If Katie Holmes is pregnant, she can’t have sex or move her bowels without CoS


Nevermind that before OK! Magazine even went to print, Katie Holmes’ rep was denying the alleged pregnancy to E! News. Nevermind that this is not even close to being the first time Katie Holmes has been photographed looking slumpy and bumpy. The girl has bad posture and a little tiny tummy, and it gets exhausting always calling “BUMP” on her. But OK! Magazine is not tired of it – thus, this week’s cover. Katie’s rep has already gone to People Magazine to deny it again: “She is not pregnant.” End of story? Not really.

OK! Mag’s story is all about how Katie denied her pregnancy with Suri too (although I don’t remember many denials, honestly) so Katie could be denying a sure thing this time around too. The bulk of the article isn’t even worth transcribing, so I’ll just hit the highlights: Tom and Katie want a boy this time, Tom is being super-sweet to Katie lately, and Katie is “glowing.” Oh, and a doctor think the bump is about 18-20 weeks along (um, seriously?). So, why I am I even doing this story? Because of this interesting little side-story about what it’s like to be pregnant when you’re in the Church of Scientology. Sort of like, What To Expect When You’re Expecting Xenu.

“The mother’s body is a pure vessel for the soul to come through,” a Scientology insider tells OK!. “The baby’s soul must inhabit its pre-birth body with the clear intention that it wants to be born.”

According to the source, Scientology warns against any sexual activity, starting with the day a woman learns she’s pregnant.

Some Scientologists choose to follow an intense detox program to cleanse the body. The woman is required to run on a treadmill every day and have frequent sauna sessions to sweat profusely. She also takes “vitamin bombs” containing mega doses of niacin, calcium, magnesium and other vitamins; and she has regular colonics, says the source.

[From OK! Magazine, print edition]

Super-creepy. I mean, the vitamins sound like a good idea, but it sounds like Sea Org is obsessed with regulating bowel movements too. And the “no sex while pregnant” thing? I imagine Tom Cruise is all “SOLD!” John Travolta is all “Sign me up!” This explains so much…?

In case you think the other tabloids are jumping on the bump train, they’re not. Life & Style (via Jezebel) reports this week that Katie isn’t “ready for another baby.” Apparently, when Katie and Tom went to some event last week, they “barely spoke” to each other and a source says, “There was a definite chill between them. They looked like they weren’t even friends.” Fascinating. Contract renegotiations are stalled…?




Photos courtesy of WENN.

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29 Responses to “If Katie Holmes is pregnant, she can’t have sex or move her bowels without CoS”

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  1. brin says:

    Sure looks like a baby bump to me…maybe she ate an entire watermelon & Xenu didn’t ok a bm.

  2. lucy2 says:

    Yeah, the “rules” sound like an excuse for any closeted COS’ers to go hang out at the “spa”.

  3. Quest says:

    Oh boy….Suri is gonna go off on this one. After being the #1 diva in the house, how is she gonna handle the split in attention from her parents. Hmmmm, can’t wait

  4. teehee says:

    What? I thought sex is healthy during pregnancy– teh relief of stress, the flush of hormones– isnt that just as backward as the no talking to the baby thing- when that is proven to be extremely hazardous and in worst cases ultimately deadly (eg neglect/SIDS)

  5. JaisyMaisy says:

    How humiliating…every time a star has a “fat day” (and that’s a stretch…there is nothing about her that looks fat to me) they have to go through the trauma of seeing the tabloids argue on whether or not they are pregnant. That’s really unfair.

  6. Jules says:

    If that’s not a baby bump then why dress so crappy?

  7. your mama says:

    I’m sick to death of the baby bump alert everytime any ‘star’ simply does not hold their gut in (if they have had a child and are not complete work-out junkies). I mean, come on!
    —————————————–As to whether or not Kate is preggers? Who knows, and who really cares? I’m more interested in their contract negotiations.

  8. courtney says:

    Um Katie’s rep has already confirmed that is false she’s not pregnant just gaining weight maybe it’s her time of the month. quit paying attention to her she’s not a huge star just married to one

  9. sapphire says:

    Why go out looking like the wrath of Xenu when you know the paps are lurking? Her eyes have looked seriously dead for a while-I think OK ‘shopped life back into them.

