Sofia Vergara is so fabulous, she works out with her Birkin bag

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I don’t know whether I should smack Sofia Vergara or make love to her in the hopes that she will let me borrow her beautiful and fabulous Hermes Birkin bag. I love white handbags! So fresh. Ideally, when I give birth to my Birkin baby, she will be blue – like this or this. Not that f-cking turquoise that Blohan has. But it doesn’t really matter what color she is, I’m a whore for Birkins. I’d do anything, seriously. Even some George Clooney kinky sh-t with ropes and broken hands and everything. Sofia’s Birkin baby caught my eye for two reasons – one, because it’s so fresh and white and I think it’s new and don‘t you just love a little newborn beh-beh?!? And two, because she brought her baby to the GYM!!! Motherf-cker.

My baby won’t go to the gym when she comes. My baby Birkin (I think I will name her Francesca Harper) will be with me when I go shopping, of course. She will go with me out to eat, and she will get a chair of her own. She will get her own closet, although she will rarely use it. She will carry only real literature, like Faulkner and Steinbeck, never the trashy detective novels that I love. I wouldn’t want to degrade her innocence and beauty with a pulp paperback. And she would never deign to carry them anyway, I imagine her regurgitating their very inky existence. And she will never, never be around a gym – too many machines and sweat (NOT ON MY BABY!) and funky smells. Why would Sofia do that to her little girl? WHY?

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Sofia on August 19, 2010. Credit: WENN.

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20 Responses to “Sofia Vergara is so fabulous, she works out with her Birkin bag”

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  1. YOYO99 says:

    I say please make love to her for the bag.

  2. Tess says:

    I thought it was a picture of Michael Jackson.

  3. Eileen says:

    I don’t get the Birkin Bag love. Show me a Gucci Jackie bag and I’ll consider some lesbo lovin’!

  4. LittleFATMe says:

    OMG! K, I am hot for that blue bag. HOT. Wow, now I am a little dizzy!

  5. LolaBella says:

    The Birkin is my absolute favorite handbag to covet and drool over.

    If I ever become insanely rich I will gladly spend a few grand (okay much more than a few grand) to get myself a Red Togo leather Birkin with Palladium hardware. *Swoon*

  6. Cari says:

    OOH, I like your second blue bag the best! Get that one!

    Cute story, too.

  7. Lady Nightshade says:

    Those bags are ugly…They look like a bag my mom brought at Wal-Mart

  8. canadianchick says:

    Omg hilarious Kaiser, when are you going to write a pulp novel we can buy? I also love Birkin bags-and yes, people who take them to the gym should be reported to Birkin Protective Services for child abuse. Sofia is hot, I’d hit it for the Birkin.

  9. ziggy says:

    it’s a bloody purse, for crying out loud!!! what a waste of money!

  10. Toe says:

    she’s just showing that she CAN afford it and we can’t.

  11. Brooke says:

    Don’t care about the bag (I don’t wear French labels) but love the girl.

    Eileen: You should go get yourself a secondhand Bouvier on eBay! I agree that I rarely feel as timelessly elegant as when I carry one of mine.

    Kaiser: If you must have one of those blue bags, the crocodile is much better looking than the ostrich.

  12. RHONYC says:

    the level of elegance & class that some of these ‘celebitches’ carrying birkins have is astounding. 🙁

  13. Raven says:

    The Birkin is great until you look at who’s carrying it these days. Hermes should perform a scum test before it sells any bag.

  14. original kate says:

    i don’t get the birkin love, either. but a coach bag…ahhhhhhh.

  15. Jeri says:

    Yes, but the people that can afford them get them for free & the people that can’t afford them have to pay. Life is not fair.

  16. snappyfish says:

    The birkin is a bitch to use. You always have to leave it open because it is a pain to have to open and close it each time you use.

    Now the Hermes Kelly bag is gorgeous but my new favorite is the black alligator Fendi peek a boo bag with gold hardware it is to die for. Far more elegant than the birkin and much easier to use.

    Do like her using the white birkin, it looks very fresh

  17. bloobloo says:

    Francesca Harper? I couldn’t get a birkin so I had to have a real baby. Gave her that name though….

  18. Liana says:

    I’ll settle for my D&B Bee bag that I got for $60 at the outlet store.

  19. Isa says:

    This post made me laugh. I love a white purse but I can’t keep them clean. My last one got dirty and somehow the handles turned pink!(??)

  20. kira says:

    I like your post! the photoes is awsome!
    Prada Vela Gathered Tote