I’m kind of obsessed with the Daily Mail’s attempts to order King Charles to shun Prince Harry. The Mail’s editors are waging a very public campaign to convince Charles that he should not invite Harry to the coronation, aka the Chubbly, and that the monarchy would be in very, very big trouble if Harry turns up in any way. What is the scheme here? Because I actually believe that the Mail would love nothing more than to cover every minute of a brief Sussex visit for the Chubbly. In that way, it is like last year’s Jubbly – the British papers were thrilled that the Queen invited the Sussexes and they loved covering every minute of Harry and Meghan’s movements, but they still took the position for months that the Sussexes should be “disinvited” or punished in some way. After the Mail published a staff editorial demanding that Charles snub Harry’s Chubbly invite, they got one of their old fart columnists, Stephen Glover, to write an unhinged commentary piece about it too. Some highlights:

Charles asking Justin Welby to speak to Prince Harry: “The King is a loving father, and it is understandable that he should want his younger son to be present on such an occasion. He hopes to give the world the impression that the Royal Family is reconciled. If only it were! The truth is that Harry has fired torpedo after torpedo at members of the Royal Family, most notably at the Queen Consort Camilla and his brother William, who is said to have misgivings about a deal to lure the Duke and Duchess of Sussex to the Coronation.

No contrition: “There’s no evidence that Harry is remotely contrite. More books, and doubtless further television interviews and self-serving documentaries, lie ahead, and neither Harry nor his wife shows any sign of intending to desist. While promoting his recently published memoir Spare on television, Harry described Camilla as a ‘villain’ and ‘dangerous’. He also accused her in the book — provably falsely — of leaking details of her first meeting with Prince William in 1998 to the Press. As for William, Harry has represented him in Spare and other outpourings as a hot-tempered pugilist who physically attacked him, was rude to Meghan and is fundamentally repressed and conventional.

Charles must demand assurances from the Sussexes: “It is surely unimaginable, though, that this could happen without an assurance from Harry and Meghan that their broadsides will cease for good — and it seems extremely unlikely that such an undertaking will ever be given by the vengeful Sussexes. The King should obviously consider the feelings of his wife and elder son as well as those of his angry younger son. Harry’s remarks about Camilla were particularly hurtful and unchivalrous.

Charles must put the crown before family: “Charles is not simply a loving father. He is also our sovereign, who is aware that he must sometimes look beyond the personal feelings of members of his family to consider the interests of the monarchy. For Harry’s attacks haven’t simply damaged members of the Royal Family. There has been wider collateral damage to the institution, which, with breathtaking arrogance and presumptuousness, Harry says he has a ‘responsibility’ to reform.

Harry’s preposterous views!! “He has depicted almost the entire Royal Family as dysfunctional because, in his preposterous view, it is somehow controlled by the media, and collaborated in unspecified ways in a campaign to drive Meghan from our shores. These are ludicrous allegations which instantly crumble when they are examined, but their certain effect, and probable intention, is to undermine the monarchy in the minds of suggestible people. In other words, Harry and Meghan are not merely cruel and untrustworthy critics of individual members of the Royal Family. They have also made themselves into enemies of the institution of monarchy — from which, in their continuing use of their royal titles and connections, they nonetheless intend to benefit.

Unhinged: “Without a cast-iron assurance that these attacks will stop, it is unthinkable that the couple should be invited to attend the religious ceremony at which the sacred nature of monarchy is re-affirmed before the nation. If the Sussexes arrived without giving such a pledge, they might use their visit to mount further attacks on members of the Royal Family. It is likely, even if a solemn undertaking were made, that they would try to promote themselves with their fans, and divert attention from the Coronation.

[From The Daily Mail]

What’s your favorite part? I think mine is: “He has depicted almost the entire Royal Family as dysfunctional because, in his preposterous view, it is somehow controlled by the media…” Writes the Daily Mail columnist tasked with grinding out yet another piece in which the Mail orders the KING to not invite his son to his coronation. I would also argue that Harry has said his family is dysfunctional full-stop AND they are controlled by the media. Also: The media “collaborated in unspecified ways in a campaign to drive Meghan from our shores. These are ludicrous allegations which instantly crumble when they are examined…” Again, writes the columnist for the publication currently being sued by Harry and the same publication which Meghan successfully sued. The way these motherf–kers try to rewrite history is breathtaking. Anyhoodle, hit dogs holler and the Mail is hollerin’.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.