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Contestants on American Idol clearly know what they’re getting into when they sign up for the show. They know they’re going to be put through the ringer, tested, and probably mocked on national television. It’s definitely a show that not everyone is cut out for – not just in terms of talent but also in terms of the thick skin needed to get through the experience.
Unfortunately former season one contestant Nikki McKibbin didn’t seem have the advantage of having seen the show like the contestants on subsequent seasons. McKibbin says the competition had a lasting negative effect on her which led to depression and drug abuse.
American Idol alum Nikki McKibbin, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, has revealed Simon Cowell led her on a downward spiral.
“I came out of Idol with a lack of self-confidence,” McKibbin tells the new issue of Us Weekly. “I think I had my first solo in school when I was 5, and I got more as I got older: That’s the biggest compliment in choir. I had never been told I wasn’t good enough. Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn’t get the s–t he had said to me out of my head.”
She continued: “It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn’t say that this was Simon’s fault. It just added to the addict that I already was.” Cowell compared one of her performances to Adam Sandler’s tone deaf character in The Wedding Singer. “We were heavily chaperoned, but I would buy vodka and sneak it into the refrigerator on the bottom floor,” McKibbin tells Us. “If I wasn’t too exhausted, I’d have one or two drinks.”
The season one contestant finished third behind Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson.
[From Us Weekly]
Nikki recently sobered up on another reality show - of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. So apparently there’s one show to break people and another to put them back together? Since Nikki was on the first season of the show she hadn’t witnessed Simon’s behavior like most of us have since then. I’m guessing she was in some way informed that he was harsh and critical, but didn’t realize it’d be so bad. It’s good she says that Simon’s not at fault, but bullying can have an effect on both children and adults. Just because he’s a grownup doesn’t make it alright for him to act like an ass – it makes it less so. I think a lot of people would have a hard time dealing with him and keeping their self esteem in tack.
Here’s Nikki with Justin Guarini at American Idol Rewind in 2006. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Written by JayBird
Posted in American Idol, Simon Cowell
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9 Responses to “Former American Idol contestant says show led to depression & drug abuse”
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Celebrity sighting???? She’s no celebrity!
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well she’s more of a celebrity than i am since i don’t see any articles about me on this site :-p
i can see how someone wouldn’t realize how traumatic an experience can be until they go through it…
on a totally superficial note, she needs to declump her eyelashes. i buy some cheap 8 dollar a tube stuff and it doesnt do to me what she has put on is doing to her…
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I saw the first season of Idol and I liked Nikki.
Not the best singer, ok, but she had a gracious personality and responded to Simon’s bullying with courtesy and a professional attitude. Later I read in an interview that she kept her cool on stage in order to set an example for her child and I admire her for that. Bullies suck, and it takes a certain strength of personality not to tear them a new one while they’re tearing you down.
I hope she finds her strength again.
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I LOVE HER!!!!!!
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i liked her, too. she was very graceful and had a wonderful personality. We all know Simon can be a bit of a prick but she handled herself well. And yeah, her eyemakeup is rocking except for those clumps. ew.
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I get depressed and need to take drugs if I am forced to watch that show.
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It’s sad that she focused on the belittling from Simon - which he was paid to do - instead of the millions of votes from fans that she got each week to keep her in the competition, up until the final three, if memory serves me. I’d say millions trumps one Simon. Too bad that she couldn’t see it that way…
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I feel bad for her. BUT as an recovering addict I always blamed somebody else for my addiction. It was never my fault ect ect. I wish her luck.
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Everyone thinks my friend is this girl. When we were at DIsneyland, someone really thought they had a celebrity sighting and ran up to us.
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