After watching Selena Gomez’s documentary and reading her Rolling Stone feature, I didn’t think there was any newsworthy interpersonal drama in there, but here we are. In the Rolling Stone article, Selena discusses her fears around the fact that she is not yet married with children at her age. “And it was hard to share these fears with people whose lives hadn’t been derailed by fame, even as, she says, ‘I never fit in with a cool group of girls that were celebrities. My only friend in the industry really is Taylor [Swift], so I remember feeling like I didn’t belong. I felt the presence of everyone around me living full lives.'” My read was, on that topic, Selena felt she couldn’t relate to “normal” people who had those things, or to her peers who didn’t.
Of course, various stories, mine included, noticed that Taylor Swift mention. Francia Raisa, the actress who donated her kidney to Selena in 2017, took issue with the headline and commented/deleted “interesting” on an E! News post. Selena then commented on a TikTok recap about the situation: “Sorry I didn’t mention every person I know.” Yikes.
Selena Gomez is speaking out over drama being stirred on social media and a possible feud with friend Francia Raisa, who donated her kidney to the singer.
The drama was first sparked by a cover interview Gomez did with Rolling Stone in which she talked about feeling like a bit of an outcast in the music business.
“I never fit in with a cool group of girls that were celebrities. My only friend in the industry really is Taylor [Swift], so I remember feeling like I didn’t belong,” Gomez shared.
A select portion of that quote — “My only friend in the industry really is Taylor [Swift]” — was then shared on Instagram as a highlight of the interview. Raisa then posted a since-deleted comment that read, simply and cryptically, “Interesting.”
When one TikTok user shared a video breaking down the supposed drama — including the fact that Raisa does not follow Gomez on Instagram — Gomez herself took to the comments of that TikTok video to address the supposed friction.
“Sorry I didn’t mention every person I know,” Gomez commented.
Raisa and Gomez have been friends for nearly 15 years, and Raisa donated her kidney to Gomez — who needed a transplant due to her battle with lupus — in September 2017.
However, on top of the drama surrounding Gomez’s interview quote, fans were also quick to point out that Raisa is not mentioned in the recently released documentary, My Mind and Me, which details Gomez’s struggles with mental health issues over the past six years.
So, I didn’t think Selena’s initial statement about Taylor Swift was an intended or unintended slight. And that’s with me knowing she got a kidney transplant from Francia Raisa from Secret Life of the American Teenager/grownish/How I Met Your Father. When I read it, my immediate thought was “yeah, that tracks” because Selena doesn’t seem to run in those “young Hollywood” (or I guess millennial Hollywood) circles anymore, mostly since her breakup with Biebs. I thought of her statement as referring to people with the same kind of public profile as her, which Taylor does have; and which her other known celeb friends, like Cara Delevingne and Francia Raisa, definitely don’t. And it’s possible she thinks of Francia as more than an industry friend. Who among us doesn’t have work friends, school friends, workout friends, mom friends, friend friends, etc?
That said, Selena’s clapback was an absolutely terrible look. She and Francia have reportedly had their ups and downs since the transplant and Francia obviously felt hurt to comment what she did. But Selena’s defensive sniping turned what should have just been a statement taken out of context into unseemly drama. Her response was not to Francia directly — it was on the TikTok that someone else made about Francia commenting on the E! News post and unfollowing Selena — and who knows whether or not they’ve talked privately, but that seems to be getting a bit lost in the coverage. Selena was possibly annoyed that the focus was on this and not the mental health messages from her documentary, but giving this more oxygen with her rude comment was just bad and contradicts her messaging. I really like Selena, but one thing that’s always bugged me is how sanitized her overall public image is, when we know she does sh-tty stuff like this sometimes. Part of being honest and transparent is recognizing when you’re a jerk and owning up to your mistakes, instead of just glossing over it.
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In fairness, Francia didn’t take it to Selena privately either with her “interesting” comment. I had read Selena’s comments as meaning she and Taylor were both in the music industry. I feel for Selena, she just opened up in a really vulnerable way about her mental health, and now everyone is online calling her an ungrateful a-hole.
I think by making this public Francia proved Selena’s point. Francia doesn’t know what it feels like to be in a spotlight so intense of she wouldn’t be putting her personal feelings on entertainment articles.
I feel bad that the focus is being stolen and people are using this as an opportunity to pile on Selena during a vulnerable time for her.
Selena also didn’t edit the documentary herself. She hasn’t even watched it, so she isn’t responsible for Francia being included or excluded. We also don’t see Selena in the hospital or facilities either. For all we know, Francia didn’t sign off on being included.
No, she didn’t mean Francia is just an industry friend or acquaintance. The girl gave her a vital organ so that she could continue living. An organ that decreases the donors life span. It was a horrible thing for Selena to do.
An organ that decreases the donors life span”
This is fault—please don’t spread this misinformation around! It will scare people who might be considering donating an organ. And we desperately need more living donors in the US.
https://www.lahey.org/lhmc/department/transplantation/live-donor-kidney-transplant/pros-cons/#:~:text=Donating%20a%20kidney%20does%20not,survival%20rate%20was%2066%20percent.
