Candace Bushnell has a new book coming out in a matter of days, Is There Still Sex in the City? I always enjoy when Bushnell has something to promote, because I find her so interesting. She has much more depth than her alter-ego Carrie Bradshaw, and Candace has seen some sh-t and she really thinks about the ways in which the world has changed around her. It’s a powerful thing for a 60-year-old woman to still be writing about middle-aged and older women as vital, powerful, intelligent and… interested in sex and romance. Candace was recently asked if there is *still* sex in her city, New York, and she said “It’s less… I think there’s not a lot of romance. Partly because of the Internet, everybody is in their own little phone bubble. People are more involved in their phones than they are with each other. Let’s face it, that’s a romance killer.” Candace also gave a fascinating interview to The Hollywood Reporter, which you can read here. Some highlights:
Why she wrote her character under her name with this book: “For me, being Candace Bushnell and what I do, [there is an] impulse to write about this passage in women’s lives that seems to be a real phase and one that I wasn’t expecting. You kind of think that life is going to go in one direction, and then it gets really fuzzy. I found myself in my mid-50s and living a life that I didn’t expect. I think I didn’t expect it emotionally. At the beginning when I got divorced I didn’t know anybody else who was divorced, and my only single friends were like me: single and without children. So, we really made a bond that we were going to look after each other. You go through a certain point, and then realize, wow, you don’t even fit into the algorithm. And you’re kind of erased in a lot of different ways. That’s true for men and women. It could be another 20 years of your life where you’re going to work and not going to retire, and you have to live your life with the same drive, except that you have to reinvent yourself. “Why am I here?”
The SATC women are in their 50s now: “These are women who are used to being out in the world. They have had careers and attempted to have it all. And maybe have succeeded, and now they’re finding themselves in a society that’s like, “Hey, we are not interested in you anymore.” These are women who are used to saying, “We don’t care what you think. We’re going to go out and change things.” It’s a demographic that is growing, literally, because people are living longer and healthier lives. On the other side of this are women who are starting businesses, and they’re kind of saying “F–k it” and they’re doing what they always wanted to do even though they didn’t have permission to believe in that aspect of themselves. Now they’re saying, “I don’t need permission, there’s no permission.” It’s also a group of women who have grown up with a lot of shame and a lot of shaming, so there’s also a desire to be free of that. It’s now or never. We are sick of all that nonsense.
How older women’s sex lives are portrayed in film & TV: “It’s really not portrayed. I’m probably going to make a generalization, like, it’s harder for older women to find sex, but I think if you’re a sexual person and you’re comfortable with your sexuality, you’ll be able to figure that out. But I do think that’s not portrayed at all. We’ve got to look at Hollywood: [Where are the] women over 40?
Bushnell also recounts – without naming names – how ‘90s New York was a rogue’s gallery of predators and terrible, abusive men and how most women who were in New York during that time have some awful stories about powerful men, men who are still around. She also talks about how she was sent to write a story about Jeffrey Epstein in 1994 and she got kicked out of his house and basically his lawyers did the most to shut down any article about him.
Also: “You go through a certain point, and then realize, wow, you don’t even fit into the algorithm. And you’re kind of erased in a lot of different ways.” I feel that. I feel that coming, and I feel like that’s a larger conversation being had by women in their 40s and 50s.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.
I was talking about this with my sister-in-law (we are both in our ’50’s) and she agreed that women our age do become invisible. But we both felt there was an upside to it in that no one is watching you and/or taking you seriously, so you can do what the hell you please. You are now the crazy old lady and you don’t answer to anyone anymore – no kids to embarrass, the husband is gone or has given up on trying to rein you in. But you can still slip into the “mom” role and push people around to get things done. It’s actually a lot of fun. In some ways, being invisible gives you a lot of freedom.
Come on. 50s isn’t old.
In America, you might as well have cobwebs growing over you if you are 50. I live in LA, and even young women (20’s early 30’s) who claim they are feminists believe “older” women don’t count when it comes to the election or the future of America. I have a friend who fights for women’s equality in regards to gender and race but is clueless that she engages in ageism.
