We didn’t breathlessly cover all the ridiculous details of Kim Kardashian’s made-for-TV wedding to that huge slow-looking athlete she’s dated for a hot second. We mentioned it and moved on. It seems like she found a guy whom she didn’t have to switch monograms for, latched on to him and rode fast and hard until she earned the ultimate reality show prize: an over-the-top wedding fit for a queen. It was like My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, only for E! instead of TLC. Only Kim isn’t some teenage daughter of travelers, her mother is one of the best hustlers in the world. Kim’s mom Kris responded to her daughter’s starring role in a 2007 adult film by literally saying “All I knew was that I had to make some lemonade out of these lemons fast.” (That may be ironic to some of you who believe that the film included some uh, golden water play. From what I’ve heard, that scene does not exist in “Kim K Superstar” and its existence in the original footage is just a rumor. Update: Bellaluna below says her husband has viewed the tape and it’s in there. This is just secondhand though. Until someone personally vouches I’m still uncertain.) I might even suspect that Kim’s mom schemed to have her daughter’s sex tape “leaked” right around the time she was trying to skyrocket her family to fame.
Now that mom* Kris’ master plan was successful and her family is commanding millions of dollars for their bland brand of oversharing, she’s trying to stop people from remembering the very graphic way it was all made possible. Too bad for Kris, Kim and her hapless husband Kris that everyone is buying Kim’s video to get an in-home demonstration of the wedding night.
Kris Humphries wasn’t the only person who wanted to consummate his marriage to Kim Kardashian this weekend, ’cause at the same time … MILLIONS of “fans” were flooding the official website for Kim’s triple X tape.
TMZ has learned … roughly 2 MILLION people visited the KimKsuperstar [website] between Friday and Sunday night … a HUGE boost from the average weekend traffic.
In fact, the site only averages 300k unique visitors PER MONTH — so it seems all the fanfare from the wedding led to some serious handfare across the planet.
And get this laddies — according to Google Trends, America did NOT lead the pack in Internet searches for “Kim Kardashian S*x Tape” … that honor went to Ireland.
[From TMZ]
So it looks like Kim made even more than the estimated $17.9 million for her wedding. You know that she negotiated a deal with Vivid that included a nice portion of sales. So she’s making plenty of cash and can rest assured that she has her 1.0 face in Kim K Superstar and looks nothing like that now.
This diamond headpiece she was wearing, which was undoubtedly lent to her, is from Lorraine Schwartz. The total value of the bling Kim was wearing on her wedding day was $10 million dollars.
*We wrote “mom Kris” because now there’s also temporary husband Kris
Don’t shoot me – she has an Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra vibe in that picture. I am SOOOO not compairing the two, just saying it looks like who she was channeling.
I wonder if part of her negotiation over the sex tape was to have the golden showers portion removed…
It’s a Kardashian nut house….people were more interested in viewing her porn than the wedding….ha, ha ha. It’s rumored to be over 2 million visits during the wedding weekend as oppose to 300,000 hits.
Everything these people do(private or public) is for the money, nothing else.
Nausiating on every level. (Love your write-up, though!).
Kim Kardashian may be a lot of bad things, but she knows make-up.
Her make up was flawless on her wedding day.
CB, Oh, it exists! I haven’t “treated myself” to watching the porn-pissing, but both hubs and BIL have seen it, and yes; Lardassian gets a golden shower from the peen of RayJ.
And hey! He’s a rent-a-giant “husband”!!
(Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go bleach my everything.)
brin – *waves* join me in the bleach shower? ‘Cause ICK. NAST.
gee, she only wishes on a platform peep-toe she could E.V.E.R. stir memories of Elizabeth Taylor. AT ANY TIME IN LIZ’S LIFE.
Well I didn’t see the whole movie, but what I did see is Kim lying on her tummy, with a bra on and RayJ going from behind. I see that much on tv everyday. So did I miss the naked parts or what??? Otherwise, that’s the most boring sex tape ever made.
imagine walking the streets and asking yourself “did that person see my tape, did that person see me get f–ked hard, did that person look at my crotch?”
ugh, i would hide under a rock for the rest of my life.
dont this ladies have any class or shame?
U know I never will figure it out but one thing for sure- U can’t get mad the hustle that she has inherited. Even if she got her recognition is through a sex tape or dad representing O.J in the murder trial. She has managed to stay in people’s mouth- good or bad
Mornin bellaluna *waving back*…yeah, what a way to start the day, we’ll need plenty of bodywash!!
can eyelashes be too long? that picture of Kim is ridiculous with the false eyelashes. I tried Latiesse, and the eyelashes grow, but you end up looking like bessie, the cow. I think 100 yrs from now some of our trendy things will look ridiculous. enough of my rant….Kim K got married???
i wish y’all would have at least covered the dress and those kind of details. i was disappointed.
Her eyelashes look ridiculous. That’s the least harsh thing I can say. That’s me making “lemonade out of these lemons fast!”
@Bellaluna – I updated that part. Until I get a confirmation from someone who actually saw the tape though I’m still not sure. No offense! I just don’t know how much you grilled your husband and BIL on it or if they’re repeating the rumors too.
Wow – those photos above honestly look like they’re from a soap opera wedding.
She is beautiful, you have to admit that!
Awwwwww Kim Kardashian looks like a princess on her big day. Wow this lady is astonishingly a cutie. I am a lady, I truly envy Kim! She is blessed physically, financially, marital- in fact all round blessing.I love I love. Anything Kim touches turns to diamond. What a success story.
