The first two episodes of Feud: Capote vs. The Swans came out on Wednesday, and I will be watching them this weekend. I think they’ll pair nicely as a double feature with RuPaul’s Drag Race. Demi Moore plays one of the title swans, Ann Woodward, and she’s been making the rounds promoting the series. While visiting GMA this week, Demi was asked how Bruce Willis is doing. It’s been one year since he was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, after a previous diagnosis of aphasia the year before. Without revealing too much, Demi said that Bruce was doing well all things considered. Then she shared the advice she’s given their daughters on how to relate to him throughout the stages of his illness:
Demi Moore has a touching message for those with loved ones battling neurodegenerative diseases.
While sharing an update on how ex-husband Bruce Willis is doing amid his journey with frontotemporal lobe dementia, the Ghost actress shared the advice she gave their daughters Rumer Willis, 35, Scout Willis, 32, and Tallulah Willis, 29, after his diagnosis last year.
“It’s important to just meet them where they’re at,” Demi said on Good Morning America Jan. 31. “And not hold onto what isn’t, but what is, because there’s great beauty and sweetness and loving and joy out of that.”
And the Indecent Proposal star expanded on her ex’s health, adding: “Given the givings, he’s doing very well.”
And since sharing Bruce’s diagnosis with frontotemporal lobe dementia (FTD) last February — he previously had been diagnosed with aphasia in 2022 — his family has been open about their struggles.
“I know I still have so much to learn about FTD, this community, and how research on the disease is evolving,” Bruce’s wife Emma Heming — with whom he shares daughters Mabel Willis, 11, and Evelyn Willis, 9 — wrote in a November 2023 article for Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper. “But I’m finding my footing. As much as I grieve this experience daily — as I know so many others do — I also know that it has made me stronger than I ever thought possible.”
As for why the Willis family has been so candid with his battle, his daughter Tallulah offered a simple explanation.
“It’s who we are as a family,” she told Drew Barrymore on her talk show in November. “If we can take something we’re struggling with as a family and individually to help other people — to turn it around — to make something beautiful about it — that’s really special for us.”
I think Demi’s suggestion — to meet a person where they’re at — is solid advice for interacting with people at any time. I find that when I’m frustrated with someone, if I take a step back I usually realize that I’m expecting a certain reaction or behavior from them that makes sense to me, but clearly isn’t obvious to them. Or I’m holding them to a previous version of themselves, when (hopefully) we’re all growing and evolving. Once I remove the expectation and instead listen to the person in that moment, then it’s a much more positive experience. Not that I succeed at this every time!
One thing Bruce is very lucky in is having a wonderful family of fierce women supporting him. They protect him, they love him, and though this time must be bittersweet, I’m sure they’re making memories with him, where he’s at now, that they will forever cherish. Yeesh, now that I’m feeling all the feels I’m gonna pivot to some campy Truman Capote and drag queens.
“I think, given the circumstances, he's doing very well. What I'll share is what I say to my children, which it's important to just meet them where they're at and not hold on to what isn't, but what is.” — @justdemi shares an update on Bruce Willis. pic.twitter.com/jXPQu7J3nW
— Good Morning America (@GMA) January 31, 2024
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- New York Premiere Of FX’s ‘Feud: Capote vs. The Swans’ at Museum of Modern Art Featuring: Demi Moore Where: New York, New York, United States When: 23 Jan 2024 Credit: Barbara Hine/Future Image/Cover Images **NOT FOR PUBLICATION IN GERMANY**
Photos credit: IMAGO/RW / Avalon, IMAGO/Faye Sadou / Avalon, Cover Images and via Instagram
Totally get this. My husband’s granny was convinced she was Lady Mary from downton abbey and would ask him to fetch the car and light the fires. He totally played along and it was so visibly relaxing for her to not worry about being corrected, which is so anxiety-inducing and frightening for someone with dementia.
I wish Bruce and his family all the best, it’s the cruellest of diseases.
This is so sweet. I’m sure it is disorienting & upsetting to someone with dementia to be corrected when their reality is different from that of the people around them.
