Tom Parker Bowles is ‘the Firm’s new secret weapon,’ a replacement for Harry

Congrats, British peeps, you’re getting a new princeling and he’s a pale 48-year-old divorced dude with a very sketchy past. Over the past week, we’ve heard a lot about Queen Consort Camilla and how this will be HER coronation too, and she’s insisting that her children and grandchildren be included front and center in the Chubbly proceedings. It’s a signal that Camilla’s long game has come to fruition, and it would not surprise me at all if her adult kids, Tom Parker Bowles and Laura Lopes, are now in line for titles and royal apartments and positions within the Firm. Speaking of, the Times of London had this hilariously obvious piece: “Tom Parker Bowles: the Firm’s new secret weapon? The Queen’s first born is about to gain prominence in the royal family. All signs are that he’s an asset, says Andrew Billen.” Step aside, Countess Sophie – the Windsors have a new secret weapon!

Prince Harry only mentioned Tom once in Spare: Tom appears in but a single paragraph. Harry, angry at press stories about his hunting trip to Germany in 2017, complains that he believes they had been offered by the Palace “in exchange for greater access to Pa, and also as a reward for the suppression of stories about Camilla’s son, who’d been gadding around London, generating tawdry rumours”. Talk about tabloid smears.

Holy sh-t: Now, however, at the coronation in May it seems that it will be Harry who is little more than a face in the congregation. Instead it is reported that the son of Tom Parker Bowles and his sister Laura’s twin boys will have a formal role at the ceremony, probably, I understand, as pages. “The Sussexes,” one royal commentator opined, “will now have to watch on as Camilla’s family steal the limelight, a nation’s hearts and millions if not billions of clicks and likes.”

Tom Parker Bowles is the new Prince Harry: As a royal inexpert, however, I do have one other thought: if indeed Harry is deposed in favour of TPB, it may not be a bad swap. Where the professional spare brings discord, the professional eater brings harmony.

Inclusive royals: The royal historian Hugo Vickers told a paper that the move to include Camilla’s grandkids was indicative of the growing “inclusivity” of the royal family. Socially, admittedly, it may not look that way. Even Sara Buys, Tom’s ex-wife, an English-Zimbabwean magazine editor, would sometimes puzzle over something he said and did, concluding: “It’s a toff thing, isn’t it?” But in Wiltshire they breed hardy, county, down-to-earth toffs. Tom went to Eton but was threatened with the local comprehensive if he did not buck up and do some work. The family ate Sainsbury’s ready meals and Camilla’s signature dish, as recorded in his recipe book Let’s Eat, was roast chicken with a single twist: “My mother insists that chopping off the dangly bit above the cavity and putting it on top of the bird improves the flavour.” Oh, and take it out when it’s done.

What a crazy paragraph: In his youth, he was in any case inducted into the democracy of human pain. He boarded at seven in a paedophile-inclined prep school and then, at Eton, although happier there, endured the press’s vilification of his mother. He was 18 when Diana named Camilla as her husband’s lover; 19 when Charles’s tampon fantasy about his mother became public. Aged 24, he found the press coming after him too. He admitted snorting cocaine at Cannes. It was nothing to do with the pressures of his situation, he has said, “I just loved raving.”

Wow, Giles Coren gets around: “He is not all cloistered. I think he’s seen the worst that the press and the media and public opinion can do to a person and reckons he can cope with everything hereon,” says Giles Coren, who lunches — martinis, two bottles of wine, a Poire Williams to finish — with Parker Bowles at least twice a month. He counts him as not only his closest friend among the restaurant critics (“not much of an achievement”) but a friend to whom he will trust his darkest confessions. “You get an impression of indiscretion but that is because when he talks about his family, he’s talking about the King. So it sounds a bit indiscreet but it never is. He keeps a secret better than anybody. He is incredibly respectful about his stepfather, whom he refers to only as his stepfather, and obviously to the Queen, but he tells funny stories about them and does their voices.”

Tom is still friendly with his ex-wife: “They’re still mates, still tight. They were married young. They were both posh, fun, party people, clever and sexy and funny and naughty and all that. I think that can lead to great fun, exciting marriages and then you have children and things will get a bit more grey, but they’re still great friends. He still stays with them at Christmas. I don’t think he ever went to Balmoral.” Coren believes Parker Bowles’s childhood alone would have been enough to turn someone else “bitter and twisted, which is obviously one of the things Harry must be”. Yet it has not.

[From The Times]

These people can’t help but inflict and project their insanity onto other people. It sounds like Tom is incredibly indiscreet, especially given that his BFF Giles Coren was one of several British toffs confirming Prince William’s affair with Rose Hanbury. It also sounds like Queen Camilla is promoting her ghastly large adult son as a “replacement prince” for Prince Harry. Goodbye, charismatic ginger and hello to a face only a horse would love. Speaking of, my mouth is still agape at this line: “The Sussexes will now have to watch on as Camilla’s family steal the limelight, a nation’s hearts and millions if not billions of clicks and likes.” GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.

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303 Responses to “Tom Parker Bowles is ‘the Firm’s new secret weapon,’ a replacement for Harry”

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  1. Tessa says:

    Tom and his first wife were not married young. His mother and stepdad caused the embarrassment. Tom capitalized on his relationship to his stepfather the prince when plugging his books. He even left his real father off his dust jacket biography blurbs. And he is not a royal.

    • Elizabeth Regina says:

      The fact is no one can replace Harry and Meghan. They can wheel out whoever they want as a replacement but I can safely say that most people won’t care for them. The RF is worse than a circus. It’s lower than a farce. KC3 and Baldilocks are hastening the decline of the House of Windsor rapidly.

      • Christine says:

        Agreed. Even a highly charismatic man with a public profile would fail to reach Harry’s levels of love and adoration, from complete strangers around the world. There is only one Harry. You can’t shove *this* forward and pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Billions of likes and clicks? JFC, the delusions are vomiting out of England at a faster than normal pace.

        I’m not even touching Meghan, they had her, and they messed up the best chance they had to protect the monarchy, end of story.

      • Pajalakenora says:

        This is a hilarious post~ I appreciate the laugh of Tom replacing H&M 😀

      • CROWHOOD says:

        certainly not a “ghastly large adult son” which by the way SENT ME.

    • usavgjoe says:

      There goes the neighborhood… let’s sit back and enjoy the fireworks

      • Kaye says:

        Just came to say Kaiser’s headline photos are fire today! I’m howling at the unfavorable but spot on unpleasant faces.

      • Lorelei says:

        Hand to god my first thought when I saw this was, “Wait, isn’t it March 1, not April 1?” because I legit could not believe this was real. My brain still can’t fully compute that it’s real.

      • TheFarmer'sWife says:

        Actually, @usavgjoe I’m getting a whiff of a septic field that hasn’t been properly tended to and is beginning to overflow. Once that liquid sh*t starts escaping, there’s no containing it!

      • Tacky says:

        They are never going to stop trying to make fetch happen.

      • Cara says:

        Gag. Vomit. Repeat.

      • blacktoypoodle says:

        Bread dough.
        Charlize Theron is pale luminescent otherworldly glamour.
        This Tom Bowels looks like a lump of raw bread dough.

      • Agreatreckoning says:

        If Michael K from Dlisted starts saying Hot Tom Parker-Bowles on a horse, I’ll know the world is ending. Soon.

    • Tarzana says:

      Didn’t we read in Spare something about Chas telling Haz the Royal Family didn’t have enough money to financially support Meghan? Wonder how much money Chas will cough up for the offspring and grand-offspring of his darling Queen Mistress.

