I have a theory about the timing of the Duchess of Sussex’s moves this week. Personally, I found it hilarious that Netflix released the trailer for With Love, Meghan’s holiday celebration within the same hour (or so) as the Prince and Princess of Wales’s arrival at the Royal Variety show. I think Netflix always intended to drop the trailer two weeks before the premiere, so it was more like a happy accident for Meghan, that she upstaged the left-behinds. My theory is that Harper’s Bazaar held their cover to drop on the same day as the trailer (as in, it was all coordinated by Meghan’s team), and it was timed a certain way so that the haters would be furious and blow their stacks about the trailer, and then the Bazaar cover would slap them right as they were punching themselves out. It worked – there are multiple rants about the trailer in the British press, but they wrote so fast, they didn’t have time to mention Bazaar. Speaking of, the Telegraph published what can only be described as a stream-of-consciousness hissy fit about the WLM trailer, British nationalism in association with Christmas, and as always, jam.

Uh-oh she’s at it again. Coo-ee! Over here! Wanna buy some overpriced jam? Right on cue, as the Prince and Princess of Wales made their glittering entrance at the Royal Variety Show this week, Meghan, Duchess of Montecito, frantically attempted to upstage them with a bizarre trad-wife routine worthy of Stepford.

On this side of the pond, a glorious, glamorous occasion as leading artists including Katherine Jenkins, Sir Stephen Fry, Jessie J and Madness performed for free to support their less fortunate peers who have fallen on hard times. It’s a big deal, a bona fide highlight of the charity calendar – in the diary for months. And yet, that was the moment when the new trailer for Meghan’s (drum roll, puhlease) Netflix festive special dropped. Clear the schedules, people. With Love, Meghan: Holiday Celebration is hurtling towards us like an icing-sugared Exocet missile. Brace yourselves. Next month, she will be flogging us mulled wine spices, own label fizz and, above all, herself. “As Ever, Meghan,” you might say.

But what a coincidence! Again! It’s extraordinary just how frequently Team Sussex events seem to “clash” with Team Wales appearances. Indeed, Meghan’s launch of her short-lived “America Riviera Orchard Uncle Tom Cobley And All” brand took place on the same day William was due to speak at his late mother’s Legacy Award event. Talk about synchronicity. Or maybe, on reflection, there’s another, less neutral word to describe it. But timing aside, Meghan’s tone-deaf audacity has reached new heights. In fact, there was something freshly, brazenly breathtaking about the trailer pedalling her wearisomely woke Happy Holidays schtick.

At no point did the C-word cross her lips. Not when she was larking about in the Christmas tree lot. Not when she was cobbling together a Christmas wreath from hedge clippings and desperation. Not even when she was laying out elaborate cookies for Father Christmas. It didn’t work for Tesco with its stupid “evergreen” branding. And it sure as Ho Ho Ho doesn’t work for Meghan. Instead of genuine good cheer, the Suits actress served up a sterile simulacrum of suspiciously flawless baked goods, fake laughter and manufactured emotion. It was Christmas but with all the heart – all the soul – sucked out. It’s all about as joyless as coal in your stocking.

Creepily, when it came to the very activities that children love best – decorating biscuits, getting stuck into crafts, even writing notes to Santa, dammit – there was no sign of Archie, Lilibet or even a couple of straight-from-central-casting stand-ins.

[From The Telegraph]

She kept going and going, and she tacked on something about Harper’s Bazaar at the end, criticizing Meghan for going makeup-free on the cover. You get the idea – she hates everything to do with holiday cooking, holiday decorating and holiday entertaining because it’s WOKE and just say Christmas! Nevermind that the Sussexes have Jewish, Muslim, Shinto and Hindu friends, just say Christmas!! Right? And why won’t she put her children on the Netflix show, or perhaps she could just recast them, wink, nudge! I honestly believe that these royalists don’t understand how deranged they sound to people who do not live and breathe the royal stan wars. As for the overarching complaint that dastardly Meg plots to steal keen thunder at every opportunity… literally, ALL of these people could choose to write about and pay attention to William and Kate and their meager schedule this week. Why are YOU choosing to devote all of your attention to analyzing every single frame of a Netflix trailer when you could be praising Kate and her gopher wiglet?

Photos & screencaps courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images and Netflix.