Jessica Alba has an “untamed va-jay-jay” and other truths


Jessica Alba is the cover girl for the September issue of Cosmopolitan. Is anyone else laughing their ass off that the absolutely BRILLIANT editor stuck “Untamed Va-jay-jays” on Alba’s vadge? The placement of that headline makes me think that Alba will be talking about her untamed vadge, but alas, it’s not to be. So far, Cosmo hasn’t released their story, but Alba did give a nice interview to The Telegraph. It’s a long piece, so if you want the complete interview, go here. Here are some highlights:

Alba on marriage: “Marriage is tough,” admits the actor, who secretly tied the knot with film producer Cash Warren in 2008. “Everyone goes in with the best intentions. But you have to adjust and be sensitive to somebody else’s needs, and that’s quite hard for some people. Most people just want to be selfish and do what’s right for them, but marriage kind of flips all of that. It shakes you up a bit because, all of a sudden, you have to coexist with somebody. It’s hard work.”

On Cash Warren: “When I first met him, I felt like I’d known him my whole life. He felt like family. And my parents are a pretty good example of showing me it could work. They got together when they were 16 and 17 years old and are still happily married. So, with that kind of example, it seemed possible,” she pauses and laughs. “Regardless of the statistics.”

On getting married before the baby was born: “It’s not something I take lightly,” she explains. “I’m quite traditional in that sense.”

On the secret elopement: “Our wedding was about us and our commitment to each other. It was something we just wanted to do with each other.”

On fame and freedom: “We have a totally different freedom in France,” she muses. “In LA, it’s hard to get around without being followed [by the paparazzi] all the time. It makes you a bit paranoid. There’s nothing I can do about it, though. I don’t want Honor to be weird and grow up in a bizarre bubble where she doesn’t see people. I don’t want her to see people doing things for her mum all the time, because that’s not who I am. I don’t hire people to do my grocery shopping or my day-to-day stuff. I want her life to be as normal as possible.”

Fighting hard for her career: “I come from nothing,” she explains, with a hint of defiance. “No one in my family is in this business, so there was no nepotism. I got to where I am by putting my nose to the ground and doing the best I could. People told me I should be concerned about my career when I decided to take a year off to have a baby. But my gut instinct is that any life experience makes you a better actor. Without it, I wouldn’t understand a lot of the women I play.”

Losing the baby weight: “Taking if off sucked,” she laughs. “You don’t think about it when you’re gaining it. I didn’t care. I just wanted her to be healthy, so all I did was eat and sleep, and subsequently gained a lot of weight. I was like a jolly person with a big tummy, a big bootie and big boobies. Then an opportunity came up to shoot an advertisement and make some money – I hadn’t worked for a year. And I thought, OK, if nothing else, it will motivate me to lose the baby weight. I shot the ad about three-and-a-half months after I had her, and I really had to bust my ass. I managed to lose about 15 kilos in a pretty short period of time. Then it took me until she was about a year-and-a-half before I lost the next 10 kilos.”

On her daughter: “Nothing is of any importance now but her and her well-being,” she says. “My whole life revolves around her. I’ve done four movies [since her birth], but I’ve only worked a few days on most of them. She’s my number-one priority. “There was nothing else but my career before. I was completely defined by it. Now I have my family, which is more fulfilling. I’ve always wanted a big family.”

On her career highs and disappointments: “There was a lot of success and it was wonderful,” she says, stifling another yawn, “but that’s not why I started acting. I went to my agent and said, ‘I don’t want to work just for the hell of it. I love what I do for a living and if I’m going to continue being an actor, I don’t just want to be slotted into any movie and do something that isn’t going to challenge me. I want to work with great film-makers.’ So that’s what I set out to do this year.”

On doing nudity: “I don’t think sexuality and nudity is anything anybody should be ashamed of,” she muses. “In my private life, I’m free and liberal about it. But I feel that, in the US, nudity is not looked at the same way. I lived in Australia for two years and there you see women who are topless and it’s no big deal. Men don’t disrespect women because they can see their breasts. But, in my country, it’s just so different, I’m just sensitive to that.”

