleck’s entire career has consisted of being around women who make him look good. He brought his mom to the Oscars. He dated JLo who put him on a map. Then JG, with whom he had a family. Then Lindsay Shookus, who was intelligent and a producer on SNL. Then Ana de Armas. And now JLo again. He’s been riding a PR high with JLo all summer. He’s never stood on his own two feet as a man. He’s always relied on a woman to be around to make him look good. And yet, it’s Jennifer Garner we hate on for wanting to rehab an addict, and not Ben Affleck, who has always rode on the coattails (to quote a comment below) of women to make him look the total opposite of the sloppy hot ass mess he is. Here is a man who is dependent on something or another to get through his life. Why aren’t we disdaining him for being weak in the same way we do Jennifer Garner, for having loved an imperfect man? Why is there a double standard here?
Hmm, he had been on the map way before Bennifer. There was his winning of Oscar in 1998, when he was only 25! People really don’t give credit to that win. Oscar night was still a monoculture event in the late 90s, and he and Matt’s winning an Oscar at 25 and 27 respectively really blew the industry as well as the country. And he was dating Gwyneth Paltrow from 97-2000, who was a big star at the time and who just broke off the engagement from Brad Pitt! People definitely knew him!
@Simmons, agree. Ben’s career/status isn’t a result of the women around him. He’s been high profile since Good Will Hunting. It wasn’t just winning the writing Oscar with Matt, in itself a big deal (and they had a great backstory). GWH was a major financial success, he had a big acting part, it won an Oscar for Robin Williams, and was also nominated for Best Picture, Director (Gus Van Sant), Best Actor (Matt), and Best Actress (Minnie Driver). He didn’t need JLo to put him on the map. At the time they connected, he was as big a deal as she was. And at the time he first met JenG (Pearl Harbor), she was a relative unknown; she didn’t hit big until TV’s Alias. IMO you could make a case for continuing interest in Jen after Alias faded being due to her marriage to Ben. In the meantime, Ben won another Oscar, for Argo.
That said, I would agree women have played a significant role rehabilitating his image later on at various points when things got out of control because of his addictions or otherwise stupid choices. Chief among them is of course Jen; I’d also include Ana, and now JLo. Despite Shookus’ profile as an SNL producer, etc., she was as sloppy as he was, and there was nothing to particularly admire on either side in how they got together, or their behavior.
This time, Jen Garner needs to let his spiral go out and let him hit rock bottom, and NOT pick him and his pieces up. He has parents and siblings and managers and friends and even a girlfriend. Let them do it for a change. She needs to focus solely on their kids. She isn’t his mother or his minder, and clearly her picking up the pieces isn’t working.
@Izzy I totally agree with you, if she’s not already I hope she keeps her distance. Disengaging is very powerful and freeing but oh so hard to do
I agree. This is the core of al anon. She needs to actually detach and let him face his choices (he won’t really because he has a PR army behind him). I’m sure it’s hard for her because she doesn’t want her kids to see the worst of the devastation.
I had an ex-friend who would call me and my fiancé up blasted out of her mind and would tell us that if we didn’t come pick her up from whatever crack house she found herself in, she would just have to drive home and probably kill someone.
So, yeah, they make it really fucking hard to break the cycle. Ben had ammo for 1000000x worse emotional blackmail.
Jennifer knew Ben was an addict when she met him, so I sure hope she went into marriage and parenthood with him understanding that his struggles were likely to be ongoing and she was signing up for all that entailed.
Lol, so she deserved what she got, eh? Pretty sure that she didn’t sign up for a lifetime of raising him up out of the gutter. I hope she leaves him there this time.
Anyone who understood all that entailed wouldn’t get into a relationship with an addict until they had 5 + years of sobriety under their belt. And depending on the type and duration of the addiction, I wouldn’t do it then. So, no, I highly doubt she knew what she was getting into (a marriage with a toxic narcissist who would never own their problems and had done zero work to manage the underlying issues leading to addiction).
Of course, I see this as a 40 year old woman who has dealt with my fair share of addicts, assholes, and actual adults. I have my doubts that anyone in their twenties, without this level of experience, would do much better than Garner.
Gruey every comment you have made has been so accurate. I wish there was a like button! So nuanced and insightful.
Aww thanks!! Well this is one area I’ve seen from just about every angle—clients who are very ill addicts with lives of shocking trauma; friends who develop addictions; LOTS of friends with grey area drinking; my own reckoning with booze as a mom; and my mother developing a late-in-life wine problem. Lemme tell ya, you deal with thousands of heroin and crack addicts professionally and then start to hear junior versions of that psychology in your own thinking and your friends, well, it gives you a hell of a lot to ponder.