That was so good of your husband. When my MIL’s dementia slowly worsened, we found local stores and businesses were really good and helpful. The local motor showroom was exceptionally kind and caring. She kept wanting to buy a car, and would get quite upset about not going out to look at them. I called the nearest showroom and explained the situation and I almost cried at their reaction. They said to bring her in, she could look at all the cars, sit in them, and even talk to a salesman (not a coherent talk of course). That’s what we did. We looked at all the cars, sat in them and discussed if it was worth buying. Then I would say that it was time for lunch, and off we would go. She would completely forget about buying the car for days or weeks and then we would do it all again 🙂 This went on for almost a year . God bless that motor showroom for making a dementia patient happy.
@Teagirl: sometimes people can restore your faith in this world.
Years ago I read this:
https://www.businessinsider.com/inside-hogewey-dementia-village-2017-7?r=US&IR=T
Oh! I do wanted her to think she was granny!
But it makes sense. Lady Mary and the butler – forget his name- had a very special protective loving relationship.
Supporting the care givers is just as important as supporting the person affected. It’s nice to see how the women in the family are there for each other.
Absolutely. My dad is in early -mid stages of dementia and I try to do what Demi has said. My dad and I, we laugh a lot. But it’s so much harder for my mom who lives with him, is in her 80s and set in her ways. She laments everyday about the person that my father used to be and sometimes loses her temper and snaps at him. My dad is in a good mood most of the time doing his own thing but it’s my mother who needs more support from me.
@Jk – I don’t know if you are in the US or not, but if you are, please get in touch with your local Alzheimer’s Association chapter. They have so much useful information and support, including support groups for family members like you and your mom. I used to work at a nursing home that specialized in dementia care and a staff person I supervised ran a support group of this kind for both members of the general community and family members of our residents. It was an invaluable help for so many folks in your kind of situation. Demi’s advice is spot on, you’re doing just the right thing!
This is one of the ways I fear going the most. Absolutely terrified.
I couldn’t handle knowing the pain my loved ones would go through. The care giver burn out. The children having their mother not recognize them. Or her becoming angry or overly sexual – which very much seems to be a thing – and it hurts too much to think of them losing me while I also lose me.
My absolute love to all those going through this horrific illness.
I’m currently reading “My Disappearing Mother” by Suzanne Finnamore – highly recommended. She’s a beautiful writer and her take is similar to Demi’s.
https://catalog.simonandschuster.com/TitleDetails/TitleDetails.aspx?cid=41607&isbn=9798888450154&FilterByName=Category&FilterBy=87&FilterVal=S%26S+BIOGRAPHY&ob=0&pn=1&ed=&showcart=N&camefrom=&find=&a=CT
As someone with a family member with dementia reading her quote yesterday was helpful. But it’s also very hard to do. People with dementia not only lose their memory but also the very core of their personalities. As a result it often feels like you are talking to a stranger you used to know. Which is very hard and very upsetting. It’s something that I am struggling with a lot at the moment. It’s basically a form of grieving before the person is gone.
I’m so sorry @Ameerah. It’s almost five years since my mother died, but watching her disappear (to use Suzanne’s (above) terminology) in front of me was so awful. I walked around angry for the first two years, and eventually got to a place where I was “She’s warm and I can hug her.” Which served me well except on days like birthdays and Mother’s Day. I told people it was like taking a gingerbread cookie person and snapping off a body part. I hope you have good people around to support you.
Your comment was so true. When my dear MIL passed away from pneumonia and Alzheimer’s I wondered and worried about why I couldn’t cry. I did all my grieving years before .
Yes exactly. It’s a good reminder, but one that can be difficult to put into practice when your loved one no longer recognizes you and you may no longer recognize them. That’s the thing with dementia, Alzheimer’s etc: it’s a slow and painful death of the mind and soul. That deep connection begins to frays and crumble against your will and despite your desperate effort to save it.
It’s an impossibly cruel disease.