Really? In this day in age, 38 is considered “old” by anyone under 30.
this is the general consensus from older women I know: freedom. they’re loving it.
Every year as I got deeper into my 50s, more people patronized me and fewer people took me seriously. Women organizing politically now I think channels that anger into action.
LMAO. This is so true. You should see me whip out the mom role with young ‘uns. It stops them in their tracks and it works !!! I was never good at flirting or using my “sexual wiles” to get my way but this mom thing….I am all over it. Finger wagging/ hand on hip and ALL. I get store discounts and even bully bank managers !!
I think if we’re talking about the social sphere, yes, it shouldn’t matter. But if you are single and self supporting ( ie no spouse, no alimony, no family $) you will absolutely feel it should you ever need to find employment. As far as your peers not being in their 20s 30s 40s many will be your bosses or your gatekeepers even when you have risen to a senior level. The recent long recession, combined with many women who opted out ( as was their right, don’t get me wrong here) means many companies have shifted to let the younger generation take over for new ideas in the digital age…a whole generation has now been shelved, and there aren’t too many older women around to pull them up. (And even worse for WOC).
Very true!
I’m in my late 50’s and I’m having my best time ever….I guess getting older is different for everybody. Hopefully she isn’t painting a bleaker view just to sell a book.
@ Astrid : I agree. I saw an article about “Seenagers” – seniors and how they are having lots of fun like teenagers but now they have their own car and money.
I’m 50 and I don’t relate to what she’s saying either. Every year I feel more confident and more empowered.
Sure, people in their 20s and 30s pay less attention to you, but who cares? They are not my peers. I’ve long passed that fleeting phase. I was very relieved once I hit my 40s to be excluded from the judgment of a less mature crowd.
It is very liberating to be able to let go of the feeling of constantly having my worth judged by my appearance and “f*ability” (as per a recent Paltrow comment).
I have felt more “seen” as I get older, because I am being seen for who I am, what I offer the world, and my life experience, rather than how well I cling to youth or how tight my ass is. I get taken more seriously at work and in our society now that I’m not being measured by that kind of yardstick.
Aging is hard for those who only see value the qualities of youth and place a high importance on “being seen”. If you are feeling invisible as you age, avoid the types of media that celebrate shallow qualities and hopefully you can find a circle of friends who have deeper values that celebrate the qualities that are more meaningful to you.
That said, I can see how hard it must be for women to age under the scrutiny of Hollywood and the media.
“Sure, people in their 20s and 30s pay less attention to you, but who cares? They are not my peers. I’ve long passed that fleeting phase. I was very relieved once I hit my 40s to be excluded from the judgment of a less mature crowd.”
YES! Exactly this. I’m 40 but yeah, this part of your comment resonated with me so much. I don’t give two shits that people younger than me don’t notice me.
Same here. I don’t WANT a bunch of 20 somethings’ attention.
Exactly this. I’m 43, and I think I used to enjoy being noticed or “seen,” but I’ve grown more private and I really enjoy feeling relatively anonymous. Like it’s been mentioned already several times on this board, the biggest thing I’ve noticed is more freedom. My older child is 24 and the younger is 12, which is a huge difference from when one was a toddler (the daycare struggle) and one was in high school and being a single mom working full time, I felt so loaded down with responsibility 24/7. Now that one is grown and the other is out of diapers, capable of helping out, etc, I just feel this freedom I hadn’t really felt since I was in my 20s. I’m using my time to get my graduate degree and volunteer in politics, and it’s been wonderful.
Being invisible when older impacts more than just social situations. I was posting about how older folks are invisible when it comes to finding work and then I saw scottiegal’s comment below, so I moved my post.
Yes I’ll confirm about the workplace. Sure, older people might not care about being cool or following and looking like the ‘in’ crowd but as older people are mostly not in the 1% they still have major income concerns and higher medical bills to pay at the same time. It’s at least as hard not to be taken seriously professionally as the other, more superficial stuff. We all have to understand and insist on our value.