Lol just realized I said thousands here and hundreds above. Clearly I’ve lost count at this point!
I was just thinking, it seems from my al-anon days, and knowing people in AA, it seems that 12 step programs don’t want you to date anyone or be in a relationship until you have been sober 12 months or longer. I don’t think Ben has done that.
Jennifer said her director of 13 going on 30 said to her ‘Listen, even though he doesn’t have a problem now you should go Al-Anon if you’re going to have a relationship with him ‘ and she lamented that she should have early on. Hindsight is always 20/20 right @Mimi?
It’s easy way to delude yourself into thinking things will be okay without any outside help when your partner is sober. In my experience that cycle is why so many people stay with addicts. Things will be good to the point you see glimpses of the old them and you start to cling in it. Very sad
Lol, Ben is that you?
This is just a cruel thing to say, I think. Maybe you didn’t mean it that way, but it is cruel. Lots of people sign up to stand by the side of those who aren’t necessarily good for them for a variety of reasons. There’s a haughtiness here that seems to come from a place of, “Well I would never do such a thing, I know better.” I’m sure Jennifer Garner knows better too. We all theoretically know lots of things, and yet we all make stupid decisions for ourselves for lots of other reasons too.
To act like any of us are above these types of vulnerabilities is, I think, not really helpful at all. It’s hard to scrounge up sympathy for people who we think should have known better, I know, but I think when people say that, they end up revealing how unnecessarily harsh on themselves they are.
Jen was very infatuated with Ben for years before she married him. I don’t see his appeal, but he did win an Oscar for GWH and Argo. Ben often seems like a malcontent full of smugness and resentment. Now i’ve heard his horrible cruel streak unleashed towards Jen Garner, and she has kept her composure for years! What an ungrateful bastard. Ben disgusts me.
That’s unfair. Unfortunately, most do not know much about addiction and sobriety. I was ignorant about it myself until after I got out of a relationship with an alcoholic/gambler last year. I took the time to learn about it and look inward to see why I got caught up with that kind of man. I imagine she did the same. She might have had co-dependent qualities, low self esteem, or thought that she could “save” him with love. Alcoholics are also VERY good at manipulation, love bombing, lying, playing the victim, etc. Thankfully, she got out.
J.Lo needs to call Kelly Clarkson. Those two have much to talk about.
And all of us as well should never, ever ignore those red flags.
A “young” woman at work “adopted” me as her “work mom” and advisor. She thinks I am so wise compared to her peers. I told her its that all of her peers each have roughly 5 years of adult experience (starting at 22). I would never deign to condescended that I am “smarter” but I have 36 years of adult experience (22 + 36 = 58) so I have a longer view perspective, have seen patterns play out and have watched the course of events of many friends and coworkers, so that is more material to draw from than all of her friends who have 5 years post college life experience. Sometimes she takes my advice, sometimes she doesn’t want to believe me. Then she comes back and says “I wish I had listened” 🙂 I just say I’m trying to save her some of the grief of “learning the hard way” but she’s still captain of her own life. I don’t envy anyone making a major life decision with only 20-something life experience.
@blacktoypoodle—lol yeah we had a young associate at work like this. We were literally telling her shit like, you would be happier at work if you stopped fucking your colleagues. Earth shattering!
@Blacktoypoodle, you’re really very nice to try and save the young people around you some grief, but honestly, there are some lessons in life that people do just need to learn the hard way. You can’t save them from themselves. They have to walk through the fire and come out the other side with a few burns in order to truly realize that what they were doing wasn’t worth it.
There is zero chance he is sober and I don’t think we was just baked during the Stern interview – it’s something else for sure. Probably pills at the minimum. Jennifer is a saint and those kids are lucky to have her. Jlo should run far away.
Agreed. Zero chance he’s even worked a program and relapsed. Not with the “hey we were both to blame” bullshit. Pretty obvious he has never authentically worked on himself.
I remember when a star is born came out and people wondered if lady gaga and Bradley cooper had taken something before red carpets as they looked very chill like to take the edge off their anxiety? Yet they werent heard slurring words etc so maybe ben was given something for the same reason but he reacted like this? Its endearing to see celebs nervous during interviews IMO so maybe this was for that but he may have been animated in jimmy Kimmel to combat that to ensure his story was entertaining yet he threw jen under the bus in the process which is a pattern for him
Based on my experience with addicts, he sounded high as a kite, like he was on uppers and downers at the same time. Slurry but talking really fast and going on and on. It was so cringe and embarrassing, I almost turned it off. I feel for him due to his addictions, but he also seems like a complete jerk – super full of himself and he clearly thinks he’s smarter than he is.
