Gerard Butler shows off his pretty pink furniture in Architectural Digest

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Gerard Butler is showing off his fancy New York loft in the May issue of Architectural Digest. The girls at Jezebel (jokingly) think that Gerard’s appearance on AD is a subliminal message that he secretly got his finger up Jennifer Aniston’s ass in private, just because Aniston made a big AD splash two issues ago. Which… okay, sure. Whatever. All I know is that when I saw my beloved on this pretty pink chair (so unexpected!), with the outline of balls visible in tight jeans, I let out a little gasp. AD gave us a little taste of what we could expect from Gerard’s New York loft, if and when we get that 2 a.m. Scottish booty call (please Jesus):

Thirteen-foot-tall mahogany doors with a knocker that could summon the dead. A ceiling fresco depicting the rape of Ganymede. Plaster walls chipped and mottled with age, massive columns supporting limestone lions, crystal chandeliers casting spidery shadows…. Medieval castle? Ancestral manor house? Try a two-story loft in the heart of New York’s ultratrendy Chelsea district. The doors alone are remarkable enough to stop the most jaded Manhattanite in his tracks: Who in the world lives here?

Why, King Leonidas of Sparta, who else? The place starts to make a little more sense when one considers that its owner is the actor Gerard Butler, and Gerard Butler is known for channeling such larger-than-life figures as the Spartan king, Attila the Hun, Dracula, the Phantom of the Opera and Beowulf.

“I wanted something elegant and gorgeous and at the same time rather masculine and raw,” the actor declares, his Glasgow burr somehow enhancing the description. “I guess I would describe the apartment as bohemian old-world rustic château with a taste of baroque.”

[From Architectural Digest]

I would love to hear Gerard growl the words “baroque” and “chateau”. Quite honestly, though, I’m going to make some changes when I move in with him. Nothing major, but the decorating style does seem very… womblike. Like Gerard wants to live inside a vadge. Which isn’t the worst thing, but I’m a Virgo and I love my blues. And there are no blue vadges (Note: if your vadge is blue, see a doctor). Anyway, let me introduce you to my future New York home. I’ll conduct the tour as if I already live there with Gerard.

Here’s the wood-tastic home theatre. Gerard’s decorator notes, ““This is the most intimate area of the loft.” The chairs are uncomfortable to sit in, but this is where Gerard likes to hump me on the ottoman.

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Ah, the kitchen. The heart of every home. Gerard likes to nail me on the island. Architectural Digest notes: “The kitchen’s cabinetry and backsplash were fashioned from leftover flooring materials.” Mm… extra wood.

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And that’s all there is! Gerard didn’t let them come in our bedroom. Just as well, honestly. It’s not really done in a traditional baroque style, what with all of the video equipment, handcuffs, whips, nipple clamps and fried chicken (gross? Whatever). Here are a few nice photos of the newer thinned (and moobless) Gerard, out trolling for strange in Madrid. Are those button-fly skinny jeans? God, I love him. If I came across in the street, I would disrobe and beg him to take me roughly against an ottoman.

Gerard Butler walks around Madrid Photo via Newscom

Gerard Butler walks around Madrid Photo via Newscom

AD cover courtesy of AD online slideshow.

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67 Responses to “Gerard Butler shows off his pretty pink furniture in Architectural Digest”

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  1. Pont Neuf says:

    He is looking much better lately – although he still has that “Medieval brute chomping on a live pig’s hind legs” air about him. I like his eyes, though. Too bad the rest of him isn’t nearly as endearing, his personality is juvenile and his acting is awful. Oh, and his toilet paper-chewing accent is impossible! Take some elocution lessons, Gerry!

    His house is rather spectacular, so I have to say, congratulations to him! It looks like an ideal place to hold Medieval banquets with an abundance of live pigs to chomp on.

  2. jen says:

    Speaking as a professional interior designer… ew.

  3. canadianchick says:

    Bahhaha! Kaiser you’re on fire this morning, chuckle, or should I say your panties are on fire. Yes he’s hot and like his apt, the chair…not so much. Thanks for the blue vadge medical advice ROTFL.

  4. Tess says:

    Love that chair.

    The rest….not so much. Looks more like a movie set than an actual home.

