Britney Spears’s “25 Things You Don’t Know About…” is hilarious

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Over the past month, Britney Spears has been doing press for her new album, Femme Fatale. That press has been… odd, to say the least. If you look through some of Britney’s major interviews lately, the interviews rarely, if ever, take place face to face. Britney (“Britney”) answered questions on her Twitter account, and she sounded… unlike the Britney we know. It sounded more like one of Brit’s handlers was just answering those questions for her. Then, for her Out Magazine interview, the questions were submitted to Britney via email, and she answered via email. From what I can see, the only face-to-face interview she’s done so far is the one for V Magazine, in which she only answered a handful of questions.

So… basically, I’m accusing Britney’s team of pulling a not-so-fast one on the general public. Britney isn’t really doing her own press, in my opinion. If it was any other celebrity, media outlets wouldn’t allow it. So why are they letting Britney get away with it now? Because of her mental issues? Because we collectively feel bad for her? Because she’s Britney, bitch? Whatever. All I know is that I rolled my eyes and giggled at Britney’s latest “interview” – an Us Weekly “25 Things You Don’t Know About…” piece. I have to hand it to whoever is writing this junk, they actually make an effort to use Brit’s “voice”.

1. My favorite ice cream is orange sherbet.
2. I take two baths a day.
3. I love chewing ice.
4. I make a mean fake dinosaur when playing with the two loves of my life, Sean, 5, and Jayden, 4.
5. My favorite flowers are white lilies.
6. I’m a huge fan of animated films.
7. I can eat chocolate morning, noon and night.
8. I love boutique shopping.
9. I have more than 50 purses in my closet.
10. I have more than 50 jackets in my closet.
11. I love to draw.
12. I enjoy cooking spaghetti.
13. I’m secretly a photographer.
14. I’m addicted to shopping online.
15. I collect dolls.
16. I love Adele’s new album.
17. I really want to learn another language.
18. I played basketball — guard — in high school.
19. I don’t own a cellphone.
20. I’m constantly cleaning my house.
21. My favorite drink is sweet ice tea.
22. I love I Love Lucy.
23. I make my own bed every morning.
24. I made the first move on [beau] Jason Trawick.
25. I wrecked my mom’s Lexus in high school.

[From Us Weekly]

No go back and re-read it with a twang, and add “y’all” to every line. Oh, and change all the my’s to mah’s.

Just a few points though – are we supposed to believe that Britney bathes twice a day? No, Brit. We’ve seen your busted, greasy weave. Not buying it. Also, “I made the first move on Jason Trawick.” God, I actually believe that, but I just don’t want to picture it. Britney was still in pretty bad shape when she and Jason first got together – how in the world did she come on to him? Did she just rub herself on his leg and put his hand on her trashy weave? Ugh.

Here are some shots of Britney for her album:

brit21

brit11

Photos courtesy of WENN & The Daily Mail (Brit‘s promotional shots).

 

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61 Responses to “Britney Spears’s “25 Things You Don’t Know About…” is hilarious”

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  1. whitedaisy says:

    Wow. THAT is some serious photoshopping of those calves.
    Anyone else believe that she has closer to 5000 purses and jackets in her closet than 50?

  2. Roma says:

    Okay, I kind of feel bad that they took her cell phone away.

  3. Marc says:

    “I take two baths a day.” No way. You don’t fool me.

  4. Andrea says:

    Why does she still wear a weave anyway? Her hair has got to be a decent length under all that mess.

  5. Tracy says:

    haha, love it….especially your comment on the bath twice a day!!!!

  6. malachais says:

    Seems like any interviews they do with Britney seem controlled and fake.

  7. Rita says:

    I’m calling them out!!

    6. I’m a huge fan of animated films.

    They’re called cartoons.

  8. Devon says:

    She’s able to get away with this because “It’s Britney, bitch.” Britney is a completely different stratosphere than every other singer/celebrity. Her breakdown isn’t that far back in the past and I think that does play a part it in. No other celebrity, in my memory, has so spectacularly gone down such a road and people are going to cut her some slack. I think she’s totally entitled to have it and perhaps in 5-10 years it won’t be so easy for it.

  9. Anti-icon says:

    This doesn’t bother me. Of course, she’s getting help with the “technical” side of Twitter — but then, lots of healthy/sane celebs can’t manage technical things. But it sounds like she was in the room, answering the questions. It is probably the “least stressful” way of handling press for her right now. I have no problems with it. Lots of A-List celebs do “staged” interviews — in fact, they all do it.

  10. ThatBoyLuke says:

    ITS BRITNEY BITCH! she’s a legend, that’s just how she rolls.

    BUUUUUUT since when was K-Mart “Boutique Shopping”? O_o

  11. Jennifer says:

    After Whitedaisy pointed it out, I went back and looked. It really is some serious photoshopping! I’m surprised that’s not been pointed out before on a large level.

  12. Jackson says:

    In fairness, she said she takes two baths a day. She didn’t say anything about washing her hair twice a day, so that one could be true.

