This past April and May, the British press revived their favorite storyline, “the Duchess of Sussex is failing, she’s a flop, she’s broke!” They were just months away from learning that the Sussexes actually purchased a $10 million Portuguese villa, but whatever. Something funny happened on the heels of that “poor Meghan, she can’t do anything” storyline, which was a completely different exclusive in the Daily Mail: an article about how Meghan had quietly assembled a group of powerful, wealthy and well-connected women who were advising her on her next steps. One of those “next steps” was, according to the Mail, Meghan eventually writing a memoir. They didn’t say it would happen this year or next, they just said it was something Meghan would eventually do, and that she had been taking notes this whole time. Well, NewsNation’s Paula Froelich has dusted off that story now that the Sussex Return is a real thing. Froelich quoted Mark Dolan extensively and I’ll spare you most of the garbage flowing from his mouth.

For broadcaster Mark Dolan, host of “The Mark Dolan Show” on YouTube, [The Gentlemen] whiplash is the whole story.

“This is pure Sussex propaganda,” Dolan said. “This comes from the ruthless and relentless Sussex public relations machine, which never sleeps. And the irony is that for all of the PR professionals that they employ, they’re doing a horrible job.”

“It’s so familiar. We had the war of words over whether Harry was offered accommodation at Buckingham Palace. Just a few weeks ago, we had the war of words with the Kardashians over the alleged opt-out in the invitation for photographs, which the Kardashians denied. We had the war of words with Martha Stewart over whether Meghan was bragging about her reunion with King Charles,” he said. “Well, let your viewers decide. Who do you believe? Martha Stewart, an icon of American culture, or Meghan Markle, drifter-in-chief? I think we know the answer to that one.”

Dolan continues, saying the Sussex PR team is “horrible.”

“I would rather be Vladimir Putin’s publicist than the Sussexes’ right now,” Dolan quipped.

The question Dolan cannot answer is what the duchess actually does in Britain — a country where, in his telling, she has “no social connections, no family, no job, no network to speak of.”

“There’s no business to be made in the U.K. No one’s buying the flower sprinkles or the overpriced rosé or the spread in England,” he said. “And also the movie roles — the entertainment industry is tiny in the U.K. by comparison to the U.S. So if she wants to get back to the acting, she’ll have to spend large chunks of the year in America.”

Which leaves, Dolan warns, only one thing for Meghan to do in England: take notes.

“We know that there was so much in the original manuscript of ‘Spare’ that was edited out to protect the royal family. All of that, times a hundred, would be in Meghan’s book,” he says. His warning to the Windsors: “You have allowed the fox back in the hen house, and feathers will fly.” There has been no confirmation Meghan plans to write a memoir. ​

[From NewsNation]

What surprises me is that it’s taken this long for them to revive this “what if Meghan writes a tell-all book” storyline. Surely that should have been a Day 1 tantrum? Alongside the hilariously unhinged “Meghan is going to barge into the palace with Netflix cameras” and/or “Meghan might wear a hidden microphone while speaking with Kate’s Wiglet of Doom!” Anyway, I’ve always hoped that Meghan would write a memoir and that she would talk about what really happened. The thing is, I’ve sort of given up on that dream. I think she feels she’s already told enough of her side. Believe it or not, Meghan actually has retained a great deal of mystery, which is why everyone over there is so obsessed with her. She’s not one to dump her purse out for all to see. Even her “tell-alls” didn’t really tell ALL. Always leave them wanting more… that’s a pretty good PR strategy, despite what these derangers say.

Photos courtesy of Netflix.