Rather than overthinking the erased part, I’ll repeat my personal mantra that hit me in my 40s: Be your own best friend.
Truly embracing that takes care of a lot of self-doubt, fears and loneliness/feeling left out. Attitude means a lot.
Thanks for this. I’m late 30s now and finding myself drifting away from my closest friends for various reasons. We’re still friends, but not as close as we once were. I’m trying to figure out how to reclaim the independence I felt before I got married, when I would go places and do things alone on the reg. These days, I just sit around the house with my husband or while he works. I need to be entertaining myself again!
Definitely figure out what you want to do and go do it. Chances are you’ll meet new friends with similar interests too, and if you don’t want to go alone, check on facebook or meetup for groups.
I am 52 and unemployed. Despite having a lot of experience I am overlooked for jobs I apply for. I interview with recruiters who are young enough to be my child. I did not think life in my 50’s would be like this. She is right about feeling invisible.
Same. I had a couple decades of professional experience in NYC and thought I could move to the west coast and start a new life in my late 40s. Wrong! I didn’t realize I’d aged out. 52 now & in a not great situation.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time finding a job, that sucks. I’m your age and recently went back to work mostly fully time after taking 15 years off (with some intermittent freelance work) to take care of my kids and I didn’t even try to go back at the same level I left. I didn’t want the stress of that much responsibility, although at times I chafe at some of what my senior managers do, thinking I would do things quite differently. But it’s not in my pay grade. It’s a weird combination of freeing and frustrating. I am realizing that I do need more of a challenge. And a bit more money would help.
In any case, my friends and I have talked about how employers should want women our age — because we know how to get sh^t done. Hang in there, hoping you find something great, soon.
I relate too. I’m 56 and hear crickets when I apply for jobs I’m qualified for. Because I took years off to raise a family, my competitors are probably the age of my oldest child. It’s discouraging, because being underemployed means I am reliant on a spouse I can’t comfortably rely on. I will be advising my daughter to not ever allow herself to be trapped in life with choices that put family first, because life is scary here on the other side. Always make sure you build a career of your own, because ageism is real, and there often aren’t opportunities to build that career later.
Yeah, I think taking extended time off to raise kids does have terrible repercussions for women who try to get back into the workforce. So many of my friends are struggling with that now. One of them just mentioned that she pays her cleaning lady more than any job she’s been able to be considered for even with a computer science degree and an impressive resume pre-kids.
I don’t regret taking time off to focus on my kids. One has special needs and I don’t think I could’ve managed his needs when he was younger and worked full time without a ton of angst. But I do wish I’d done things differently, most notably keeping up better with my old co-workers and other people in the industry, even just to go to lunch a couple times a year. The dreaded “networking” that I hate so much could probably have really come in handy now.
A couple years ago I went to a day of seminars designed for women wanting to get back into the workforce, held by a local women in business type of org. It looked great on paper but in reality it was very thin on substance or useful info. Other than getting some good tips on beefing up my LinkedIn profile, my main takeaway was that middle age is a good time to start selling real estate. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
@Lee
I quit my job to raise my 3 kids. It was a mistake. I would tell any female, my girls included, to hold on to that job. It’s nearly impossible to come back to something you feel is worthy of your talent.
@Scottiegal
I feel for you and hope you find something soon.
I would hire you. I own a buisness and in my late 50’s. Never got to take time off to raise my kids. I hire all ages. If you can get the job done that’s all I care. I do get the side eye from clients sometimes about when I am going to retire. And this is from dudes older than me. I can work anyone under the table, and you can’t replace experience. But younger people don’t want to hire someone older than they are, I think they feel uncomfortable managing someone who is their Moms age.
@scottiegal, I hope you find a job and soon. My best friend got laid off a month ago at 56. She’s a single mom and cannot find anything out there that pays as well as her old job and is not even getting calls for interviews. I told her take the dates off her resume, just list the job. I hope both of you find something!
Thank you. Hopefully I will find something soon.