On making those “Sexiest” lists: “I don’t really care that much,” she says firmly. “I just enjoy what I do. It’s not about trying to prove anything. I grew up in Southern California, and there are plenty of girls there who are 10,000 times better-looking than I am. If I get dressed up and have someone do my hair and make-up, then I clean up pretty well,” she continues. “But I’m not walking around thinking I’m this great-looking person.”

[From The Daily Telegraph]

On one side, I think she’s realistic and honest and almost interesting. On the other side – well, she’s a lot like that other Jessica who thinks she’s the second coming of Meryl Streep, Jessica Biel. I feel like both Alba and Biel have fallen into the trap where they think they’re great actresses in need of great material, and I just think someone needs to tell them that the material isn’t coming. People (men) liked Biel and Alba because they looked great semi-naked, and they’re both pretty girls in general. But they both puff themselves up like they’ve already proven themselves as wonderful actresses, when that’s just not the case.

Here are some photos of Jessica Alba talking her way out of a ticket yesterday:

Actress Jessica Alba uses her sweet innocent actress appeal to charm the likes of a LAPD traffic officer into letting her off with a warning, after she was pulled over for speeding in Beverly Hills, Ca on August 11, 2010 Fame Pictures, Inc

Actress Jessica Alba uses her sweet innocent actress appeal to charm the likes of a LAPD traffic officer into letting her off with a warning, after she was pulled over for speeding in Beverly Hills, Ca on August 11, 2010 Fame Pictures, Inc

Actress Jessica Alba uses her sweet innocent actress appeal to charm the likes of a LAPD traffic officer into letting her off with a warning, after being pulled over for speeding, in Beverly Hills, Ca on August 11, 2010  Fame Pictures, Inc

Cover courtesy of Cosmo online.

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40 Responses to “Jessica Alba has an “untamed va-jay-jay” and other truths”

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  1. whitedaisy says:

    Haha. In that last photo the reflection of the cop in her car door makes it look as though Jessica is in uniform.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Marriage before the baby was born…..”I’m traditional in that sense”…

    Um, lady….Traditional is keeping your legs closed until you’re married.

    Just sayin.

  3. locagirl says:

    She is SO annoying. WHY is she famous? She did Dark Angel or whatever like 100 years ago!

  4. koala says:

    weird how the cop’s reflection matches with her head

  5. di butler says:

    She must have been really afraid she was going to get ticketed. She actually cracked a big smile. Great looking girl, crap actress.

  6. ch says:

    she´s doing some major acting with that cop!

    anyways, i dont find her annoying at all in that interview, u know, like biel

    i see it from this perspective:
    for some actors, its really important to work with good directors because somehow they can get great performances, even from bad actors
    maybe, she thinks that working with good directors will help her be a good actress
    so its not that she thinks that she is good, but that maybe she could get better with the right material and director
    so i really think she´s quite humble
    i think i like her better for that interview

    PD: in Spain a lot of people think that Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz are not very good performers, unless they work for Almodovar.

  7. Jillian says:

    Off topic, but why is every single cover of Cosmo the same? Different woman, same pose.

  8. nel says:

    hahaha, kaiser you are sooo right about jessica biel thinking she is the second coming of meryl streep, dame judy dench, helen miren, etc.

    biel should look at the reason why she is cast in films, lol, and its not because she is talented, its cuz she wears tight clothes, shows her rack and butt and guys go see it for that reason.

    and it goes for miser alba here too lol

  9. ch says:

    jillian i agree completely
    i would add with airbrushed boobs

  10. Sumodo1 says:

    And, again, Dame Alba refuses to talk about the lack of roles for Latinas. Or, identify herself as Latina. Something is screwed up in her head.

  11. Praise St. Angie! says:

    “Great looking girl, crap actress.”

    EXACTLY. she ruined Dark Angel everytime she opened her mouth.

    the reason she’s not getting great parts is because she’s a sucky actress.

  12. tutu says:

    Alba is one of the coolest young womnen in hollywood. Very honest and real. She has a maturity that some older actresses lack.

