Armie Hammer admits he was ‘one million percent’ emotionally abusive

The “Armie Hammer redemption tour” has begun, even though no one wants it. In early 2021, Hammer was outed as a sexual assailant, a wannabe cannibal, a guy who treats women like sh-t and an addict. There were texts about his cannibal and BDSM fantasies, there were ex-girlfriends and ex-lovers coming out of the woodwork to tell their stories of being used, abused and abandoned by Hammer. And there was Effie’s story of being raped and tortured by Hammer, a story which led the LAPD to open up a criminal investigation. It now appears that Effie’s story is much more complicated than many believed, and her lawyer (Gloria Allred) has already stepped away from representing her. It’s likely nothing (in the way of criminal charges or even a civil case) will come out of Effie’s claims, in general, and that was true before Hammer commenced with this redemption tour. Hammer sat down with Air Mail for a self-pitying and self-centered interview. Some highlights:

Hammer claims the “rape” of Effie was a scene they planned together: “If I still had these messages, I would have been able to put this to bed in .5 seconds. This alleged rape was a scene that was her idea. She planned all of the details out, all the way down to what Starbucks I would see her at, how I would follow her home, how her front door would be open and unlocked and I would come in, and we would engage in what is called a ‘consensual non-consent scene,’ CNC.” Hammer says that, while he and Effie had sex multiple times, “we only had one, scheduled CNC event,” and that Effie introduced him to the practice.

He always asked for consent: “Every single thing was discussed beforehand,” he says. “I have never thrust this on someone unexpectedly. Never. That’s a very important part of the B.D.S.M. world. The consent. Because you’re doing things that are pushing envelopes. You’re doing things that are beyond the [realm of] ‘Let’s have missionary sex with the lights off.’ You have to have that trust. You have to have that vulnerability with someone. You have to have that aspect of ‘I am willingly giving my control over to this person,.’ You know, the sub [the submissive partner] is the one who actually has all the power. Always. They’re the ones who can say ‘stop’ at any moment. They’re the ones who set the boundaries.”

He’s glad all of this has happened: “If someone came up to me and gave me a magic lamp and said, ‘There’s a genie in here, but it only gives you one wish. If you rub this lamp, the genie will come out and take you back two years in the past, and you could undo all of this,’ I wouldn’t do it. I’m now grateful for everything that’s happened to me, because, as it says in the ‘Twelve and Twelve’ [Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, the guidebook of Alcoholics Anonymous], pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress. I’m now a healthier, happier, more balanced person. I’m able to be there for my kids in a way I never was. I’m able to be there for my dad as he’s dying in a way that I would have never been able to be. I’m truly grateful for my life and my recovery and everything. I would not go back and undo everything that’s happened to me.”

He was abused at 13: At the age of 13, Hammer says, a youth pastor at the church his family attended sexually abused him for a period lasting nearly a year. “What that did for me was it introduced sexuality into my life in a way that it was completely out of my control,” he recalls. “I was powerless in the situation. I had no agency in the situation. My interests then went to: I want to have control in the situation, sexually.” According to Hammer, the sexual abuse he endured as a young boy “set a dangerous precedent in my life.” As a result of that experience, Hammer says that his “sexual interests became about being in control, because being out of control was very dangerous for me and very uncomfortable.”

He fully admits he was emotionally abusive: “I had a very intense and extreme lifestyle, and I would scoop up these women, bring them into it—into this whirlwind of travel and sex and drugs and big emotions flying around—and then as soon as I was done, I’d just drop them off and move on to the next woman, leaving that woman feeling abandoned or used.” Asked if it’s fair to say that he was emotionally abusive to his accusers, he replies, “One million percent.”

[From Air Mail]

He also claims, at one point in the interview, that he was suicidal. I had stopped reading the piece by then. One of the quotes which made the most sense to me was from one of Hammer’s friends, who was basically like: I’m glad his life fell apart, his behavior was stupid and harmful and he deserved what he got. That’s how I feel too – while the article tries to parse what is “vivid BDSM fantasy” versus what is actually line-crossing abuse, the sheer number of women coming forward with these horrible stories about him leads me to believe that we’ve actually only heard a small fraction of what he’s really done to women for years.

I’m glad I didn’t stick around and read until the end.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid.

