Meghan Trainor felt blamed by NICU nurses for her baby’s feeding issues

Meghan Trainor’s new album, Takin’ It Back, is finally coming out in two weeks. I feel like we’ve been talking about it for so long. One of the subjects of the album is Meghan’s new life as a working mom. She’s mom to 19-month old Riley, her son with Daryl Sabara. We know much about her relationship with Daryl and her life with Riley because Meghan is filter-less. And it’s lovely that she wants to share everything with us, but there’s a vulnerability to Meghan that sometimes I wish she wouldn’t expose so much to us. She gave yet another no-holds-barred interview to romper to promote the album. She talked about both her future babies, of which she wants to have two or three more, and the one she has. As we know, Riley’s birth was difficult, and he spent some time in the NICU because he didn’t wake up to feed. In this interview, Meghan admitted that she felt the nurses in the NICU were blaming her for her baby’s health issues because she took anti-depressants during her pregnancy.

She loves her life: I get to be a pop star during the day and then give my kid a bath at night? It’s like, pinch me.

She plans to home-school her kids: I want to hire a preschool teacher that will be able to teach emotions. How to handle it when you want to freak out and scream, because they don’t usually do that. And not to get dark here, but [in regular schools, you have to worry about] guns and all that stuff. I don’t really want to send my kids somewhere where I’m just like, ‘Hope to see you later!’ It’s horrible. Horrible. There’s all those victims’ parents thinking, ‘I never thought it would happen to me’ until it fucking does. Everyone tells me, ‘You can’t keep your kid in a bubble,’ and I’m like, ‘Oh, but I can.’

Her pregnancy was tough: I’d gained 15 Covid pounds before I got pregnant, so I felt massive, and my face was breaking out with a dermatitis, so it was like eczema all around my mouth. I had gestational diabetes, so I had to test my blood all day long. I was over it.

She felt judged in the NICU: They kept asking me if I was on antidepressants during the pregnancy, and I was, but on the lowest dose possible, and all my doctors said it was safe and wouldn’t affect him. It was really fucked up. They had no name for what was wrong. He just wouldn’t wake up. They said, ‘It’s really up to Riley when he wants to wake up.’ I’d be like ‘Really? Can’t you just zap him and get him up?

She panicked when Riley didn’t cry much his first month: We kept being like, ‘Uh oh, what’s up with him? Is this what serial killers are like when they’re first born? They never cry?’

She had a meltdown when Riley switched from saying ‘mama’ to ‘dada’: I literally had a meltdown over it. But you just take all the blame [when you’re a working mom]. Men don’t have that same feeling, and they’re shocked that we do.

Being superwoman is hard: All the wives, all these mamas, you can’t cry, you can’t be like ‘Today was fucking tough. Nope, you have to be like, ‘Everything’s perfect; we’re all perfect and happy.’ And it’s not easy. Women are just stronger and smarter. We make life, you know what I mean?

[From romper]

I mean, this interview is so raw. The interviewer had to reassure Meghan three or four times that she’d had similar experiences with her kids. And while Meghan is a young-ish mom at 28, she is surrounded by family and other moms. She talks about her famous moms’ group with Hilary Duff and Ashley Tisdale and how amazing and supportive they are. And her own mother lives 20 minutes away and works as Meghan’s assistant. Her aunt and uncle also work for her as a cook and landscaper, and we know her brothers live with her – at her insistence. You would think Meghan has reassurance everywhere she turns. But, raising kids is one of the scariest things and if you’re prone to self-doubt, it will amplify that tenfold.

I bring this up because I’m split on the NICU thing. Hormones wreak such havoc with a new mom right after birth, so I’m sure Meghan felt myriad emotions as her baby was lying in the hospital. If she and her doctors agreed she should be on anti-depressants, she did the right thing. The good news is Riley is fine and Meghan is looking forward to starting on giving him a baby brother or sister as soon as she can.

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33 Responses to “Meghan Trainor felt blamed by NICU nurses for her baby’s feeding issues”

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  1. equality says:

    “Can’t you just zap him and get him up?” What? Zap him with what?

    • Erin says:

      MAYBE, she had some non stress tests while she was pregnant and they had to use those buzzer things to wake him up to get him to move for the test, maybe??? But thinking you can use those on the actual out of the womb baby? Idk, idk.

  2. girl_ninja says:

    When I read her interviews it like they’re of a teenage girl. I appreciate how vulnerable she is, I just hear hyper, all over the place gushing about everything. It’s wonderful that she has a doctor who listened and helped her, those nurses should know better. Gross behavior on their part.