Isn’t it strange how different the two Jennifer’s are? One is super low maintenance (look at those pink socks) the other is very high maintenance. I’m sure he needs to give JLo hours notice before they head out. I don’t know why a man (or woman) would want that in their lives.
Jen has always worn clothes that are kinda unflattering—the outfit she’s wearing here is actually relatively cute for her. But anyone can she that she’s just as hot and beautiful as jlo under all the fleece.
Here is an example of people deigning to say that the YT Jennifer is so much better because she must be more ‘low maintenance’ and how on earth could Ben prefer the Latina, who (and it tends to be cultural), dresses up more. One doesn’t make one women better or worse than the other. It’s about character, personality, dynamics and vibing. Why judge on that? It’s also subversively prejudice if not racist.
@ Jules
why do you assume because someone said JL is high maintenance it is because she is a Latino?
Yeah I see the racism against Lopez big time since this blew up and it’s gross. Being glamorous is not a character flaw btw.
Jennifer Garner deserves a public apology from Ben for all his treatment of her and their children. He needs to read some of Alice Evans garbage on twitter and then thank his lucky stars that he married Jen and not Alice. Jen is the adult partner and parent. She deserves better and her children love and respect her. Without her Ben would be dead or in the gutter and he should be grateful not dissing her to Mr Stern!
This man was rightfully ratioed for his comments. Some commenters said correctly this man needs to be a hero, but he didn’t have make villains of others. By his telling, he was caught between Scylla and Charybdis, the proverbial rock and the hard place. He said he was drinking because he felt trapped by his marriage and he stayed for his kids. He said that he coped by grabbing a bottle of Scotch – his waters of Lethe – and “falling asleep” aka passing out on the couch.
His thinking skills have absented his inebriated brain and have not fully returned. So being drunk on a couch was done out of paternal love? Post divorce ragging on the mother of your children is harmony? Given his stated unhappiness he should have left, and that would have been better for his children instead of passing out drunk on the couch.
When my mother told us she was leaving our father, the only thing we did not do was to break out kazoos, and throw up confetti. Children know what’s up no matter how much people try to hide. Mr. Affleck was drunk on a couch. If his children didn’t know of his predicament and unhappiness with the marriage – highly unlikely – now they do.
I was 4 when my mom left my dad who was a drunk and a drug addict. I still have vivid memories of him holding us at gunpoint with the police outside. These kids remember some of the shit that happened and now they have to hear about how their dad did it for them.
Whoa. Thank goodness you survived, @fluffybunny. Sending you love.
OMG fluffybunny…you’re so right. Kids do remember traumatic events like that. I’m so glad you and your mom escaped such a horrific situation. I think Jen G is the type of mom who will do everything she can to help her kids cope with their dad’s idiotic behaviour. Hopefully he won’t keep self-sabotaging.
@FLUFFYBUNNY and @HELLO KITTY. Here’s to the tried and true heroines in our life stories, our mums.
This is such an example of a bad relationship. Even after it ends, you can still see the bad pattern from a mile away – and how it will never get better.
Click bait and character assassination while doubling down on his Latina partner. Let’s all praise the white co dependent ex wife and drag the recovering husband. Page Six as your header story? Really? When does this blog ever use anything that rag prints for personalities they like? Do better.
Ben’s doing the character assassination himself.
This ⬆️
( doubling down on his Latina partner. ) By saying she should leave and can do better?
Your mad that people are saying Jen G was “supporting” ( taking care of him a grown a$$ man) even after the they split and how it is wrong for him to blame his drinking on her and the kids.
lmao
How are they doubling down on Jennifer Lopez? I’m not seeing that at all.
My dad was a semi functioning alcoholic for 15+ years. I can unequivocally say that he would have NOTHING without my mother, who salvaged his business, home life and relationships with his children. J Garner deserves nothing but praise and gratitude from this sloppy ass.
Jennifer married someone with addiction problems but she has benefited enormously from her marriage. She coordinates all the pap strolls of her going to the farmers market shopping for the best produce, strolls with the children and cat, pics of her discussing things with Ben. She has used this to cultivate a following and has become far wealthier than she could have been without Ben. She makes sure this “hard working, long suffering” mom act gets huge publicity but she knew who he was at the start. She is still riding his coattails for press and it has earned her millions. My empathy is saved for everyday lower income marriages who have to deal with addicted spouses with little to no support.
