Lauren Graham’s fourth book, Have I Told You This Already? Stories I Don’t Want to Forget to Remember, is coming out later this month. She wrote it during the pandemic to stave off the dread of the virus and lack of work. It also helped her get over her breakup with Peter Krause. Lauren and Peter were together for almost 12 years before they spilt in the summer of 2021. Lauren worked hard not to let the breakup up “flatten” her, so she focused on the good things she had going in her life and writing the book. Now that she’s had a little time to process it, she realizes she’s in “a better place,” but she’s still sad about it ending.
Lauren Graham definitely has more to say.
The actress, producer and writer — whose charm and quick wit have resulted in three New York Times bestsellers — is releasing another collection of essays about her life and career, Have I Told You This Already? Stories I Don’t Want to Forget to Remember, available Nov. 15.
Writing also became a good distraction for Graham when her almost 12-year relationship with actor Peter Krause, whom she began datingafter the two costarred as siblings on Parenthood, ended during the summer of 2021.
“I knew I was resilient because I just always have been,” she says. “You take your knocks and don’t complain. That’s how I was always raised.”
“Somewhere in that is a year like this where I just was not going to let [the breakup] flatten me,” she continues. “I was like, ‘Okay, well, look at all the good stuff I have, and look at all the good times,’ and ‘I’m going to write this book.’ Thank goodness I have these outlets and these stories to tell.”
Though they lived together and Graham helped raise the actor’s now-20-year-old son Roman from a previous relationship, the two preferred to keep the romance out of the spotlight.
“I think part of all the positives of having known each other for a really long time were there,” she says. “And one of the negatives of that is we almost came into a relationship as people in their 40s without asking any of the questions people in their 40s should be asking. We had such a good time together that I didn’t maybe ask some fundamental questions about ‘What are your values and what do you envision?’ and those more grown-up things. And then they just caught up with us.”
After the split, Graham rented a beach home and then returned to L.A. to focus on her work.
“I’m less on the run,” says the actress, acknowledging that the passing of time has been the greatest gift. “Any pain still really has its moments. I was a contributor in the life of his child, and so we’re connected. And yes, I’m in a better place, but it’s still just a shame. It’s just sad to me.”
I hate to say this but now the gossip in me is awakened. Like, what were the fundamental questions Lauren forgot to ask? I was bummed when Lauren and Peter broke up because I like both of them very much and they seemed well suited for each other. I loved their low-key vibe to the relationship – everyone knew they were together, but they kept it quiet. But prior, I just assumed they were a pandemic causality, especially when Peter got used to living without Lauren when she was stuck in Canada filming during Covid. And maybe they were, maybe that’s when they finally thought to ask these questions they’d ignored for so long. I can see what Lauren’s saying about people in their 40s or older just assuming they are all on the same page and forgetting they still have decades to consider how their partner factors in. And I agree, it is a shame. But I’m glad Lauren’s in a better place and can see that.
Lauren talked about what she’s looking for in her next relationship. She acknowledges she has everything she wants in life so she’s just looking for a good time, someone who is funny and kind. She must be in a better place if she’s open to what might be next. And if no guy comes along, it’s not an issue because Lauren’s already working on her fifth book, “a Bridget Jones-y thing set in Los Angeles.” I don’t mean to be a jerk, but I kind of hope the love of Lauren’s life takes his time because I want to read the LA B. Jones story.
Photo credit: Cover Images and Getty Images
I think it was a bit of a pandemic casualty. Relationships got tested in many ways, and the fallout of a Trump “presidency,” with dreadful court decision after dreadful court decision mattering more to one than the other also got people to reflect on themselves and their partner. For instance, do you care about the outside world, people elsewhere, people in your backyard? No? Wish I’d known this sooner because I cannot be married to someone who thinks the 1% can destroy the planet then take off for Mars in a rocket ship and leave the plebes to rot. Not just because that’s cruel but also because that’s insane. The rich are imbeciles.
OK folks FWIW:
First of all, not all rich are imbeciles, just like not all poor or middle-class people are. I’ve know many wonderful rich people, part of what made them that way was their smarts and charisma and focus and time for other people and values, etc. If you told me that in certain geographic locations, maybe there’s a culture of rich jerks, sure I’d believe you. But not everywhere by a long shot. Stereotyping is never a good thing: it’s a slippery slope and we are all better than that!
Second of all, I think values can mean many things. Not necessarily politics. Maybe one person wants to just fish as much as they can and spend all their time and money on that. Another may want to have it in the bank or spend it on their home. Maybe two people have different ideas of what they need to save and how they want to approach retirement. Different values, especially ones mentioned in the same breath as what their vision for the rest of their lives are, don’t necessarily mean politics. Especially after the onset of this pandemic. It could be an OMG we just realized we really don’t want the same thing because we value different things in terms of what gives us the most joy and how we want to spend our lives.
Perhaps some Hollywood women & models found out they were married to jerks, when Donald Trump became President; huh?
I get that sense from this relationship. Like she realized he leaned more right politically, hence the stockpile he started while she was stuck in Canada filming. It feels like that’s what this was about.
That’s absolutely what pinged my radar too. “Values” seems code for concealing his MAGAt philosophies.
I don’t even think it’s a MAGA thing. I think there are a lot of white male (old school) republicans who won’t acknowledge how far gone their party is and don’t recognize the literal danger that Jewish, trans, gay, female, immigrant, minority communities are experiencing.
