Stylish Celebrity Escapism
Contributing Writers
Apr 9
'08
Paris Hilton tried to buy a cheetah

parischeetah.jpg
Paris Hilton has pissed off a lot of people with her habitual purchasing and (subsequent disregarding) of animals as though they’re pieces of jewelry. She has a kinkajou, 2 ferrets, a goat, something she calls a “big ass cat,” a chinchilla, and more dogs and cats than even she can keep count of. But apparently that’s not enough for the famous heirhead, because now she wants to buy a cheetah. Yes you heard me right, and no, that’s not some vaguely –veiled Britney Spears/Chester Cheeto joke. Paris supposedly did show some serious cheetah interest recently.

Paris Hilton kept the locals amused during her recent visit to South Africa, where she accompanied her Good Charlotte boyfriend, Benji Madden. The couple stayed at the ultra-luxe Mount Nelson Hotel in Cape Town, along with the Kaiser Chiefs and Korn, who were also in town for the My Coke Fest music event. (Apparently, calling a rock festival My Coke Fest isn’t ironic in South Africa.)

A hotel spy tells us: “Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman’s dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, ‘If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?’” Perhaps Paris could take one home and feed it with her leftover Chihuahuas.

[From the New York Daily News]

If this were any other celebrity – even Britney Spears – I’d say this was bull, or she at least didn’t mean it. But this is Paris Hilton, and she buys all sorts of exotic animals on a whim. Buying a cheetah wouldn’t be all that out of character for her. Getting it back to her home might be a problem. Oh and actually taking care of it decently – that would be out of character for Paris Hilton. But being dumb and self-centered enough to buy herself a cheetah (probably to match the prints on her bags) doesn’t seem all that impossible for Paris.

Note by Celebitchy: I thought Paris’ kinkajou was taken away by animal authorities for being an illegal pet in California, but it might not have been. I could only find that story in one source and it’s undated. Paris was bitten by the kinkajou in August, 2006, and I couldn’t determine if she still has it locked up in a cage somewhere.

If a little monkey-like creature bit her and required a trip to the hospital I can only imagine what harm a cheetah is capable of inflicting on the clueless woman.

Written by JayBird

Posted in Paris Hilton, Pets

16 Responses to “Paris Hilton tried to buy a cheetah”

  1. This woman is such a waste of time & space, its sickening. The scary thing is she is a “role model” for todays girls….I’d rather them look up to fucken Aileen Wurnos than this fuckwit

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  2. Right on, Fee.

    It’s sad to think some people on this planet really are so stupid and thickheaded.

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  3. Well, I think she should be allowed to have one and then I think we should all be allowed to watch as it tears her brain-dead head apart. And the handful of bones left behind, when the cheetah’s done, should sit somewhere prominent and be labeled:-
    The Parishiltonosorous
    Too Imbecillic To Live
    Now Extinct.

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  4. in as much that cats are like bats, in that they require fresh blood or the equivalent of a very rich milk in their diet.

    i’d first find out if i could take care of a small bat first. cause food is food and hunger is a bitch.

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  5. I say, let her have it, she’ll try to pet it, it will kill her- end of problem.

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  6. I read that that after the goat acquisition went down, which was out of town somewhere like Vegas, she THEN discovered she couldn’t fly it home, so she rented a limo for the goat to LA. Poor limo driver.

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  7. I agree with Sasha, let Paris have the cheetah. Although, no, don’t let her have it. It might take a chunk out of her, but when it does, they will put it down and that’s not fair to the cheetah. Couldn’t she just cuddle an ebola ridden monkey for a change? She’d probably get sick on the way home in her private jet, so that would even minimise infection spread.
    Nah, even if it’s Paris Hilton (and as much as I do have to admit all these did pass my mind while reading the article), these are mean things to wish on somebody. However, I did love the line “perhaps she could feed it her leftover Chihuahas”.

    Paris is so dumb, it’s always beyond me how one can be so extraordinarily lacking in basic human courtesy, tact or logic.

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  8. “or would it run away?”

    Where would it run too? Robertson Blvd?

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  9. This could actually be a BFF situation to rekindle Paris with Britney : “Look, a cheetah. It makes Cheetos!”

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  10. Anna, you’re right: If the cheetah did us all a favor and devoured Paris, the poor thing would be killed. Unless we can come up with a plan to smuggle it out of LA right after the deed is done.

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  11. *lol* JB, yes, let’s save Paris’ imaginary cheetah! :) And Bellatrix: you are probably spot on with your assessment: I’m sure Paris and Britney and a few other of these, sadly, not endangered species, absolutely believe that cheetahs make Cheetos. Just like you need monkeys for Chunky Monkey ice cream. Or some French for French Fries. Oh lord, I could go on like this forever!

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  12. well maybe she just likes animals, but cheetahs don’t really belong as pets.

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  13. Anna, Cheetahs don’t only make cheetos. They also sing children’s songs (”Oh you pretty Chitty bang bang, chitty chitty bang bang, we love you”). They rule the universe, really.

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  14. quirkygirlkitten:

    i’m not against paris getting a cheetah. after a while she’ll forget to feed it and it will break loose and eat her….hurrah!

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  15. I hate her! I HATE, HATE, HATE HER! I seriously want her dead. Call me a bad person, but I would open a bottle of champagne and dance upon her grave.

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  16. Apparently, money can’t buy her a cheetah OR class! LOL!Beeooootch!

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