@scottiegal, you are so right. Regarding those who say they don’t care if younger people don’t notice them, it goes far beyond vanity or trying to fit in with the younger “cool” crowd. It also affects the workplace. Someone older has a much harder time getting hired. In general, people in management positions who are younger don’t want to work with people who are their parents’ age. And yes, even if the older person looks younger than their years, the person’s age is easily found online by HR folks. We all know exceptions to this, of course, but in general older folks have a harder time getting decent jobs or moving up in their company after they’ve reached a certain age. It’s sad but true.
Yes, and for the generation of women now in our 50s & 60s, work and careers meant a great deal to us and we also planned our lives around them. To have that removed is hard, and I wonder if men still get a few more years of respect in the workplace or are considered as still requiring the income (“kids to get through college”) more than we do.
Meanwhile, we have this wide swath of educated women who still have energy and know-how. We can’t all afford to volunteer.
“Meanwhile, we have this wide swath of educated women who still have energy and know-how. We can’t all afford to volunteer.”
THIS. As I said above, companies should want us because we know how to get sh^t done. I find that I don’t get stressed about workload and other workplace frustrations the way my younger co-workers do, or get drawn into petty dramas. I’m also not bogged down by concerns about my social or romantic life like a number of my young co-workers are.
I do have on example of where being older was an advantage. I work in marketing/advertising and a big tech company hired an ad agency to do a bunch of work. The agency quickly staffed up with older, more experienced people because the tech company team’s average age was probably 26. I was a freelancer on the project but they would have me participate in conference calls since I knew what I was talking about, lol. The young clients knew their product but they didn’t know marketing. The pressure from above to be hip in the client’s eyes was a little ridiculous, though.
I guess my point is there have to be more than just isolated instances like the one I just mentioned where experience is seen an asset and not a liability.
She’s right about the erasure of women over 50. It’s such a strange paradox for me, though, because after 50 I’ve finally felt totally grown up, content with my achievements, and confident in my ability to take on new interests and learn new things. I’ve also made peace with my eating disorder (finally), and I think the menopause from my hysterectomy actually helped there. So it’s a freeing time for me, but disorienting when I feel strangers and some family members apply a sort of stereotype to me. One example is when I wanted to pursue a purchase of a property that would need a lot of work, and my brother and nephew said, “why would you want to do that…you know you’ll need to do a lot of mowing, remodeling and upkeep.” So strange for them to say, because I’m healthy and feel so young. Mowing the yard difficult? When they know I ride my horse routinely and do other active things? Hmmm. Anyhow, I’m rambling again. It’s been interesting!
Interesting about menopause and your ED. Glad you’re feeling better.
Maybe your bro and nephew just don’t want you to have to do a ton of work lol.
I obv don’t know your families dynamic…but is it possible that your brother and nephew are afraid you would recruit THEM to help…and they don’t want to?
It’s easy for young women and young men to be seen and acknowledged when they’re attractive, and that’s a terrible trap, a terrible short-cut to be caught up in because it doesn’t last. And it’s especially terrible for women since aging women are treated more harshly compared to aging men. So it’s up to us to make sure that we’re seen for our strength, our intelligence, our loyalty, our wit. So, so much of what is marketed to women is about keeping up our appearances, but that’s such a lousy long term plan! I mentor young professionals and can only tell them to demand their space, to exercise their expertise. No one is going to do it for you, unfortunately. We need to stop being so dang polite and “good” and acknowledge our own selves, and the women around us.
This is so true. If your only “value” is something that doesn’t last (whether it’s looks, or something else), then don’t be surprised when you lose value as you get older. Sadly, it seems women are disproportionately burdened by this, and yet we keep buying into it. Maybe part of it is denial, and younger women fall into the trap because they feel like “That won’t happen to me” or “Old age is so far off I don’t have to worry about it,” and then they fail to promote themselves in ways that will last as they age.
“Women are born with pain built in,” she says. “It’s our physical destiny: period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives, men don’t.
“They have to seek it out, they invent all these gods and demons and things just so they can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own. And then they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other and when there aren’t any wars they can play rugby.
