Jiggly boob king Joe Francis seems to think he can make a backup career of making random celebrity commentary and odd disclosures. Now I admit I wouldn’t listen to much of what Joe has to say in general, though I’d be especially disinclined to pay attention to anything having to do with boobs and/or paying drunk, underage girls to show theirs. But if Joe wants to over share about Lindsay Lohan, I’m probably going to perk my ears a bit. Because he has such great insight an all.

When Joe Francis stopped by the Hollywood Party Girl show yesterday, he went wild when asked about Lindsay Lohan, claiming that her constant companion Samantha Ronson is so jealous of any of L.L.’s male friends that she almost punched him.

“Lindsay’s straight,” he offered. “I think Sam has taken ownership of Lindsay. I think if Sam were to let Lindsay go even that much; Lindsay would revert back to being straight.”

Ronson’s rep declined to comment saying, “We don’t comment on stuff like that,” while LiLo’s rep has yet to respond. Francis was reported to have dated Linds in her pre-rehab days and she even vacationed at his Casa Aramara mansion in Mexico.

And what about Paris Hilton, whom he supposedly hooked up with awhile back? “Is it true that we’ve dated?” he asked. “Absolutely.The sex tapes are all over the Internet.” That Joe Francis, always keeping it classy.

[From E Online]

Joe sure seems to think that he’s got Lindsay down pat. You know Joe, there are two other possibilities here. 1) Lindsay is bisexual and 2) you turned her gay. Just a thought. I would definitely date Samantha Ronson before Joe Francis.

On a scale of one to ten, how mean is it that Joe Francis consistently makes me want to vomit? A rumor was floating around that Joe made out with Danity Kane singer Aubrey O’Day at a party, to which he responded, that if he did make out with her, it’s just his way of saying hi. And really, what’s a nicer way to say hello than to pass someone your cold sores?

Here’s Joe Francis (and his cheesy-ass grin) at the ‘House of Hype’ Pre-VMA party on September 6th. Header at the VMAs. Photographer: Adriana M. Barraza. Images thanks to WENN.