Jennifer Lopez is in the market for a slave (assistant)

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This story is too good to be true. It’s about a fading celebrity and her diva ways, and because it’s about one Ms. Jennifer Lopez, I am willing to take this as gospel. According to Life & Style’s Scene Queens, J.Lo is in the market for a new personal assistant. Her criteria? Must change diapers, cook, and be telepathic. That’s right, you’re just supposed to know when Ms. Lopez is hungry and already have the food prepared. Also: you can’t have any pets, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, or husbands, and you’re not allowed to have a personal life. Sounds… like a nightmare.

Life & Style’s Scene Queens have exclusively learned that superstar Jennifer Lopez is on the hunt for a personal assistant and not just anyone will meet the specific requirements for this A-list position. So what does it take?

“The person has to be graceful under pressure, have a thick skin, and be resourceful in foreign countries, among others things,” an insider tells the Scene Queens. “You’ll be expected to travel at a moment’s notice and must know how to adjust in each city.”

As expected, working for a celebrity like J. Lo isn’t a 9-5 job. “You can’t have a personal life — no baggage, significant others or pets allowed. The job is 6 days a week, at least 12 hour days with one day off, but you may not get off for weeks,” says the insider. “You’ll be on call 24/7 and you’ve got to be organized and always on point.”

And while hanging out with A-Listers may be glamorous – the insider notes the candidate must be comfortable around “very high profile people” – there are more mundane duties as well.

“You have to change diapers, work on little sleep and cook if the butler is away,” the insider continues. And: “You have to know when J. Lo has her snack time. She won’t say she’s hungry, you’re just expected to have food waiting.” But don’t worry, there will be some glamorous moments too; our source says qualified candidates get to help J. Lo dress for red carpet events and photo shoots.

The salary for this gig? $55,000 to $65,000. Tickets to the Oscars may or may not be included!

[From Life & Style, with additions via Jezebel]

Okay, so the salary is good. But you know the job is like 95% baby poop, dog poop and being screamed at. The other 5% is probably watching Jennifer look at her ass in the mirror. I would only sign on if I got to touch Jennifer’s luscious diamonds. I just want to play with them for a minute!

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One more thing – Jennifer is allegedly still in the running to be an American Idol judge, despite rumors to the contrary. Steven Tyler has probably-definitely signed on officially, while Lopez is just being mentioned at this point.

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J.Lo on May 20, June 13 & 15, 2010. Credit: WENN.

 

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50 Responses to “Jennifer Lopez is in the market for a slave (assistant)”

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  1. chasingadalia says:

    It’s JLo. I’d need more money. Plain and simple.

  2. LisaMarie says:

    How is helping her get dressed supposed to be a “glamorous moment”?

  3. a says:

    those kind of hours? without overtime it works out to around 15 – 17 per hour. That is awful.

  4. eja102 says:

    that 55,000 a month, right?

  5. pookie says:

    Uhm, if that is a per YEAR salary, that’s pathetic. You can’t ask for someone’s entire life and then pay them in pennies. You can make that much being a bartender in Chicago working three days a week. You still get screamed at a lot, but at least you’d get laid more often.

  6. Rx says:

    Is she for real? I make three times that much as a personal assistant and have 90% less to do and I get health insurance and four weeks PAID vacation. That b*tch is crazy; seriously.

  7. Hautie says:

    She would have to pay closer to 200,000. a year for that kind of help.

    Jennifer basically wants a nanny, maid, cook and travel agent for 55,000. a year.

    Someone to work basically 6am to Midnight. And be willing to let her demean you for being stupid when she is not pleased with her snack.

    Good luck with that Jennifer.

  8. Marjalane says:

    So how much extra do you get for having to look at Marc Anthony on a regular basis?

  9. canadianchick says:

    Can you imagine that job? Uggh she’d be the mostly beastly boss.

  10. Wicked SteppMom says:

    That better be $55,000-65,000/mo, because otherwise it’s a crappy salary for the job. My husband makes more than that annually as a mechanical engineer & still has to deal w/changing diapers, working on little sleep, sharing in the cooking duties, fetching snacks, helping a (little) diva get dressed…and we sure as hell aren’t hanging w/”very high profile people” or traveling to foreign cities at a moment’s notice!

  11. RHONYC says:

    ok yes jennifer…you are a successful rich entertainer.

    but in the words of russell eggington:

    “you my dear girl, are no queen!”

    basta, puta del ‘abajo-boogie bronx!

    ugh.

