Did Jessica Simpson tell her “clingy” K-Fed to take a hike?


Jessica Simpson made People Magazine’s “Most Beautiful” list this year. I kind of agree with that, honestly – Jessica is a really pretty girl. Beautiful skin, good hair (sometimes), beautiful face. My problems with Jessica are never about her being truly pretty – my problems with her are about her gas, her drinking, her K-Fed, her lack of hygiene and her tacky styling. But I digress, she’s made the “Most Beautiful” list, huzzah! Take it away, Jessica:

Being well-endowed since sixth grade, the blonde bombshell points out that “there’s no way to hide them as much as you want to bandage your boobs down.” Simpson, 30, has since learned to embrace her chest as her “best accessory,” telling PEOPLE, “Now I can make my way in and out of parking tickets: Show the girls and give a wink!”

[From People]

So Jessica gets this honor, and in her interview all she does is talk about her tits and act like a ditz. This is the problem! God bless her, though. Some days, having big boobs feels like winning the lottery. You wear a low cut blouse, and men are staring, falling all over themselves to help you out, giving you free junk. Jessica and I are the same in that way. Until a female cop pulls us over.

In other Farty news, according to In Touch Weekly, Jessica is still in the midst of the groundbreaking realization that she got engaged to a worthless, jobless, clingy K-Fed who likely farts more than her. As Jessica’s brainsicle slowly processes this, she’s starting to lose patience with him:

Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson haven’t even gotten married yet, but the honeymoon is already over, according to one friend of the singer. The pal tells In Touch that Jessica recently requested a breather from her clingy beau.

“She told him to get lost for a few days,” the friend reveals. “They were spending every waking minute together, and Jessica had finally had enough.”

It was a classic case of too much togetherness, the friend explains.

“Jessica usually likes being with other people, so initially she loved that Eric didn’t have much going on.”

Eric was initially what Jessica needed after being dumped by Tony Romo in 2009. But lately, Jessica has grown tired of unemployed Eric’s constant presence, and she asked him to give her a few days alone so she could focus on something other than him.

“He was getting on her nerves… now she wants time away from Eric every month.”

Jessica is also growing weary of financially supporting the former NFL player, who hasn’t worked since 2008. Jessica recently bough Eric a car, but now she’s decided she’s the one who deserves a hot new set of wheels.

“She traded in her Range Rover for a $120,000 BMW X6M,” the friend says. And Jessica wants to make it clear to Eric that the luxurious car isn’t their family vehicle – it’s for her and her only (like a growing number of things lately).

Adds the friend: “She’s so possessive of it, she won’t even let Eric behind the wheel!”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Oh, soon she’s going to end up engaged to the BMW, and then we’ll be calling it her Car K-Fed. Stupid car doesn’t have a job. Stupid car is always around, leeching off of Jessica’s fame and fortune. Dumb K-Fed Car.

But seriously, I would love it if Jessica ended up dumping Eric. I doubt she will, but it would be an interesting turn of events. Worst case scenario, though, she’ll probably only make him get a part-time job. Maybe KFC has an opening…?




Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN.

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21 Responses to “Did Jessica Simpson tell her “clingy” K-Fed to take a hike?”

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  1. beth says:

    another reminder my boobs will never talk! huzzah!

  2. Samigirl says:

    I wish I could believe she told him to get lost for a few days, but she is soooo clingy and sooooo much in love, I’m absolutely certain it isn’t true.

  3. brin says:

    He would make a good Walmart greeter.

  4. Hautie says:

    I had wonder why I had not seen any new pictures of them out lately. Maybe Jessica has taken a breather from him.

    Now wouldn’t it be nice if she finally figured out, that she does not have to settle. There are lots of men out there.

    I am positive she could have decent options, if she would remove her creepy father.

    Having him in the middle of all her business, she has no chance of keeping a decent man around.

  5. Twez says:

    >>So Jessica gets this honor, and in her interview all she does is talk about her tits and act like a ditz.<<

    She’s not acting!

  6. GeekChic says:

    @Kaiser, I used to have natural 34DDDs. I’m a small-framed woman and the boobs totally overwhelmed my figure. They were a curse, not a blessing. My back and shoulders hurt constantly, and when I was pregnant, I went up to 36 I (yes, there is an I cup size). When I was 38 weeks pregnant, my OB saw me in the hall and said, “Wow, your belly is finally bigger than your boobs!” I couldn’t deal with it. I had a reduction about a year after I finished breastfeeding. Now I’m a nice, average 34C and very, very happy.

