Viola Davis told her daughter ‘to have a love affair with herself’


Viola Davis is continuing her Vegas era and I am still here for it. First we had the fuchsia Valentino feather fan bust at the Met Gala, and now at Cannes she brought another Valentino gown, this time paired with a fully-feathered coat. Cannes and the Met Gala are traditionally where stars take bigger fashion risks, and Viola met the assignment on both occasions. It’s the whimsy of the feathers, the drama of the trains going up the long steps, and, my favorite part, the added volume of her glorious afro. And to all those producers who have been trying to reinvent the wheel with non-red carpet colors this year, just look at how her white ensemble is set off.

Viola served all this look and she doesn’t even have a movie in competition. Like Helen Mirren, Viola is at the festival as part of her deal with L’Oreal, and she took some time to discuss what “because you’re worth it” means to her:

“I think beauty standards have changed.” [Viola] Davis told PEOPLE in an exclusive chat at Cannes. “I think what’s shifted is that whole idea of mental health being associated with beauty [and] of understanding who we are beyond male desirability.”

“It’s really a huge part of why I decided to become a part of L’Oreal,” the actress, 57, continued, “That whole statement of ‘I’m worth it.’”

“What destroyed me was people constantly telling me that I was not beautiful,” she said. “[You might think] why would you be upset with that? Because beauty is attached with worth and value. And I refuse to believe that I’m not worth it just based on a sort of idea and perception of what people think classical beauty is,” Davis stated emphatically.

She continued: “Now women are encouraged to speak their truth a little bit more. We see that with sexual assault, with mental illness, with being burnt-out mamas, with following our dreams and our hopes that we have for our lives.”

“Back in the day, we hid our pain behind perfectly applied lipstick and wax floors. Now we don’t do that anymore. We’re saying this is who we are, beyond the makeup and the hair. I see that. I see that with my daughter’s generation,” she said.

”I told my daughter this morning that she has to have a love affair with herself. That she is indeed the love of her life. I said, ‘I love you, but it’s not me, it’s not some boy. At the end of the day, you can’t disappoint yourself. You have to advocate for yourself. You have to show up for her.’ And it’s not just spa treatments and a glass of wine,” she laughed, referencing the self-care her daughter might turn to when she’s older. “ ‘It’s in showing up when someone hurts you. Creating boundaries and when someone crosses it. Show up for yourself.’ No one ever taught me that. I felt loving myself was being conceited. No, that’s right.”

[From People]

With anyone else, saying “Back in the day, we hid our pain behind perfectly applied lipstick and wax floors. Now we don’t do that anymore. We’re saying this is who we are, beyond the makeup and the hair,” while representing a beauty company, might come off poorly. Like you’re dissing the date who brought you to the dance. But Viola brings it all back to the brand’s tagline of “you’re worth it.” She’s saying we’re “worth it” however we are and however we choose to show up, and she’s noting that she sees a greater acceptance of that in women today. I see that too, if in no other way than the superficial metric of women pairing sneakers with evening-wear (I knew if I waited it out I wouldn’t have to learn to walk in heels).

As for telling her daughter to “have a love affair with herself,” I mean, there’s not much to add to that. It’s beautiful, it’s perfect. And it makes a difference for Viola to share that message publicly. In a way I think it’s the best kind of brand ambassadorship–she shared what could have been kept a private moment with all of us, for our benefit. “I felt loving myself was being conceited,” definitely hit me the hardest. I remember being in college and saying to a mentor “I think it’s in poor taste to like myself.” He very gently suggested that I “might want to take a look at that.” I did, and I’ve come a long way from that moment, but I can still do with a reminder from Viola.

Note by CB: Welcome our new writer Kismet. Kismet is a writer and artist living in New York. She has a preference for paleolithic technologies like handwriting and watercolors, and dreams of one day being a natural redhead. With a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Theater, any comments on actors are professional, not personal opinions.

Photos credit: Olivier Huitel/Avalon

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5 Responses to “Viola Davis told her daughter ‘to have a love affair with herself’”

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  1. Grant says:

    Viola is a GD icon and I am living for the FASHUN she has been serving lately.

    • Lynn says:

      Have you read her autobiography? That she survived what she did and came out the other side the ICON (I agree with you) that she is tells you the kind of backbone that woman has. And that dress is joy!

  2. Jamie says:

    I’ve heard RuPaul say it a kabillion times: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?” Viola certainly knows her worth, and it seems Kismet does as well. Brava to them! I observed my sister’s bunion surgery recovery – and she’s sworn never to revisit that pain by doing her other foot – and remained blissfully happy in my comfy footwear.

    One more thing. Love, love, love Viola’s glorious full-on Afro. Angela Davis surely approves.

  3. Tiffany says:

    Honk for Viola stories.

    And she looks STUNNING !!!!