  3. SAS says:

    I think this must have been a projection thing. I have two friends who had to wake their babies up to feed every time for the first couple of weeks. One it was her second so she was like, hmm this is weird but I’ll go with it for a while , and the other it was her first so she took the baby back to the hospital twice because of how much they were sleeping/not waking up to feed! So surely somewhat normal, certainly for a NICU nurse right?

    But my sister and I are both in our 30s and my mum STILL recalls how brutal the lactation nurses were to her both times, and holds guilt over a random immune issue with both have, believing it could be due to us not being breastfed! She was absolutely judged and has internalised it for life so who knows with Meghan.

    • Erin says:

      Honestly with a couple of my babies in the first few weeks I would have to feed them while they were naked, tickle their feet, or put a cool washcloth on their foreheads to keep them from being too cozy and falling asleep while feeding. So to me this sounds normal to me, some babies just really love to sleep over eating. Not sure if hers actually had a legit problem with being lethargic though since it doesn’t really say in the article. BUT I definitely had a baby that was colicky and never wanted to sleep as well.

    • Delphine says:

      I was supposed to wake my baby up to feed him?? My god if he slept through the night I took it as a gift and put him on the tit as soon as he woke up. He’s 12 now so I guess he’s ok. But NICU actually saved his life when he didn’t breathe right away after birth. I will never stop being grateful to the NICU and everyone else who helped me birth him.

  4. Southern Fried says:

    Does she just completely ignore everything she’s told or read or recommended? She sounds very immature. I get baby insecurities and I hope she’s feeling more confident with her next babies.

  5. Kiera says:

    I felt so judged by one of my nurses when I had my daughter over nothing. She walked into the room and both me and my husband immediately felt like she didn’t like us. My husband has full sleeve tattoos and she clearly didn’t like them/him.

    I’d had a c section so I was on pain meds. This was the day after the surgery and she was already telling me not to take them even though my dr and every other nurse was like nope keep on them this is going to be painful.

    She was so awful that I broke down several times that day and finally told my night nurse who was so pissed he told his boss on the shift and they jointly filed a report on this nurse. I left the hospital a day sooner than I should have because I was so desperate to get away from her.

    This woman truly thought because my husband had tattoos that we were pill abusers or something and was gatekeeping the pain meds from me. I still get upset thinking about how awful she was.

    • Erin says:

      I’m so sorry you went through this. Post partum is hard enough so having someone that’s supposed to be there to support you and to give off those vibes or energies makes it so much worse. Also, women’s pain is so downplayed and we are gaslit all the time about it and it makes me so mad how many women in the medical profession do it to us. I’ve had a few babies and with my last I had a really terrible night nurse that I ended up reporting, which I have never done before. The daytime nurses were amazing so it wasn’t just me being hormonal. She was also really rude to my husband as well. It was like she genuinely wanted me to feel like shit and to know that she hated her job. LOUD AND CLEAR LADY!

    • Kimmy says:

      Ive had two NICU babies and for the most part the nurses were great. There were a couple that did some things I didn’t appreciate…like not waiting for us to bathe the baby or starting to bottle feed while I was on my way down from my room to feed. I’d just had a c-section, so very slow, etc. the lactation consultant was way worse though! EVERYTHING is so raw during that time, so that doesn’t make it any easier.

    • MissNin says:

      I’ve heard of countless stories of women being treated very badly by hospital staff, nurses in particular. One of my friends was so terrified to deliver her second baby, since her first delivery was extremely traumati resulting in a large tear, that her father, a plastic surgeon was present during the delivery. It’s pretty sad when a colleague has to be in attendance to ensure his daughter receives reasonable care!!!

    • Lionel says:

      Kiera, and Erin, and everyone else, I’m so sorry that happened to you. The experiences you describe are unacceptable. You’re absolutely right that our medical system does not honor new mothers. When I was one day post-partum, my husband had to chase down the hospital pediatrician and force her to apologize for making me cry. She had said I was “torturing” my baby because I was doing what the lactation consultant advised. (It was something about giving him just a tiny bit of formula and then trying to get him to latch. Don’t get me started on the lactivist insanity either, I’m not militant either way, maybe that was bad advice, who knows? I was just a brand-new mom doing as I was told by the people who were supposed to know.) And I’m IN the medical field, so I knew how to advocate and very likely was treated with more courtesy than average. Doctors and nurses are tired and overworked, I absolutely understand that, and we all have our bad days. But we’ve got to reform the system so that it honors new mothers and gives them the support they so desperately need. What I took from that experience was that nobody has cornered the information market on how best to care for new babies and new mothers. Probably because there’s no right answer. When I had my second baby, I just strode into that post-partum ward and treated and fed her the way I thought best, and nobody gave me any trouble about it. We feel so helpless as brand-new moms and we’re looking for any guidance we can get, which puts us at the mercy of those overworked doctors and nurses. (Who, on the whole, probably do mean well.) Given that childbirth is pretty much the only universal human experience (we won’t all give birth ourselves but somewhere and somehow we were all born) the fact that, 40K years into modern human existence, new mothers are still allowed to feel so helpless and vulnerable is a travesty.

