Oh, come all ye peasants, and gather round, for our Peasant Ambassador has an announcement! Dame Gwyneth Paltrow has been named the new face of Coach! How… gauche. She used to be the face of Tod’s, for the love of God. At least when she represented Tod’s, she knew that a peasant would have to shell out four-figures to buy one of her recommended purses. But Coach? Some of those things go for a peasant-friendly $100. GASP. And some are made from (EEK!) nylon. Oh, how the mighty Goop has fallen.
From “Glee” cameos to penning a cookbook and launching a career in country music, Gwyneth Paltrow is clearly looking to cultivate a wider audience and her latest move fits that bill. Coach Inc. confirmed that Paltrow will also serve as a brand ambassador for the international campaign to mark its 70th anniversary this fall and next spring.
Shot by Peter Lindbergh on a Manhattan rooftop, the print, digital and outdoor ads will only be used for select markets in Asia and Europe, including France, Spain, the U.K., Portugal and China.
“I grew up in New York City and I’ve always thought of Coach as the quintessential New York brand,” Paltrow said. “I’ll never forget getting my first Coach bag.”
The images will break in international September books. Coach’s president and executive creative director Reed Krakoff called Paltrow, who in the past played model for Tod’s and Christian Dior, “a natural choice.…She embodies the spirit, energy and elegance of the Coach brand,” he said.
[From WWD]
“I grew up in New York City and I’ve always thought of Coach as the quintessential New York brand…I’ll never forget getting my first Coach bag.” Ugh. Gwyneth continued, “My first Coach bag was given to me by my spiritual advisor/admirer when I was six years old. I asked my father, ‘What is this tacky thing?’ And he said, ‘Don’t worry, my beloved, we’ll bedazzle this junk with rubies and diamonds, so it will be worthy of you.’ So that was my first Coach bag, and it’s so bonkers (as they say in cultured London), as I was just telling my best friend Beyonce the other day, ‘Isn’t it funny that poor people can’t afford Hermes?’ And Bey said, ‘You should do something about that, love. People need you to speak out on this issue!’ So I asked for counsel from my bestie Deepka Chopra and he said ‘You, my dear Gwyneth, would be a good fit for Kate Spade.’ Isn’t that brilliant? But Madame Spade and I talked about it as we were making caviar meringues, and we decided it wouldn’t be the best fit. Finally, my dear best friend the Dali Lama called me on my rotary and said, ‘I’ve got it, dear princess, you shall be the face of Coach!’ And so it all happened for me, because everything is always about me!”
Photos courtesy of Fame.
‘On the rotary’. THAT was funny.
There goes the brand…right down the drain.
LMAO, I love you kaiser!
“…Gwyneth Paltrow is clearly looking to cultivate a wider audience…”
Translation: GOOP WANTS YER MONEY!
isn’t coach beneath her? Wait, rephrase that, COACH IS BENEATH HER goopiness.
even I wouldn’t touch coach. I dont mind people who think some of their purses being cute but some ghetto ladies be rocking that like they’re better than everyone because only know coach. I don’t have the money for Fendi but I don’t mind quality nameless brands over that walmart of a purse brand.
I was three lines in before I realised that wasn’t a real quote from Goopy.
Genius.
She should be the model for hosiery, instead. She has gorgeous legs.
“My first Coach bag was given to me by my spiritual advisor/admirer when I was six years old. I asked my father, ‘What is this tacky thing?’ And he said, ‘Don’t worry, my beloved, we’ll bedazzle this junk with rubies and diamonds, so it will be worthy of you.’ So that was my first Coach bag, and it’s so bonkers (as they say in cultured London), as I was just telling my best friend Beyonce the other day, ‘Isn’t it funny that poor people can’t afford Hermes?’ And Bey said, ‘You should do something about that, love. People need you to speak out on this issue!’ ”
LMFAOOOO. OMG. I just snorted. Very loudly at my desk. Thanks for that.
Great Goopalogue Kaiser.
Isn’t Coach one of those things ONLY carried by peasants nowadays who don’t know its over? So this is gonna be like Beyonce and Jlo selling us hair color right?