I am replying to this comment and to others who say Jennifer “knew who he was”. I bet most of you have never loved an addict. I would also bet that Ben promised to get sober and probably did for a while. He probably kept pulling her back in and then would relapse and the cycle would start again. She loved him and wanted to keep her family together until she couldn’t anymore. I think there is more than enough sympathy to go around for anyone who loves an addict. I have heard from people who know Jennifer personally that she is very kind and a wonderful mother. Relationships are complicated, especially when you throw in mental health and addiction issues.
Vanessa, Your comment is my favorite. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and compassion. I believe Jennifer G and her children will be all right, as well as Jennifer L and her children.
I think everyone can see that B is not in treatment, and we all know addicts need to seek help in order to overcome their patterns. It takes a very long time, and is hard work. Maybe he will change and maybe he won’t. I am kind of done being interested in his circus.
I was thinking JGarner needs to set boundaries and stop helping Ben and just let him sink or swim, but you’re right that it’s better for her image to always be their to save Ben.
I don’t understand why people actually hate JG for the pap strolls and the publicity soliciting. I know she’s made comments about her kids being hounded by papparazzi or whatever, and that is hypocritical of her to complain on those things when she’s likely the one calling them, but I also imagine that, if your husband is an addict, with a propensity for courting publicity in spite of himself, in an industry where his sloppy public behaviour is a liability, you’d go out of your way to do your best to make him seem like a responsible, family man to the best of your ability.
As much as JG benefited from associating with Ben Affleck, he gained a lot more from the work she did to keep him on the straight and narrow. She makes it known that he has someone who at least attempts to keep him grounded and accountable, and that contributes hugely towards his own public image. He doesn’t do nearly the same for her in that regard. It’s interesting to me how people (especially women) condescend to JG by saying she’s a doormat. I’ve done the same in the past, but honestly. Is a doormat worse than being an addict? Especially if she’s a doormat who holds him accountable?
And how many women in his life has Ben Affleck used for good PR? He did that with Ana de Armas, and he’s still doing that with JLo. Being seen with all of these women and the press coverage he gets from that have all been good, more or less, for his image. If he really felt JG was taking advantage of him by riding on his coattails, why didn’t he cut her loose years ago? Why does he still go out with women, and still get huge amounts of press coverage for doing so? The common denominator for all of those relationships is him. So something tells me he’s the one who’s courting the paparazzi a lot more than the women in his life ever have.
@E I bet you don’t have kids or you’d know that’s not the answer
@A I came here to say the same thing. Ben has benefited as much as Jennifer from their relationship. He is a middling actor & I would argue a lot of people (except the Batman fans) were less interested in him as an actor but more interested in his gossip potential as the paramour of Gwyneth, JLo, husband and family man with Jennifer, boyfriend of SNL producer and Ana. He’s used women for His public persona and entertainment value more than any other except maybe Brad Pitt.
@Truthiness – what a twisted and malicious thing to say. Ben and Jen G are both actors. Both successful. Both parents. Both get stalked by paps. The only difference between them is that he was/maybe still is a philandering, narcissistic jerk with addiction problems and she is a devoted mom who has tried to keep the family on an even keel despite his terrible behaviour, AND got him into rehab during his lowest moments. If anything, he is FAR more guilty of famewhoring because over the course of several pre- and post-Jen G relationships he has totally gone overboard with the smarmy, over the top PDA photo op nonsense. Have you seen Jen do that? No. He has publicly dissed Jen G AND J-Lo, and yet J-Lo has been loud and proud about her “reunited and in love again” self-aggrandizing. Other than making a comment that she’s “not the ashes”, and “bless his heart” in response to the grotesque phoenix tattoo Ben got, you’ve heard NOTHING from Jen G. I don’t know what you have against her but she’s the best thing to have happened to Ben.
Right on. The barrage of photo ops convinced me Garner wasn’t all how she wanted to be portrayed. And shame on using her kids for props. Same as Katie Holmes uses Suri.
How dare she fall in love with an addict and hope for better things! Please. So much judgment from people who want to excuse his mess.
I’ve seen a lot of comments over the last few days on what Ben Affleck said, and from my understanding, the main reason a majority of people are pissed is bc they see it from the point of view of his addiction recovery. I do think that the people for whom his comments didn’t seem half bad at first glance (myself included in that) don’t really understand the context of his comments as an addict, especially an addict who’s supposed to be in recovery.
I’ve seen a lot of comments that say something like, “Well he was trapped in a marriage, and his situation drove him to drink.” Stated plainly, that might seem like it’s not so bad. But given that a component of addiction is an inability to take responsibility, and that a huge part of addiction recovery is to do precisely that, I can see why people are so angry, bc he really isn’t taking responsibility here for his own behaviour, is he.