Having a single kidney does increase the chance of developing Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) later on in life (because the nephrons of a single kidney takes on the function of two kidneys). But that should not stop anyone from donating to their loved ones. If they don’t have any comorbid condition they should do just fine. Francia donating hers to Selena was an act beyond honorable, whatever the motivation may have been. Now I am not much aware of the friendship between the two or whether any monetary benefit was involved behind the donation. In short, I’m totally confused by the whole scenario.
I would bring up my kidney donor every chance I have, because that is one amazing selfless act to donate an organ.
So many people don’t donate their organs even after passing away.
I wish Selena best in everything, I hope she is doing better health wise and in life generally.
I think her life improved a lot without Justin being in it.
I get a feeling that Selena is quite snappy, I don’t know, if I’m right or wrong, but it seems so to me.
I agree with London – I get the feeling Selena is pretty snappy. I’ve seen her being cute in older movies and like her music, but in the past few years the few times I’ve seen her she looked INCREDIBLY unhappy. (So it makes sense she’s now coming forward with mental health struggles). I just remember during the Vax Live tv event that Harry & Meghan (among others) headlined, Selena stood out to me as being completely miserable – like deeply unhappy and I thought at the time “she must not like her quarantine company “.
I wish her the best – she’s a talented lady. I hope this documentary helps people who are struggling.
She was talking about friends in the music industry and about having her life derailed by fame. Francia is not in the music industry, and re: fame? Francia can go to Target in her pj’s and know that even if one or two people notice her, they won’t make a scene and it won’t be all over social media. Selena (like Taylor) breathes and the whole world finds out about it and everyone has an opinion on whether the breathing was right or wrong or problematic or as good as some other celebrity’s breathing. It’s a different and isolating experience.
The most generous interpretation here is that Francia has really poor reading comprehension skills.
Francia took this out of context initially. Selena said industry, people in Hollywood. It made sense when I read it. Selena’s response was not great given the history but clearly they have issues. I don’t think Selena wasn’t being ungrateful which is how Francia wanted to make her look. Maybe behind the scenes, Selena might be acting ungrateful or not as close but now I’m speculating which is not fair to Selena.
They are both behaving badly here. Francis for her lack of reading comprehension and taking it public to start with and Selena for her petty and unnecessary public reply.
I agree. This was something they should have texted or talked about, not done on social media, and I think Francis is misreading the original comment.
there’s an entire online discussion happening where people debate whether Francia is “famous enough” to count as an “industry friend”. that alone has to be hurtful to someone who gave you literally a part of their body. Selena could have worded this better.
i also think her sentiment (I have no friends in my area of work and I don’t feel i fit in) is contradicted in the article. It mentions how Selena invited Miley Cyrus, Camila Cabello, Billie Eilish and Olivia Rodrigo to her 30th birthday party. that’s quite a roster of very famous industry people to celebrate with! so I’m really not sure I’m following her point here. maybe she meant to express this differently?
“Selena could have worded this better.”
Selena worded it fine. If you read the actual article, in the paragraph it is in, it makes total sense. But it looks like Francia saw the 1/2 sentence that was quoted on an Instagram post and jumped to offense. It’s a poor move on her part, IMO, especially when Selena was talking about her mental health and feelings of isolation, depression, and self harm.
Francia was commenting on a fragment of the sentence that was posted on Instagram about the article. She didn’t even read the article before publicly commenting!
How do you know this?
If you look at what Francia commented on, it wasn’t the Rolling Stone article. It was an E! story about the article, and a partial quote was used for the headline.
None of that means your constructed story about Francia is what happened. (How could you possibly know if she read the article or not?)
I’m being generous by assuming she hasn’t read the article. If she did read the article and still commented, that makes Francia look much worse. The context in the article make it clear what Selena was talking about, which wasn’t insulting or excluding to Francia. If she read that and still came away insulted, I’d be worried she’s a narcissist.
A person getting upset and deleting a one word comment, and the person they gave an actual vital organ to snapping at her about it unleashing her stans on her, and the former is the possible narcissist. Got it.
A person getting upset with a friend for a media company’s interpretation of their words while discussing mental health issues, and publicly dragging them without reaching out to the friend in private? Yep, that’s pretty self centered.
With all fairness to Francia, I understand that Selena put out this project about mental health struggles, not about her kidney transplant, and is now getting raked over hot coals because she didn’t mention Francia in it (also her comments, but this as well). It’s kind of like, every statement or interview or project, she needs to make sure she name checks Francia or she is an ungrateful person? No pressure there. Don’t forget for the rest of your life, absolutely everything you do, it has to be about this one thing that happened. Also, your relationship also isn’t allowed to have ups and downs naturally, it has to be constant closeness and gratitude.
There’s just a lot of assumption going on about her friendship, based on a few comments and then a lack of mention.
Celebrities also just need to stop engaging directly with random people on Twitter and KlipTok or whatever the kids are doing these days. It never ever ends well. Put out a statement if you’re going to address something.
Well said. I have never heard of this person or seeing any of the shows that she’s been in, but I know the name Selena and Taylor. I know we’re talking about an organ but people have to give from the heart and not expect endless gratitude.
Just because you don’t know Francia, doesn’t mean she’s not famous.