  13. Lynne says:

    Um she’s also half white sumodoo. Why does it have to be about race?

  14. Oi says:

    @Jillian: I thought that too. The headlines too. Who much more could they possibly write about sex? (or maybe that last question says more about me? oh well)

    And can we cut out the toddler speak in pop culture please? Its irritating now.

    Totally agree about her and Biel thinking they are great actresses. Not so much you two.

  15. Sumodo1 says:

    @Lynne Alba is notorious for ignoring her roots, but that’s my Perez Hilton-slanted view.

  16. Jover says:

    Jillian I agree cover might be better if these mags went back to using real fashion models and real fashion photographers – many of these covers look like mall glamour shop photos. WHile Jessica sounds intelligent in this interview she really is a typical dimbulb starlet, and she’s only a small part latina – isn’t french canadian or something. Hollywood starlets almost always speak in that pseudo-intellectual pop psychobabble its the only language they know.

  17. TG says:

    Alba is half Latina and I think awhile back she was claiming that half in some Latino magazine interviews. What is wrong with an actor just admitting that they love to act and make money and they don’t care what roles they play just so long as they are fun? Why does it have to be explained as good directors and good acting? I have never seen her in a good movie or good acting and probably never will. She is gorgeous and that is about it.

  18. ch says:

    because she knows she sucks
    and she would like to be a good actress
    i totally understand her point
    its not that difficult

  19. Persistent Cat says:

    A few years ago, she did an interview for Canada AM. The interviewer (Seamus, if any Canadians read this) was talking to her about her new movie, I can’t remember what it was but it was action oriented. He asked her about working out for it and she turned into a super bitch and said, “Oh, because my body is what’s important,” or something like that. He was kind of taken aback but still a professional and said he asked because she had to learn new stuff, then he changed the subject.

    She’s not taken as seriously as she feels she should be. Although I did like her honesty about losing the weight. Maybe Gisele should call her and explain that she shouldn’t have gained it in the first place.

  20. TaylorB says:


    Cosmo’s covers are like some silly template, matter of fact, I will bet $20 that you can’t find a Cosmo cover from the last 5 years where the headline on the upper left was not about sex in some shape or form.

  21. Patrice says:

    “People told me I should be concerned about my career when I decided to take a year off”

    Ummm…does anyone even remeber the last time they saw this girl in a film that actually did well at the box office (besides Sin City in which, gasp, she was running around half naked?) Lol. Celebitchy you are spot on with this one; this girl definetly has a case of the dillusional Eva Mendes/Jessica Biel variety!

  22. Lisa says:

    This bitch has got to be the most bitter bitch in Hollywood. She comes off as a real bitch to me. Forcing a smile to get out of a ticket. And how many freaking more times is she gonna be stopped for speeding! Isn’t this like the 100 millionth photo of her getting stopped by a police. You would think she would’ve learned by now.

  23. Ash says:

    I don’t really have an opinion on Jessica Alba, but sweet Jesus, I loathe the term “va-jay-jay”. Where did it come from? It doesn’t surprise me that a craptastic magazine like Cosmo plasters it on their cover

  24. meme says:

    @Ash – Yes, .”va-jay-jay” is such a hideous euphemism but seeing on the cover of Cosmo is not surprising at all.

  25. Will says:

    I’d like to kill the person who invented the term “va-jay-jay.” Then I’d like to kill anyone who uses it except to complain about others using it.

    As best I know, the term was either started or popularized by Oprah. As awful as it is, it’s still better than women talking about their “cooter.”

  26. Kaiser says:

    I prefer “ZOMG VADGE ATTACK”.

    How funny would that have been on this cover?

    Edit: Hey, “Cooter” is funny!

  27. juiceinla says:

    I am embarrassed that I opened this post- but I had to know who the hell is using “va jay jay” anymore…. Poor Cosmo- so out of step.

    @sumodo- Cooter is the BEST euphamism ever!!!!