  13. guesty says:

    2 baths a week MAYBE!! I do feel sorry for her tho so I really shouldn’t snark.

  14. embertine says:

    I believe her about the baths, not because of her questionable personal hygiene, but because that bodyguard who complained about her behaviour said she was always in the bath and used to wander around naked in between.

  15. DGO says:

    I remember Justin Timberlake saying Britney loves to take baths, so I believe she really may take 2 baths a day, but that doesn’t mean she actually soaps herself up and shampoos her hair, etc. In other words, I can just see her sitting in bath oil while reading a tabloid, and not bothering to wash any of the guck off.

  16. Snazzy says:

    Am I the only one that thinks she looks like a blond Khloe Kardashian in that last pic? It’s something about the face…

  17. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    I actually feel sorry for the girl.

  18. Quest says:

    I could not get past the point about 2 baths per day – did that include washing the hair (sorry-weave). Sorry I ain’t a believer not to mention there is no point about chugging down lattes/coffee

  19. the original bellaluna says:

    I still can’t find it in myself to be mean to her. *feels forehead to check for fever*

    I maintain her “people” pushed her too hard into her “comeback tour” and sent her out before she was ready. Shame on every single one of them, including her parents. Disgusting to place the burden of supporting an entire family on the back of one of your children. Lazy shits. (And that applies to the Blohan clan, J&K, et al.)

  20. lilred says:

    She said she takes 2 baths a day she didn’t say which day.

  21. danielle says:

    She doesn’t have a cellphone? She always used to be on one. Guess it got taken away? The other odd one was that she cleans constantly. Well, maybe that’s not so odd. My sister “cleans” constantly too, but her house is a sty.

  22. bluhare says:

    When her dad got that conservatorship, he wasn’t kidding was he. I feel bad for her. I read a while back that her meds were so high they turned her into a lump. I hope that’s been adjusted by now; lately she seems better. Except for the hair.

  23. bhardt says:

    the photoshopping of her legs in the second photo is ghastly. What happened to the sofa fabric? Why are her legs melting?

  24. Novaraen says:

    She may take two baths…but she certainly doesn’t wash the rats nest on her head.

  25. caramia says:

    she’s the ‘animated version’ of porky pig and who really wrote that, elmer fudd?

  26. Cha Cha Loca says:

    When she gets old I imagine her as Bette Davis in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte. Poor girl, she just ain’t right.

  27. Shelley says:

    I’m afraid to ask but here goes: what is that tattoo on her foot?

  28. Phillylady says:

    I will simply always live and support her. We are about the same age, she is my girl. I would like to hear her un-edited and authentic voice because even if it came off crazy it would be her real self. But if this I the best thing for her and her health than so be it.

  29. Ellie says:

    It sure doesn’;t look like she takes 2 baths a day. She always looks filthy. Even when she’s made up. She is talentless.

  30. hellen says:

    No, I can’t being myself to slag on her either. She’s pitiable, but I honestly think she’s trying to get her life back together. I would like to see her make a successful comeback.

  31. mymy says:

    I am going to give this girl props for coming back from the brink. Hard stuff to do.I also believe through therapy she has learned to separate the manic sexy on stage person to the everyday person. And it comes off as uncaring, flat and sad. I think it is hard for her to do. Not be on like a star all the time. Like most nuts in Hollywood. Dressing down is part of her way of keeping it real. I see major improvements. And she is connected to her children. A big plus. I never thought she was a profound thinker. So these 25 answers are just fine.

  32. REALIST says:

    I am willing to cut her a break because of her mental illness. I am Bipolar-II myself (I think she is the more severe Bipolar-I) and I took on a graduate program about a year after my diagnosis at 43. Not exactly an album/press tour/tour, but pretty damn stressful nevertheless.
    I always thought I had academics in the bag, but with an unsympathetic “public”-classmates and faculty-this trip around for my third professional degree has been so very, very hard.
    So many people still seem very misguided as to what bipolar disorder is, and isn’t. From my life experience, I think many people with BPD end up being overachievers of one kind or another who don’t let up until they snap. I almost snapped myself, several times. It will take Brit awhile to learn how to bend, not to break, so my sympathies are with her.

  33. malina says:

    Well, I honestly see no reason to think she doesn’t answer those questions herself. She might be getting them checked, which is not that much better though. I think she deserves the credit for trying. She’s obviously not going to do any live interviews this era, but she’s made a step forward from Circus I think. I’ll still keep rooting for her as a person beacause I appreciate how down to earth she is.

    I also tend to believe she takes two baths a day – that does not have to equal washing her hair twice a day. She just doesn’t mantain the extensions well, and I know they are hard to keep. I wish she would just ditch them!

  34. serena says:

    She looks good in the photos.
    What she doesn’t own a cellphone?… this is strange.

  35. jover says:

    There is no reason to give her any slack or sympathy. As other posters have commented she’s given less to music and the industry than about any other “star.” SHe doesn’t read music, write music, play an instrument, everything is done for her – where’s the talent. She doesn’t even sing live the last tour was a lip synching joke. She doesn’t give real interviews because she’s dumb as dirt and unable to carry on a actual conversation with that 10 yr old mentality she has. I can’t fathom why anyone would bother with this automaton an adult living in a fantasy world run by her father and other handlers.