      • PrincessK says:

        Charles has already established, at Camilla’s insistence, trust funds for both Tom and Laura because of the trauma they went through as children because of all the adultery.

    • Moxylady says:

      His face is the one I always imagine in historical romances when there is an ignorant or shallow or incurably dull or privileged and menacing character. Just shallow and vacant.

      • Jojo says:

        @MOXYLADY I do this too 😂😂. This totally gives off Mr. Elton from ‘Emma’ or Mr Collins from ‘Pride & Predudice’ vibes.

      • Marley says:

        Yes, exactly! Ugh! Shudder!

      • Debbie says:

        To me he looks more like an older version of Malcolm McDowell’s character in A Clockwork Orange. His face looks somewhat depraved.

      • Matilda says:

        Exactly! He could have been a character actor and played the aristocratic dullard! He would have always been employed.

      • The Recluse says:

        Look up the old Monty Python skit: Upperclass Twit of the Year Competition.
        This yokel is a shoo-in.

      • booboocita says:

        Mr Rushworth from Mansfield Park, down to the interest in gardening!

    • fishface says:

      Chinless wonder.

    • Where'sMyTiara says:

      I’m lowkey waiting for some tabloid to let slip that Chuckles is actually Tom PB’s real daddy, and that’s why they’re desperate to rebrand this cokehead commoner as a royal princeling.

      Tom’s older than Workshy, right? Will Camilla try to get the succession changed? Bulliam would pop the f-ck off so fast, lol

      This man looks like a thumb in a toupee. Sexy?!? Bish, WHERE?

  2. Josephine says:

    This line — They were both posh, fun, party people, clever and sexy and funny and naughty and all that — left me laughing in tears. Yeah, no, that guy was never clever or sexy. Goodness gracious they are scraping the bottom of the barrel here, another one who does nothing. Wonder how much they’ll need to pay to cover up his indiscretions.

    • Kittenmom says:

      My favorite line as well. So sexy he can replace Harry! 😹🤡😭🤡😹‼️ I think the author of this piece has had a few too many liquid lunches.

    • ShazBot says:

      These people truly have zero self-awareness. Not a one of them.
      They’re lucky every day Brits mostly ignore them – it’s the only explanation for why the aristocracy still exists.

      • kirk says:

        Well, it seems that “every day Brits” are fine with royal ‘family’ accumulation of unknown wealth and BRFCo grifting off public dole for semi-diplomatic events called “work.” Lack of oversight and financial examination will continue as long as populace is willing to “ignore them.”

    • Ginger says:

      Yeah, that was an odd line. Tom looks like a giant foot, he isn’t the slightest bit sexy lol

    • Dr Mrs The Monarch says:

      They sound like Andrew and Fergie 2.0. Clueless, obnoxious, entitled spoiled brats.

    • SJ (they/them) says:

      i am in actual tears, oh my god.

    • Gabby says:

      Uh yeah, does “sexy” mean something different in the UK? Because I see a rapidly aging dude with a bulbous head and his mother’s face (god help him) in a double-breasted suit. Hardly the modern secret weapon the firm needs. This guy makes Uncle Hookers and Blow look handsome.

      • Debbie says:

        Totally agree. The man looks like white bread, you know, the soggy kind. And as for “inclusivity” these are the same people who eschewed inclusivity when it came to Harry’s family, but now it seems they’re willing to pretend to be all for it?

      • BayTampaBay says:

        @Debbie – Wonder Bread discounted at Kroger or Wialmart because it is past its “sell-by” date

    • Lula2008 says:

      That is exactly what I thought! In what reality is that man deemed sexy?

      Is Camilla just putting garbage out to make her family look better?

    • sunny says:

      This is peak comedy! Leaving his looks aside, all past behaviour points to messy and indiscreet.

      I know these people are largely inbreed dullards who hang with sycophants but they can’t think this is a sound media strategy.

      Again, hahahahahahaahhah. Good luck with this!

      Seriously, what are they trying to distract from with these stories? Must be extra messy.

    • The Recluse says:

      Suddenly I’m reminded of Tom and Daisy in the Great Gatsby.

    • ELX says:

      If by all that they mean heavy drinker with a coke habit then sure.

  3. UNCDANCER says:

    What a nasty piece of work the British royal family is. The story of the eviction and now this? It just turns my stomach.

    • mia girl says:

      Agree! I had no idea this roll-out was happening. It’s utterly vomit inducing. Both the narrative and his face.

      I just said this in the Omid thread, but I’ll say it again here. I would be ZERO surprised if it’s actually one of Camilla’s kids that ends up living at Frogmore. And this new positioning convinces me even more. Camilla truly has been scheming and plotting all along.

      • UNCDancer says:

        I don’t like to fall into the blame the wife trap, but clearly Charles is a very weak man and has been led by her for years. Nasty, nasty doings.

      • Giddy says:

        Hard agree! I said this in the other thread also, but Cam is managing to push out Diana’s son and will install her own son in his place. Diana called Cam a Rottweiler, I think she’s more like a Wolverine…a member of the weasel family also called skunk bear.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        @ UNCDancer, I too like to veer as far as possible from the wife-trapping with regards to theBaRF but Cruella has Chuckie by his short hairs…..

        These articles today are all vomit inducing. 🤢🤢🤢

      • Mary Pester says:

        MIA GIRL, that was my thought exactly. SHE WANTED HARRY OUT. SHE WANTS FROGMORE FOR HER FROG SON. Christ will these people never learn. The papers are going to come for him big time within days of the coronation. Every smile, slip and quip will be put under the microscope. Not by the likes of Morgan or Wooton, but the other rags will soon sence blood, and I wonder who will have a story sold about them first. He will never replace Harry, he hasn’t got the guts, the personality or the work ethic of Harry, let alone the fact that he looks like a cross between a frog and a sloth! Now, please people, for the last time, this isn’t just Charlie boys coronation it’s COWMILLAS VICTORY LAP!! One last point, Harry has been on the outside looking in, ever since the Queen died

      • PrincessK says:

        Diana must be rolling in her grave.

      • SJ (they/them) says:

        @Mary Pester “SHE WANTS FROGMORE FOR HER FROG SON” you’re so right how could we not have seen it!!!! aaaaaaaaaaahhhh

  4. CC says:

    My internal monologue right now: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. If you can’t say anything nice…

    • HeatherC says:

      If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody…. come sit by me.
      (Read that in the late Olympia Dukakis’s voice)

      • BothSidesNow says:


      • AnneL says:

        I want a pillow that says that.

        Seriously, I am here for all the nasty things about this guy.

      • liz says:

        That was an Alice Roosevelt line! And yes, she had the pillow on her couch.

        She was Teddy Roosevelt’s daughter from his first marriage. She was the reason for the “I can do one of two things, I can be President of the United States or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both” quote from TR.

      • CC says:

        Okay, I give in. He’s like a less endearing version of Peter Boyle’s monster in “Young Frankenstein.” And despite being reanimated from an executed man’s corpse, I bet that monster’s liver was in better condition than this doof’s.

      • PrincessK says:


  5. says:

    This Tom Riddle looking mofo isn’t fit to clean the poo from Archie’s Chick Inn, let alone replace Harry.

  6. Moderatelywealthy says:

    The Toff version of Uncle Fester will setal hearts and clicks from Prince Harry?


  7. Jp says:

    I just spit out my coffee, good luck with that!

  8. SusieQ says:

    Seriously…what are these royal experts on? I don’t think this dude will be running away with the spotlight, the limelight, or anyone’s heart.

