Sarah Ferguson has now been missing for well over three months. She has not been photographed since December, at least according to the British media. She’s reportedly spent time in Qatar and Switzerland, and there were rumors about Ireland but no one could confirm. There’s also speculation that Sarah jetted off to America and she’s been couch-hopping in LA. One of the most insane parts of this is that it’s become glaringly obvious that no one in the British media is really trying to track her down in the wake of Prince Andrew’s arrest. An entire national media would rather spend 90% of their time bashing Prince Harry and Meghan from afar, rather than do some investigative journalism to figure out where this Epstein associate might be. Well, the Mail had an update – Sarah has been Zooming with friends and she apparently looks like hell.

Where is Fergie? Described as being on a secret sofa-surfing world tour, Fergie has apparently been staying at the homes of a succession of discreet, wealthy friends and remains in contact with a number of close allies through FaceTime calls. And the word they use to describe her is ‘dishevelled’. ‘She hasn’t been taking care of her roots or keeping up with her Botox,’ says one, with a grimace.

Burner phones: Sightings have been made in several countries, but Fergie is dogged in her wish to stay under the radar. ‘She really is low. She seems nervy,’ says a friend. The friend adds that she has three different mobile phones and is switching between them to try to evade detection. ‘She has three phones and she goes cycling through them because she’s afraid that she might be being tracked. She is convinced that a lot of people wish her harm.’

She hasn’t seen her daughters: There seems to be no in-person contact at all with daughters Beatrice and Eugenie, who according to Vogue writer Plum Sykes appeared looking glossy and glowing at a Cotswolds party last month, telling the assembled company that they were ‘doing fine’. Despite speculation that Sarah might move in with Beatrice and her family in the Cotswolds, their annexe – a converted cowshed – remains unoccupied.

Fergie’s relationship with Andrew: The friend says: ‘She and Andrew are on speaking terms but not talking that much. It is almost as if they have run away from each other. She is bobbing around with friends.’

Broke-ass Fergie: There is, as you would expect, bitter regret from Sarah, who believes that she was a gullible fool rather than more culpably involved, even though some of their contact post-dates his conviction and jailing for sex offences involving an underaged girl. A friend says: ‘She has been asking, “How am I going to get through this?” ‘She complains a lot about being broke – although I don’t know if that is broke in the sense that you or I would understand it. Her friends have been joking that they wouldn’t be surprised to find her selling her old handbags on Vinted.’

She still has friends willing to house her: ‘A lot of people, including well-known people, are quietly still very loyal to her,’ says one. ‘Not that anyone is boasting about it, at this point.’ One source said last month that she was hiding at the Wiltshire home of her old flame Paddy McNally, now 88. She dated the former racing driver and motorsports executive for three years before marrying Andrew, and the pair have remained close despite their 22-year age gap. Fergie would no doubt be welcome in McNally’s other homes, in the Swiss ski resort Verbier and in St Tropez in the south of France.

An Italian count?? However, another friend hears differently. He tells me: ‘She was in Devon at first, I don’t know with who. Then she went to Dubai, that was in February. Then she went to Austria and Switzerland. She’s staying in some place which is like a castle now, and apparently there is an Italian count looking after her.’ This could – just – be Count Gaddo della Gherardesca, 86, a wealthy former boyfriend who has an enormous family pile in Tuscany and is thought to have a ski lodge in Verbier.

[From The Daily Mail]

Some of you have speculated, in various comment threads, that King Charles likely knows her location, or that British intelligence is keeping track of her. I doubt that. I honestly believe that if Buckingham Palace knew her location, they would have leaked it weeks or months ago, or made certain arrangements around her to threaten her safety and reveal her hiding place. I think that’s the whole point of Fergie’s disappearing act and all of the burner phones – she knows they’re trying to track her and she knows that she’s quite expendable to a lot of powerful people. She’s not hiding from the MEDIA – she’s hiding from Andrew’s family, she’s hiding from the police and intelligence agencies. And it’s wild that no one will say that.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Sarah’s Instagram.