  12. Snarf says:

    The bitch is dreaming if she thinks she’s going to get quality help for under $100 grand per year with duties and hours as outlined in that article.

  13. Livia says:

    $55k a year is $1,060 a week – a whopping $15 an hour, more like $11 after taxes. That salary is shit. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t include any kind of health benefits, so after the slave has paid taxes and set aside money for doctors, there won’t be anything left. Not that they’d have time to spend it, anyway….

  14. Eden says:

    She forgot to add “low self esteem, self worth or financial desperation” to her list of requirements….
    No-one would accept that shitty pay for what she’s asking for unless they had the need to bask in celebrity or were just flat out broke and needed anything to get by.

    Would this person be living in her home?
    If so I’ll cut her some slack as she would essentially be paying room and board as well as food/bills etc..
    Still shitty pay.

  15. xxodettexx says:

    they could offer me three times that salary, no wait, there just isnt enough money in this world to compel me to work for a narcissist like her!

  16. Tia says:

    Is she fn crazy? Who in the world would ever do that? Give me a break.. she is sooooooooo fading and is out of her mind..

  17. Oi says:

    @Rx: if you ever decide to quit, please give me a call!

    This job ought to be worth about a quarter mil a year, plus benefits, travel expenses and some free-bes from fashion shows and stuff.

  18. Jaded says:

    Can you imagine working for that cow???

    Jennifer: “Peon! Why you don’t know I want refried beans and salsa NOW!!!!”

    Peon: “Um, you just woke me up…it’s 3:00 in the morning…”

    Jennifer: “And bring them to me on the solid gold platter….use the diamond encrusted flatware too you…you….lower than low. And bring it to me on your hands and knees as punishment!!”

  19. sparkledog says:

    I’d much rather say “Would you like fries with that?”

  20. bizzy says:

    cook if the butler is away

    wait, jenny is slumming it in a household where the *butler* cooks? even my destitute anglo-irish maiden aunts kept a *cook* to cook, and a butler to criticize.

  21. mslewis says:

    I totally agree with everybody!! Sounds like a crappy job. Also, isn’t it illegal in the U.S. for a person to work more than a 40 hour week without overtime pay? I kind of remember an employee suing a movie star because they were not paid overtime and the employee won.

    Whatever, overtime or no overtime, there is no way in the world I would work for this woman. It would be suicide, for her, not me!!! A person would have to be desperate or nuts to take this job.

  22. OhCamille! says:

    That is a job description for a slave.

  23. TG says:

    @Eden – You are so right. And “The person has to be graceful under pressure, have a thick skin” is just code for they must be willing to take my abuse and not file a complaint. I worked for an evil woman for 4 years and ended up near suicidal, depressed and fully of anxiety, but at least she paid me better than JHo. Her former assistant and I became friends and the stories we shared with one another were exactly the same and interchangeable so it wasn’t just me. Those kind of people prey on those with low self-esteem.

  24. Ruffian9 says:

    It would take a hell of a lot more cash to live this nightmare. Try $200,000, minimum. I’m quite serious.

  25. aenflex says:

    I don’t think that salary is very good at all, considering the stipulations and the bankroll of the employer. I mean granted you may not even need to keep a residence during your employ, but I don’t give a poo if she were paying me 100K, I aint telepathically anticipating snacktime for a 40 year old woman. Pul-leez.

  26. Jill says:

    THis is NOT a good salary. It is PEANUTS. 75 hours a week for 55K a year? Is she insane???

    That translates to $14.00 per hour.

    She’s off her rocker.

    I have worked as a celebrity assistant for the last decade. I make $135K per year.

    Lopez – DON’T call me. A talented assistant won’t get out of bed for less than $100K per year.

    Good luck with that, cheapskate.

  27. LBees says:

    No way! That salary is NOT good! Frankly, it’s almost insulting considering that you are basically looking after a big baby 24/7. And believe me, I wouldn’t be changing Jennifer’s diaper for less than, oh, a million dollars and a trip to the moon.

    You have to figure that those hours are understated, not over-stated, and even if we go by those numbers (how many days are going to be even longer, because I would bet many days are more like 20 hours a day)

    At bare minimum, 12 hours x 6 = 72 hours per week.

    72 x 52 weeks per year = 3744 hours per year

    $55,000/3744 = $ 14.69 per hour.