    • The Recluse says:

      They are really spreading it on THICK, aren’t they?
      I mean…damn….Camilla is really going for all the marbles.
      She’s so greedy and selfish and Charles so weak and selfish, they’re going to destroy the monarchy in no time at all.

  9. CJ says:

    BILLIONS of likes 🤣 bless these writers, they do love a bit of fanfic don’t they?

    I’m sure women around the world can’t wait to exercise their trigger fingers for this 00-numpty.

    • Jais says:

      The line about billions of likes…I think that wasn’t about Tom but his son and twin nephews at the coronation. Which is creepy. So these boys are what?… supposed to replace Harry and William with billions of clicks. Making those boys the subject of billions of likes and the limelight does not sound good at all. Those kids do not deserve that.

      • ELX says:

        It’s all about clicks and revenue. The BRF and the BM are throwing anything and everything at the wall to see if anyone one of these trolls can be an alternative money maker to H& M. So far, the answer is no, and this guy sure ain’t it.

    • Mary Pester says:

      Cj, only if it was on my 9mm

  10. ThatsNotOkay says:

    Ah, someone familiar with the inner workings of paedophilia. A man after Charles’s heart.

    • Emily_C says:

      I am more and more suspecting that this is why Chuck et al hate Harry. Harry isn’t part of the aristo boys’ club over there that thinks sexual abuse is good jolly fun.

      • HamsterJam says:

        That’s jolly good fun to the likes of you, and a truly horrifying thing to contemplate, but who was that incredibly lousy excuse for a writer who included that thow-away line the other day about pedophile schools?

  11. Polo says:

    Wasn’t this the son mired in scandal just last year as Tory party chair or something?
    Yup noo don’t believe any of this. They said the same about Sophie and Edward. I do believe her grandkids will have a prominent spot. Harry, Meghan if they go will be with their cousins as normal.
    I think this is press projection. Good luck to them.

    • Talia says:

      That was Camilla’s nephew, Ben Elliot, gold star networker. This is her son who …goes to restaurants and writes about them in the Mail on Sunday? Does he do anything else?

      I’m pretty sure he’s a less accomplished Pippa M with significantly less hustle than Pippa had back in the day. It will be interesting to see if it works out better for him than Pippa, though I’m sure Mummy will make sure he has Charles’ backing.

      • Polo says:

        I hate that in now know this information.
        So her whole family is a dumpster fire. Well bring on the mess they all deserve it.

    • Talia says:

      Apparently he does cookbooks, cooking shows on TV and works for other magazines / papers as a food critic. I have no idea if he is any good at any of those things.

      • PrincessK says:

        In other words he has no real job. Whatever he earns can in no way pay his bills and child support. His mummy is looking for ways to help him pad his income.

      • BayTampaBay says:

        @PrincessK – sorta like Peter Phillips?? Maybe like Mike Tindall….has anyone ever listened to a podcast of “The Good, The Bad and the Rugby”??? They are All trying to CASH IN.

        “The Good, The Bad and the Rugby”, I would not even know where to tune-in!!!

        These dudes make the Wessexes look like icons.

      • Concern Fae says:

        He has a food column in Country Life magazine, basically a real estate and puff pieces for the country toffs set. His latest was “How to use oranges to brighten up your February food” . I get the weekly emails for the Brit real estate porn. Link

    • BrazenHussey says:

      No that was her nephew Ben Elliott, former Tory party chair with deep Russia ties. Now runs YouGov & I allege he’s tied to those nonsensical pro-royal family popularity polls. 😂

      This guy Tom has been on Master Chef in the UK a number of times as a celebrity food critic. He seemed personable enough. I recognised the last name but didn’t care enough to connect the dots. He writes for the Daily Fail as their food critic. 🤮

  12. Tessa says:

    Why would he be bitter and twisted with his stepdad giving him a trust fund and helping him promote his cook books

  13. NjGr says:

    “He boarded at seven in a paedophile-inclined prep school” – what the hell?

    • Anna says:

      This is a flex to some people???

      • Lorelei says:

        Seriously, WTAF was that? It’s in there as some sort of throwaway line, like we’re just supposed to chuckle about pedophiles or something and then forget about it? I feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone.

      • BayTampaBay says:

        A backhanded reference to Andrew????

    • Ciotog says:

      What a strange “aside” to make, like it’s sad but no big deal.

    • Becks1 says:

      this is one of those articles that seems to be trying to praise TPB, but it actually has to be satire, right? No one believes Camilla’s grandkids are going to generate billions of clicks. No one believes TPB is the Firm’s new secret weapon. And using his prep school background as some sort of weird……I don’t know, tidbit, to include, is just bizarre.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        This word garbage that the Britshidmedia is pushing isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. Oh please….TPB will not ignite a frenzy, gain worldwide acclaim nor have any form of love and admiration for him. As for his history of paedophile-inclined schools that is simply telling us he is as dangerous to the Monarchy as Pedrew is. Why include the paedophile-inclined schools?? How could this series of his upbringing bring any new fresh air or “secret weapon” to the BaRF????

        Though he will be in excellent company with Pedrew. Hey, Chuckie should have TPB and Pedrew become roommates!!

      • molly says:

        It’s like it was written by ChatGPT.

        “Prince! Posh! Clicks! Royal! Paedophile-inclined!”

      • BayTampaBay says:

        Prince! Posh! Chicks! Pegging! Rose Gardening!

    • Lucy says:

      I… I think they’re trying to say he had a traumatic childhood too? But doesn’t complain about it?

      I swear to God I could write a 10,000 word essay on these excerpts alone. I think I would have to, to fully untangle what the hell all these weird asides are.

      • anna says:

        agreed – this is wild and very upsetting and so strange. if you publish this, if it’s well know – shouldn’t people investigate if crimes and abuse happened? but of course, it’s supposed to be charming or something.

      • Deering24 says:

        Lucy—yeah, it sounds like they are saying this guy had a worse childhood than Harry, so he’s more “worthy.” Or something. 🤮🤮

    • Emmi says:

      That was my reaction to this ENTIRE unhinged piece of crap writing! What did I just read?

      “says Giles Coren, who lunches — martinis, two bottles of wine, a Poire Williams to finish — with Parker Bowles at least twice a month.” That is a lot of alcohl for god’s sake! I can’t with this shit today.

      • Lorelei says:

        There’s simply no way that sane people can make sense of or explain this piece of writing and we need to stop trying.

      • SadieMae says:

        That’s the part that stopped me in my tracks! There are about 5 standard-size glasses in a bottle of wine, so even if it’s just one martini and one brandy each, that’s 7 drinks each, minimum. That’s a lot of alcohol even if you’re out clubbing – and they’re drinking that much at *lunch*?? I sincerely hope they’re not driving somewhere afterward. And, speaking as a recovering alcoholic, it’s a sign of a serious drinking problem when you think this is a normal level of booze to consume regularly, much less at lunchtime.

      • ncboudicca says:

        I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down just to find a comment calling that out! As the wife of a recovering alcoholic, and friend of an alcoholic who died because of alcohol abuse….yeah, that’s F’n excessive. This entire article is letting me know what a (not)hot mess this TPB is…

    • JP says:

      WTF phrasing. I imagine it’s meant to generate sympathy, which is just so gross and exploitative in its own right.

    • Nic919 says:

      I didn’t realize that was in the actual article. I thought Kaiser was summarizing it in a sarcastic way.

    • BeanieBean says:

      I found that the most bizarre part of this very bizarre article. How can you just sling off a description like that as though it were perfectly normal? Why include it in the first place??