Even if Francia is “famous” on a lower level, it doesn’t mean that Selena is obligated to think that she’d understand the pressures of the level of fame that Selena was at. Publicly feuding online with someone because the snippet of a headline that was quoted didn’t include you, is pretty questionable. Especially when the person was talking about their mental health struggles.
I’m sure I’m not going to articulate this brilliantly, so please don’t @ me…
But one thing that’s always bugged me about stories about their relationship and whether they are still close is when the kidney is brought up.
Yes, Francia donated a kidney to Selena and I’m sure Selena will always be grateful. And in one sense she owes her her life…but she doesn’t owe her BFF status forever. She’s not beholden to mention her in every interview. I’m sure that gets exhausting.
I think the rumours are that Selena has had serious drug abuse issues over the last few years and Francia was very upset about donating a kidney and then seeing it treated with… carelessness.
Also, I’m not sure if you’ve seen the video where Francia explains how she found out about being a match but Selena rang her to tell her. Not the doctors. They told Selena before Francia which is a complete violation and must have put Francia under huge pressure
Rumors aren’t proven fact so maybe she did or maybe not. I would hope that if Selena was told that Francia signed a release for info to be released to her. Hard to know the story behind that either.
Agree on the video, @Iris, and something has stuck with me on that video. It might be my skewed interpretation but it felt like Francia was implying that she didn’t really think about what went into donating, said on a whim “sure I will get tested” and once she got the call from Selena, there was no turning back. Perhaps she was being quick or coached on that video, but it gave me weird vibes, can’t put a finger on it. Almost like she felt pushed into it.
I heard the rumor about the drug abuse from Fallon L when I listened to her YouTube channel for about 2 weeks a year or two ago before I just couldn’t stand it.
Even if Selena was using drugs after the kidney transplant, a huge discussion that is missing is that substance abuse addiction doesn’t just go away because you are grateful that someone gave you a kidney. Also, mental health issues like bipolar disorder have an extremely high comorbidity with substance abuse. Selena was very young to process that and maybe some of her process was thinking that she could go out and live the life of a healthy 20-something By partying, drinking and taking drugs. I mean, people who are literally dying of liver failure or losing their families often can’t stop with drugs and alcohol, but Selena’s somehow evil because someone gave her a kidney? I don’t blame Francis for being angry after everything she went through about the way that Selena treated the kidney, but I think that others who are piling on should step back and think about how much that is to deal with for someone in their 20s.
Some people with mental illnesses try to self-medicate.
prime example of online peanut gallery of everyone needs to provide an opinion. also a prime example of why selena has mental health issues…every action/word/reaction is analyzed down to the microscopic level in real time and by millions of people. the only two people that know what it’s like to be a organ donor and recipient is francia and selena. they clearly had a very very strong relationship that now has a rift. we will never know what happened, and god knows people love to speculate, but i don’t think we should judge these two so hard.
Amen. Expecting perfection, the impossible, from anyone is a losing proposition and it must not feel very good inside to do that. There’s enough going on to be indignant about. It would be kind to give some humans a bit of grace now and then.
Agreed.
This beef is giving that messy aspiring writer who donated a kidney sues famous writer for using it for inspiration for an award winning short story vibes
Seems like Francia thinks Selena owes her forever- on her own terms.
Selena responded ina childish way sure and should not have given this air.
But Francia took personal offense when the comment was not personal.
The messy aspiring writer (MAW) sued because her letter was knowingly plagiarized by someone who read it in a private support group. This someone, who knew people in the industry would know who she was talking about, turned the kidney donor character into a clueless racist. She also made the mistake of submitting it to a contest where she signed an affidavit stating that the story was entirely her own work and suing MAW when she let the contest people about the plagiarism.
Selena should be more gracious to the person who gave her a KIDNEY.
I came here to say exactly this. You don’t have to stay friends with them forever but for goodness sake. That girl donated a body part and had to recover from surgery for Selena. A little graciousness goes a long way.
No, she wasn’t gracious, but I wonder how gracious any of us would be after five years of having to publicly acknowledge and thank our kidney donor almost every time we did an interview under the threat of angering the kidney donor who feels like they aren’t being properly appreciated if we don’t. Francia gave Selena a wonderful gift, but Selena doesn’t owe her continuous public appreciation for the rest of her life. It increasingly looks like Francia made that choice for the wrong reasons, and if she did, that’s on her, not Selena.
Where did Francia say or indicate Selena had to mention her kidney donation every single time she spoke in public?
@C – “Where did Francia say or indicate Selena had to mention her kidney donation every single time she spoke in public?” That seems indicated by Francia taking offense at not being acknowledged in a context unrelated to her and very publicly shaming Selena for not doing so.
People are reading quite a bit into the one word that she posted, which was “interesting”. That isn’t what she said or indicated at all.
I suppose if Francia actually intended to convey that she found Selena’s thoughts on the matter truly thought provoking, you are correct. Clearly that wasn’t how Selena took it and I assumed from her own reaction that she had some context for her interpretation of Francia’s single word response. You have posted a lot on this topic so maybe you have some information as to the parties’ intentions that I am not privy to.
Thank you for your interest in my comments – if you revisit them you will find that no, as I do not have inside information, there is no pretense of that and they are my opinions based on what actually happened, not inferences that are rather reaching at best.
You are welcome. It’s always interesting when someone seems super invested.