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39 Responses to “Armie Hammer admits he was ‘one million percent’ emotionally abusive”

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  1. Brassy Rebel says:

    BDSM. Just say no!

    • C says:

      This isn’t BDSM, just exploitation.

      • Brassy Rebel says:

        It all starts with that crap.

      • AmyB says:

        What Armie Hammer did has NOTHING to do with BDSM. This was about manipulation and abuse; consent is the cornerstone of every dynamic in BDSM. A partner does not walk away and then later claim rape or abuse unless CONSENT never existed in the first place! This was just a convenient explanation for him. This interview makes me want to vomit, as he tries to paint himself as a victim as if his prior abuse is some excuse. Get therapy – that is what you DO!!

      • Brassy Rebel says:

        My opinion, people: consenting to someone tying you up and choking you is a really, really, really bad idea. You tell him to stop and he doesn’t. Then whatcha gonna do? It ain’t worth it, imo. You do you.

      • Christine says:

        Agreed, C and AmyB, this isn’t BDSM, this is a really good lawyer and fixer drafting a list of talking points, which they probably labeled “BDSM for Dummies”, and he’s parroting. The things he has said here are chapter two of any fictional BDSM novel, starting with the sub always has the power. Yes, if it’s actual BDSM, that’s not what the texts revealed.

        BDSM isn’t my thing, but I am 48 years old and I get that there is an entire realm of things that don’t happen during missionary sex with the lights off that are WAY better than missionary sex with the lights off. What I am in to now does not remotely resemble what I thought I liked when I started having sex.

  2. Emmi says:

    It’s like bullshit abuser bingo. If it was truly all consensual, he wouldn’t need to explain his sexual preferences and how they came to be. I’ve never felt the need to examine why I like what I like because nobody has ever accused me of anything. Being assaulted as a child is horrendous but there is no straight line from that to would-be cannibal. WTF? And he talks a lot, it reads manipulative to me. I believe the women.

    • Otaku fairy says:

      “If it was truly all consensual, he wouldn’t need to explain his sexual preferences and how they came to be. ” Good point. This is another reason why it’s harmful when people use sexual abuse as an insult toward individuals or groups they’ve been conditioned to look down on. It’s not just exploitative and ignorant. It’s not just traumatic and dangerous for marginalized communities, and harmful to certain movements, like when mental health issues are used in the same way . It’s too easy for men to use it as an excuse for their own abusive behaviors and as a means of rehabbing their images after they get caught.

  3. SAS says:

    I’m deeply sorry about his sexual abuse and glad he’s seemingly getting a lot of therapy (from the way he’s speaking) but that’s about where my grace ends.

    Why can’t he do all this privately? Why these abusers go to ground in one of their multiple goddamn estates and experience the “spiritual benefits” of all this in obscurity? And be eternally grateful to have never faced any criminal consequences and fairly limited economic consequences and live off the investments of their huge wealth for the rest of their life without subjecting us to their narcissistic self-pity parade. ARGH!

    • Deering24 says:

      Because abusers like this are addicted to fame, which means more to them than money or most of the latter’s other perks.

    • Coco says:


      This is nothing, but PR not therapy he has a movie coming out so he needs the goodwill to sell it.

      Think Brad Pitt GQ interview back in 2016/2017 he said all the “right” things, but still continues to abuse AJ and kids though the courts and tabloids to this day.

  4. Roo says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about him being abused. No one should have to endure that, and I truly hope he gets therapy and eventually heals (as much as one can) from that trauma.

    However, I’m repulsed by this self-pitying redemption tour. And the worst part is that it’s probably not long until Hollywood gives him a major movie.

    Edited to add: @SAS, I said practically the same things as you, but you expressed them better.

  5. AlpineWitch says:

    We knew this was coming, didn’t we? As soon as he started to disappear, things were headed this direction! Same for renown physical/emptional abuser Shia LaBoeuf.

    If a woman or PoC would have behaved this way, they wouldn’t have been welcome in Hollywood even for a stop at the gas station.