  14. Snuffles says:

    I TOLD Y’ALL!!!!!!!! Didn’t I say it yesterday!!! Camilla is elevating her children and grandchildren into the monarchy!!!

    Don’t be surprised if we find out one or both of those kids is actually Charles. I don’t think it’s Tom, he’s the spitting image of Parker-Bowles, but maybe the daughter. If she’s Charles’s spawn, Camilla might make a move to depose William and his brood. He’s clearly not capable and probably has enough skeletons in his closet to force an abdication.

    Mark my words!! Something is going to happen!!!

    • Lili says:

      I was thinking the same thing , they must be his kids really, I don’t understand why Camilla is trying so hard to usurp Diana’s Family. While Charles stands by with a gag in his mouth. Since Charles is changing the rules, he could possibly make this guy his true heir and the William is out

    • Lady Digby says:

      Serious question if Laura is KC oldest child and legitimised uopn parents’ marriage, gulp, does she replace Willy as the heir to the throne?

      • HeatherC says:

        I don’t believe so because that rule or whatever about sons first wasn’t changed until William’s wife was pregnant with George. When William was born, if he had been Wilma, Harry would have been the heir.

      • lanne says:

        No because of male preference primogeniture. The same reason that Elizabeth was always Heir Presumptive and not Heir Apparent. If her mother had had another child who was a boy, she would have been displaced. Absolute primogeniture didn’t happen until 2013 before the birth of George.

      • Snuffles says:

        Ok, let’s say evil stepmother, Queen Camilla’s goal in life is to push out Diana’s children and grandchildren out of Charles life. Mission accomplished with Harry. William up next. It’s entirely possible he’s done something awful enough to force him to abdicate. That would still leave his children as heirs……

        Can Charles convince Parliament to retroactively change the law…nah if they did that, that would put Anne and her children next up.

        I dunno. Im sure Camilla is cooking up something.

      • Jais says:

        Well the rose rumors started with Giles Coren, apparently one her son’s closest friends. She’s working on it.

      • SenseOfTheAbsurd says:

        Serious question, and would cause a hell of a constitutional crisis and much wailing and hysteria, but OMG I would die laughing.

        Wars of the Roses re-enactment between the Parker-Bowleses and the Middletons? William chucked out the airlock? Yes please.

        But I don’t see anything suspiciously Windsor in Tom P-B. He looks like a cross between a horse and a frog, as you’d expect with his parents.

      • BayTampaBay says:

        “Wars of the Roses re-enactment between the Parker-Bowleses and the Middletons?”

        That is one World Wrestling Federation SmackDown Challenge that I would actually pay $23.99 USD to watch on Pay-Per-View.

      • Feeshalori says:

        This should actually benefit Kate, the Wales’ marriage could improve since they may have to unify once again as they did against the Sussexes. That should stir the heartstrings and give a new glow to Kate.

      • Just Me says:

        I see a resemblance between TPB and KC – it’s in the chin. They have similarly shaped chins – kind of long and protruding which is different than APB’s. But then again aren’t KC and Camilla related? So maybe that’s it.

    • s808 says:

      W is giddy at H being exiled but is gonna wake up, look around around realizing he’s the only Windsor left in a sea of parker-bowles. he’s really a pea-brained idiot for thinking H was a bigger threat C.

      • Bamaborn says:

        YES, Yes, yes! Was thinking, before article answered my question, “isn’t this the same guy that outed Willys’ connection to Rose Hanbury? He’s Cams’ son’s best friend? Willy will rue the day he didn’t keep his brother as an ally.

    • Flower says:

      Nah – both CamCam’s kids are the spit of Andrew Parker Bowles. TPB is literally Andrew’s twin.

      • Ace says:

        I was under the impression that APB was the catch way back when so somehow I assumed that meant he was hot, and now you tell me his son looks exactly like him? Yikes.

      • BayTampaBay says:

        Andrew Parker-Bowles was “British” hot in his younger days.

        Andrew Parker-Bowles was Jilly Cooper’s main inspiration for Rupert Campbell-Black in the novel “Riders” and the other “Rutshire Chronicles” novels.

      • PrincessK says:

        He looks a bit like his father but he gets most of his looks from his mother.

    • The Recluse says:

      The War of the Roses 2.0.

  15. Erin says:

    What are they smoking! I had to double check it wasn’t April 1st!

    • kyliegirl says:

      I had the same thought and wrote it before I saw your comment. Bonkers article!

  16. Digital Unicorn says:

    He’s messy AF and another one who cashes in on the royal connections – if he does start getting involved in the family business it sets the scene for the Mids to get involved as well when Peggy takes the throne. You know Ma is watching all this with interest to see how she can play it.

  17. lanne says:

    The British royals are the dumbest, most incompetent heads of state in Europe, with the dumbest, most incompetent management and PR team as well. This is comical in its luncacy. It’s something out of Grimms Fairy Tales–Wicked Stepmother putting her own nasty children forward at the expense of the children of hapless father. What’s next? Will she ask for Harry and Meghan’s hearts in a box?

    Have fun with your Upchuck Fest! I hope they send out complimentary barf bags with their invitations next week. The guests are gonna need them.

    • L4Frimaire says:

      Do the other European royal houses seem less screwed up because their governments have a tighter leash on them and their constitution defines their role better? We saw a bit of the messy with the Norwegians but generally it’s just photo ops and don’t hear this kind of mess. The Windsors are such screw ups. The Elizabeth era truly is over.

  18. Alice says:

    Rumours from way back held he was an out of control druggie to the point where Philip intervened and told Charles to keep him away from college-aged William, who was hanging out with him a lot.

    • Mary says:

      My recollection of the reporting is that he not only allegedly took drugs at school but sold them as well (“allegedly,” of course 😉).

    • PrincessK says:

      Yes, rumours that he was a bad influence on William and Harry, and introduced them to substances but this may not be true. But he certainly had a serious problem in that department.

  19. girl_ninja says:

    What a deeply unattractive mother/son duo…inside and out.

    The British press is so deeply pathetic with this continued grasping at trying to find a replacement for Harry. There is none. There will never be. And once Will starts seeing Camilla’s foal as trouble he’ll turn on him too.

  20. Zapp Brannigan says:

    So Charles told Camilla about Will’s Rose gardening, Camilla told her son, He then told Giles Coren and then Giles Coren told Twitter, but H&M are not to be trusted. Have I got that right?

    • Brassy Rebel says:

      💯 correct!

    • NottheOne says:

      Or Tom got caught in a bad/embarrassing situation and Camilla shared the Rose story to divert from her son.

      • L4Frimaire says:

        The British royal family are really suffering a personality and charisma vacuum when they’re trotting out Camilla’s lantern jawed, middle aged sad dad of a son to replace Harry. Are they nuts? So the royal family wanted international press, glamour, youth, energy and charisma , but when they actually got it, they said not that type, not her and him. Now they’re gone but still chasing that lightning. They’ll never recapture that moment where they had the shine of the Sussexes while having complete control over them. It seems they want anyone but the actual heir to throne William. These people are so bad at this.

    • Becks1 says:

      This is exactly the line I drew in my head. Giles Coren heard about it from TPB.

    • Bamaborn says:

      Yep, pretty much!

  21. Miranda says:

    This is so over-the-top and laughable that it almost reads like a desperate plea for Harry to come back just so they don’t have to pretend like this guy is even remotely interesting or charismatic.

  22. Harper says:

    Is this a warning to Willy of things to come? Terribly indiscreet toff who boozes it up on the regular with Giles Coren, the man who is world famous for tweeting confirmation of the Rose affair, is now the palace’s secret weapon?

