NBC News anchor Brian Williams is well endowed (SFW)


For the most part, I don’t watch network news. I used to be a hardcore news junkie, and my drugs of choice were always MSNBC and CNN, which I still turn to today when I want to catch up. I make an exception for Sunday morning shows like Meet the Press and Face the Nation, and I guess I watch network news in the mornings, if you consider Today and Good Morning America network news (which I don’t). So, basically, the only times I’ve ever formed an opinion of NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams is when he’s doing something funny, like appearing on The Daily Show (where he and Jon Stewart have a passionate love-hate bromance), or on 30 Rock, where his dry, sardonic humor works beautifully, or on that episode of SNL when he hosted.

So my opinion of Williams was already pretty high – anyone who has that kind of hilarious repertoire with Jon Stewart is aces – but I must now begin to look at Brian in a whole new light. You see, ladies bitches, Brian is hung like a horse. He’s so hung, he can even joke about it uncomfortably in Elle Magazine. Through the interview, the Elle interviewer and Williams begin to talk about fashion and the dreaded pleated pants. The Elle reporter says “I actually have a close friend in DC who still wears pleats. His wife confessed to my wife that he couldn’t move to flat fronts because his penis was just too large.” Brian’s reply: “Well, I’m with him. It’s a huge issue. Kidding!” Oh. My. Pleats. Honestly, though, the whole interview is hilarious:

ELLE: For our amusement, please share an especially painful memory from adolescence involving a girl.
Brian Williams: I found out after a junior high school summer vacation that my girlfriend had cheated on me, so I sent her what I thought was the craftiest sleeps-with-the-fishes, Mario Puzo–themed message: a 45 of the Ace song “How Long Has This Been Going On.”

ELLE: You’ve described your late mother as a “very old-school Catholic” who would take the $7 train ride from New Jersey to New York for confession.
BW: I know! I feared she was a member of the Gambino crime family.

ELLE: But seriously, how bad does a sin have to be to be worth seven bucks?
BW: I’m sure what she was confessing to wouldn’t impress anyone. She probably said, “I used the Lord’s name in vain, and I went right on red even though the sign said not to.” She just didn’t like it when Monsignor Bulman turned to his left and looked through the screen. And having been there, I agree with her.

ELLE: You’ve said that the very day in 1985 that you met your wife, Jane, who’d come to work at WTTG in Washington, DC, you told the station’s sports director that you intended to marry her. Was this a daily occurrence—your announcing after lunch that you planned to marry someone?
BW: It was a one-time thing. You don’t toss those words around! I got off the air at 1 p.m. I’d met my wife within that last hour. Later that afternoon, I sat in Bernie Smilovitz’s office and said, “I think I’m off the market.” That’s the exact expression I used.

ELLE: What kind of first impression could she have possibly made?
BW: I actually heard her before I saw her. We wear this cable in our ear—this little piggly curlicue thing called an IFB—and I had her in my ear first. Voices are a huge part of attraction. When I was growing up, every teenage boy listened to Alison Steele, the New York DJ known as the Nightbird, and we all had a mental vision of her. When you’ve got great pipes, it’s the most romantic thing in the world.

ELLE: So Jane’s got a hot, sexy voice?
BW: Yes, she does. And I always insist that she do our voicemail at home.

ELLE: Your daughter Allison recently graduated from Yale. What have you done that has most mortified her?
BW: There’s no question that I have an inner Clark W. Griswold. So I have a deal with my wife and two kids that when my shorts move out of the mainstream, or when I wear any pants product that can be construed as a “man jean,” I am to be told. You notice how pleated khakis have become a huge social divider? You see the fashion-forwards going to a plain front, and then you see the pleated community seemingly unaware of this trend change.

ELLE: You still see a lot of pleats in Washington.
BW: DC sometimes lags. Obama’s still rocking the pleated pants.

ELLE: I actually have a close friend in DC who still wears pleats. His wife confessed to my wife that he couldn’t move to flat fronts because his penis was just too large.
BW: Well, I’m with him. It’s a huge issue. Kidding!