    But then let’s use an 18-hour day average, which seems more likely:

    18 x 6 = 108 hours per week (award shows, travel time, spoon-feeding the princess, this seems likely given the level of her demands)

    108 x 52 = 5,616 per year

    $55,000/5,616 = $9.79 per hour.

    For $9-14 per hour, what is she expecting, Nanny McPhee?

    …well, we knew she was crazy…

    Come on Jennifer, don’t be such a cheapskate. And you’re obviously not going to be paying for overtime, that salary also definitely doesn’t include health benefits.

    $14 is only a dollar difference from my entry-level full-time job. Add in tips, and it was significantly more, AND we had excellent health care. And breaks! And overtime!

    Get real lady! You crazy!

  28. TG says:

    Even if room and board is thrown in for free it doesn’t excuse an employee trying to pay you less. What if you had a home that was paid for does that give the employer the power to pay you less because you don’t have a mortgage or rent? And if part of the job is being forced to live with that has-been diva it is not a benefit but part of the job.

  29. pukashell says:

    Also, these menial kinds of job duties mean this is a non-exempt job. This is a massive unpaid overtime lawsuit in the making. Typical celebrity entitlement – “Why should I have to worry about the Fair Labor Standards Act? I’m rich and famous!”

  30. Bec says:

    Agree with everyone else. The salary for the work involved is terrible considering she wants someone over qualified for the job. Someone eloquent, gracious, traveled, incredibly organized as well as a cook and baby-sitter. Oh and someone who can act as her personal punching bag.

    You know who else makes $14/hour? High school grads at call centers in Wisconsin: http://www.wisconsinjobnetwork.com/jobs.asp?pagemode=15&jid=1850351&job_code=-1&job_type_id=3&category_id=1472&keywords=&city_id=-1&domain_id=-1&kt=Call+Center+Project%3A+%2414%2F+Hour&kc=Celerity+Staffing&kl=Deerfield%2C+Sun+Prairie%2C+WI

  31. Eden says:

    With all the hype and publicity it is now a TRULY great opportunity for an opportunist to become “famous” and in the public eye.
    The field of interested applicants just opened up….

  32. former assistant says:

    That’s a lousy salary for that kind of job, even Paula Abdul pays more than that (closer to $80,000). Way below Hollywood standard. So she’s not only a diva, she’s cheap, too?

  33. Candice says:

    “Be resourceful in foreign countries.”

    “You can’t have a personal life — no baggage, significant others or pets allowed.”

    All of this for $55,000 to $65,000 a year? What the heck is she smoking?

    Good luck Jennifer.

  34. lucy2 says:

    LOL Marjalane – hazard pay.

    I wouldn’t work for her, nothing is worth putting up with that brand of crazy.
    Totally agree that when you break it down the pay is very low, but I bet if you ask a lot of live-in nannies, it’s average or even above average. Not saying I think that’s right, just common. Of course, those nannies take care of kids…this jobs seems to be taking care of a grown woman. And her kids. And everything else.

    Rx, I’d like your job too!

  35. Jeri says:

    You probably have to get her an invite to the oscars too. I don’t think her work will merit an invite.

  36. anoneemouse says:

    If you are working for her 6 days a week, 12 hours per day and are paid $65,000 per year (high end of salary) then this would amount to being paid $12.50 per hour. Really? Who would want that grief? Better off working at McDonalds.

  37. egialbania says:

    j lo i wana to work for you gratis ahhahahahaha she is a diva please go jloooooooooo

  38. Cletus says:

    I totally want that job. I bet all y’all a dollar I can make her scream so hard she has a stroke. No shit.

  39. JMH says:

    Ughhh didn’t she call herself “Jenny from the block?” Hipocrit.

  40. JMH says:

    P.S. I guess she’s not anymore…

  41. rajesh says:

    if its about working for lopez then i am always ready,24/7 without any second thought…………………….

  42. Juliette says:

    i be happies 2 work for J-lo im very obdient i can do any errands she need me 2 do i m a hard worker i don,t care about the money $

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  44. Tatin says:

    I would love ti be Jlos slave, she wouldn’t Even have to pay me

  45. BIg BOss says:

    If she let me to to sleep with her every night I can do it for free :)
    http://www.facebook.com/HighQualityRaspberryKetoneSupplement

  46. yesa says:

    I dont want any salary.
    It was be my desire to serve Queen J.L lifelong.
    I am ready to serve her faithfully.she is a real Queen and I dont attention anything.hope to hear from you soon.