    I actually don’t care if the Parker-Bowles twits get dukedoms. Bring it on! More mess, please.

    • Snuffles says:

      The tabloids are going to push Tom because he’s a boozy, indiscreet idiot who will spill the tea on the regular on everyone in the family (save Charles). William is an idiot because he threw Harry and Meghan under the bus to save his bacon, but now that he’s no longer a source of juicy information, Tom has stepped up. And you can bet your sweet bippy, Tommy Boy is going to dish the dirt on William and Kate first!!!

      Congratulations Willy, you played yourself.

    • Brassy Rebel says:

      William better stop worrying about Harry as an existential threat to his position and keep his eye on his stepbrother. Watch your back, Wills!

    • Princessk says:

      I don’t think Camilla is looking forward to doing endless royal engagements until the end of her days like the Queen. There are huge gaps to be filled in the workload, and Wil ly and Katie are not known for their work ethic.

      This fluff article is to soften us up and introduce her son who will start filling in for her on royal engagements, when she becomes more frequently indisposed. He doesn’t appear to be too busy. Very soon we will be seeing announcements about elderly Queen Camilla missing engagements such as:
      ‘ Unfortunately the Queen is unwell with the flu, backache, sore throat etc and will be unable to attend the memorial service but will be represented by Tom Parker Bowles’.
      Willy and Kate are showing no signs of stepping up and there are going to be big gaps to fill.

      • The Recluse says:

        Expect nice, shiny new titles to go along with this and Chuck’s indulgence regarding their housing, security and cost of living expenses. He’s already paid for 2 million pounds in trust funds for her kids, so they’ll always be comfortable.

  23. kyliegirl says:

    Is it already April Fools?!? This article is bonkers. TPB has tried to become something for years and nothing. Whatever charm his father is supposed to have (I still don’t get why APB was THE catch of the day) TPB has none of it. He comes off as a buffoon.

  24. anna says:

    these people just so believe their own bullshit – they just grew up in such a bubble thinking they are the best people in the world and the only other good people in the world are the 10 other people who look like them and who they grew up with. no one else is to be trusted because they might take away their power and comfort and status quo.

  25. FHMom says:

    He has Resting Drunk Face. I’m looking forward to the gossip.

  26. equality says:

    But PH doesn’t have to watch the coronation at all. He has options. William is the one who will HAVE TO watch Cam’s family being embiggened. And, I bet, it’s not setting well. Someone should explain to these RR’s that “inclusive” means you include everyone in the blended family, not that you replace your own child with a stepchild.

    • lanne says:

      Will gets to kneel before Wicked Stepmother. Kate will too.

      • Mary Pester says:

        YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS, now just watch Kates resting bitch face and Williams incandesce will fill the whole Abbey in a demonic red glow 😂

      • Christine says:

        This is the only reason I will tune into the Chubbly, to watch the Wails kneel in front of Chuck and Cam, and hopefully be struck with the realization that they have no allies.

    • Shawna says:

      Really good point.

  27. Steph says:

    Before I even read the article, I gotta say. That man is as ugly as his mother, my god.

    • SussexFan says:

      I agree. I so agree. If “pompous ass” was in the dictionary, his face would be the description. And I know little about the guy.

      William had better watch his step. I took a look at Laura Parker Bowles (now Lopes) on Wikipedia. She’s handsomer than her brother, but that chin definitely shows her to be Camilla’s daughter. Somebody oughta get a DNA sample on the sly to figure out whether she’s Chuckie’s. Because I cannot figure out why he wants to supersede his own blood for this brood, unless one of them is his as well.

  28. Maeve says:

    If the PB kids have any sense they’ll keep their heads down and try as much as possible to stay out of the limelight, they have a pretty decent setup at the moment and inviting more attention is going to be incredibly disruptive to their kids. Tom’s partner died tragically young of cancer a couple of years ago, which made me feel quite sympathetic towards him but I massively sided eye anyone who’d dine with Giles Coren, who’s an arse of epic proportions and gives nepo babies a bad name.

  29. Nicole r says:

    “In his youth, he was in any case inducted into the democracy of human pain. He boarded at seven in a paedophile-inclined prep school…”

    Come again?

    • Aeren says:

      I still don’t understand that sentence.

    • Gabby says:

      It sounds like he was molested at this school

      • OriginalLeigh says:

        That part is completely bonkers?!?! Are they seriously writing about the abuse of children in such a casual manner? And why was he sent there at seven years old? So his mother could have more free time to sleep with someone else’s husband? C & C are both shitty parents…

      • PrincessK says:

        Both Tom and Laura had it rough as children. Laura was very angry with Charles, she and William used to argue about whose parent was to blame. Willy blamed Camilla. Laura used to tell Charles to go away when he phoned the house to speak with her mother.

  30. Sue E Generis says:

    People always tell you exactly who they are. Isn’t it odd to always refer to people as weapons? Deployed against whom? Or what? Why this constant sense of embattlement? Horrid, vicious people.

    • SueBarbri33 says:

      This is actually a great point. But of course, very few people in this thousand-year family saga have ever been described as “rays of sunshine” or “happy-go-lucky.” It’s always “secret weapon” this and “steel-in-velvet glove” that.

    • Shawna says:

      Weapons against British republicanism, perhaps.

    • Lemons says:

      The royals have a hard time adjusting to their reality commanding an army of sycophantic courtiers and “reporters” rather than actual armies. So they try to sprinkle any language possible that ties them to their supposedly more virile ancestors. It grates me to the core.

      • aftershocks says:

        Welp, as Harry penultimately wrote in Spare:
        “Now I saw that even our finest moments, and my best memories, somehow involved death. Our lives were built on death. Our brightest days shadowed by it… I saw how we steeped ourselves in it… Windsor Castle itself was a tomb… The Tower of London was held together with the blood of animals… Outsiders called us a cult, but maybe we were a death cult, and wasn’t that a little bit more depraved? … Enough death — enough. When is someone in this family going to break free and live?”

        Harry knows that many of us have referred to the BaRF as ‘a cult.’ 😀 Harry is the one who broke free, which surely makes his Mom proud. In fact, she helped guide and protect him from afar. The Chubbly will just be a further continuation of the monarchy’s ancient celebration of death and maudlin rituals, with the added Camzilla clowning mess. 👎

  31. Brassy Rebel says:

    My God, this is 😵‍💫🤡. Completely bonkers. But isn’t royalty supposed to be all about bloodline? Tom Parker Bowles hasn’t a drop of royal blood yet is being floated as Harry’s replacement. They’re not even trying to make sense anymore. Charles apparently is just going to turn “the royal family” into the Charles Adjacent Family and call it a day.

  32. B says:

    Hahahahahahaha breathes, wipes eyes hahahaha idiots

  33. Mrs. Smith says:

    I laughed so hard reading that Times of London story. Even the reporter put a question mark in the headline (like, erm, this guy?). Yes, I am SURE H&M are so pressed about TPB’s impending superstardom.

    • MaryContrary says:

      Seriously. I mean-look at him. Movie star looks, a life of service, so discreet-why he’s interchangeable with Harry!

  34. HeyKay says:

    The desperation is thick now isn’t it?
    Has Charles lost his mind?

    Please can we stop all the endless articles about the BRF?
    It’s been months of 8-12 postings daily.

  35. Kaye says:

    One serious question: don’t they have cosmetic dentistry and orthodontists in England?

    • Dara says:

      It is my understanding that in the upper-crusty circles of English society, the more one looks like one’s horses, the more status one is viewed to have.