  28. lena says:

    “they killed my cooter”

    sorry had a true blood moment

  29. padiddle says:

    lena – I was thinking the exact same thing! hah :)

  30. IceBunny says:

    here is yet *another* completely made up title for a post on this site. Just because Cosmo “implies” a connection by virtue of their misleading text placement on their cover, does not mean this site should then run with it in the title for the post, since there is nothing with it to “imply” otherwise. The words here are simply made up as they pertain to Alba. These made up titles with zero truth to them (see Anniston/Bill O’Reilly “father-hating” post title for another example) are extremely off-putting. Why and how is it ok to do this? This is old-timey national enquirer crap. Even THEY got their act together regarding made up titles.

  31. Lenore says:

    IceBunny: It’s a joke, honey. This may be but a humble gossip site, but most of the people reading it have an IQ high enough to READ THE ARTICLE right up there where it says, “The placement of that headline makes me think that Alba will be talking about her untamed vadge, but alas, it’s not to be”, or even just LOOK AT THE ACCOMPANYING PICTURE, and understand that the headline is a gag.

  32. Dejasade says:

    She is SO annoying. She takes herself WAY too seriously…
    horrible actress, though she is gorgeous. I find her perfect.
    I love her arms!

  33. IceBunny says:

    Lenore, as a regular Celebitchy fan and long-term reader, trust me, I know jokes. I am just not a fan of using “titles” that have no basis in reality to get people to click on things unless it’s obvious that it is a “joke” or sarcasm. In the body of a post, you can do what you want, because the person has elected to go farther to read it. But I just don’t want to read a title that has nothing to do with truth – only to find that out after clicking on a picture or article. It is a waste of my time. That said.. NONE of this has anything to do with Alba, a person whom I would never ever even click on to read about. The only reason I did read it was because I was a little shocked she would “say” something about her “vajajay”. LOL.

    I hate the same thing in print, which is why I quit reading Cosmo, Star, In-Touch, etc. long ago – and that is WHY. I just don’t like it.. don’t find it “jokey”.. or “funny”. I know this site is light hearted. I LOVE this site. Read it every day. But I just don’t like to see one of my favorite sites use those tactics. And it probably only got to me because there is another one today that does the same thing. (although the other one could just be a typo.. but it hasn’t been corrected.) Anyway, that’s why my rant. I just don’t like it, and I am entitled to not like it. Thanks.

  34. sashavice says:

    I like to call my vagina “my vagina” in formal settings, and “my pussy” in sexual settings.

    Cosmo uses “va-jay-jay”, “vadge”, and “hoo-ha”, it sounds so stupid to me.

  35. Isa says:

    I thought the term Va Jay Jay came from Grey’s Anatomy. When George was delivering Bailey’s baby she told him not to look at it.
    I’m pretty sure this is the second time I’ve seen pictures where she has been pulled over.
    I still find it hard to believe that she gained that much weight, unless my calculations are off. She just looked pregnant, not like she had put on that much weight. Maybe her normal weight is less than what I figure…
    Oh and this is how she feels about being Latina.
    Although I recall an interview where she said she was going to teach her daughter Spanish so maybe she feels differently now.

  36. Anon says:

    IceBunny: Correct me if I’m wrong but I think the “father-hating” in the title of the Aniston/O’Reilly post is referring to O’Reilly’s feelings toward his father because he was abusive toward him. I don’t think it was referring to his stance on the issue.

  37. beebs says:

    jessica alba, nose to the ground and her ass in the air. that’s why she’s here.

  38. IceBunny says:

    Anon.. I later thought about that possibility too. Could be.

  39. adrienne says:

    this is a completely inappropriate front cover to be blasting at us in magazine racks while we’re in line at the grocery store. Shame on Cosmo! They forget that there are KIDS and TEENS, and young boys and young girls that have to wait in line and be looking at this magazine cover.
    I will NEVER purchase Cosmo and am completely disgusted by this distasteful display of vulgar propaganda. I do not want Vagina or Vulva, or VaJajay in any way shape or form jumping out at me and my teen boys ANYWHERE and this is so “In Your Face”, I am really upset with this “anything goes” attitude that is being displayed in magazines, on TV, in movies, and EveryWhere we go. Have some Class please!!!!!