Gracious? I am sure she is. But is Francia (I literally forgot her name while typing this) IN the industry, or is she only know for giving SG a kidney? I agree with all the other people saying she meant she isn’t A list, (or B, or C). No hate to this girl, but she needs to chill. She’s basically insinuating she is AS FAMOUS as T swift.
No, she is not insinuating that. And yes, she is in the industry.
@CTGIRL- I completely agree. No Selena does not have to profusely thank Francia everytime she makes a public comment. But Selena DEFINITELY knows that Francia is an actress, has been on multiple TV shows, therefore, is in the “industry” and should could as an industry friend. Remember, Selena was an actress before she was a singer.
considering the HUGE, life changing sacrifice, for Selena to describe Francia as merely “someone she knows”……. Not cool. To me, THAT is where the problem lies. Francia is not just “someone she knows”, and this is the first time in how many years since the transplant? that Francia has seemed to want to be acknowledged, that I know of.
I agree. Selena was an actress before becoming a singer. The “industry” she is talking about is Hollywood in general, as Selena is now a singer/actress. Why are people assuming she’s only talking about the music industry when she’s actually been acting longer than singing?
People are getting so carried away! Francia was commenting on a portion of a sentence from an entire article that was quoted. In the actual article, Selena was very clearly talking about her mental health and feelings of isolation.
If a friend of mine critiqued how I phrased the description of my mental health struggles, and my feelings of being alone and no one understanding, and made it about how I didn’t mention them, I’d think they weren’t much of a friend.
This low-key reminds me of “Bad Art Friend”.
Omg me too! For those who need a refresher/didn’t hear of the NYT article Bad Art Friend that went viral: it was a story between two Boston based writers where Sonya Larson modeled her character in a short story she wrote after another writer Dawn Dorland who attended the same writing center in Boston. Dorland donated her kidney to a stranger and posted a Facebook post about her experience and why she chose to donate. She was super extra and attention seeking about being a kidney donor (I lightly stalked her when the story went viral) and also bothered Sonya Larson about not commenting on her kidney donor status. Larson decided to write a story based on a white savior kidney donor character who donates her kidney to a Chinese-American woman and then harasses the Chinese-American woman (Larson is Chinese-American). Larson also plagiarized part of Dorland’s Facebook post about being a kidney donor and included it in her short story (I think the story was submitted to some writing competition?). Larson was even stupid enough to name the white savior character Dawn at first and only changed it when her writer friends cautioned her to. When Dorland finally read the story and saw her plagiarized Facebook post in Larson’s story, stuff hit the fan and Dorland sued Larson and I think Larson countersued. Both women looked bad and omg it was a hot mess. Kind of reminds me of Selena and Francia.
I don’t see many parallels beyond the kidney donation. I think Sonya looked worse, and also there was Celeste Ng, part of Sonya’s mean girl clique who in a text (they were released in discovery in court) said “f*** Dawn and her kidney”, which is disgusting.
Some people on the Internet are acting like Francia only loaned her some clothes 12 years ago and not an organ that saved her life. Even if we grow apart I’m always gonna be grateful to anyone who made that sacrifice so I can still be alive.
I’m petty enough to demand my kidney back tbh.
Yeah, I mean, if this were like, Francia had paid off her car or something it would be different, but people clutching their pearls that someone is emotionally invested in the friendship they have with someone they donated one of their organs to….hm. Lol. Selena herself said the waiting list was like 5-7 years. Probably would have been better to talk to her privately, but what Francia did for Selena is a big deal indeed.
I understand that the documentary was about her mental health struggles but honestly it really should have mentioned this, even just briefly.
Francia was at Selena’s 30th bday part this past summer. I thought the were cool with each other?
Also, in the doc Selena says “I’m so grateful to be alive”. Yeah I think just adding “because my friend Francia saved my life” would have been a very nice gesture. This is the only documentary Selena has ever done, so why leave out the transplant? That must have had a toll on her mental health too so it’s not like it didn’t tie in to the theme. People are acting like what Francia did was no big deal. It was the BIGGEST deal. Selena’s clapback “Sorry I didn’t mention everyone” is really mean. How many people saved your life Selena? Come on wow.
Exactly. Even if all the rumours of Francia feeling pressured to donate her kidney ( A huge, huge no, where I live, once you pressure a living person to donate an organ to you, the transplantation is off ) and Selena’s living a hard party life just after donation, aren’t true, what Francia did for Selena is huge and she risked complications on her own health to give Selena a chance to live. This isn’t just a loan or a simple favour. It’s a whole ass ORGAN. Selena doesn’t need to be eternally grateful (although, I mean, girl, someone gave their organ to you)or bow her head every time to Francia and sing her praises, but allow Francia to have complicated, messy feelings about it.
Mothers literally give life and are not mentioned everywhere all the time in their children lives. Selena doesn’t mention Francia one time and she’s ungrateful ? Francia obviously feel insecure about the friendship and should have taken it to Selena personally instead of making that comment publicly.
The comparison of motherhood to organ donation in this particular instance doesn’t make sense. Francia is not Selena’s mother and didn’t owe her anything but treated her like family when she wasn’t.
They both behaved a bit poorly, but one of them is alive because of the kindness of the other. It does tip the scales.