The Battle of the Bags is on: Anjolina for Louis Vuitton vs Goop for Coach… And may the best hand (bag) win!
Our GOOP is friends with Mario Batali.
Mario Batali is married to a woman whose parents founded Coach.
Coincidence or conspiracy?
Hilarious! Much appreciated.
A classic black Coach shoulder bag is perfectly fine as a business purse. It’s sturdy with an outside pocket and a decent shoulder strap. Well, at least the older ones are. And if it gets stolen or damaged it’s easily replacable.
Contrast that with my beautiful and waaay too expensive white leather bag [brand name withheld to protect the innocent and stupid] which I’m terrified to use regularly for fear of staining the white. What was I thinking?
I still love my old simple Dooney & Bourkes impervious to any weather or ill treatment. I can remember when they had no visible label and I had no idea what brand I was carrying. These over priced designer bags are for the young and foolish or those not earning their own incomes. Sorry to be so blunt.
Whenever i read goop post i have to make sure there z nothn’ in my mouth! Kaiser I love ya!
Well, it’s not Dior or Tod’s anymore…it’s Coach. So she’s slumming? What next, Goop? A commercial for your kitchenwares at JCPenney?
Goopy’s assault on all things middle class America holds near and dear continues.
i swear that was from Goop’s diary for a full 5 minutes. Kaiser, congratulations, you have graduated to full on Faux-Goopia.
Hysterical! You kill me, Kaiser.
Over Coach and have been for a while. I actually get embarrassed when I pull out my wallet nowadays. I did just recently get a vintage leather Coach bag off eBay but there are no logos except on the inside. I’m actually down on most bags if they’ve be logofied. Even LV & Gucci bags. I’m actually surprised by this since Coach isn’t a premium brand nor is it exclusive and Goop is all about exclusivity. She has to be gearing up for something bad to happen, right? Why all of a sudden is she trying to market herself as the “everywoman?”
Why does this crusty bitch have to jam her greasy face into everything I love and fucking ruin it?
Just go away, Gwyneth – WE DON’T WANT YOU.
Ugh. My sister loves it, but I’ll admit: I hate it.
It’s just as bad as those fake Louis Vuitton bags you see everywhere.
Also, a lot of women in our town have discovered you can buy knock off Coach bags online from China. Lovely.
When did Coach become Public Enemy No. 1? It just seems odd that with all of the indignation over GP’s pretensions there’s still room in that breath for maligning the declasse brand worn only by deluded would-be social climbers who are years behind being ‘in the know’. I’m not their spokesperson or anything, I’m just calling it as I see it, and funny though the responses may have been, you would have thought that Stalin jizzed on the shoulder straps.
Wife of Batali, huh? The wealthy are pros at keeping it in the family.
Maybe she can do an appearance at the Coach store near me…oh wait, it’s an outlet! How ghastly!
That Goopalogue (like that curmudgeon) was pretty great. Though you should probably through a few “Jay Z”s in there too.
I don’t buy any of the pricier bags, I’m way too hard on them to justify spending a lot.
Coach is like Abercrombie and Fitch; used to be sort of an old money brand and now they’re trash.
I had some Coach bags — the old leather bags — and they’re great. they last and Coach will refurbish them. I bet Gwynnie’s gonna be modeling that line. They might be trying to make a comeback with it.
“I grew up in New York City”
i thought she grew up in LA? and didn’t she spend her teen years in spain? such a hot mess of contradictions: she’s constantly cleansing & pooping and yet says she eats like a truck driver, she won’t eat pork on TV but she professes to love bacon, she’s a WASP one minute, a jew from long island the next minute but she’s down with NWA and can sing all their lyrics (so i guess she’s from the hood, too?), she loves london because it’s so cultured or is it NYC? this is why i can’t stand this chick – she changes her personality all the time in order to fit into whatever cultural zeitgeist is happening at the moment. kind of sad, really.
oh, and the goopalogue was pretty awesome – i also initially thought they were actual quotes!