    • Isabella says:

      “Some people just can’t breast feed.” An impatient nurse said that to me the day after my C-section, when my breasts were engorged and I was trying to get the hang of it. So was the baby. We got no help. I was so tired and vulnerable and she snapped at me. Then her shift ended and a nice nurse came in, with a soothing voice, and gave me heated towels, and talked to me. That was the first time i was treated as a human since I went into labor.

  6. Mary Tosti says:

    I Was judged super hard by a night nurse after my second…. he had low blood sugar and wasn’t getting enough sugar from my milk. It was either give him formula or IV. And it was more important to me that he not be hungry or have an unnecessary IV, so I chose formula. This one nurse wouldn’t let it go. She kept telling me not to give up. I had such a brutal time nursing my first that I didn’t want to go through that again. It got to the point where I told my day nurse that I didn’t want her in my room. She was awful and made me feel like a child being scolded.

  7. Mina_Esq says:

    It’s so easy to feel insecure as a new mom and to feel judged by everyone. These nurses were probably just doing their jobs and asking for relevant background info, but I get it.

  8. Daisy says:

    There is a common enough bias against mothers on antidepressants (with the assumption that it harms the baby/ makes them sluggish) that my doctor talked to me about it to prepare me for the possibility of rude comments/judgement from nurses. She was reassuring me that it was safe and the right course of action to keep us both healthy—apparently she’d had a lot moms come back for post partum checkups distraught over this very issue.

    • margie says:

      I have been on anti-anxiety medication my whole pregnancy. I actually had to up my dose during pregnancy, which my Dr. fully signed off on. A medical assistant from my PCP practice (the Dr who gave me the higher prescription) called me for some reason I can’t remember, and used that opportunity to tell me over the phone that I was putting my baby at risk of miscarriage for taking these meds, and I should know and reconsider what I am doing. I was furious. Both my OB-GYN and my PCP were like mental health is so, so important, and this particular medication is safe for pregnancy. It was such an irresponsible and judgmental thing coming from some rando, so I completely believe labor and delivery and recovery nurses would be a-holes about it.

    • Lionel says:

      Daisy and Margie, the fact that this is even a question is outrageous. I’m so sorry you faced any sort of judgment, and Margie in particular your experience makes me furious too. Obviously I don’t know the particular medications either of you took, but I do know that it’s been proven that the risk, to a baby, of having a clinically depressed or anxious mother is SO MUCH GREATER than the minuscule risk of taking an SSRI during pregnancy. This idea that women should deny themselves everything — cheese, meat, sushi, wine, hair color, and any/all medication that might alleviate pain — during pregnancy is a very recent development, and it’s not backed up by any science whatsoever. And the idea that women should deny themselves potentially life-saving psychiatric medication for the sake of their pregnancies … well, that’s insanity itself.
      Sorry if I’m getting heated, but this issue makes me as angry as the anti-abortion rhetoric does. It’s all about controlling women, their lives, and their choices. We’re not talking about demonstrably harmful things, nobody’s advocating for shooting heroin during pregnancy. We’re talking about allowing women to live their lives during their pregnancies, which is something the dominant culture is trying to suppress.

  9. NMB says:

    Medical professionals can be brutal and judgmental when it comes to breastfeeding. I had trouble and no patience. I started resenting my baby because she wouldn’t latch. Is it better for babies to get breastmilk no matter what or have a mother NOT actively resenting her baby….? Honestly, what’s better in the long run. Please.

    • Kitikonti says:

      What’s important is that baby is fed and mother is happy. So whether breast or bottle – baby must be fed. I breastfed my two, oh boy first 8 weeks were horrendous. If I hadn’t had so much support from my husband and Le Leche I would have given up or become depressed. So stick by happy mother, happy baby – if breastfeeding is not working feel no regret for bottle feeding, best for everyone’s health to be happy. Anyone who pressures for one method is an a**hole.
      And ouch, latching is a bitch, didn’t figure out how to get it right for ages. My husband, who comes from a farm, was the only one who could get my son to latch correctly for ages. Apparently same method used for calves not latching to mother!
      So the moral of the story is, do what makes you happy, that’s what’s right for baby xx

  10. Keekey says:

    A friend of mine went off her antidepressants during her pregnancy, had a horrible depressive spiral, became obsessed with the idea that something was wrong with the baby, and wanted to end the pregnancy even if it involved hurting herself, too. Her family and psychiatrist had to convince her to go back on the meds STAT. Once she was back on treatment, she got better and her pregnancy was fine. Bottom line: don’t go off your meds without consulting your doctor!!! A low-level antidepressant is better for the baby than a suicidal mother.