    • Kate says:

      I got Shia vibes too with the weaponized vulnerability. Some people become even more dangerous once they’ve gone to a little therapy or in his case 12-steps because they learn lingo and realize if they appear to be vulnerable in response to questions about their behavior they might garner sympathy and bonus if they can snare more victims who think they are just “misunderstood”. If you’ve really done the work you can take full responsibility for your actions without offering defenses or explanations.

      and as for his “tHe SuB hAs AlL tHe PoWeR” – please. If I remember correctly many of these young women he was with were, well, young, and naive and he emotionally abused them and manipulated them to accept his kinks and fetishes. Maybe subs have power in true BDSM where both partners come to the table willingly and without coercion but I don’t believe that was the situation for him and his partners.

      • Christine says:

        I should have just kept reading:

        “Some people become even more dangerous once they’ve gone to a little therapy or in his case 12-steps because they learn lingo and realize if they appear to be vulnerable in response to questions about their behavior they might garner sympathy and bonus if they can snare more victims who think they are just “misunderstood”. ”


      • Ange says:

        That’s why they say you should never go to therapy with your abuser, because they weaponise it just like that.

  6. Blue Nails Betty says:

    When someone uses hyperbole (“a million percent”) in an apology for something as serious as rape allegations all I see is a red flag.

    Words matter. In statement analysis (for crimes or questionable behavior) words *really* matter.

    Reading the excerpts above he comes across as trying to convince us of a story he wants us to believe. It feels manipulative.

    I admit my internal bias could be a factor in how I’m receiving his words but for now, I’m not buying what he’s selling.

    • Ocho says:

      I had the same reaction, @Blue Nails Betty.

      “A million percent” is something an eight year old or a Peloton guru says. Not someone accused of rape. Address the matter seriously.

  7. Ladyjax says:

    Ummm… I’m in the BDSM lifestyle. And while he’s saying all the right things here about cnc and subs having all the power and whatever, that is not always the case. Coercion and manipulation still exist. “Just” being emotionally abusive can and *does* pave the way for physical abuse.

    I would know. I just ended an abusive relationship with my dom. It was “only” emotionally abusive, til one night when it wasn’t and crossed the line into physical and sexual assault. The line can be so thin, but once it’s crossed it’s clear as day.

    This is making me think of the new Anna Kendrick movie and her experiences with emotional abuse. It should not have to cross the line to physical for people to take this crap seriously.

    • Peachy says:

      Haven’t been active in the lifestyle in ages but people like AH were plentiful…it was all about the kink. Just that and the rest was word play (pun intended). He’s saying the right things but I don’t believe him for a second. All of the info is readily available for him to learn as this is his chosen defense.

      Hope you’ve found a safe place to heal in all ways and that your future is brighter and kinder.

    • AmyB says:


      I too am in the lifestyle, and this reads as if he knows just the right words to say. Do people in this lifestyle abuse and prey on others? Absolutely, but they are not representative of what consent and BDSM are genuinely about.

      I am sorry to hear of your recent experience and wish you all the best in healing xo

    • SophieJara says:

      @LadyJax I worked with a really incredible therapist during Covid. She’s a performer and a professional Dom, as is her partner. She’s Jet Set Jasmine on Instagram. She was doing more therapy during Covid because filming got shut down, but she still does sessions (she doesn’t take insurance though). Just wanted to recommend her if you’re looking to talk to someone, she was really helpful for me with processing kink and trauma together.

      • Ladyjax says:

        Thank you all so much for your kind words! I have a wonderful therapist and was in therapy throughout my relationship, which certainly helped my ability to see his patterns and get out before it got too bad (ie before I ended up hospitalized or dead.) And myself and his sub before me (who he also abused) got him banned from our local scene! Woot.

        Dudes like him and AH give kink a bad name. It’s very much frog in a pot of boiling water with a lot of them. But the more money and influence they have, the higher and faster they’re willing to crank the flames.

      • AmyB says:


        Dudes like him and AH give kink a bad name

        THIS ^^^ right here! That God-awful 50 Shades movie didn’t help either, explaining away the main character’s interest in kink as a result of his childhood trauma.

  8. Amy Bee says:

    I stopped reading this piece. Isn’t he married? Then there’s no excuse for what he did or planned to do.

  9. Mia4s says:

    Sadly childhood sexual abuse is more common than our society is ready to admit….but the vast, VAST majority of survivors don’t grow up to be violent abusive a**holes, Armie! UGH.

    I am genuinely glad that he is getting help, for the sake of his children and for the sake of people he may not victimize in the future. But there is ZERO reason to welcome him back to a privileged Hollywood career. Get help and GO AWAY.