    Not to quibble, Kaiser, but I think the chair color is brick. Not that there’s anything wrong with pink.

  5. A.K.A says:

    “The chairs are uncomfortable to sit in, but this is where Gerard likes to hump me on the ottoman.”

    Jennifer Aniston probably said the same thing ! :D

  6. KC says:

    Ok — that was the funniest post. 2am booty call (please jesus!).. ROFL

  7. ViktoryGin says:

    Watch out Kaiser.

    Venus and Jupiter in this first house, suggests that he likes the ladies a little TOO much. So, go ahead bang on him on the ottomon if you don’t mind clocking in at #7 for the day.

    His moon in capricorn suits your virgo, however. His 4th house sun suggests a family man. Huh. Who woulda thunk? And his saturn in his 7th house points to difficulties in relationships and delayed marriage. Obviously. Hmmm, maybe be and JA are a good match. Never to be outdone by you, however. I’m sure he’s putting off nuptials especially for you, Kaiser. Now if only we good get rid of those side hoes.

    Almost forgot. Good news: He’s a scorpio, so that ottomon humping may actually be good.

  8. bee says:

    I know you love him but I find him so skeezy!

  9. tati says:

    WOW is he HOOOT now, great job on losing the weight and hope things will work out between him and Jennifer Aniston, they look lovely together! he is super cute now!

  10. padiddle says:

    tacky house. nice enough seeming guy. Everyone has different taste.

  11. lilred says:

    I like the kitchen.

  12. Isabel says:

    Oh, Kaiser! I about spit out my coffee at the “outline of balls” remark, and it only got better from there. Of course, I then had to study the picture to see for myself. Love this post!

  13. Feebee says:

    He’s looking great at the moment. Suspicious that Aniston had an AD spread so recently. His apt looks like a TV show makeover where he’ll walk in and pretend to be delighted, only to cry when the camera gets turned off.

  14. Michelle says:

    Don’t like the chairs, it’s uncomfortable just looking at them. And I know it’s probably sanded within an inch of its life, but the kitchen makes me wince at the thought of splinters. Oddly amusing: all the hats.

  15. krissy_kitty says:

    Mmmmm. I am loving all the exposed wood. He is slowly turning back into the Gerard I fell in love with. I don’t know what to write I am speechless. I cannot form a sentence. My mind is filling with images of the things I would let him do to me.. Ugh, I need a shower. I feel dirty and yet, GET THESE IMAGES OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! This is me leaving to go take a cold shower now..

  16. krissy_kitty says:

    Oh, also can I say how much I am LOVING that beard… Just imagining how it would feel on my skin as he gently kisses my…Neck! WTF!! He is just looking too damn hot!

  17. Sigh. says:

    ViktoryGin: OO! OO! Do me! Imma Aries (bday 2 days ago)! ;-P

    Kaiser: “Trolling for strange” – ah, the story of my life.

    krissy_kitty: ITA. And I like the mussed hair with the splash of gray (still needs to trim the beard, though).

  18. jhwoodw says:

    Seriously, you guys? I love his style! So old world with modern convenience.

  19. Kaiser says:

    Sigh – Happy belated birthday. Who is your favorite dude? Maybe I’ll do a special post for you.

    Victory Gin – Thank you! I always knew he would be a good family man. And he is waiting for me, I know it.

  20. lucy2 says:

    It’s a bit overdone and movie set-ish for me. A bit surprised that someone who has a caveman like approach at times has a place so done up.

  21. Sigh. says:

    Kaiser — Thanks! You already post some of my favorite men, that’s why I’m here!! You even threw in some Idris Elba and Jeffrey Dean today. Sweet!

    And I’m naming my band “Trolling for Strange.” Now I just need to troll for a band…

  22. Mrs.Darcy says:

    It’s not really my taste, the pillars clash with the rest of it to me – that said it is pretty stylish/different for a bachelor pad, not your usual black leather monochrome boring-ness. It definitely looks like a decorator went a bit nuts – chandelier in the stripped, pseudo rustic kitchen…hmmm.I can picture him scoffing a few pies in there! Nice fedora collection though.