I also saw the video on Monday, there was no peeing or abnormal footage. The guy took her from behind and Kim muttered some words, beautiful and flawless skin and shape! Kim is wow!! Any serious minded man does not look at the past, he focuses on the present (exactly what Kris did). The truth is people embellished the story of that x-rated movie to feel good. Meanwhile I so love my Kim.
@ Beautrice
Is that you Kris?
Lol @Hautie: Which Kris? Pls if u are on facebook, lets hook up. I am no Kris ooooo! I love Kim Kardashian.
I watched the tape. There was no peeing involved.
Oh and it was beyond boring with a bunch of “baby”, “oh baby”, “baby” going on.
That thing around her head looks dumb.
@ Hautie- ROFLMOL! I thought the SAME thing! Weirdly it’s possible it could be either mum or hubs! It is also possible one of her exuberant fans from her virtual guestboom stumbled across this post. You know, up until Khloe got engaged and the psoriasis started showing how truly selfish and self-absorbed she was, I kinda liked her in the she-made-a-huge-mistake-let’s-bear-with-her-as-she-tries-to-live-a-more-upright-constructive-life kind of way. So I could see some people still holding out and having love for her.
A lot of people who saw the original version claim she got pee’d on but they edited it out when Vivid got ahold of it. Kim probably wanted to keep it klassy
am I the only one that thinks Kim looks like a bride out of an 80’s tv soap?
kim used to be such a pretty girl but she has tweaked herself into freak territory. and that tacky wedding looks like something from my favorite telenovela, “manana es pare siempre” except in spanish it would be fab.
Some people can’t help but drink the Kool-Aid when it comes to KK.
I watched the tape yrs ago and Ray J did piss on her, I saw it with my own eyes…I saw it at the barber shop, LOL.
folks in Ireland, I know, its a disappointment, she is a lousy dead fish lay..
she also looked like she was on coke, she was grinding her teeth side to side, like a hype and using the same words over and over.
I, for one, am glad Celebitchy didn’t buy into the hype, stated the wedding happened and went on.. It’s like total Lainey-level snobbery, and I LOVE IT. Keep it up, Celebitchy
@ truthful…really???
because i watched an no peeing happened. maybe there are different versions out there
Did her necklace get stuck on her fat head and she decided to leave it there? Tackiest headpiece EVER!!! And whoever did her makeup needs to be fired. Her eyebrows look like upside down V’s. Makeup 101 you dont make eyebrows look like this. yikes!
LMAO; this is reality tv’s, “My Big Fat Armenian Wedding”.
@Beautrice
Blessed with plastic surgery. Her butt, breast even this woman skin is fake.
Every pretty girl is fake! Funny isn’t it? Atleast Kimmie is beautiful.
Oh please you all know when she signed a deal with Vivid she had them cut out the golden shower scene. You really think Mrs. Control Freak here would leave that in?
There is a scene where he comes on her, maybe people thought he was peeing on her. Honestly I can’t see her actually wanting the sex tape out there forever…if she didn’t care about that sort of thing than she would have actually done a decent spread for playboy, not even a breast shot. Also she made a hissy fit over a mag showing her ass after telling her the pics weren’t going to be that graphic. It’s just really inconsistent behaviour, you don’t purposely leak a tape, go in on a deal for it than try your damndest to become all modest even for things that are totally not modest i.e. playboy.
But really who knows what goes on in that mind of hers, bitch is crazy.
Beautrice: you really need to check yourself and visit a nice doctor. You need some help before you end up like a Kardashian unless you are already: no morals, trashy, lousy, tacky, hypocrite, greedy, filthy, unscrupulous dishonest, delusionals and crazy bitches.
How could the sex tape be available for sale unless she signed a release? Otherwise, she would sue the heck out of Vivid and other outlets that released it. She prob regretted it, due to the trashing of her reputation, and that’s why she now doesn’t want to show any skin for anything. She’s trying to clean up her reputation. She’s making and/or already made money off the tape, otherwise she would have sued if she was really an innocent party.
@sohpie: I want to end up like Kim Kardashian pls. I am not hiding it!
The KK porn that I saw defintely didn’t involve a golden shower, but I think it was a heavily cut version (do you have to pay for the original??). What I saw was totally boring; she had him in her mouth, they were doing it but you couldn’t see that much and she had her bra on the entire time. He also stroked her while she still had her panties on. Believe me, this video -at least the part I saw- was made to be seen. It looked like a careful attempt at creating a scandal yet trying not to be too hardcore. I think she didn’t just leak the tape; she made it with the intention of leaking it. Seriously, who has sex with their underwear on?? (They were going pretty slow, so it wasn’t a “I can’t wait” kind of thing)
Sweet Jesus she looked ugly – I was expecting so much more – and you wanted to upstage Kate – Oh who are you anyway just a reality star with a lot of bucks that’s why your country is in trouble, really how much did you get for what to marry someone who really does not love you, that’s reality, and how was your skin problem – was that all covered up as well – you all make me sick – Shame on you all – BTW Kris is ugly and you look ridiculous beside him LOL
ok lets get real, take the fake lashes, the fake boobs, the hair extensions, the very expensive veneers and teeth whitening, the spray tan, the botox and the tatooed eyebrows and a couple of nip and tucks here and there, what do you have… a very high maintenance sex shop doll…. sorry Kim you are anything but natural…..get back on earth..
Yup, soap opera wedding.