    • Concern Fae says:

      This! There are a few fairly inconclusive studies about the effects of antidepressants on babies and a shitton of excellent studies on the negative effects of depressed mothers.

      There’s all this scaremongering over risks, but flat out ignoring of things that are actively bad.

      • Lionel says:

        Yes! Preach it, please. See my diatribe above, the effort to restrict pregnant women from living their lives ignores all the social factors that contribute to poor outcomes. (Not saying that clinical depression is a social ill, mind you. It’s a medical issue that deserves to be treated. But the people who are so concerned about keeping pregnant women from having a glass of wine once in awhile ought to be equally concerned about keeping the baby from being born into poverty, inconsistency, and chaos.)

  11. lucy2 says:

    She seems to have a lot of anxiety and insecurity, which who could blame her, but I hope she asks for help if she needs it, and doesn’t worry about everything being “perfect”.

  12. Sarah says:

    ICU nurse here 20 yrs- stings to see this nurse bashing. I guess her experience could have v well been terrible w those particular nurses. It’s just disheartening to hear- no wonder people are choosing this profession less and less-

    • Lionel says:

      Sarah, I hear you and I’m so sorry. Our profession (all of medicine) is being bashed more and more. I can’t help but think the people doing the bashing are going to be awfully sorry when they need us and we’re not there anymore. Personally, I want to thank you for what you do. It’s HARD work, and so often unappreciated. I appreciate you.

    • equality says:

      Positive note then. My mom has many doctors and health issues and any nurses she has interacted with and that I have been around have been professional and compassionate.

  13. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    My last baby would sleep through feedings. When he was awake, he’d scream until he turned blue. All of it scared us to death, and I’d already had two babies. It turned out he was a snacker. So I leaned in and went with it whittling time on each bewb down to five minutes (sometimes less). Maybe I’d get 30 minutes rest, but it’s how he wanted it. So a zombie I became.

  14. Luna17 says:

    Feeling shamed by the nurses isn’t the same as actually being shamed and nothing she said actually points to the nurses shaming her….. I’m sure it was a tough time for her but it sounds like she just wants to victim signal without real evidence for attention. Anti depressants are super common during pregnancy now. If I was a nurse for her I’d be annoyed this one hit pop star is making these accusations without anything to back it up for sympathy and to give her something to talk about since her one hit sad like a decade ago and isn’t really relevant.

    • Isabella says:

      Wow, way way harsh. “Victim signal” is such an ugly term to begin with. Way to silence people. And where on earth is that appropriate in a hospital setting. Especially when applied to a woman who’s just had a baby and is trying to get through those first difficult months. I think a lot of us identify with her comments. Try a little bit of empathy now and then. This isn’t about you and what you would have done or felt.

    • OliviasMum says:

      I agree with you fwiw. She sounds like a needy and self-obsessed teenager, not a mom. Also as someone who breastfed for a bit while on a very low dose of antidepressants, I could tell there was some impact on the baby — much more happy go lucky when I was on them — so it’s definitely something a lactation nurse needs to know about. I did it for a reason because I terrible PPD and nothing else was working, and feeding my baby breastmilk was important to me as well as staying mentally OK so I could care for my baby, but no doctor says “there is no risk,” because they can’t say that. All they say is that the amount that passes into breastmilk is very low, and there have been limited studies with one old antidepressant. The nurse was asking a valid question.

  15. Isa says:

    The behavior she described by the nurses are is so weird bc newborns can be sleepy little things. I wasn’t on antidepressants and my son was in the NICU and wouldn’t wake up so they showed me how to move him around, rub him, undress him, use a cool cloth to make him wake up. They were never like welp, just gotta wait.

  16. kb says:

    So I read this a few times. She doesn’t say they asked her about the meds because of what was happening with the baby, just that they asked her. And honestly after reading her description of her feelings about her pregnancy and what seems like significant anxiety around a lot of parenting-related things, it seems like it also could have been them trying to assess if she was taking care of herself or whether they needed to talk with her about PPD/PPA. Which would be….them doing their job.