70′s rocker and staunch conservative, Ted Nugent, is very vocal about his political views and has even threatened to run for office if he doesn’t find a candidate who stands for what he feels are the US’s sacred Constitution and Bill of Rights. The Motor City Madman is notoriously pro-NRA, pro-war, anti-drug, anti-alcohol, anti-gay and has made as much press espousing those ideals as he did in music. Now, Nugent is releasing a book which lays out his plan of how things would be handled if he were President of the United States.
In “Ted, White and Blue,” the [insert wild animal]-hunting, liberal ideology slayer says he’d smoke out evil-doers by any means necessary, defund health care for smokers and obese people, implement the death penalty for first-time drug dealing offenses, and send chronically out-of-work Americans to Cuba.
What else would a Nugeistration look like? Thanks to the NY Post and the LA Times, here are a few choice nuggets from the book, in stores now:
Foreign Debts: The rocker says he’d “take appropriate gas and oil from Mexico and the Middle East as payment for all debts we are owed by them.”
War: “[I'd] instruct the US military warriors to do their job — win the global war on terror right now and eliminate all threats from all sources by any means necessary.”
Peace: “Each morning I bow down on bended knee in reverence to the Almighty and pray for good bombing weather. The history of mankind is one of war, not peace…’Give peace a chance’ will get you killed. John Lennon was wrong. Imagine that.”
The United Nations: “[I'd] refuse to pay one red cent more to the UN until other nations pony up their fair share — but maintain membership just to keep our eyes on the bastards.”
I wasn’t all that familiar with Ted Nugent before seeing one of his television hunting shows a few years ago. I had certainly heard his music but had never been introduced to the guy’s personality or views of the world. I couldn’t change the channel, he’s mesmerizing. I can’t say I take a word he says seriously, it’s all just so over the top, but the entertainment level is through the roof. His 2003 competition reality show on VH1, Surviving Nugent, only ran for one season. What? You mean you couldn’t get people to sign up a second time for this?
The contestants’ only obstacle? Ted.
Hide from Ted. Suck up to Ted. Do whatever you want to Ted. In the end, every decision is entirely up to Ted-who wins, who loses, who stays, who goes, who eats, who doesn’t. If Ted doesn’t like the way you smell, you’re gone. If Ted thinks you talk too much, he’s whacking you off.
- See Ted hunt contestants from a helicopter with a big-game-net-gun.
- Watch contestants play a game of IPECAC ROULETTE. You spew, you go home.
- Feel the intensity as contestants play chicken with a speeding pick-up truck. Get too greedy, get dead.
- Live the crunch as contestants take their aggression out in a Texas-style demolition derby.
- Watch as contestants become versed in the fine art of taxidermy. There is an art to removing eyeballs from a deer in the appropriate fashion.
- Feel the sting of the scorpions as our contestants are buried alive in the Nugent Swamp.
- Experience the rush as the last two contestants ESCAPE FROM NUGENT in a ranch-wide obstacle course that requires a final arrow be fired into the heart of Ted Nugent.
The Nuge doesn’t actually intend to run for President, as wildly crazy as he may be, he’s smart enough to know better than that, but it won’t stop him from running for lesser office. As conservative Republican as Nugent may be, I doubt his image resounds with the core base of the party and anyone left of far-right would scoff at his platforms. But he’s certainly entertaining, with or without a guitar.
Ted Nugent is shown performing at the indigO2 Club in London on 7/14/08. Credit: Landmark / PR Photos. The photo of Nugent in profile is from the same venue credit: WENN