    Kaiser, you and Jessica may be able to get out of tickets, but I can wear a bikini and have the top and bottom be the same size! Although now that I think about it, getting out of tickets might have actually been better…

  7. Dani says:

    Ugh, can’t stand it when women complain about their big boobs and yet they constantly talk about their big boobs for attention.

  8. Sonja says:

    Wow a BMW X6, this is really a cool car and i wouldnt let my husband driving it either, for like the first few months.
    He already ruined my computer…

  9. Zoya says:

    LOL as if this clingy, desperate loser would EVER tell a guy off… I don’t think so, unless she already has a replacement.

  10. Kim says:

    Im glad she is smart enough to see this guy is a leech! She makes millions a year and needs a man with at least a job. She can do much better.

  11. Maria says:

    I dont blame her. Most women want a man who makes at least the same as she. Maybe she can hook up with Bradley Cooper, LOL

  12. Anon73 says:

    re: idea that Jess may dump her K-Fed, PLEASE LET THAT BE TRUE !!

  13. PrettyLights says:

    Congrats to her for making the list, she really is a naturally beautiful woman. Who cares if she talks about her boobs, at least she’s not always wearing rediculous tops to show them off like girls with big fake boobs do. In fact for how chesty she is, you rarely see pics of her wearing some super low cut spaghetti strap top just to get attention. I like that about her. I am also short and chesty and even though my boyfriend tells me to show em off, I rarely do because I’m not really comfortable with that kind of attention. Not that I haven’t done it before to get a few free drinks :)

  14. CG says:

    LOL @ the female cop line! Tank tops have gotten me out of a lot of tickets over the years, but my last semester of college, I got pulled over by a female cop. First ticket I’d gotten in ages! My dad has a lot of lawyer buddies and one of them was able to knock it down to a non-moving violation, but not until after telling me, “You had the bad luck to be pulled over by the one non-lesbian cop in the whole state!”

  15. Good grief says:

    Wait, wait – we are not addressing the most serious problem here – is that dude wearing SLIPPERS??

  16. MaudeLebowski says:

    @Geekchick, did it take a long time to recuperate from the reduction surgery? I am a bit afraid of that.

  17. Isa says:

    You don’t need large breasts to get out of tickets. I’ve never had one, but I’ve been pulled over SEVERAL times and let me tell you, I’ve really deserved them. Last semester I got pulled over twice and got out of a parking ticket.
    I’m flat chested! lol.

  18. Hakura says:

    @GeekChic” I used to have natural 34DDDs. I’m a small-framed woman and the boobs totally overwhelmed my figure. They were a curse, not a blessing… I had a reduction about a year after I finished breastfeeding. Now I’m a nice, average 34C and very, very happy”

    My mom can really sympathize with what you went through. Her chest was about your size, at 12. She said for her, it was always a very negative thing, that caused low self esteem, & a lot of pain. She waited until my brother was born (never breast-fed us), then had a reduction (21 years ago). Her back has mostly healed, but her neck unfortunately won’t. She has to be on pain meds for it (probably for the rest of her life).

    My mom later admitted that she spent years worrying that I would end up huge like she was. (She was of a medium build, but I ended up always being very small framed…Didn’t even reach 100lbs until the end of Sophmore year). Thankfully, I took more from my dad in the skinny frame department, appropriately sized for my body. (I know what they mean by ‘late bloomer’… I went up a whole size (to C) all at once at age 25. It was almost overnight (weird).

    My mom still winces when she sees someone experienced the same problems she had… She majorly sympathizes, the back/neck problems, & the difficulty finding clothing that fits well. I’m sure that’s something you’ve dealt with in spades.

  19. Hakura says:

    As for Jessica… Perhaps she’s intentionally putting some distance between them for the sake of her getting back into her career. Like someone said, she could be tired of all the clinging (from her side as well). She could be more focused on a career not having him around. Or maybe she wants him to have his own life too, by getting a job & depending on himself a bit.

    I SO wish that she was having second thoughts about this guy…She really does deserve Like everyone said, He really does come off like KFed, once having some sort of career, but nothing since getting together with a popstar. (Thus being supported by said popstar financially.)

  20. Annie says:

    I kinda hope they don’t procreate. The dude is odd looking.