I wonder if this is a change-the-subject panicked reaction to the hilarious article about Coach in the current New Yorker.
Sample sentence: “[The creative director’s] detractors think that he is a brand architect who made a fortune at Coach by marketing middlebrow goods to barely fashionable consumers….”
Beginning of article: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/04/25/110425fa_fact_levy
Lowlights: http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2011/04/in_case_you_ever_wanted_to_kno.html
Jezebel had a funny take on the Coach creative director’s New Yorker debacle, too:
http://jezebel.com/#!5793239/reed-krakoff-is-fashions-most-obnoxiously-privileged-designer
Some of the comments were particularly on-point:
“I grew up in Long Island where they’re EVERYWHERE basically for upper middle class girls/women who aspire to be fashionistas but end up mostly looking tacky (The same crowd that wears juicy couture and ugg boots).”
“I grew up on LI too and feel the same exact way. You always knew who the trashy girls were in HS because they were carrying Coach bags, wearing Juicy logo gear, and had on those awful fake crystal CC Chanel studs in their ears (seriously, who did they think they were fooling?).”
“I just don’t know how they don’t get that they look hopelessly provincial in those get-ups. Dressing like a chick from Southern California on her way to get her nails done is so 2005. I never see city girls wearing those get-ups to go around shopping or run errands. It’s always girls from the sticks, wandering around with their damn Vuitton Speedy’s or Coach bags in the crook of their arm, and stupid warm-up pants stuffed into Uggs, thinking they’re looking like debutantes on a spree as they window shop.”
Why can’t these brands pick a beautiful fashion model instead of an overexposed celeb; yes, Janna, she may be a good hosiery model but most women have given up wearing hose for the declasse bare leg look; the last hosiery ad was Tina turner’s hanes I believe in 1997 on tv.
With all the Coach-hate going on, I just want to interject something: yes, the majority of the bags that Coach makes are tacky beyond all reason. Unfortunately, that’s what the brand has become known for – by their own doing.
But, Coach also makes many, many beautiful, well-made, classic-looking leather goods(a few of which I am the proud owner), which you can easily find in the store or on the website – and they’re worth the money- take care of those bags and you’ll be able to leave them to your daughter(or fabulous gay son).
What’s unfortunate is that they sold out the brand to cater to 15 year old girls whose parents can’t say ‘no’, and the nouveau riche who buy designer items just to show off that they can afford it – and thus buy the gauchest, most logo-heavy thing they can find – style or taste be damned.
And Goopy isn’t going to help.
Well I won’t be buying the cute pink Coach satchel I’ve been thinking about, now. I’ll go with one of the other bags I’ve been looking at.
LMOL! I too did a double take after the Gwnynnologue had young Gwyneth use the term ‘tacky’! The word seemed a little too common for her refined, albeit young tastes.
The laughs make yet another Gwyneth post bearable. Is this the reason for the barrage of posts lately? She is working overtime to appeal to the masses because she wants their money? Thats original and maybe a bit beneath her.
Anyway, in those last 2 pics her face looks FABULOUS! Gotta give it to the Goop she is keeping it together!
@Kate. Agreed! Coach makes some very nice understated leather bags. I own a beautiful black tote that does not scream Coach. Not everyone buys knockoffs and logo bags.
Meh, a bland, beige bitch shilling for bland, beige bags.
This is interesting since Angelina Jolie was just named the face of Louis Vuitton. I wonder if the two ladies get along?
I’ll stick with my Guess handbags, btw.
I really liked my coach wallet and bags. I mean I still do, the quality is excellent but I was getting to the ‘over it’ stage… then I went to the store (mall) and there was a freaking line 30-long waiting to get in, that sealed it for me. There are a few things in life I’ll queue for but Coach isn’t one of them. Officially over them (but I’ll hang on to the wallet for now). Paltrow’s entry to the mix would have been a negative if I was still on the fence. Can’t help think it damages her brand though, a little down-market for her. Why does she want to widen her audience to include people she won’t associate with?
I just wanna know how much they’re paying her to do this…is it up to a cool $10 mil? 🙂
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