  10. ThatsNotOkay says:

    He paints himself as the victim in this. “Sure I was emotionally abusive and pushed boundaries, but my SA made me need control. Effie stalked me and the whole rape scene was her idea! No, META won’t give me the texts, but believe me. Also, even if she asked to stop, and I didn’t, she was the one who’d planned it. And now I’m cancelled because my ex-wife hopped on board so she could get custody—but she hasn’t signed the divorce papers yet either, so…” So what, Armie? You’re still a grotesque douche and you’re not actually taking responsibility for the stuff you even admit you did! If TMZ follows you, find a job where you can work from home for a while and continue to get help, and keep others out of your misery.

  11. hmpy says:

    Oh look, he’s taking a page out of the James Franco bullsh@tting handbook of interviews. Psychological abuse is as damaging as other types of abuse.

  12. Whatever says:

    So glad all those women went through all that pain so he could have this incredible realization. Good for him!

    What an arrogant POS.

  13. Deering24 says:

    “If you rub this lamp, the genie will come out and take you back two years in the past, and you could undo all of this,’ I wouldn’t do it. I’m now grateful for everything that’s happened to me, because . . . pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress.”

    Ugh. One sorely doubts his victims feel the same way. Criminy, what a scumbag. 😛

    • Christine says:

      “I wouldn’t do it. I’m now grateful for everything that’s happened to me, because . . . pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress.”

      Seriously. This is a man who has not considered there is anyone but himself involved in this situation, for one second, least of all his kids.

      Hi, I’m a mom, you are a dad. As a mom, I am guessing, that you, as a dad, would love for there not to be a record of your abuses of women for your children, and their children, to read for all time. Your kids will likely one day kick your “spiritual process” in the nuts with a tell-all, and the rest of the planet will be here for it.

      Also, if you are a part of the militia of people this man has hired to rehab his image, and you are a credible professional, you aren’t peppering his “love me again!” speech with images of rubbing a bottle and a genie coming out. It’s like only 12 year old boys thought about how this entire mea culpa would come across.

  14. D says:

    I canceled my subscription to Air Mail after reading this. It was a misogynistic mess from the beginning. Trying to tie all this in to an anti-MeToo moment. Ugh, I am so disappointed in Grayson Carter.

  15. AppleCart says:

    I read the article yesterday, it did him no favors. And it was kinda gross who they threw the women in the light of. They got dumped and all of a sudden it dawned on them it was now rape. I don’t think it was all consensual. I think he just took what he wanted when he wanted it. And didn’t think twice about it. And just assumed it was all some blanket approval for his kink. He may never be prosecuted. But he does not deserve another chance at Hollywood. And with his Father’s recent passing. I’m sure he just inherited more millions. He doesn’t need the money. All we can do as a society is shun him.

  16. J.Ferber says:

    Oh, please. I will never buy what he is trying to sell. He has so much pity and compassion for HIMSELF. A narcissist predator who was never stopped by anyone. He’s not in jail, he has the Arm and Hammer money AND he wants his reputation back. F-ck you, Hammer. Don’t EVER come back. Hide on your island for the rest of your life. You are not fit for society.

  17. Rnot says:

    He’s one of those predators who becomes more dangerous with therapy.

  18. Yawn says:

    This is all just PR. This guy is very disturbed. Who would trust him? No one will be able to insure him. Good luck, Armie.

    His wife was leaking really damaging stuff against him in the press. The friend she used confirmed this. Dysfunctional couple that used to be desperate to prove they were so happy to the cameras.

  19. lionfire says:

    For me, this is just another proof who is the lowest on the scale in our society: the children.
    Armie Hammer is canceled, although it seems there was always consent-debatable, yes, but there were no prosecutions in the court of law..
    On the other hand, Ezra Miller, accused for manipulative cult-like behaviour, grooming of a teenager and endangering a toddler-is waiting for his premiere of Flash, still being pushed forward and promoted endlessly.

    I don’t mean to say that Hammer should be rehabilitated, just that it is amazingly clear how we/media pick and choose sides and what is right and what is wrong.

    I mean, even Lainey conviniently forgets to mention what exactly Miller has been accused so far, althouh it is public information. Interesting.