  36. Anti-icon says:

    #33 REALIST: Big Applause to you! I have more than a passing knowledge of BPD myself; and I get VERY upset with “the media’s” use of this medical condition without adequate understanding that it is a spectrum disorder — very serious health condition — that requires major life changes. That is all. That is A LOT. And many, many beautiful, creative, talented, geniuses have had this mood disorder/mental health condition throughout time. It is Imperative that these individuals have emotional support of people they trust. How many “normal” people have that? Now, add a high level career, known for its vipers, and that’s stress/pressure.

    Hope Brittney gets steadily better and stronger.

    Thank you for sharing your personal story. It is an inspiration. Regular people are amazing in the ways they accomplish their goals. Keep posting, because I am a HUGE mental health advocate; and also like to study celebrity behavior. There’s no shortage of material. LOL

  37. Rio says:

    Dear God, the Photoshopping on the first pic (knock-kneed) is HORRIFIC. I’ve seen airbrushed Barbarians on the sides of vans that looked more realistic.

  38. Skins says:

    She doesn’t do her own music, why would she do her own press?

  39. lila says:

    Kaiser, she doesn’t specify the type of bath. It could be mud, shit, oil, dirty water, pee… so many options besides soap and water!

  40. lcat says:

    What I don’t understand is why they can’t make her attractive again. With all the stylists, makeup artists, hair stylists, nutritionists, and personal trainers?

  41. lola lola3 says:

    She doesn’t even brush her hair everyday and we’re supposed to believe she makes her own bed? HA!

  42. Val says:

    Check out her left ankle in the top picture. Photoshopped to the point of unnatural! The blurry legs in the next picture is awful. My child can photoshop better than that!

  43. xxodettexx says:

    holy cripes, there are a lot of “Bitch please!” moments i went through as i read that list…

  44. Kim says:

    Doesnt sound any stupider than other celebs who have done the 25 things u dont know about me. Most use it as vehicle to show how “special” they are. I can speak 5 languages, I have a black belt, etc. At least hers doesnt brag.

  45. Snowpea says:

    isn’t the need to chew ice a sign of severe anemia?

  46. Sue says:

    “19. I don’t own a cellphone” I’ve seen photos of her at her son’s baseball game texting on a pink cell phone and other times when she out an about so who cell is that.

  47. Cinderella says:

    She wrecked her mom’s Lexus in high school? Oh, she means the one she bought for Lynne?

    BTW, I chew ice just like Britney, y’all!

  48. Truthzbetta says:

    That explains it all. Silly Britney, you’re not supposed to take the baths all at once!

    You spread them out over the long haul, girl.

    Don’t ask her about tooth brushing, she’ll think you mean she only has to clean one.

  49. orion70 says:

    Is this the Britney equivalent of all those mundane Facebook status updates about “going to the store, having a sandwich, wah wah wah wah wah”

  50. Crash2GO2 says:

    “Poor girl, she just ain’t right.”

    Amen.

  51. Angel says:

    this ‘pity’ for her always seems to come off as more cruel to me than the snark it claims to spare. hmm.

    Her getting her weave wet constantly could be why it looks like it does so quickly, tangled and kinky. It does have that look. Makes sense, actually.

  52. jc126 says:

    I thought they called Sean Preston “Preston”, not Sean.

  53. baby says:

    aww. i still love her. she’s britney, bitch. i’m proud of how far she’s come, and how down to earth she is.

  54. urgh says:

    I know people joke about this all the time, but…

    When you hear Britney Spears, she doesn’t sound like a sheltered hillbilly. She actually speaks kind of “normally,” if you want to think a Southern accent is “abnormal.”

  55. Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

    @REALIST: You’re telling my life story, just swap out the ‘II’ and replace it with ‘I’ with and a zesty portion of MDD for added flair. All through my childhood I remember having heard that I was going to set off a series of nervous breakdowns by age 20 with all of my over-achieving. Well, they were wrong, weren’t they? I was 21 when the first one came. Uh-huh, those bitches tried to cheat me.

  56. boo says:

    She looks very medicated to me, her eyes look glassy and she looks to be sleepwalking, this might be the meds. I’m glad her father was able to step in and take care of her business in such a low key way (not like Michael Lohan!). Her family unit seems very strong so that helps, her kids are super cute and I hope that they keep her grounded and working towards being a good mom.

  57. kara says:

    Of course you dont’ think it’s her. You think she’s a braindead moron. She also did an interview with Rolling Stone but I notice you didn’t mention that one since it was pretty good. Any Britney fan knows 99% of the 25 things already.

  58. thegorilla says:

    well you can shower without doing your hair, like when i straighten my hair because it takes foooorever to do, i put it up and keep it as dry as possible the next day so i don’t have to do that again, or like after getting your hair cut and styled, i think that’s fine unless your hair gets bird crap on it or something, i don’t think thats a big deal