On Friday, the NYDN released an early excerpt from Megan Fox’s cover interview in the new issue of Interview Magazine, in which we found out that Megan constantly says dumb sh-t because she’s trying to “throw people off the scent”… of what a dumbass she is. She’s on the cover to promote Jonah Hex, which, can I just say – looks f-cking terrible. I keep seeing the ads for Jonah Hex, and I want to punch Josh Brolin in his mangled face for being in this dumb movie, and I want to punch Megan Fox in her plastic face for rolling her eyes and saying her dumb-as-hell dialogue with her stupid Valley Girl accent. Next to Megan Fox, Kristen Stewart’s eye-rolling, lip-biting annoyances seem like adorable mannerisms from Dame Judi Dench.

Anyway, first, the photo shoot: Interview had a mannequin made to look exactly like Megan, and throughout the shoot, Megan is posed in creepy ways with the mannequin. Is it just me, or does the mannequin seem more lifelike? The full Interview piece is here, and here are some of the highlights:

On disguising herself for the paparazzi: “I find that it’s easier to disguise yourself when you go to Florida or places like that, because no one is expecting to see a celebrity there. When you throw on a hat and glasses, no one really looks at you twice—because why would you be in Florida? People just assume that if you’re famous, you’re in Hollywood. But in places like New York and L.A., they know that you live there and that you’re trying to disguise yourself, so people are always looking. It’s almost better to not wear a hat and glasses. I’ve actually stopped tinting my windows because the paparazzi look for trucks and cars with supertinted windows. In New York, especially, so much of your life is spent on the streets. You don’t always want to be driving around in an SUV with a security guard. You want to be able to walk to a restaurant; you want to go and do things.”

On the paparazzi and what she concentrates on: “Every time I leave the house or we go anywhere, there is that paranoia. We always have to watch for specific cars and specific signs that we’re being photographed. The other day, I was having a private conversation on my phone, and I had to step out of my car to go into a Rite Aid. And there were like six photographers in the bushes photographing me the whole time. It’s weird. It is overwhelming. At times it’s jarring. You never know when someone is videotaping you or trying to capture your image. I see how it makes some people crazy. It’s a strange thing. But I am really lucky. I don’t understand it. I don’t know how any of this has happened. I mean, I don’t sit around and say, “Gosh, I have to do this movie with this person.” I really, honestly, am much more focused on my personal life. I’d really like to have a family at some point. Not that I’m not focused on my career—of course I am. But I’m just at that place where I want to spend some time at home and on my family. And if a great project comes my way, then of course I’ll take it. But I’m not actively out seeking something specific.”

Megan does not enjoy sounding so dumb in interviews: “I know you can’t really put actors or celebrities into two categories, but I’m going to right now: There are the people who really, really enjoy being celebrities, and then there are the people who came by it maybe by accident. I’m one of those people who fiercely guards their privacy, so I hate doing interviews. Because just in terms of the experience I’ve had with the media so far, almost everything I say, no matter how innocent my intentions are, seems to get sort of manipulated and sensationalized and turned into some ridiculous news story.”

The full “throw people off the scent” quote – it’s even worse: “It just happens so much that I don’t want to open my mouth or speak anymore, because everything I say becomes scandalous. It wears you out. So I’m a bit jaded. I don’t read my own press, so I don’t know what’s being reported on a daily basis—I only hear about things when they reach a sort of Def-Con status and my publicist calls me because we have to do some damage control. But I do feel like, if anything, I’ve sort of made it worse. In the past I’ve been reluctant to share any bits of truth about myself or to really let people in on my reality, so I have said some things to throw people off the scent of what’s really going on in my life. So I have sort of aided the media in printing these misconceptions, which I regret. I’ve just come to the realization at this point that if I don’t feel like sharing, then I’m just not going to share. But I’m not going to go out of my way to mislead people or keep them at a distance, because that doesn’t really get me anywhere either.”

It was her plan to never be put on a pedestal: “I’ve always at least tried to be self-deprecating when I say anything about myself. As long as you set the bar low, it will keep people from putting you on a pedestal, so they can’t knock you off. That’s been my plan all along, but it slipped away from me—because once you let the words go, you have no control over how they’re printed or what the media does with them. So there’s no point in trying to make plans or to control it. When we were making the first Transformers—because it’s a movie about robots that’s based on a cartoon—I don’t think any of us realized that it would have the audience that it had. I just don’t think any of us expected it to be this huge. The second one had one of the biggest openings of all time, which is crazy. I didn’t ever anticipate being part of a blockbuster franchise, let alone one that’s made the kind of money that those movies made.”

What’s her favorite food? “I was raised in the South, in Tennessee, so I’m going to go with comfort food, soul food. I would probably start with collard greens and candied baby carrots and then have some biscuits and white gravy—and for dessert, probably blackberry cobbler. Having been in a relationship since I was 18, I’m very domestic, but I don’t enjoy cooking for myself. I don’t mind cooking for other people—and I like doing it for Brian and his friends. But I don’t like cleaning or washing dishes, although I don’t mind doing laundry.”

[From Interview Magazine]

Megan does this all of the time. She’ll go out and do a series of really stupid or just plain nasty and mean interviews, where she’s bitching and being unprofessional, or she’s just lying and being stupid, and then a month later she’ll give an interview where she makes it sound like it’s everybody else’s fault that we noticed what a dumb, unprofessional, stupid liar she was. On one side, I do give her some credit, because usually she does keep a low profile when she’s not promoting a film. However, when she does have something to promote, it gets pretty awful, because her deranged quotes keep coming day after day for about a month straight. Oh, and I totally think she reads her own press too. And I don’t think she “fiercely guards” her privacy either. Whatever.

Interview photos courtesy of The Fashion Spot.