Anyway if the argument is “this was mostly about Selena’s journey and hopefully they both can show grace to each other” then ok, but people boiling this situation down to “Francia needs to shut up and let Selena move on and stop mentioning what she did” is weird to me.
Hard agree @Woke.
@ Woke
How often do mothers emotionally blackmail their kids with “I gave birth to you, I ruined my body for you…I fed and clothed you so be damn grateful !” It happens all the time. In this case, children didn’t ask to be born. You can’t compare this to Selena and Francia. It was a documentary, NOW was the time to mention how grateful she is to Francia for saving her life. My God, I would hate for Francia to read these comments. She literally saved a life and is expected to not have ANY feelings about it?
Really??? Selena was talking about her own mental health issues. She wasn’t asked to list every important person in her life and left out the organ donor!
I’m really concerned that people are putting such mandatory checklists on people describing their own mental health struggles where they were hearing voices and had to be institutionalized. Seriously, what is going on?
You don’t talk about mental health issues without talking about severe physical issues that were caused, at least in part, by your substance abuse issues (which the rumours are true, she absolutely abused after) that caused it in the first place.
Wow, you are dictating how people talk about their own mental health experiences now? Seriously? Please stay away from anyone I care about, because that is toxic.
Many people with mental health issues have substance issues leading to diagnosis because things are unclear and they try to self medicate.
This is evidence that a person struggling with psychological issues’ emotions are so hightened and iver the top, that they must avoid the social network trap of immediacy and rashness. Is there somebody benevolent enough among Selena’s team to tell her: you are not in a mental capacity to handle a rational public response, let me do that for you.
Where is Selena’s support system, I mean the ones she pays and to whom she can safely delegate her public communication? If she was surrounded by genuinely benevolent, selfless staff, she would have spared herself an unnecessary blunder and a hurtful gaffe.
I’m sure Francia will find it in herself to eventually overlook the faux pas, given the circumstances. Mental hardship aside, I hope Selena learns how physically restful and mentally resourceful it can be to sometimes stay away from the confrontational arena of social networks, especially if she is confused as to whom she should prioritize and be uncompromisingly gracious with.
Oh my god, this is a bad take. This is not evidence of anything that can be generalized to all people with mental illness. This kind of stereotyping and assumption-making is why documentaries about mental health are necessary in the first place.
So you would advise somebody going through a manic episode and depression to challenge the negative comments on social media and risk writing things that end up being detrimental to their reputation and sanity. If this is your good take, I hope it stays with you.
I LOVED Francia on Grownish and think she’s so cute. I had no idea she gave a kidney to Selena Gomez. Super weird. She’s great at playing the best friend – she and Hillary Duff have great chemistry- so I guess it’s not surprising. But it’s still weird.
There is so much to unpack here.
1) Francia wouldn’t have commented at all if they were still close because Selena would have mentioned “Hey, I love you but for xyz reason, you’re not in the doc.” But no. She commented on an E! story. That says a lot. Selena’s “reply” says more. It looks like a shitshow.
2) I’ve read so many opinions (on Reddit etc.) where people say stuff like “Oh so you want her to kiss your feet for the rest of your life? People who donate a kidney aren’t entitled to this kind of continued gratitude. You made a decision, she can move on.” This is an interesting take. It’s completely unrealistic and if this is the approach, you’re not really helping anyone making a positive decision about donating anything. I sure as hell woudn’t expect to be thanked every day but if the person wrote a memoir for example, I would want a damn mention!
3) I felt super uneasy when the whole donation/transplant story went public like it did. It feels like a dangerous game. This must put any relationship under immense pressure and to bring the public into it … yikes.
4) Unless Francia did something horrific to Selena, Selena looks like such an asshole here. It reads dismissive and bitchy. Not a good look for a woman her age.
Totally! I’m taken aback by all the, “so you donated a kidney? Big woop!” Like she leant her 5 bucks! Kidney surgery is life changing and traumatic. Not only are you saving someone else’s life, you’re giving up years of your own. It’s a massive deal. Also, if it’s accurate that Selena received the information that she was a match before Francia did and Francia was not granted the proper informed consent to make this decision than that is criminal. I’m sure, in reality there are many difficult an nuanced things for these two women to work out in their relationship. Selena doesn’t owe Francia “knee bending” if Francia had full informed consent about her decision to save Selena’s life, but she sure owes her accountability and to not sic her fan base onto her for feeling put out. If you believe someone donating a kidney is NBD, you are being manipulated by the sanitized image of your celebrity worship object and not thinking in reality.
💕 🖖
My assumption was just that Selena considers her a friend, not a “friend in the industry”. She wouldn’t be mentioning such non-industry friends in the context of that interview but would mention someone like Taylor Swift who would be very familiar to readers and in the music industry. Acting is a very different industry to me.
Maybe it’s better to get transplants from complete strangers….
I am not especially a fan of Selena, but my thought on this is kidney donor or not, we go through a lot of friendship changes in our 20s! I’ve lost and gained several friends in these 10 years for all different reasons. It may be true that Taylor is Selena’s only close industry friend at this point. Or maybe she considers Francia a friend but not part of the industry machine — I mean, she’s a working actress, not a household name.
Still, it was crummy of her to pile Francia in with everyone she knows, and it was crummy of Francia to publicly comment on the Taylor quote.