ELLE: When you were seven, you wrote to LBJ offering him advice on how to buck up during the Vietnam War. If LBJ had decided to write you back and advise you how to land chicks, what advice would have been most useful?
BW: I think the basic advice that I could never follow was “Approach them.” I always marveled at my friends who had the courage of infantrymen to go up to a girl at a bar. I’d go to the same bars on the Jersey Shore but I could never muster the courage. Luckily, since I’ve been married for 23 years, I don’t have to date anymore.

ELLE: Let’s be honest about this. If you were single today and you walked into a bar, you’d be swimming in women.
BW: Aw, no, I don’t think so. I’m a haggard, weather-beaten 51-year-old man.

ELLE: Clooney’s almost 50! You think he allows that kind of thing to go through his head while he’s eating his morning toast?
BW: I’m a worn-out vessel, a shell of my former youthful self. I’ve given many good years to my trade, flying around the world to dangerous places.

ELLE: Precisely. All you’d have to do is wear one of those khaki TV-anchor vests, and I guarantee you’d be fighting them off.
BW: No. Because you still need the courage to engage in conversation, which I never had. I would sooner—and often did—walk into a burning building than talk to a young woman in a bar.

ELLE: After the Olympics, you left the city of Vancouver an online thank-you note. A woman named Mimi, from Coral Springs, Florida, left a comment that read, “Bri, you are SO handsome.… All I need is one night.” She also wrote, “I love nice restrooms. Bathrooms must be nice! A person’s ladies’ room says a lot about them.” Is Mimi—a woman passionate about news and bathrooms—a typical Williams groupie?
BW: Not as a subset of our fan base, no. I do read Web comments. But only to a point. When they move toward a restroom of any kind, I call it a day.

[From Elle]

The stuff about his wife is lovely. It’s also like, “UR DOIN IT WRONG, LAUER.” Finally, and NBC dude who has a drama-less marriage. Actually, I think Chris Matthews has a drama-less marriage too, right? Eh. Getting back to my new favorite topic, Williams Dong, do you think he was just being jokey and silly, or did he accidentally blurt out the truth? I’m finding him sexier by the minute.

Oooh, look at his hands! They’re huge! Honestly, that’s the best indicator.

PASADENA, CA - JANUARY 10: NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams and NBC Meet the Press anchor David Gregory speak onstage at the NBC Universal 'NBC News' Q&A portion of the 2010 Winter TCA Tour day 2 at the Langham Hotel on January 10, 2010 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

PASADENA, CA - JANUARY 10: NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams speaks onstage at the NBC Universal 'NBC News' Q&A portion of the 2010 Winter TCA Tour day 2 at the Langham Hotel on January 10, 2010 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

PASADENA, CA - JANUARY 10: NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams speaks onstage at the NBC Universal 'NBC News' Q&A portion of the 2010 Winter TCA Tour day 2 at the Langham Hotel on January 10, 2010 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

NEW YORK - APRIL 22: Brian Williams attends the A Bid to Save the Earth Green Auction at Christie's on April 22, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Andrew Toomey/Getty Images)

Header: Brian Williams on November 4, 2009. Credit: WENN.

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31 Responses to “NBC News anchor Brian Williams is well endowed (SFW)”

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  1. Rita says:

    I like the fact that he’s a bit underwhelmed by himself. A modesty that has not been subjugated to his celebrity. He could be a real hound, if that was his nature.

  2. javelin says:

    His demeanor is that of a man who has nothing to prove, and doesn’t mind indulging you. Nice.

  3. Snarf says:

    Actually it’s the shnoz (nose) that’s the best indicator. If that’s large, a guy’s junk tends to be too.

  4. Gracie says:

    Brian Williams and Jon Stewart in the same room is…..breathtaking.

    Love this man!

  5. Samigirl says:

    He is charming, funny, and modest. I love that.

  6. Katalina76 says:

    Have you ever seen him “slow jam the news” on Jimmy Fallon? Every now and again he shows up just to do it. It’s a hilarious and brilliant bit. BriWi is my biggest crush.

    Ooh, here’s a link:

  7. irishserra says:

    @Snarf: Whaaa??? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that one.

  8. Riley says:

    You can tell by the size of a man’s hands. Long, lean fingers = long, lean d**k; short, stubby fingers = short, stubby d**k. Brian has nice, long fingers.