      • Jais says:

        😂 🐴

      • Charfromdarock says:

        That’s something I always wonder.

        They have all the money and access in the world, there is no need to be walking around looking like a boiled boot.

      • Christine says:

        You have only to look at the teeth of every actor who has ever appeared on The Crown for that answer. Clearly, basic dentistry and orthodontia is a thing, that the aristocrats choose to ignore, for some reason. Kitty has obviously benefited from a family that likes teeth.

    • LizzieB says:

      Again, please can we stop with the comments about British teeth? My teeth look like this (well, they don’t, but they aren’t white and even and large). British dentistry has always been abut teeth health, not teeth aesthetics. That’s certainly changing and I see a lot more young and wealthy people with the kind of teeth I used to associate with Americans only. But most of us don’t care, or if we do, we don’t have enough money to do anything about it!

  36. SueBarbri33 says:

    I’m so glad Harry left.

  37. AA says:

    That’s a face only a mother could love.

  38. C says:


  39. LB says:

    Tom is almost 50, closer in age to Edward & Sophie than Harry. He is a recovered (?) addict, with allegations of dealing/supplying. Works for the Daily Mail. Has a nepo career in food writing and “wrote” a number of cookbooks without any formal training as a cook or chef. What a brilliant upgrade from Harry & Meghan!

    • SadieMae says:

      LOL at your question mark – which seems totally accurate. Boozy lunches (at least 7 drinks!!) are not exactly the hallmark of a clean and sober person. (I’m in recovery myself and I do know a few people who were drug addicts and are clean from that but still have the occasional beer – it’s generally frowned on in the recovery community, and I would not risk it, but some people make it work. This…is not that.)

  40. SourcesclosetoKate says:

    They really shouldn’t keep using the word replace it just makes them look petty and mean spirited

  41. Geegee says:

    What plant do these people live on?

    • BeanieBean says:

      Not sure if you meant planet or plant, but if the latter, I would suggest they are greatly undernourished, as they have zero thinking skills. Plus they’re pale, very pale.

  42. Margot says:


    Kaiser, you are the best!

  43. samipup says:

    Is his mother related to his father…? That’s all I got.

  44. Is his mother from the same family his father is? That’s all I got…..

  45. On what planet is this putz a replacement for Harry? I guess we know now who wears the kings crown and it ain’t chucky.

  46. rawiya says:

    Except he’s ugly. If they want a new “secret weapon”, they need to find someone (an adult, cuz no1currs about kids) who looks better than Harry and Meghan. That’s the only way they’re going to win this stupid game they’re trying to play and keep losing because they’re idiots. Ugh. Hate them all. Excuse my rant.

  47. Aimee says:

    I don’t usually like to go after peoples looks but this guy looks like he could be on the cover of the latest issue of Horse and Hound.

    • Layla Beans says:

      It never ceases to amaze me how the British aristocratic class look physically. The generations of marriages into the same small gene pool really shows doesn’t it? Just so horsey. All of them.

    • Lorelei says:

      @Aimee 😂😭

  48. HeyKay says:

    TPB looks like he stepped out of the Monty Pythons FlyingCircus “Twit of the Year Wards”.

  49. DiegoInLA&SF says:

    Sexy? I almost spilled my nonexistent drink.
    British people really are graded on a very generous curve, aren’t they?

  50. Okay says:

    Goodness he has the unfortunate looks of his mother. Bleh.

  51. ariel says:

    If some small-r republican does not find a way to project a “whites only” sign on the famous balcony- it is a lost opportunity.

    “inclusivity” of rich white people- is not actually a thing.
    Just because they used to celebrate incest and marry their cousins to “keep the bloodlines closed” does not mean step children are a HUGE step forward.

  52. Kittenmom says:

    How old exactly are Camilla’s teen grandkids? Could they be shoving them into the spotlight to gather youth support for/interest in the RF? Because if they are as sexy as their father/uncle, young people all over the country will be swooning “Harry who?” (sarcasm, obviously)

  53. Flower says:

    Harry had a lucky escape from this toxic toilet of a family.

    Meghan really saved him and from his own account in Spare – he was only willing to escape with her.

    May they both live long happy and loving lives away from this institution.

    • CooCooCatchoo says:

      Boy, did you hit the nail on the head.

    • Joan Holloway says:

      Truly! I hope if he ever steps foot in England again that he stays at Althorp, and I hope he skips the chubbs altogether and takes the family off grid to hang with their friends in Botswana, then return to California and let them all self immolate as he watches from afar.

      • aftershocks says:

        ^^ Exactly @Joan Holloway! 🎯 I’m completely in tune with your hopes! ☑️🤞

  54. Beverley says:

    Tom Parker Bowles is the new Prince Harry??? Bwahahahahahaha! 🤪😜🤪😜🤪 Are these people BLIND?

  55. Amy Bee says:

    This piece is unhinged. Tom Parker-Bowles is a grown man.

  56. TIFFANY says:

    Does Chuckles give Tom his old suits as well…..????

  57. Eurydice says:

    What does it mean “the professional eater brings harmony”? Is Tom a professional eater? Like eating 76 Nathan’s hot dogs in 10 minutes? Or like a professional sponger who eats out on other people’s money?

    • Ang says:

      I was baffled by that, too. Is it a fact or like some kind of metaphor?

    • BeanieBean says:

      Shoot, I want to know how I can get such a job. Where do I sign up? Apparently it pays well.

    • Eurydice says:

      Ooops, in all the crazy I completely forgot that TPB is a food critic – which shows you how much I pay attention to him. Still don’t get why a professional eater brings harmony.

      • Nick G says:

        He also wrote a book years ago about eating spicy, or risky, or semi-dangerous food around the world. I bought it for my husband *hangs head*

    • SenseOfTheAbsurd says:

      Doesn’t bode well for his new RF-rescuing secret weapon status that as a judge on Masterchef: The Professionals, he was completely overshadowed by Jay Rayner and Grace Dent.

  58. Krista says:

    Lolol. Best of luck, Britain.

  59. Grandma Susan says:

    Harry, please publish the remaining 400 pages.

  60. aquarius64 says:

    Cams is elevating her family with Chuck’s blessing. She could pull this off while the queen was alive. So Tommy knew about Billy’s side chick Rose & spilled to Giles? The PB’s probably know all of Will’s dirt.

    • Lurker25 says:

      The PBs know ALL the dirt. And now that TQ is dead, they will use that knowledge to sideline Charles and William.

      The f-cking idiots let the foxes into the henhouse. Diana and Harry told us.

    • Serena says:

      I’m sure Bulliam also knows all the dirt about Cowmilla and her kids so, it’s gonna be a show people. I’ll bring popcorn.

  61. Mslove says:

    This isn’t Chuck’s chubbly anymore, it’s the coming-out party for Tom Parker-Bowles, Prince Harry’s replacement. Lol. Congrats to Tom on going to a paedophile-inclined prep school, he’ll fit right in.

    • Jaded says:

      I can’t WAIT for all the shite about his drug-dealing days to be resurrected. He’s got more than a few nasty skeletons in his closet and if his harpy of a mother thinks his history can be rewritten and cleaned up, she’s got another thing coming.

      • The Recluse says:

        And the internet is FOREVER.
        Once it all gets out, there’s no escaping it.

  62. AnneL says:

    The line about the pedo-inclined prep school is so.effing.WEIRD.

    So TPB and his pal each down a full bottle of wine plus a couple of cocktails and a dessert liquor at LUNCH?! Regularly?