That’s what I guessed as soon as she mentioned “values.” Ugh, as Election Day nears I’m just more and more depressed by how many people seem okay with – or actually like – how hateful and fascist the GOP is. I just don’t understand it at all.
Agree. I live in a deeply red state and it just boggles my mind what I see and hear everyday. Disgusting.
My thought as well, the mention of “values” is definitely ringing that bell. That plus a pandemic must have brought things to a head. Hopefully they’re still on decent terms, as she was a big part of his kid’s life.
Oof I didn’t even think of that on my first read through, but I bet you’re right. Even if he wasn’t a full on Trumper, I’d be very disappointed and hurt if I found out my partner wasn’t suitably appalled by so many things that have been going on over the past handful of years. What a bummer. I was more invested in them than I realized.
Awww – this gives me second hand sadness. Relationships are hard and people are complicated.
The pandemic really brought out some things. I remember my sister going “Listen guys, we’ve been stuck in this apartment for 3 months now and we still like each other, he’s not going anywhere.” That was great, they are married now. But from February/March 2020 onwards, shit just escalated everywhere and I think people realized that some of their relationships weren’t built on a solid foundation. Everything that was important to me suddenly became more important, especially my values. I cannot tolerate even the slightest sexism in my friendships anymore. I’m not letting things slide, I’m over it. We see where that can lead and I’m not having it. I realized I have a lot to learn and if people don’t want to move on with me, well that’s too bad.
I assume many many friendships and relationships broke apart that way.
Some people discovered they were in lockdown with their best friend and some discovered it was with a stranger they didn’t like. 2020 was a year.
I’ll always have a soft spot for LG.
I agree! A lot shifted for me over the pandemic, my bullshit tolerance was greatly reduced and I feel like a veil was pulled from over my eyes…both re myself and my own bullshit and those around me. I lost several key friendships over it but it doesn’t feel “bad” per se. Just shedding skin, so a bit uncomfortable.
But I think it’s a good thing, a necessary thing.
I’m kind of “huh?” about getting into a serious relationship without knowing the other person’s values, at any age. Hollywood maybe? Rich people maybe?
I took it more like maybe they assumed the other wanted to get married again or didn’t, or had different ideas about money, but then I’m not familiar with his politics. My first husband and I were on the same page politics wise but had huge differences about financial management, how tp spend our free time and such.
I’m with you Nina. Are people just assuming it was political differences because of the timing or am I missing something? She seems sad over the break up, definitely processing in a healthy way and handling it with maturity, but sad. There seems to be a tenderness in her tone which makes me think they wanted different things and not that she suddenly noticed she detested his politics.
Yeah I get the sense it was more relationship-centric values vs political affiliation values.
Her few mentions of specifics were very “there wasn’t space for me when I came back” like they viewed the relationship differently and just didn’t realize it until they were apart and then came back together. The examples she gave were about physical space (COVID-corner, cupboards in their kitchen) but that can be illustrative of emotional space too.
In old (well before they got together) interviews he talked about how he wasn’t planning to get married IIRC due to what he observed in his parents’ marriage, maybe he was still there and she wasn’t? Or maybe they had different ideas about how their shared life would evolve as his son reached adulthood?
They had known each other a long time, so maybe they were more similar before, and he changed. The past few years have made a lot of people change, usually not for the better.
Nope. Depends on how you grew up, your relationship experience etc. LOTS of people go into relationships with blinders on and hope for the best, don’t have serious conversations etc. Happens all the time, to all kinds of people.
It can be hard to decode someone’s true values, and men lie too. I’ve heard tons of ultra conservative men tell me they’re moderates. And I’ve met some very misogynist bernie bros.
I’m sure they were both fairly independent going into the relationship. They both had their own money, he’s already had a child with someone. There was probably a lot of stuff they figured they could skip over because it wouldn’t really be a problem, until suddenly it was.
Summer 2021 was BLM. I can imagine a lot of white marriages coasting without deep questions about race and policing being asked. Like, you have black friends, but do you think they are magic exceptions to what Black people are actually like. Yes, we obey the law, but do you understand that the police today are actually deeply fvcked up?
Also, some people just woke up and saw through a lot of the bullshit that we’ve been fed. There’s a reason why they’re so triggered by the word “woke.” They’ve seen enough of the truth that it terrifies them so they have to have a label for it so they can have their 2 minute hate sessions.
Summer 2020, but yeah. I think that was a very polarizing moment for most of America.
They were so low key as a couple you can’t not be impressed by that. I don’t think I knew they were a couple until maybe a couple of years before they broke up. I mourn I wasn’t able to ship them through the 2010s. They would have been so much more worthy of it than brangelina.
There was a bit of shipping that went on at Lauren Graham fan sites/boards.
Their ship name was Kraham 🙂
He never asked her to marry him, I’m guessing. She sounds bitter, that she helped him raise his kid, but I think she wanted the whole package with marriage etc. and it never happened. I think that’s what tore them apart. She felt that he didn’t think she was good enough to be his wife. I think that’s the hint about the different values and what he envisions. He certainly didn’t invision marrying her and that’s sad. I always waited to hear that they’re engaged but it never happened. I think that’s what broke her heart and still makes her sad. 12 whole years and he let her go.