@Ameerah – You are absolutely correct. I worked several years in a dementia care nursing home and then 17 years for 2 geriatric psychiatrists, so I’ve seen a lot of dementia. Do you live in the US? If you do and you haven’t already done this, please go to the Alzheimer’s Association website and see if you have a local chapter. If not, the main website still has so many resources for folks just like you! You may even be able to find a local caregiver/family support group. I don’t know much about the UK if that’s where you are, but I see they have an Alzheimer’s Society that looks like they do much the same. Please don’t feel like you have to struggle with this all by yourself!
My dad has dementia and it’s crazy how fast it has progressed. I live in a different state so I probably started noticing that something was different about five years ago. We moved him into a nursing home last spring but he was still able to go out places to eat and shop with whatever family took him out. But when I was down there over Christmas it was just shocking-all he wanted to do was sit and nap in his recliner and he’s really lost all desire to do anything else. The only time he really perked up was when we brought him some chick fil a but even just eating that left him exhausted. I’m learning so much about this disease and I feel for anyone who has taken the role of a full time caregiver because it’s just heartbreaking to see their personalities disappearing.
This comment is off topic, but I wonder why the television show “Moonlighting” isn’t streaming. I enjoyed the banter between Cybil Shepard and Bruce.
It’s not streaming due to all the copyrighted music used in the show.
Moonlighting is now on Hulu
I have so much respect for their tribe coming together to support and uplift Bruce AND each other. My grandma died of Alzheimer’s and it was devastating to watch. I still miss her every day and mourn the amazing woman that she was, even if she wasn’t truly *there* for the last 5 years of her life. It does help to say goodbye when they still have some lucidity–to cherish those rare moments of true interconnection that vanish as quickly as you experience them.
While Bruce’s circumstances are tragic, he’s also very lucky to have a great support system behind him.
There’s a woman with a YouTube account that I’ve been watching her shorts, that are different tips for dealing with caring for dementia patients, if anyone’s interested. It’s aimed at folks that have moved someone into their home, but they’re really great. Her user name is dementiasuccesspath, and she mentioned dementia Montessori as something to look into if you’re dealing with this. I wish we’d had her tips for how to handle my grandma better. Also a lot of them are similar to how you redirect toddlers 😂. My heart goes out to everyone dealing with this.
@Lucy, Yes! I’ve been watching those videos! Very interesting and helpful!
I try to remember to handle situations with my dad in a ‘smarter’, more tactful way so that he doesn’t feel disrespected.
I’ve already made a couple of reply comments on this post, but I wanted to make a general comment for everyone who has mentioned that they are currently dealing with dementia with a family member/loved one. If you have not already done so, please consider purchasing a copy of “The 36 Hour Day” by Mace and Rabins. This book has been the “bible” for caregivers for at least 30 years – it gets updated regularly and is really the go-to for so, so many questions you may have. The geriatric psychiatrists I worked for recommended it constantly to families and I’ve seen it have a huge impact on quality of life for patients and families alike. Secondly, (and again, if you haven’t already done so), look into what the Alzheimer’s Association (US) has to offer. A huge part of their mission is to be there for families/caregivers and they also can make a huge difference. All the best to all of you going through this journey.
@JILL IL IN- thanks you. We are in Spain. I have not looked into what is available to us locally yet. My parents have set aside some money should they need a helper later on. My mom is trying her best. They go swimming three times a week, go for walks everyday, and they also take random buses (free public transport) to random places to explore. At home, he spends every waking hour doing small carpentry projects which is a good mental exercise. They are still in excellent physical health, thankfully!
@Jk – wow, Celebitchy is really international! I just did a quick google and found this:
https://www.ceafa.es/es
Looks like the Spain based version of our Alzheimer’s Association – someplace to start!
Your parents sound like they’re doing really well! Best thoughts for you all.
@ JILL IN IL, Thanks again! I shall check it out.
We are still at at the beginning of the journey, with so much to learn. Healthy fats, exercise, and Rivastagmine (cholinesterase inhibitor) in an effort to slow down his memory loss but I know that it’s inevitable and it’s going to be very, very difficult.
❤️
So beautiful that the two families have always been close and are really circling in to love and protect Bruce. Well done.