Selena is a young woman of color who has went through hell with lupus people here are making dangerous and false assumptions about her . Based on what hate YouTube channel there never been any real evidence about her being a drug addiction or her having alcoholism problems but people are so quick to believe the rumors about woman of color . Just like there a real campaign against Meghan with people spreading lies about her there has been a widespread campaign to make Selena a drug addiction. In my opinion I think there a lot people who willing to believe this rumors just because they don’t like Selena for no reason but bias . People online are so quick to start drama when their not I think Francia over reaction and Selena is probably grateful but what exactly does Francia wants or better yet anyone wants she did something wonderful but should all organs recipients constantly get on their hands and knees all the time thanking the person who saved their lives forever .
Francia is also a woman of color.
Serena and Justin were seen on tape buying drugs … Like her drug usage isn’t some great conspiracy
They both handled this wrong. Given Selena’s mental health issues, the public’s need to destroy women over every misstep, and toxic stans, this is probably not going to be good for either one of them. It sucks.
I mean…is it wrong that I’m no longer feeling so bad about all these famous young women who “don’t fit it”?
Do any of you even know any organ donors/recipients? You are not required to shout out your donor for the rest of your life, and many recipients don’t want to talk about it because it is a deeply traumatic experience! My husband received a donor kidney from his mother almost 25 years ago, and he was very grateful and lived his life to the fullest. Yes, it’s a big deal to donate, but even 25 years ago the recovery for the donor wasn’t that terrible and his mother is now 79, in excellent health, and has never experienced any adverse effects from the donation. I imagine with modern surgical techniques the recovery is even easier. He did not thank her past the first few months after the transplant even though he thoroughly appreciated the gift she had given him. The point of organ donation is that the recipient gets to live as normal a life as possible after the transplant–which means not having to thank someone else for giving you life for the rest of your life. He hated talking about it because it reminded him of when he was so sick and how he was still different from other people because he had to take so many medications every day. He died three years ago unexpectedly from cardiac arrest of unknown cause, and his mother wanted to mention something about donating a kidney to him during her memorial service speech, but I said no. As much as we both appreciated her donation, it was the thing he absolutely didn’t want defining him. He was so much more than a transplant recipient–he was a father, a conservation biologist, an outdoorsy type, an amazing husband–and it doesn’t make us ungrateful for not acknowledging it forever. So I’m going to give Selena a lot of grace here.
Clapping back rudely to your donor in front of millions and what you are describing are very different scenarios.
I think clapping back rudely and publicly about a friend who was describing their mental health issues, because the headline didn’t include you, is pretty terrible.
Honestly, she posted one word and took it back. You have absolutely no clue why she posted what she did or what her motivation was.
And here’s where my editorial comments come in: I’m sorry, but not mentioning her even a single time when she is the reason Selena is alive, the reason that Selena didn’t have to wait for a donor like most people (and it’s looking like the process didn’t actually occur the way it should have) and had to suffer the physical repercussions of losing a kidney whereas by nature of the process Selena recovered fairly quickly – yeah, I’d be irritated too, and she was a lot less restrained than I would be. She wasn’t her maid of honor or something like that. She gave her a vital organ. Your mental and physical health are connected. Selena can do whatever she wants but she looks crass for ignoring Francia when she is saying things like she is so glad she’s alive and then getting snotty towards her in front of millions. Nope.
She posted one word on a public forum instead of reaching out to her friend that is publicly struggling with mental health. Yes, that is a really terrible thing to do to someone.
You have no idea how much Selena has or has not mentioned Francia, you only know what editors of magazine articles and documentaries put into them. And in a project that is focusing on mental health, and a bipolar diagnosis, it is understandable if it doesn’t include a separate medical matter.
What is crass, is telling people whose lives were threatened by mental illness that they aren’t phrasing it right when they describe their experiences. I thought we’d come farther when it comes to mental health understanding, but I guess not.
…When you thank someone in public the public generally knows about it? That’s kind of how we know she isn’t mentioned. Also the fact that she, you know, isn’t.
You’re turning this into a bunch of situations that it isn’t, because nowhere did anyone say Selena’s words about her mental illness were unacceptable. Not thanking the person that saved her life is crass. “Clapping back” is even worse. An add on, not a modification of anything she said about her mental health. And as a person who has gone to plenty of therapy I can say quite confidently that people not being allowed to react to how you treat them is also pretty bad for one’s mental health. Suit yourself.
No, the public doesn’t know every word that Selena has spoken. You’re making an uneducated guess. Things get edited and cut. An article is not a transcript.
Selena was talking about a very specific experience in her life, to be at that level of fame and having undiagnosed Bipolar, and not knowing what was happening. She was hearing voices, FFS. But she can’t mention that without talking about her kidney? Who are you to put that restriction on people?
When Selena talks about her mental health, there is no obligation to discuss a separate medical issue. Francia could have absolutely called or texted Selena and let her know she was hurt. Instead, she is publicly petty and hijacks the story.
I‘m sorry, his mother and organ donor wanted to mention it and because he found it traumatic, you forbade his mother after her son died? I‘m reading a lot about your husband’s feelings. How did his mother feel?
If my sister gave me a kidney, she would get a thank you card on every birthday. MY birthday.