  23. malame says:

    “Note: if your vadge is blue, see a doctor” HAHA hilarious Kaiser

  24. Mari says:

    Oops, I see I left my shoes in the kitchen after my 2am lovefest. FYI- it’s not a kosher kitchen…

  25. Janeth says:

    So I just saw some pictures on X17 with Jen Aniston arriving to LAX and that bead bracelet that Gerard has in this picture looks exactly like the one she’s wearing in those pictures. =)Oh love! Just saw a video on E online with both of them and they actually have the same one… I have a lot of time in my hands sorry at work bored. blah

  26. Maritza says:

    Sorry but that chair does not look pink to me, more like red and gold. He has a beautiful home! What great taste, I love everything, the wooden beams, the columns and even the chandelier in the kitchen, how chic is that! There is nothing tacky about it and he is looking might fine too.

  27. Kitty2000 says:

    Balls! I had to enlarge the screen and put my glasses on. So thank you, I would never have spotted it on my own. I’m so obtuse when it comes to that sort of thing – I miss all the good stuff.

    And I thought the chandelier in the kitchen was a little over the top. Obviously to this guy more is more.

  28. B says:

    I’m not sure I wanted to see his toes…

  29. the truth says:

    he is a hot white boy

  30. Catherine says:

    That is a little over-done for my taste.

  31. Katyusha says:

    I just noticed the shoes!
    Isn’t the front of the fridge an odd place to put your shoes when you know your home is going to be photographed?

  32. Jenny says:

    The funniest post EVER. Just dying from laughter!

  33. Kaiser says:

    Holy crap – I should have researched this more – he has “A ceiling fresco depicting the rape of Ganymede”. I just looked this up – it’s very, very sketchy.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganymede_(mythology)

  34. Mairead says:

    en:
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:19 am
    Speaking as a professional interior designer, ew.

    Speaking as someone with functioning eyes, I concur.

    And I see all the random hats and white dress scarves on the kitchen island, but it’s the randomly placed shoes in front of the fridge that get me. Kaiser, are you so desperate to kill off other suiters that you are conspiring to have them killed by tripping over his size 10s when they’re on their way to get another bottle of Bolly from the fridge? (attagirl ;) )

    On the issue of the chair – I’m plumping more for terracotta and squiffy lighting and photoshop.

    On the ceiling fresco – Kaiser love, you do know that it’s not showing Jupiter actually shagging the beautiful Ganymede, probably being pursued or kidnapped. I’d recommend you stay away from all Classical (Renaissance through to 19th Century Academy work) – Zeus/Jupiter puts it about a lot, not always with willing partners. And not always in human guise either 8O

  35. Kaiser says:

    Mairead – I can’t help it, whenever I see Gerard now I think of buttsex. And now that I know he has a buttsex fresco…

    *shiver*

    I mean, sure, I’m still waiting for my 2 a.m. Scottish booty call, but I’m totally going to paint over the fresco when I move in with him.

  36. anon says:

    “outline of balls” *dead* Kaiser, you are hilarious. Love the writing! Gerard always looks like he has a dip in his mouth, and that tobacco juice is going to trickle out at any moment :(

  37. Sigh. says:

    Mairead: “I’d recommend you stay away from all Classical (Renaissance through to 19th Century Academy work)…not always with willing partners.”

    I had stepped away to finish some research on Italian baroque sculptor/architect GianLorenzo Bernini and BAM! – 3 major pieces depicting some poor woman’s kidnapping and/or rape! Came back, saw your coment. HA!

    Note to self: Call Gerry-baby and have him change the alarm code from 6969 to keep Kaiser at stalker’s length…

  38. Lisa says:

    #35 Kaiser, why do you think of butt sex when you see Gerard? Has he said he likes that??? LOL ;)

  39. Lardy Chops says:

    You’re going to have to fight me for him Kaiser. He’s mine, all mine: ottoman, wood-panelling, button fly jeans and all.

  40. duh says:

    He lives in Chelsea and looks like every gay man who lives in Chelsea. I wonder when folks will wake up to the fact that he’s gay? He’s said he’s bisexual but after seeing his home……I think your vadge will be turning blue before he makes a visit. sorry.

  41. bj says:

    it’s obvious he really doesnt live there and it’s all for show. Alot of these comments are really mean spirited, are ya that miserable?????

  42. fansofJJ says:

    I see Cher had a garage sale.