    Congrats, Tom, you’re the new Fall Boy. A pasty inbred who’s also a dilettante and a lush. And indiscreet to boot. It’s a perfect fit, really.

    • SueBarbri33 says:

      Yep. He’s the drunken, scandalous, gossipy layabout they all wanted Harry to be. A useful idiot, which is a trap that even the royal cousins were smart enough to avoid.

  63. Cel2495 says:

    Sexy? 😂 😂 that man has a face that only his mother could love.

    😂 for days

  64. Huma says:

    I saw his face accompanying the headline of your post and … I am definitely going to hell for how hard and how long I laughed Omg

    • Ang says:

      Omg I was waiting for someone to have the EXACT same reaction as me. I read the headline, scrolled down to the photo…and busted out laughing for at least a whole minute. 😆

  65. Mimi says:

    This is proof that “royalty” is a social construct. Wow! Chucky really wants to destroy the monarchy.

  66. Lurker25 says:

    Omg you guys! You HAVE TO WATCH THE WINDSORS!!!

    I thought it was a trashy OTT parody at first, but incredibly, so many plot points seem to have predicted the future.

    I swear the writers have a mole in the castles. Camilla is depicted as a very clever, utterly villainous, totally ruthless bitch who barely tolerates Charles and only wants power for herself… And HER family.
    She tries to blow up a castle at one point saying something like “goodbye Windsors, hello Parker Bowles regime!”

    I know this sounds absurd. The show is absurd.
    But look at this f-cking Chubbly sh-tshow! Tell me reality is not mind bogglingly absurd. It’s not so crazy when all the crazy parts are lined up.

    Another thought: peggington dug his own grave, eh? Let his sibling jealously blind him to the bigger danger that he and Harry *always knew*. They knew Camilla was evil. Harry isn’t subtle in Spare about how clearly they saw Camilla’s hand busily at work, throwing people under buses. Yet Peggy aligned with her to bash Harry, his only ally in that mess. so short sighted bc now he’s so vulnerable as Camilla starts to sideline him, the actual f-cking heir, in favor of her own drunk druggy nobody son.

    Wish you had Megan’s brains to help you of this mess now, eh? Maybe wish you hadn’t been so quick to call your mom PARANOID?
    The side chick let you do the dirty work and is now swooping in to stab you in the back.
    God this family 🙈

    • Nic919 says:

      I agree. The whole joke of the Windsors was that Camilla was an evil mastermind and that at the time it wasn’t believed to be true. But the real life Camilla and the one on the Windsors are basically the same.

    • SenseOfTheAbsurd says:

      That’s the great thing about The Windsors – so much of the craziest shit is actually true.

    • Princessk says:

      Very true. Camilla was depicted as awful, and now we know the truth.

  67. Ace says:

    Umm, if this was somebody I knew writing such absolute madness instead of the British Press doing what they do I would immediately have them commited because they’ve clearly lost touch with reality.

  68. NA says:

    Sadly, I actually have a cookbook from Fortnum and Mason by this cretinous toff. I may never be able to open the book again!

  69. Hannah says:

    That’s 48 🫣 I would have easily believed 68. Yeah, I know the maths doesn’t make sense given Cam is his mum

  70. Tessa says:

    Tom married at age 30. He did not marry too young. I thought he got interested in someone else which broke up the.marriage

  71. Silent Star says:

    Every once in awhile as I read these things I am struck by how pathetic the BRF have become. Without the power of Imperialist force to inflate their importance, they are just a bunch of sad, egotistical do-nothings whose main value to society is resource material for cheap tabloids.

  72. lunchcoma says:

    Every single one of these people – both the journalists and the upper classes that they cover, and I assume there must be some overlap between the two groups – needs to meet more people. Their perceptions of charm and wit and professional success are very out of touch with the rest of the world’s, and their idea of what makes someone down to earth (being such a poor student that your parents threaten to send you to school with the unwashed masses is…not a mark of being a man of the people) is ridiculous.

    • ViniEGatti says:

      I said something similar, though way less well-articulated, below. I just called them “weird” lol.

  73. BeanieBean says:

    I found the throw-away line about the ‘pedophile-inclined’ prep school–where he boarded since age 7!–to be really disturbing.

  74. Well Wisher says:

    This is the secret sauce that tipped Willy over.

    A ridiculous notion at best. An unlikely replacement.

  75. Nic919 says:

    Not only is this hilarious but I have to think Buckleberry manor is in an uproar because they were supposed to be the adjacent royals getting all the attention and perks.

    • Bamaborn says:

      They’ve been mighty quiet lately, wonder if someone sent them to a corner and suggested they take a seat. 😂 Anyway, just gotta make sure I keep 🍿 stocked.

      • Mrs. Smith says:

        The Achilles heel of the Mids grand plan is that K is the one on the inside. Is she supposed to outwit Cams?? Sure, K can mean girl and stare daggers and get all the gals to dress in burgundy to send coded messages, but can she mastermind in real time? Cams has picked off everyone, cornered KC and now has the ammunition/press gossip to literally destroy W&K. I cannot wait to watch how these 2 handle themselves at the Chubbly.

      • BayTampaBay says:

        Will Pippa’s children be involved in the Con-A-Nation??? LOL! LOL!

  76. Shawna says:

    TPB does impressions of KCIII?! How could Chucky be happy to read about that?

    • Shawna says:

      Also, the cooking advice to take the roast chicken out “when it’s done” is remarkably like a Pippa Tip.

  77. Anne says:

    Giles Coren may be a pal of the royal-adjacent and come from an affluent family but he isn’t a toff. His father was the wonderful humorist and journalist Alan Coren. Coren Jnr has been involved in several controversies which don’t necessarily reflect well on him. This guy Parker Bowles sounds and looks like a hard sell.

  78. Monlette says:

    Queen Camilla better make hay while the sun shines, since King William the Incandescent is going to yonk this all away so fast, and there is not a darn thing she can do about it.

    • SussexFan says:

      William had better get a clue NOW. I don’t think this is his idea of “blended families.”

      The last time something like this occurred was during the Wars of the Roses, in the reign of Edward IV, who married Elizabeth Woodville, who was considered to be one of the most beautiful women in England at the time. Her family–especially her brothers and the children of her first marriage–greatly profited from her marriage to Edward, but she and they were from really minor nobility–close to being commoners. This fact pissed off members of the aristocracy, namely the Kingmaker, the Earl of Warwick. Which started another round of civil war.

      I keep thinking that this current mess–if it had played out centuries before–would have had some players killed, exiled, imprisoned. William, Kate, and the Middletons had better watch their steps.

    • MaryContrary says:

      Oh absolutely. And Charles knows that which is why, as cheap as he supposedly is, he is probably making all kinds of provisions for Camilla and her family.

  79. Serena says:

    He looks as slimy as his mother, that’s for sure.
    He wishes he had even an once of Harry’s charisma or charm, btch please, he could never.
    I hope the reckoning will come soon for Cowmilla, her family, and Chuck for what they’re doing and I hope the brits will finally open their eyes (not much hope there).
    Cowmilla will always be the mean mistress, even with a crown on, a petty abuser and bully that’s who she is. Chuck is the same, although he is willing to throw his family, his son, under the bus for his own petty ego. What utterly crap awful people. These your King and Queen, brit people?

    If I read ‘inclusive’ one more time, I swear.

  80. tamsin says:

    This notion of a benevolent or moral king is a myth. Throughout history, kings (and some queens) have plundered and murdered, not only enemies, but their own family members. Queen Elizabeth I beheaded her own cousin and lover. Henry VIII beheaded two wives. Those are only the Tudors. Charles is not any worse than any other king in history; it’s just that some of us have become more enlightened and egalitarian, and the British monarch has not. It is still living in sixteenth century.