“We have it all going on in here inside, we have pain on a cycle for years and years and years and then just when you feel you are making peace with it all, what happens? The menopause comes, the f***ing menopause comes, and it is the most wonderful f***ing thing in the world.
“And yes, your entire pelvic floor crumbles and you get f***ing hot and no one cares, but then you’re free, no longer a slave, no longer a machine with parts. You’re just a person.” -Kristin Scott Thomas, Fleabag
OMG KST was AWESOME in Fleabag!!! LOVE that show!
Genius show.
This really is brilliant. Fleabag is an excellent show.
This is awesome, thanks for sharing it. I have been meaning to check out Fleabag, and keep forgetting, this was a great reminder!
If I had to use one word to describe my 50’s so far it’s “unsettled.”. Feel too old for somethings but way too young for others and financially I’m not one of those 50 somethings living the amazingly comfortable, carefree life. I currently live in a charming small town where most of population trends 70 plus so I’m considered a youngster, which is fun but also everyone is married/paired off so social situations can be lonely. I miss being in a more diverse, and larger city. Think a lot about moving, but thoughts of “moving again at this age” and, since I’m single/child free, starting over with friends, etc? I am ambivalent about my job, nothing wrong with it and for a nonprofit the salary and benefits are decent, but am a bit bored, yet predictions of a slowing economy in the next year or so plus my mother drilling into me the challenges of job hunting over 50 have me eternally debating to just stay where I am and look for alternate outlets to be challenged/engaged or take the leap and job search (then next to search here or in another city/state).
I’m ok with singledom but do worry about aging and living alone, working in the nonprofit sector for a career and, if I’m honest, not being as focused on retirement planning as I should be, worry I’ll end up in one of those god awful nursing homes as I’ll be limited to wherever Medicare is the only option for payment.
On the other hand I do have more a “who cares” attitude about speaking my mind, not having to always be nice and polite in adverse situations, owning my choices in clothing, that I don’t cook, etc.
So as I wrote earlier, the first couple years of my 50’s have been unsettling.
You sound cool and I feel like we’d be friends if I lived in your town. I’m late 30s and having some of the same feelings (also nonprofit work). I think making a move is daunting at any age. I’ve already made a couple myself and would really like to be done with the nomadic life, but if you see a life on the other side that looks better than what you have isn’t it worth it? I always keep an eye out to see what jobs are going nationally. So far none of them have seemed worth the move, but it doesn’t hurt to look, right? It sounds like you have an open mind. Just go with the flow and with what your gut is telling you and you’ll be okay.
Not sure how remote your small town is, but maybe start doing some weekend adventures out of town, even if it’s just a day trip to somewhere new. Or you can start trying to bring the things you’d do in a city to your smaller town – put together a movie club or book club, take some classes, volunteer if you have some time, etc. Lots of those women would probably welcome the opportunity to get out of the house and be social without their spouses/partners. If you still feel unfulfilled, maybe then think about moving.
I feel like single women of a certain age need to start small communities, where we can support each other and be there for each other. I would love to find other women my age who want to travel and go to dinners and shows and winery’s, I am so not into finding a man thing. Why aren’t we more proactive in these things?
This is exactly me SamC!
“You go through a certain point, and then realize, wow, you don’t even fit into the algorithm. And you’re kind of erased in a lot of different ways.”
Not to be THAT commenter, but… as much as I see her point, and as much as I support her (or any other woman’s) journey of self-actualization and discovery, I’m finding it harder than I’d like to have much sympathy for her.
The thing is: the algorithm she’s talking about doesn’t have room for a lot of women (and even less room in her heyday of the ’90s) — working class women, women of color, queer women, trans women, etc. The women who were considered desirable and meaningful in their desire was always a very small, very exclusive club.
And while Bushnell belonged to it, she only ever celebrated her power within the confines of its existence. She never asked, “who ISN’T in this club, why not?” She never questioned the club itself, or the idea of desire as a commodity (who is buying it and why, who is selling it for a profit. etc). And now that she’s aged out of it — because surprise, older women aren’t welcome, either — yeah, NOW she’s concerned about how it feels to be locked out. Now she is.