  43. Mistral says:

    “The chairs are uncomfortable to sit in, but this is where Gerard likes to hump me on the ottoman.” LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  44. anonymous says:

    GB did say he is bisexual. all you women moisting for him, i guess you are ok with him liking, peen,butsex with men and vajaja.

  45. Carrie says:

    Michael K. from Dlisted.com had this to say about Gerry’s decorating sense:

    “Gerard Butler’s NYC loft looks like the South Florida bungalow of a wheezy old queen who loves a warm sherry and the company of a young latin hustler.”

    I love him.

  46. PIslander says:

    FWIW, an actual film set designer did much of the look of the place.
    Doesn’t matter to me, tho, because I think I’m too unsophisticated to understand how so many patterns, colors, textures and odd furniture is supposed to be attractive/homey/tasteful.

    As for Gerry’s beard – folks – he is an actor, which is why he is growing his beard and getting so slim.
    He’ll soon start work filming in “Coriolanus”.
    And for the record, I’m quite taken by that man, in his custom tux or button-fly jeans.

  47. Lia says:

    I dunno…. I think the place looks pretty fabulous!

  48. Kelly says:

    No
    No
    No
    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Oh GERARD! You disappoint me!!!
    WHERE is the rubber room? WHERE is the revolving bed?? WHERE am I going to set up my swings and horses amongst all that twee chenile-covered crap and faux-rustic shiz? The heavy ceiling beams are a good start but strip everything else out and spray it shiny black and dont open the windows to let the fumes out until I get there!
    Someone needs to take you in hand.

  49. Jane Doe says:

    I personally love the kitchen :D

  50. ” I wonder when folks will wake up to the fact that he’s gay? He’s said he’s bisexual but after seeing his home……I think your vadge will be turning blue before he makes a visit. sorry. ”
    LOL – blue vadge!

  51. Ashley says:

    It’s so glamorous. Not at all what I’d expect from him. A woman yes, but not him.

    And how many times is Armstrong going to be featured?

  52. MarkyMark says:

    It looks like it was decorated by Bobby Trendy during some (failed) phase when he was trying to turn straight.

  53. Aitch says:

    AD is one of Jen Anniston’s fave mags. She has been in it about 5 times!

  54. insidescoop says:

    Yeah, I’m going with “in the closet” on this one. No way that home belongs to a straight man.

  55. Jenn says:

    LOL! This was a good blog! I laughed so hard reading it! His place seems alittle to dark and dingy for me! But my oh my is he looking FINE!

    Oh yes, who the heck does put their sneakers infront of the fridge, I know I sure the heck don’t!

    Took a double take on the outline of his balls! Ahhhh he could do me on the ottoman anytime!

  56. I agree that Jennifer’s lookin a little rough these days

  57. katrina kent says:

    If ever Gerard Butler wanted me I don’t care if he lived in a cave I would go with him. I would live with him anywhere. His beauty just captivates me. I can’t take my eyes off his beautiful face on screen. What a interesting face he has.completely captivating.

  58. katrina kent says:

    Gerard Butler doesn’t want Jenifer Aniston’s old cooch. She can beg him all she wants.

  59. david kent says:

    I agree he would want a beautiful woman.Jenifer Aniston is a pretty plain looking girl. She has a very mannish looking face,I’m sure he has better taste than that.

  60. People are going to get mad,but let them. Jennifer Aniston looks like a man in drag to me. She is pretty homely.

  61. Your wish is granted says:

    I like his style. It looks classy, very masculine actually.

    You said that Jennifer has a mannish face, well the new one is even worse: she has bushy brows, looks like a tranny, barely has an ass to speak off and supposedly she’s what French tv moguls think is hot. I bet anything that Laurie chick had a sex change to become a woman. Jennifer Aniston at least looks like a real womané

  62. Never knew Gerard was into furniture like that.

  63. Alex says:

    I thought the furniture was quite nice

  64. DomS says:

    Celebrities have always been a beacon in Interior Design. They define the mode and the main trends in the design!

  65. great taste in interiors, i wonder how much he paid for the designer.

  66. I think the place looks pretty fabulous!

  67. Sandy says:

    I spit out my coffee when reading this. F’n hilarious post!! Please do another!