  10. Delta Juliet says:

    All I know is, if I wasn’t pregnant and I had a little belly (which I do, actually) I would never stand like that and I also wouldn’t dress like that to go out. It’s not flattering. But then, she is a designer and a style icon so what do I know.

  11. ladybert62 says:

    We wont know if she is pregnant until SHE admits it – she looks SO UNHAPPY in those pictures like she is considering running away and never coming back. I hope she is NOT pregnant and I wish she would stand up to Tiny Tom and take Suri and leave – but I know she wont.

  12. albeli says:

    She’s either pregnant, or has the absolute worst posture and lack of tone in her abs ever. Sure, maybe she’s PMSing and it’s bloat, but who dresses liek THAT if they’re bloated, and they know they’re going to get papped?

    IMO, she’s miserable and actually enjoys the tabloid speculation, since she seemingly doesn’t get any attention from Tom.

    I feel sorry for her. She’s really pathetic.

  13. harfang says:

    No sex with your beard when she’s knocked up… That certainly does explain a lot. If they’re not speaking, maybe he pressed her into this? I continue to disbelieve that the dynamics of her relationship with him involve equal partnership in any sense. I don’t know whether she’s brainwashed or was madly in love at first, when the marriage came to be. It doesn’t matter.

    In this day and age I don’t think that unequal a yoke can survive among educated L.A. people unless they isolate themselves on a compound somewhere. It could take a couple of decades even, but someday that woman’s going to be an absolute treasure trove of much genuinely useful information. At least she has that going for her. :/

  14. Micki says:

    If she’s in the 20th week with a bump like that it’s going to be a garden dwarf.

  15. KCT says:

    I admire her ability to tune out the cameras that are clicking around her and just go on and do her thing and not care what she looks like. Doing so though means she will have to put up with all the crap that is circulating now. So, maybe putting in a little more effort before leaving the house would be worth it?

  16. meg says:

    That’s so scary- Suanas and the like are advised against when pregnant.
    Why in the world would anyone listen to an organization (that doesn’t have any medical expertise) that tells you how to behave while pregnant??? Brainwashed ppl I guess…

  17. Roxy750 says:

    @ micki..LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. Iggles says:

    Omg! The sweating and vitamin “bombs” sound dangerous. This “church” is really scary!

  19. bluhare says:

    Hmmmm. If I were Katie I might see about being permanently pregnant so I wouldn’t have to do it with Cruise either.

    But could you imagine Suri as as an older sister? The kid who’s never heard the word no hurled in her direction? I’d buy tickets to that movie.

    And #micki? AWESOME.

  20. baum says:

    Looks like Suri choosing her outfit isn’t such a good idea

  21. Aries_Mira says:

    I feel badly for her. She always looks so unhappy and downtrodden. I mean, really, who knows what goes on behind closed doors? She looks eternally lost and hopeless.

  22. KateNonymous says:

    Colonics? Really? Because even enemas are medically contraindicated during pregnancy–they can lead to contractions and premature labor, or even miscarriage.

  23. The Bobster says:

    The poor girl is going to explode!

  24. mommyesq says:

    Are they freaken kidding me??!??! SAUNAS to make them sweat???? I hope to God (sorry, Xenu) that these stupid saunas aren’t hot enough to damage the baby, cuz that’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. It’s like on page one of every pregnancy book—no crack, no trampolines, NO SAUNAS! oy vey.

  25. Photo Jojo says:

    The high heat of a sauna can damage a developing fetus, and colonics are just plain wrong for anyone. And vitamin bombs? Bad bad bad idea. I hope she’s not doing these things – none of them are healthy for a baby.

  26. teehee says:

    I think sauna is a stressful thing for the body- I wouldnt want to do it if I were carrying. I know in my poor health a sauna is murder to me, so even if you cant sense it, I bet its the same while pregnant. And major vitamins are toxic not only to the mother but def to a developing baby– keep it in moderation. Use a bit of coal or healing water now and then, do fruit and veggie smoothie fast when you need one, and you will be fine.

  27. eternalcanadian says:

    I’ve seen those pictures. I can’t believe eating a slice of bread bloats up someone like that? If it was period bloating there’s help for that. Could it then be true? She’s pregnant? :o

  28. constance says:

    I just love the look of intensity she has while looking over flats… gtfo :p

  29. r u ok miss? says:

    She looks like such a lost little girl…Truly sad…