(She’s still not exploring the wider implications of the de-valuing of certain women beyond how it affects relationships with men, but why should she? She’s well-off! She has a solid social community! She’s set. There’s no larger concerns here about how older women are treated by doctors or neglected by social programs, this is all still — still! — about heterosexual desire and how other extremely rich women are so very admirable for their power. Like, yikes. I swear to god I’m not even that far left and socialist-y, but: YIKES.)
So she’s right to be concerned. But I find I can’t commend her for it.
Great point, KL. There are so many people who have always been erased and any rich white person should always acknowledge that as part of any conversation.
Thanks for putting into words what I couldn’t. She doesn’t seem to have grown at all. She’s as dated as SATC (which I loved and often re-watch, but you know it’s dated).
Also, while I’m sure she’s right about there not being enough representation of older women desiring and pursuing hetero sex… it’s just not something I find interesting anymore. And I would be a bit depressed watching a show about an older, accomplished woman who can’t find any meaning in life unless she’s getting some action.
Nail on the head. She is only concerned about the privilege she has lost, not the privilege she has.
Wow. She can’t talk about her own feelings and experience? I rather read that and take it or leave it than read her speculating on the experiences of others.
I also don’t read where she’s asking for any sympathy. She’s making personal observations.
The problem isn’t focusing on her personal observations. It’s when Bushnell — or anyone in her extremely privileged position of both power AND platform — keeps the focus on the symptoms that inconvenience her personally instead of talking about how they’re part of a much larger disease. She doesn’t HAVE to speculate — she’s educated, she has incredible access, and in fact many of those experiences are in the news day after day. I mean, jesus, talk about topical.
Even if she’s not asking for sympathy, I find her decrying the same “algorithm” which catapulted her to money and power to be extremely hypocritical. She didn’t care about who didn’t fit into it until SHE didn’t fit. She doesn’t even spent any time deconstructing why a metaphorical algorithm exists to determine the value of women’s desire.
If you find value in reading about another uber-privileged white woman who’s cranky about how aging decreases her value in the society whose values she unquestionably accepts, you’re free to ignore me and my gadfly nonsense. Gwyneth Paltrow gave you what you wanted just last WEEK, and as long as she’s still kicking there are plenty of navel-gazing quotes on the horizon.
So it seems you agree that she is writing about her personal observations without asking for sympathy.
But now that you mention it, I can see how extremely inconsiderate it was of her to pursue the works she wishes to pursue without deconstructing the totality of western gender roles and sexual politics to your personal satisfaction. Thank you.
Also, my sincere appreciation for telling me what I think and how I feel about her. I’ll go back to my navel as assigned by you and you can go back to being inexplicably angry with something as inconsequential as what Gwenyth Paltrow says.
KL – you have a road ahead of you and you have no idea what’s coming.
Personally, (yes I’m expressing my opinion and fair warning, I’m over 50 too) aging out as deemed by the world too often for women is difficult for most women. It affects our mental health. No matter who we were, our money, status, roles, etc., we all feel this and it’s scary at times. If we can’t have compassion for each other, as women, at all ages, wtf is the point?
I wasn’t into SATC and never watched it. I do admire Kim Cattrall today for her hard work and professionalism but that’s it out of that show and era. I haven’t followed Bushnell ever, for anything. But I had a mom, and older women worked alongside me when I was management and they were wise, caring, and vulnerable at times and were hard on themselves for feeling vulnerable. And I mean, they were WISE, and no bs, but patient, like nobody else most of the time.
The last thing any human being needs is to be kicked and silenced when experiencing difficult or even just new life stages or adjustments.
My two cents.
Sincerely, good luck KL.
I love this interview and find her smart and insightful.
That said, the dress in the header is a no and she should have known better. Mutton as lamb and all that.
She’s beautiful but yeah, the dress is a no for me.