That’s the thing. It seems that the organ recipient’s feelings are the most important, which I think is unfair. The donor has feelings too. They went through a lot too. It’s not easy to just give an organ away.
Um, his mother completely understood because she didn’t donate her kidney for endless praise. She did it because she loved her son. It was her strongest connection to her son, which is why she first thought of it, but she understood that a memorial service is about celebrating the person who died, not about giving props to all the other people in their life, and she realized how out of place it would’ve been to mention it. Do you think you would’ve enjoyed a memorial service where someone stood up and praised themselves for their selfless act before they mentioned the deceased? And yes, Selena could’ve handled her response better, but if someone yelled at me on social media for not thanking my MIL at my dead husband’s memorial service, I don’t think I would’ve been very nice either. If you are a properly counseled donor and recipient, it is supposed to become something in the background. Of course the donor is allowed to have feelings, but should they be allowed to hold it over the recipient’s head forever? It sounds like the transplant team did not properly follow protocol or counsel the donor and recipient here.
However you chose to work that situation out is a family affair of your own, but a mention of someone’s action is not “endless praise” – this hyperbolic description that people keep bringing up (“why should Selena have to thank her every single day??!”) clouds not only the issue of Selena’s response but also the question of Francia’s feelings in the first place.
And Francia is not Selena’s mother, so it’s even further removed and frankly completely different.
I know nothing about your late husband’s relationship with his mother, but I don’t think it was super outrageous of her wanting to mention the kidney she gave him at her son’s funeral? I don’t know what it is like to need an organ and don’t know what it is like to willingly give up on an organ to save a life, but it sounds messy and complicated from both sides and we should allow both sides space and room to express their thoughts and feelings about the transplantation.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, and I think I made it sound more messy than it was. It was not a point of friction between them at all, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be! Organ donation is not supposed to be a fraught, quid-pro-quo relationship, or some dramatic thing where you are always thinking about how someone saved your life or how you saved someone else’s life. My MIL and I are very close, and for her, this was her closest connection to her son and she wanted to acknowledge that connection. But she knew her son well enough to know that he would not want the lowest point of his life to be some of the official last words said about him, and that the donation didn’t need to be mentioned to prove their connection. Does that make sense? Memorials are about high points, usually.
Sorry, I wasn’t trying to imply the relationship between your late husband and his mother was messy and complicated. It’s wonderful to hear that’s how it went between your late husband and you MIL, and that’s indeed the ideal scenario, No one feels owed anything and everything happened with full consent between both parties, but obviously every donor transplantation story is different. I was trying to say that a donor transplantation can trigger messy and complicated feeling between the donor giver and donor recipient ( from the outside, it sounded like that was the case between Selena and Francia). Not every donor transplantation is the same or happens under the same conditions and circumstances either. Situations can be tricky. Humans are complicated and feelings are messy. Francia is not Selena’s mother, they are of similar age and they were both young when the transplantation happened. Don’t forget, Selena has way bigger star power and way more money than Francia, which can lead to an imbalance between them. Frankly, Francia didn’t owe Selena anything but she went ahead and gave an organ to a friend in need. Something obviously went wrong between the two and yes, Selena isn’t obligated/shouldn’t feel pressured/emotionally manipulated into singing Francia praises at every turn and occasion, BUT I also don’t think Francia has given up her organ for clout and public praises either. I don’t think Francia expected to be worshipped by Selena for all eternity. For whatever reasons, Francia feels hurt and left out by Selena and that’s WITHIN Francia’s right too.I don’t know if that makes any sense to you?
Woof. Selena wanted to be honest & unflitered in the documentary to highlight how anyone with mental health deserves compassion and understanding, so now she has to own what she said. She should be honest.
She doesn’t owe Francia “and Francia” comments on every statement she makes about people that matter to her. She doesn’t have to be Francia’s friend. She doesn’t have to treat the kidney this way or that.
But Selena doesn’t get to control Francia’s feelings. Especially when Francia’s version of being notified of a match was that notification coming from Selena, not the doctor.
Selena wants to be unfiltered and honest, start there. Start with how she used her position to control the donation process.
I agree with a lot of what you’ve said. I also wonder if maybe Selena wasn’t controlling the process of the donation testing. I mean, she can’t control the doctor, maybe they are in the wrong for telling Selena before Francia that it was a match. Then, Selena being so excited, called her. It’s selfish yes, to assume that Francia wanted to donate, but maybe since she did the test, Selena assumed she wanted to donate if it came back as a match.
There are so many sides. I think Francia feels slighted and thought this was a connection for life.. and what she did was so wonderful and selfless … but the kidney isn’t hers anymore and if Selena isn’t her friend anymore unfortunately that is not her choice to make. I feel for her, but she (they both) needs to stay off of social media regarding this. It was in bad taste for Francia to comment cryptically on the post imo. Selena’s response wasn’t great either, but the documentary is her story to tell, and also controlled by the editors.
Nowadays, we’re getting much better at realizing that physical and mental health is linked. Especially true and f you’re so ill, you’re up for an organ transplant to save your life. The kidney transplant and donor should be (briefly at least) mentioned, and it says something about Selena that she didn’t just say something to the effect of being eternally grateful to have gotten the gift of life from Francia and moved on. And unfortunately it also says something about Francia for piling on to someone with a lot of serious physical and mental issues in public. I hope they can repair some of the damage and treat each other with more respect moving forward.