  9. a says:

    great interview! seems like a stand up guy. love him on the daily show!

  10. guesty says:

    so now we know where all that confidence comes from. :)

  11. mollination says:

    Rita you said it perfectly.

    I’ve always found Brian Williams extremely comforting to watch – I just trust him and feel…I don’t know, confindent about him. Which is I guess all you could hope for to be said about you as a news anchor, so there ya go Bri!

  12. betteboo says:

    Its a combo of schnoz and fingers and foot size. a matter of natural proportions… nose and feet for a good general size indicator, fingers will give you the shape, tapering fingers= tapering d**k, etc

    Loved the ‘slowjamming news’ thanks @Katalina76

  13. RHONYC says:

    this reminds me of the theme music for howard stern’s news anchor…

    *deep tenor singing*

    “steve langford has a huge pen-is (huge penis, huge penis)”

    lol :-)

  14. canadianchick says:

    I like him too, his wife is a lucky bitch.

  15. lucy2 says:

    I don’t really watch network news either, but I’ve seen BW on a bunch of talk shows and stuff, and he is HILARIOUS. Great sense of humor, and I agree that he has genuine modesty too, a rarity for any public person these days.

  16. Taurus says:

    That first paragraph was way too long and unecessary.

  17. malachais says:

    So charming, he is about the only interesting person on NBC

  18. Annie says:

    Fantastic Man! Dontcha’ just love a Fantastic, Brilliant Man? He’s always great on Letterman too.

    Yes, big dong.

  19. Tess says:

    He’s the darling of the over 70 set.

    Seriously…that the demo for NBC Nightly News.

    Clearly, NBC is making a huge effort to capture some younger viewers before network news dies off right along with their audience.

  20. Maritza says:

    I thought it was the foot size that meant they are well endowed. I like him even though he has a crooked nose and smile.

  21. Persistent Cat says:

    I’m Canadian but if I were to watch American news, it’d be him. He kills me on 30 Rock, I love a person who will make fun of themselves. CBC Radio (don’t remember which show, Q I think) interviewed him and he’s awesome. He’s very charismatic and funny.

  22. melinda says:

    I used to think there were indicators, but honestly hands, feet, build, height, none of it can really says anything in my experience.

  23. cowbell says:

    I’m pretty sure you can tell how big a man’s schlong is by looking at it. ;P

    BriWi is one hot piece of ass. Loves him.

    By the way, my hubby refuses to wear flat chinos too. Needs the pleats to conceal.

  24. KsGirl says:

    I’m sorry to report that the huge hands/feet/nose thing isn’t 100% accurate. My ex had all three, but he wasn’t, um, packing, if you know what I mean. Like, NOT AT ALL.

  25. chris says:

    According to my sample, there’s really no way of telling. Big hands are certainly not an indication as the biggest wang I’ve ever seen was attached to a man with almost girly hands.

  26. Ron says:

    As a gay man who has seen..oh a few members up close and personal. There is no way to tell other than a giant bulge in his pants! There was this little dude with size 7 feet and tiny hands and he was packing a porn star quality 9er. And about pleats…if you are sitting at a desk all day, they are just more comfortable. Knife pleats that run the crease of the pants are the most flattering. I used to have to wear a suit to work daily and flat front pants can get binding after sitting behind a desk all day.

  27. dj says:

    This article/interview really made me like him. Smart, funny, self-deprecating, in love with his family & wife = Yummy

  28. Boo says:

    I’ve had a crush on him since his first appearence on TDS! More articles, please!

  29. Jeri says:

    He is funny & charming. Now I want to see and hear his wife.

  30. ERM says:

    I love Brian Williams and try to watch him regularly, although I love Diane Sawyer too! They both appear to be so geniune and with integrity (so rare these days). Brian appears to be the real deal – Eagle Scout and Volunteer Firefighter – and I’m glad that he his personal life seems to be solid!

  31. Whitey Fisk says:

    Many (many) years ago, I did some extensive research on this subject – I mean dongs in general, not Brian Williams’ dong specifically – and I found that in the vast majority of cases:

    *earlobe size is inversely correlated to dong size.*

    You’re welcome, ladies (and Ron).