Lots of people are trapped in marriages, lots of people put expectations of themselves in situation which they can’t live up to. There are tons of solutions to that that don’t involve drinking a bottle of scotch and passing out on the couch with your kids in the house. That decision was entirely Ben Affleck’s, and I’d be curious to know if, in the larger context of the interview, he addressed any of that at all. From the quotes I saw, I did not see him taking responsibility for his behaviour, and from what others have said about the rest of the interview, this doesn’t seem to be the case either. Being complimentary to Jennifer Garner in other parts of the interview is not the same as taking responsibility for his actions. I’m sure he doesn’t even think twice about what he said, which is probably why he didn’t realize why his words were taken in the way they were, and that’s precisely the problem here.
Ding ding ding!!! This is it A
He fills his mouth about ‘I think about my children’ but he talks crap of their mother, cheated on her with their nanny and another woman later, was gambling and hardly sober and still can’t own up his mistakes without blaming other people (see, women). He’s trash.
blind item-Speaking of the actor/director in number #3 who was wasted for the late night show, that was far better than being coked up for the morning show that started all of it. Ben Affleck/”Jimmy Kimmel Live!”/”The Howard Stern Show” (Ben Affleck responds to ‘not true’ media coverage of Stern interview: ‘It’s the exact opposite of who I am’)l
I think JG got pregnant on purpose-so he felt he had to marry her and he felt trapped. He is still a dickwad and he treated JLO like crap and cheated on her with hookers and dumped her at the altar.
Great guy.
If he wasn’t wearing a condom, they both got “pregnant on purpose.”
Actions have consequences. Yes, he should have worn a condome, but he didn’t; yes, he should have not married her, if he didn’t love her, but he chose his career. And let;s not pretend his abandoming of a unwedded mother would not have had professional repercussions for him. Because I see some many comments say that he could have not married Garner. It’s not like we are in the 50s. But he and Garner were not regular people who can assume anonymity. Had he abandomed her, his career in Hollywood would have been over. There would have no comeback narrative in the first place. He wanted success, he wanted to save his career, so he chose image over what he really wanted. And now he and Garner were both paying the price.
There is a gap between marrying somebody and abandoning her. They could have just lived together or he could have just been involved in the child’s life without marriage. Many people in Hollywood have children together and have never been married.
@equality, It could be he did marry her out of love, but they weren’t compatible. So many marriage fail because of irrconceivable differences. He wanted to leave her earlier, but he wanted that family man image, especially when his position in Hollywood wasn’t stabe yet. He waited and waited until he hit middle age and the middle age crisis hit him hard. Or he only liked her, and married her out of duty. Yes, they could have not married. But it was still early 2000s, Hollywood had certain expectations of their stars.
@TRAVELGIRL
Ben? Is that you?
I just hope the children from both Jennifer’s are ok. Now I know for sure is not gonna be a marriage between Jlo and Ben not after this.
Honestly, is Ben Affleck expressing his honest feelings or gaslighting JG? Men!
Tried your podcast, really wanted to like it. Too much vocal fry, worse than the Kardashians and the up word inflection on almost each word. Please work on this, your professionals, not wannabes. Its insufferable as older women, have pride.
Garner would have wise to have moved on years ago. Instead, she chose to shadow Ben at every opportunity when he was drinking. No one forced her. I think she had other motives than to just get Ben well and since then has been desperate to stay in his life…and NOT just for the kids sake. I think she’s very manipulative and Ben is probably right on when he said he felt ‘trapped’. Can easily believe that. But ohwell, hope their ongoing drama will end as I do think Ben has finally had enough of her controlling his life.
I think Ben’s major problem is that he is character disordered (narcissist) and of will never truly function in a relationship. He will always put his needs first and blame others for his problems. He is recent comments are so passive aggressive and sh***y that a big part of me feels that his kids would be better off without him. I have serious concerns about his ability to be a loving and effective parent. Either Jlo is with him for a showmance or she is a fool if she thinks this is going anywhere good. Garner needs to stop trying to save his ass too.
All these people saying Jen G has all these bad motives for helping Ben. Wow! No good deed goes unpunished. So many twisted minds. She seems like the real deal and Ben needs to keep those comments at therapy. Nobody to blame but himself.
Years ago women who left a difficult marriage got criticised. Now women like Jen who stay and try and make a difficult marriage work get criticised. As so often, just one form of judgement swapped for another one.
I never got what all these women saw in him in the first place. Just me?