I want to know the story behind it. How do you go from “She saved my life and is my best friend” to essentially “IDK her.” I’m listening to SLOAN’S most recent vid on it right now on YT. But I wanna know if F did anything to S or if S just got into her own head or what.
Oddly enough a former coworker of mine who has been documenting his prep for kidney transplant surgery on social media just occurred yesterday. I think a friend of his ended up donating her kidney to him, it’ll be interesting to see how he handles himself going forward. He’s been open about his kidney journey for years and about getting dialysis and I wish him all the success in his life ahead. I am not close to this person at all and only know him really tangentially, he worked on the west coast when I worked for the company but he ended up friending me on social media.
But not all kidney transplant surgery stories have happy endings. Didn’t George Lopez’s wife donate her kidney to him and they ended up getting divorced a few years later? I do think it’s odd for Selena to have completely left out her kidney transplant out of the documentary. Even if her relationship with Francia isn’t the best, she chose to share that story with the world and to completely omit it just seems so weird. She could have just mentioned that while she and Francia aren’t as close as they used to be, she’ll remain forever grateful to Francia for donating her kidney. She doesn’t have any obligations to Francia beyond that but I could see how Francia would feel slighted for Selena to single out Taylor Swift over her… but she really should have kept her comments offline and in private with Selena.
The documentary was about mental health not kidney transplant.
I get that but the fact she had to face getting a kidney transplant due to her lupus clearly affected her, she even admitted she dealt with anxiety and depression due to her diagnosis. A kidney transplant would affect anyone’s mental health to some extent. I haven’t watched the documentary yet but given it affected her mental health so much, I would have thought it would be included.
Not a good look for either of them, but I don’t think Selena’s initial comment would have even been an issue if there were no issues in their friendship, which is probably why Selena didn’t mention her. Plus, it seemed to me she was talking about the music industry and/or people with the same level of fame as her.
I’m neither a fan nor a non-fan of Selena. I think it was very odd of the donor to make a public comment – especially when it’s clear that the context of Selena’s original statements had nothing to do with the donor. I don’t blame Selena for being annoyed. Yes, she should have addressed that privately but we don’t know the state of their relationship. If you choose to give an organ, you should do so without strings or not at all. Gratitude is one thing but not fair to expect the recipient to be beholden to you in every situation. Additionally, the donor here has gotten a lot of notoriety solely because of being a donor to someone very famous.
I don’t think thats fair. She was Serena’s good friend and worked in the industry so Serena saying she only has Taylor as a friend in the industry implies she doesn’t consider Francia her friend anymore. You don’t get to pressure your good friend into giving you a kidney and then cut them out of your life and ignore their hurt. Its not like Serena was on the organ waiting list and got some random lady from Iowa’s kidney
I interpreted it to mean that she only has one friend in the music industry (which is the industry Taylor Swift, whom she mentioned, is in). Whether Selena pressured Francia to be a kidney donor, cut Francia out of her life and/or ignored her hurt, I have zero idea. My point is just that kidney donor or not, Francia should have no expectation of being brought up in a context (Selena’s friends in the music industry) that does not apply to her.
The friend(?) Francia comes off as somewhat messy/hurt, but Selena comes out of this looking much worse, imo. I’m not surprised people are excusing Selena’s nasty little clapback because most people are uncomfortable with expressing gratitude or feeling beholden to people. Especially over long periods of time. But I found Selena’s comment quite nasty. there are more gracious ways of responding, and if that is beyond you, silence is easy and free,
Personally if someone saved my life , I’d thank them all the time, and give them a present every year on kidney birthday. I’m old enough to know how rare true kindness and try to appreciate and encourage it accordingly. but people have gotten so hard and self-centered over the past few years that I’m not surprised many people are Team Selena on this,
Selena used her position to control the donation process when she went above the standard procedure and basically pressured Francia into it, and now she’s acting entitled about it. She should have reached out directly to Francia when she realized she was hurt/angry about her comments, instead of snapping back publicly for all to see. Sorry, but Selena comes across as so manipulative and spoiled. I don’t know how her squeaky clean image has lasted so long when there are countless rumours that she’s always been like this behind the scenes.
I wonder if Selena even knew about organ donation protocols? We might have to blame the medical team for this, or whomever was in charge. Francia was supposed to be notified first, have time to process it, make a decision, and then Selena should have been notified. Anyways, at the time this was all happening Selena and Francia were actually living together. So it’s odd in the documentary Francia is nowhere to be found. That doc spanned a timeline of 6 years. Like please just give a nice shout out to the generous human that literally saved your life. Is that really too much to ask for? Francia’s father reportedly was against her donating her kidney. I wonder if that caused an issue with her relationshp with her father? Not to mention she has physical scars from the donation that will be with her forever and a constant reminder.
My issue with Selena here is that she made a documentary about mental illness and societies expectations on women, but there problem is there is no silver lining no gratitude in any of the documentary no mention of the good aspects of her life why tell and incomplete story without mentioning the friends who were there for you in your darkest moments. How is this helpful to other patients and bringing awareness