Kristen Bell is promoting her new Netflix series The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window. It’s next up in my queue of things to watch because I like a good parody. I’ve heard it takes some unexpected turns, as well, so I’m hopeful. I’m not hopeful for her promotional tour, though. In the comfort of her husband’s podcast, Armchair Expert, Kristen decided to talk about her kids and nasty smells in the bedroom. Much like her new series, this story took an unexpected turn. Kristen started by telling the listeners that their two daughters, Delta, seven, and Lincoln, eight, sleep in their bedroom. One day, a horrible smell began to infiltrate the room. Of course, we assume this links back to their lack of bathing practices. But that wasn’t it. The family thought it was excessive gas. The punchline, it turned out, was that Dax had filled their water mattress pad with a protein shake and it had rotted. What the what?!
Kristen Bell shared another odd detail about her and husband Dax Shepard’s marriage – they allow daughters Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 7, to sleep in their bedroom.
“In our bedroom, you know, the girls sleep on the floor of our bedroom,” Bell, 41, revealed during the latest episode of Shepard’s “Armchair Expert” podcast.
Bell made the revelation after explaining to listeners that she started to “smell a really raunchy smell” in their room a few nights ago.
“I’m like, ‘Who’s farting?’ All three of them are like, ‘Sorry, it’s me,’” she recalled. “So I go, ‘OK, my family has gas, big [deal].’ I wake up in the morning and I go, ‘Wow, nobody’s gas has dissipated, but it also smells like it’s burning.’”
When the “rotten, burning garbage”-like smell didn’t go away, Bell said she washed all of the sheets, opened the room’s French doors and even lit some candles, but nothing seemed to do the trick.
“Now, Delta, the little one, she is smell sensitive,” Bell said of her youngest daughter. “So she goes, ‘You know what, I do smell it.’ Lincoln and Dax can’t be bothered, so Delta and I are, well, being gaslit.”
Shepard, 47, then chimed in, telling fans that he asked his daughters to check the room for dog poo, to no avail. Bell eventually asked Lincoln to help her get to the bottom of it.
“I lean down and smell the mattress, Dax’s corner, his feet corner of the mattress, and I almost hit the deck. I almost passed out it was so strong,” Bell said, revealing that her husband accidentally filled their OOLER mattress pad with an old protein shake, instead of water.
“So I take it off, I put it in the tub, I try to drain the water out of it, that doesn’t really work. Dax takes it downstairs and hooks up the power washer to it to push everything out of the tubes.”
Basically, “don’t put a protein shake in your OOLER,” Bell advised.
If, like me, you were wondering what the hell an OOLER mattress pad is, it’s a $1500 water based, temperature control pad used for perfect sleep. I started this story thinking ‘what fancy rich person crap is this’? and now I’m looking around for something to sell so I can have one. However, the question remains – who fills it with a protein shake?! I assume the water required to fill the pad must be filtered or clarified or blessed by butterflies from Argentina or something but still, how similar can those bottles be? I can understand why it took so long for Kristen to identify the smell, because who would think their mattress was rotting from the inside? The power washer was a good idea, but my money is on they had to get a new pad. You can’t ever get rid of a smell like that. I hate that I can taste this story on the roof of my mouth.
Most outlets are focusing on the fact that Delta and Lincoln sleep with the couple in their room. Two years ago, Kristen said the girls shared a bedroom in the hope that they would build character. She told SELF, “I think their lives will be easier than most other people’s on the planet, and to develop a good character, it’s important to always be going through something.” Her logic was that the girls could negotiate figuring out how to share a space together as their challenge. To Kristen’s credit, she acknowledged if that was the worst thing that happened to them, they were pretty well off. I don’t know how sleeping in their parent’s room factors into the whole character-building plan. I assume that’s why they’re on the floor and not on the bed. But I think we’re supposed to be asking more outrageous questions like, how do you guys have sex? I’m still struggling with the rotten shake for a bed, though. I don’t want to think of anyone having sex in that room.
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