Clive Owen’s new mustache: the worst thing ever?


It’s weird how one little line of fuzz is the difference between “hot sexy rough fantasy with a delicious accent” and “ew, gross, 1970s budget porn star”. Such is Clive Owen’s fate. To be fair to him, this facial hair monstrosity is for a movie, The Killer Elite, which he is filming in Australia right now. The film also stars Jason Statham (yum) and Robert DeNiro (yum – yeah, I said it). Clive is playing he will play the leader of a vigilante group fighting to protect the families of SAS agents…[Ed. Note: … with a porno mustache].” So Clive isn’t even the lead! Damn it. F-cking character work best supporting mustache bullsh-t.


And that’s about it. There’s no Clive Owen gossip kicking around. No scandals, no affairs, no hidden love children (thus far). He keeps his sh-t tight. The mustache is the only hint of scandal, and it’s only a scandal in my mind just because he’s so pretty and manly, and I hate that I feel nothing for him with pornstache. Would I still hit it? Would I ride that fug pornstache into the sunset? Eh. If the mustache was standing right in front of me, and I could hear It speak, and I could see Its beautiful green-hazel eyes, yes, I probably would ride the ‘stache. But I wouldn’t put my mouth on it.

F-ck, maybe I would. Damn it!


Clive Owen in Australia on June 15, 2010. Credit: Fame.

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23 Responses to “Clive Owen’s new mustache: the worst thing ever?”

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  1. Lem says:

    i think we might need to stage an intervention for your taste in men ;)

    bradley witford’s new stache is the worst thing evah

  2. OMJ says:

    Four words: Yes, worst thing ever.

  3. snowball says:

    I’d have to see him without the sunglasses to make a final decision, but so far, that’s the nastiest choice he could have made. I hate goatees, but I’d rather he’d have done that.

    Oh, Clive. :(

  4. Nickster says:

    Oh please, mustache or no mustache, I still definitely would. Besides, 70s porn is hot!

  5. ViktoryGin says:


    We are totally on the same page. My reaction was…is Clive filming a 70s porn biopic? Either that or he’s paying a pedofile. Either way, the ‘stache is undoubtedly nasty.

  6. Kitten says:

    First the BP oil spill disaster now this?? Clive, now is not the time to experiment with facial hair. We have enough crises to deal with…

  7. meme says:

    nope. worst thing ever is brad’s billygoat beard.

  8. Anna says:

    Oh man, my image of him as the most scrumptious of ruggedly handsome men out there is forever overshadowed by that caterpillar on his upper lip. I WANT MY CLIVE BACK!!

  9. LindyLou says:

    Wow, it really is amazing how that little line of hair turns a hot freakin specimen of man into a cheesy-looking – hate to say it – loser!!!

    I love you Clive! Please shave it off as soon as your done filming!!

  10. Leek says:

    It appears to be a terrible decision but until I see him on screen moving and talking I can’t write him off yet.

  11. bellaluna says:

    For Heaven’s sake, please don’t keep it for the promotional events!

  12. Cinderella says:

    Cue the shag carpeting and leopard print Speedos.

  13. gg says:

    Also cue the 70s porn panelling.

    Is it the worst thing ever? OY, yes.

  14. Catherine says:

    When I get done with the man, his mustache will be worn off ;)

  15. London Lady says:

    something crawled onto his face and died. Sorry Clive, but I can only hope its for a movie…

  16. Camille says:

    Don’t love it, but its *not* the worst thing ever. I still LOVE Clive, oh yes, yes I do.

  17. Me says:

    Ayayay… did he just jump out of the Beastie Boys’ Sabotage video? :-D

  18. lillsche says:

    looks even worse! yack! how in the world could he do that???

  19. Frank says:

    Looks like a 70s porn star.

    A GAY one! ROFL!

  20. crazydaisy says:

    i hate moustaches period. they so look like a third eyebrow. in a dumb place.

    ew. glad this is/was just for a flick.

  21. Candice says:

    Gosh, I hate to say it, even with that ‘stache…he is the hottest man on the planet in my book. I know that may be a stretch for some of you…but when I see those yummy eyes, that tender smile and hear the edge in his voice, I think I might take a turn on the spin cycle and shout out his name!