    • Emily_C says:

      And that’s not counting the thousands of their own subjects Elizabeth I and Henry VIII killed. Monarchy has always been an atrocity.

  81. Kateee says:

    Aah, there it is. The spare apparent. If Camilla is pushing her children onto the royal stage and promoting them/trying to reform their reputations this hard, it is only because she needs someone new to sell out. It will be years before the Cambridge kids are old enough to brief against.

  82. Magick Wanda says:

    Interesting. Will Charles give the Duke of Edinburgh title to Tom? Bet Camilla wants that. Make him DoE and move him into Frogmore.

    • tamsin says:

      That’s a gruesome thought! It would make his parents turn over in their graves. It would really be sticking it to his father.

  83. QuiteContrary says:

    He is plug-ugly.

    The Times noted that Tom “appears in but a single paragraph. Harry, angry at press stories about his hunting trip to Germany in 2017, complains that he believes they had been offered by the Palace ‘in exchange for greater access to Pa, and also as a reward for the suppression of stories about Camilla’s son, who’d been gadding around London, generating tawdry rumours’. Talk about tabloid smears.”

    An oblique reference to “tawdry rumours” is a tabloid smear? These people are insane.

  84. SenseOfTheAbsurd says:

    This is starting to get entertaining.

    Even tolerating Giles Coren is a major red flag.

  85. Myeh says:

    He has the same vacant expression on his face that I see on the faces of extremely entitled, privileged and talentless people who I work for. They too are convinced they are clever and by virtue of their accident of birth position and status better than everyone else.

  86. one of the marys says:

    Oooof that top photo! He looks like a Spitting Image caricature of a British toff

  87. lucy2 says:

    If there was every someone to steal the hearts of a nation and make them forget all the drama with Handsome Harry, it’s – wait. THAT guy? Hahahahahahahaha.

  88. ViniEGatti says:

    The British definition of what or who is interesting, attractive, and worthy is just so weird. They really do live in their own alternate universe. I can’t believe they forced their weirdo crap on most of the world at one point.

  89. Rose says:

    Oh how nice. Another person that worked for the daily fail is joining the RF. Not unexpected 🙄. Always suspected he was in the mix with the Rita, but was on the fence about whether he was part of the smear against the sussexes….seems he might’ve :/

  90. Saschafrom76 says:

    She knowingly sent him to a school withpedophiles? She’s really proud of that. I can only hope nobody on this site is even going to tune in for one moment. I don’t need a live play-by-play. I can wait personally.

  91. Chris says:


    That is all.

  92. Zaftig & Kittyy says:

    Man, that is one homely family.

  93. Mrs.Krabapple says:

    I thought their secret weapon was Sophie? Did that not work out? Then it was supposed to be her daughter (can’t remember her name, looked it up . . . Louise). Guess that didn’t work either. Wasn’t it always Anne? And I’ve read many (too many) times that it’s Kate. It’s amazing how many “secret weapons” that pathetic family needs, and how many of them didn’t work out. The whole bunch of them come across as utter losers. Sure they’re very rich, spoiled, and entitled, but still losers.

  94. Alexandria says:

    I’m all for this cos I can’t wait to see the battle royale between this wannabe and Pegs Mumbles.

  95. Saucy&Sassy says:

    This poor chump. They think Harry is interchangeable with anyone? Good luck with that. Of course, if he’s being brought in so that Fails can throw him under the bus, all the better.

  96. R says:

    All that inbreeding, entitlement and the privilege of not having to educate themselves or work for their money has slowly made their braincells rot to die. Bejezus, those folks ARE DUMBER THAN ROCKS.

  97. Andrea says:

    Wouldn’t it be LOL if Charles created this loser Duke of Edinburgh instead of Edward.

    • Tessa says:

      Tom would have to get a big wedding to an aristo so she could be a duchess. Cammie can match make.

  98. Jeannine says:

    There is a British phrase for sexy time, which I could not stand from the minute I heard it. It’s “rumpy pumpy.” A certain kind of male uses it, and Tom is the exact type of charmless self-congratulatory creeper that would!

  99. Izzy says:

    When you trade the Lamborghini for a Ford Pinto…

  100. Oya says:

    Why are all these people so unattractive? Is it too much to ask to have an attractive Royal or royal adjacent in the news?

  101. solidgold says:

    The tabloids need someone to beat and are looking for a useful idiot. The comparison to Harry is not about Harry’s charisma, it is about looking for someone to abuse.

  102. Ale says:

    In those pictures they look like the villian and her inept sidekick plotting troubles in some ’80 comedy…

  103. Ash says:

    I’m sorry, “inclusivity???” Kicking out the interracial couple and their mixed children and bringing in Camilla’s crackhead son and non blood related family into the fold, is now inclusivity? Charles, Queen Consort (his new title) is true scum of the earth.

  104. Cathy says:

    If Tom p-b is going to save the royals then I guess the tabloids can stop with the embiggening of Kate? Last time i took a look at DM Kate’s CV was rewritten, to include that she worked hard as deck crew on a boat (a different story from the original where she wandered around in very short shorts). The short time at Jigsaw was rewritten to make it sound longer…
    What on earth will DM do to fill their pages if they are not rewriting Kate’s back story?

  105. Canadensis says:

    The Camera Never Lies — Tom Parker Bowles was arrested for Drug Possession on April 1 1995 outside Star’s nightclub in Greenwich, South London. Charles and Camilla’s Wedding Photos taken on April 9 2005 show Tom Parker Bowles’ ravaged face looking like a demonstration project on Resting Drug Face, looking more than a generation older than Laura, William and Harry.
    Those same 2005 Wedding Photos show Camilla’s leathery face as a demonstration project on Resting Tobacco Face, with her huge bizarre hats designed to draw the attention away from the Wreck of the Medusa.
    In the 1953 Coronation Photos of 4 year old Charles watching his Mother, squeezed between Margaret and the Queen Mother, the two women’s’ faces show a before and after comparative demonstration project on Resting Drunk Face. Margaret’s life in photos show how she later caught up with her Mother with a Resting Drunk Face all her own.
    The Camera Never Lies.

  106. Sane Person says:

    I’m so tired of this Royal stuff, guys!

    1. You can’t tell me for a second Meghan didn’t know who these people were and that she wasn’t looking to get more famous and rich!

    2. Having said that, the Royals suck and have been terrible to them.

    3. How can Charles be so dumb to think ANYONE cares about Camilla or, even worse, her kids! Such a narcissistic d-bag!

  107. Christina says:

    His head is so unfortunate looking, and he’s 48!!!! Jeez he’s a rough 48.

  108. Lily says:

    Thanks to the Times of London for a good laugh. It was a long day at work and I needed one.

    Charles wedged Camilla into the Queen position and now is trying with her children. What a joke (and an insult to Diana’s memory).

    It is bad enough Camilla’s children are in Charles’ will. They are not even Charles’ children.

  109. HamsterJam says:

    “He boarded at seven in a paedophile-inclined prep school”

  110. HamsterJam says:

    Are pedo-inclined prep schools a thing and do they cost more or less than pedo-adjacent prep schools?

    Are the authorities looking into this? The writer said they have first hand knowledge of serial crimes committed against children.

    That is an accusation that the law are required to investigate.

  111. HamsterJam says:

    The rape and abuse of children is a horrendous thing. Is this what the jornos thought “might blow the lid off?”