When I saw the headlines about “Brenda Song doesn’t have a nanny,” I’ll admit that I rolled my eyes and thought some unkind things. Just to get out in front of my negative assumptions: Brenda does work a lot, she’s actually quite a hustler (I’m saying that in a good way) and the reason why she doesn’t have a nanny is because her mom lives with her and helps take care of baby Dakota. Brenda and Macaulay Culkin welcomed Dakota in April 2021. Brenda took maternity leave, then went back to work. Macaulay and Brenda’s mom started looking after Dakota then. I learned all of that while reading Brenda’s How I Get It Done feature in The Cut. Some highlights:

She doesn’t sleep: “My routine looked very different nine months ago. Now it revolves around my son. I wake up, get him out of his crib, change him, get our breakfast ready, and drink my matcha. As a new parent, I don’t sleep at all. I’m someone who likes to wake up and go-go-go. Now, it’s when I put my son down for his first nap that I get my work done. I take that time to do emails and plan my day. I try to do everything in his nap-time window. If I have time, I’ll work out — I have a little gym in my garage and do a lot of circuit training. To be the best mom, I have to be the best me. And exercise helps me not worry or overthink. So I try to find a little time. Sometimes I’ll read and knit. I don’t do phones in the morning.

She has to finish books: “I love thrillers. Patricia Highsmith is one of my favorite authors of all time. I’m a completionist. Even if I dislike the book, I have to finish it.

Working mom: “The biggest challenge is being away from family. I know everyone feels that way. There were so many long days where I’d get home and my son would already be asleep. I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep pumping and breastfeeding him while I was working. I pumped throughout production [on ‘Dollhouse’].”

On dealing with professional setbacks: “I’m a 33-year-old Asian American actress in Hollywood, so I had to learn rejection at a young age. I’d go into auditions where no one looked like me. I’d be reading for the role of someone’s daughter knowing I wouldn’t get it, because I don’t have blonde hair and blue eyes like them. The industry’s changed a lot, but when I was growing up, I’d be lucky to get an audition for Girl No. 2 or Best Friend. That was my norm, and it’s a terrible mind-set for someone so young. I’ve had to work past that and embrace who I am.

Evolving career goals: “I want my career to be a staircase: moving up, finding jobs I love and working with people that I admire, and making a product I’m proud of. I think that’s all you can ask for. I’m not going to sit here and say, “I want to win an Oscar one day.” For me, that’s not necessarily a goal. That’s a by-product of working on a project you’re really proud of. When I was younger it was more, I want to star in this movie, I want to work with this person. Now I just want new adventures, constant challenge, and growth.

No nanny: “My fiance and I are very hands-on. We don’t have a nanny, but my mom has been here with us since my son was born. He’s 9 months old now. When I was working, my mom would bring him to set so I could breastfeed and see him during the day. People tell you a lot about labor and pregnancy, but not about the fourth trimester. To my girlfriends that are pregnant I say, make sure you have help. Because your instinct is to want to do it all and you physically can’t.

On splitting household duties: “I think when you and your partner have kids, especially the first few months, you don’t have the patience to be polite with each other. Being communicative when you need help is so important. Instead of having set duties, we just feel each other out. I’ll be putting my son down and my partner is like, “Let me feed the animals and get dinner ready.”

On going back to work after giving birth: “I had no idea what I was doing. I went back to work so early. It was harder than I thought. I pride myself on always being first on set. So to be like, “Hey, I need 20 minutes to pump,” was difficult. The hours away from my son took a toll on me. Learning my own boundaries while trying to take care of my son and my family — that was hard. But I had a great support system and knew my son was taken care of; I just had FOMO. Missing those hours with my newborn son, it pains me, but at the end of the day, Mama’s got to put food on the table. You’ve got to make those sacrifices. Hopefully he’ll understand.

[From The Cut]

Brenda sort of broke my heart! She puts so much pressure on herself to be the good employee, the good actress who doesn’t cause problems, and meanwhile she’s running herself ragged trying to be a good partner, a good mom, a good daughter and everything else. I remember covering Culkin’s Esquire interview in 2020, and I came out of it thinking that he’s super-low-key and a very supportive partner to Brenda. It’s weird that he was attracted to such a Type-A, organized gogetter. But he enjoys “taking care” of her, and I would imagine he’s a very hands-on dad too.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Instar.