Amy Rigby said it best in 1998, and she did it in song. Here’s a live performance from this past March – (check out the audience, seen applauding after the song).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PL2vKQvQO9Q
I want folks to realize that one of the BIGGEST reasons it’s so hard for people over 50 to find viable jobs…is that as you get older…the cost of healthcare premiums go up…and since employer based healthcare is the biggest source of healthcare in this country…it’s fiscally prohibitive for employers to hire older workers….
Which is ANOTHER reason why we HAVE to decouple healthcare from employment….
YES! And the only reason health care was added to employment benefits was as a sweetener when employers found it hard/didn’t want to raise salaries. Cheaper to provide health care – at least when that began.
It’s probably a factor, but not the main reason. The situation is the same in Europe where you have free national healthcare. Yet no one wants to hire 50-year-olds either.
It’s also a huge issue in Canada, where we have universal health care.
I’m 57 black woman and people usually think I’m in my thirties. grandmother started my facial routine when I was a child. Besides my family don’t wrinkle we sag. I’m at the point were i don’t care what people think. My new goal is to renew my cosmetology license and start my new career.
She is not wrong. But mostly if you are relying on the external which, for many in my generation, is hard not do. At 57, the F you is very strong with me. And I like it. But I’m married. If I was single, it might hit harder.
I am not here to shame Candace–I get that being single and unhappy about it at her age must be tough. She’s mentioned her despair about this, as well as feeling invisible, a couple of times in recent interviews. BUT she is still an important name in publishing and still gets invited to red carpets (see her photo above). She has real clout and gets very fancy nights out to rub elbows with the glittery and famous. That’s not a hardship! I hope that my girlfriends and I can do a (much less fancy) version of this when we’re that age (and we’re not that far behind). The lesson for me here is to invest quality time with the GFs so we can help support each other as we age.
There’s a difference between being in demand in a professional sense, and having caring, fulfilling relationships in your personal life. One isn’t a substitute for the other. I’m sure she’s not crying into her sheets about all of the money and clout she’s wielding, but I don’t think that precludes her desire for companionship either, especially if she, like many other women, still feels bound by society’s ideas of what that type of companionship should be like in her age.
I fully admit to wishing I croak before I reach 60. I’m 43 and can already see that aging isn’t for sissies, as Bette Davis said. My mother is starting to have health issues, her friends and acquaintances always seem to have something wrong and superficially, I don’t want to gain weight, watch my hair thin, sag everywhere and look like a prune. I just can’t see one good thing about it. And when you’re in your 70s and beyond, that’s when it seems like the sh*t really hits the fan. I dread every birthday like it’s the plague.
I realize most people want to be around for many years. This is just my personal feeling.
The reason there is so little romance is because young people are overworked and underpaid, barely making enough to cover the costs of survival for one person, let alone a family. Most of us still have student loans, pay rent, and can’t afford a mortgage. Jobs are precarious, and protections for workers are being weakened by the day. Wages are stagnant. All of that means that a great many of us don’t have the time, energy, or the money to do a lot of things, and that serves to keep us isolated in many ways.
But yeah sure, Candace, it’s the fcking cell phones. THAT’s the problem.
I read an economic report last week out of UK which stated that creative jobs and industries are the fastest growing next to tech. Not imports, manufacturing or real estate – it’s creative and services.
I see lots of women of all ages now self employ. They say nobody has full time jobs anymore mostly. So, try anything, a few things if you like variety, to get bills covered, but also keep time for enjoyable nourishing activities. My best friends work hard – one caring for family and health issues and grandkids, the other working full time and married with empty nest. They both have a little routine which they love and has nothing to do with socializing or other people per se. Whether crafts, reading, gardening, sewing, art, see if there is something you can do just for you that makes you happy even if it’s only a little bit. Not social, not where you have to perform, just where you can intake something nourishing for your spirit. Start small and slow if necessary but give yourself the time. When relaxed and not worrying our brains kick in better and we can think of more things we might like for self employment.
She isn’t wrong. The algorithm comment is spot on. It works in a similar context with gay men, once you lose your looks/hot body or god forbid weren’t beautiful or fuckable in the first place then its hard out there.