Hayden Panettiere’s tell all, This is Me: A Reckoning, came out yesterday. A lot of outlets are discussing the blind items she drops. We talked about her reveal that a female friend put her in bed, at just 18, as a sort of offering to an older male celebrity on a yacht. In her book Hayden states that it was a 30-something British singer. Many people have speculated that the evil friend was Diana Jenkins, who has denied it’s her. (Hayden seemingly addressed this in an ET interview, saying, “What’s worse is the denial of it, because that’s not a story that somebody just makes up.”) Hayden also dropped a horrifying anecdote about an Oscar-winning actor who exposed himself to her at a party.
In This is Me, Hayden writes that her mom, Lesley Vogel, refused to have a personal relationship with her after Hayden fired Lesley as her manager. Late last week, we covered Lesley’s mean response to Hayden’s memoir, which was typical DARVO and blamed Hayden for everything. In a new interview with Entertainment Tonight, Hayden responded to Lesley’s statement, saying that it was false and that her mom is closing the door to a potential reconciliation.
On the abuse she went through as a child
I was like overwhelming that I hadn’t like made the connection so much sooner in their forms of abuse and some things that I have to work on and keep my eye out eye out for because no one else is going to protect me.On her mom’s statement
It was so false. She slammed that door in my face. When people ask me about the relationship, if there’s any hope for future, I always say that I always leave that door cracked open in case because who doesn’t want a relationship with their mother? You pray for it and you hope it eventually comes, but she slammed that door pretty hard in my face.On if she’s talked to her mom
No, she has very clearly prioritized herself, which I should not be shocked by. But I can’t imagine how she feels about doing what she did and then saying what she said. I don’t know how she lives with that.
[From ET Online’s YouTube transcript]
It’s surprising to me that Hayden is open to having a relationship with her mom, because it seems like a textbook situation that calls for no contact. For what it’s worth, Hayden’s abusive ex boyfriend, Brian Hickerson, called Hayden’s mom “one of the worst people I’ve ever met in my life.” TMZ interviewed Hickerson because of course they did.
Later in the interview, Hayden was asked about the fact that she recently came out as bisexual. She said she didn’t want people to think she was coming out for the wrong reasons or that it was a fad for her. I’m 53 and bisexual and this is sadly relatable to me. I hardly ever mention it for that reason and am grateful that the younger generation is more open and understanding.
Kudos to Hayden for being so forthcoming about everything she’s gone through. She’s so matter-of-fact and vulnerable. I’m so happy to see her on the other side of everything she went through and I hope she has a long career as a scream queen.
photos credit: Avalon.red and T. Jackson/Backgrid
Her mother’s comments completely prove Hayden’s points. As someone with a toxic parent – the best thing you can do is cut them out completely. A lot of folks thinks you HAVE to maintain a relationship with toxic family because they’re family. That is simply not true. You have the right to cut things and people out of your life who disrupt your peace and mental and emotional well being.
You don’t HAVE to maintain a relationship with anyone, I couldn’t agree more. Make the choices you need to in order to protect yourself and bring you peace. If someone’s presence in your life is fundamentally detrimental to you them please walk away.
She seems to have survived a lot of trauma and gone through a lot of personal growth. I’m happy for her and I hope this means she’s able to be a good parent to her daughter.
I have a narcissist mother & I’m trying to see her for one last time this summer, as she’s 95. We haven’t seen each other in 9 years. I’m not really looking forward to it, but it’s a short visit, and I kind of feel like it’s my “duty” to make this trip. She doesn’t allow overnight visits, so I’m staying with my brother, who is close to her. It’s hard when you have a mom who is so different from a regular loving mom. My hubby’s sister asks me every year if I have visited my mom, and I always feel like a loser, but it’s not for lack of trying. So, I can understand wanting to keep the door open a crack, because it’s your mom. I just want to feel that I can say – I made the effort – and even if the visit goes poorly like all the others, I did try one last time. Plus, I think she’s slipping a bit mentally now at this advanced age. Maybe there will be no ranting & raving or silent treatment. Wish me luck! It’s only 3 days!!
Good luck! I went through this visit. I really focused on doing right by myself. To say my goodbye and close that door on my own terms. To allow myself the memory of being classy, essentially. Keeping the visit short and then sleeping somewhere safe were essential. It was hard but worth it.
Thank you. This is my goal as well. I appreciate your insight.
If I may say … it’s really none of your sister-in-law’s business if you have seen your mom, and I don’t understand why she keeps asking you about it. Particularly if she knows y’all’s history, she is being insensitive. In an ideal world, she would be told: “If it happens, you’ll be the first to know.”
as yet another daughter with no relationship to my mum, it is a long rocky road. It doesn’t happen overnight. It happens over decades, and the weird kink in the rope is that as you kind of surface this anchor — nautical metaphors — so that you can set course for elsewhere, open seas, etc., you dredge through so much BS that it’s inevitably you relive a lot of it, in the process of casting off. It’s a double dose of don’t-go-there and it really throws you off kilter, because you’re sealing off a set of experiences even whilst reliving them. But, yes, if you ever need to know you’re not imagining it, just ask yourself: what would a *normal* supportive live-and-let-live relationship feel like, compared to this?