Dont trust anyone whose middle name is “the”

In effort to connect with voters, Senator John McCain has highlighted the plight of Sam Wurzelbacher, AKA – Joe the Plumber, an Ohio man who dreams of his owning his own plumbing company. McCain’s strategy has not had the poll results he was hoping, mostly because of reports from liberal blogs that Joe the Plumber was not exactly what he claimed to be. Turns out he was not a licensed plumber, was not going to buy a business worth over 250K, and wasn’t really concerned about paying taxes in the first place.

McCain has complained in the past that Barak Obama is too connected with Hollywood elites, but if McCain’s campaign was a little more in touch with show biz, perhaps he could have avoided the strategic error of throwing his chips in with Joe The Plumber. Because, as one of the great adages of the entertainment industry says – Don’t trust anyone whose middle name is “The.”

The most glaring example of this adage is self-described comedian “Larry the Cable Guy,” best known for his semi-literate catch phrase “Git R Done.” But before donning the baseball cap, country goatee and sleeveless shirt, “Larry the Cable Guy” was Dan Whitney, a sexually ambiguous stand-up hack best described as a cross between Paul Lynde and Jay Leno’s slow brother. I don’t know if a comedy skit can ever be considered “unintentionally funny,” but watch for yourself and see.

Here is a partial list of other shady characters claiming “the” as their middle name, along with the reasons they can’t be trusted

Jimmy the Greek: Problem gambler, real name Demetrios Georgios Synodinos

Cedric the Entertainer: Not particularly entertaining

Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf: Dressed up in fuzzy bunny suit to hide his violent temperament

Krusty the Clown: fathered love child during the first gulf war, also a problem gambler

Gandalf The Grey: His love of the halfling leaf has clearly slowed his mind

Pliny the Elder: claimed to be a man of science, yet didn’t have the sense to flee an erupting volcano

Alexander the Great: Invaded Mesopotamia

Hagar the Horrible: Despite his nickname, was in fact kind of cute and totally whipped

Kermit the Frog: strung Miss Piggy along for years, despite his attraction to Fozzie Bear

Herbie the Love Bug: took Lindsay Lohan for a ride, didn’t call afterward- she hasn’t been the same since!

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36 Responses to “Dont trust anyone whose middle name is “the””

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  1. MissMara says:

    Thanks Mike, very enlightening! :D

    You should’ve put Bob the Builder on your list – he’s a male chauvinist pig, always bossing Wendy about!

  2. Diva says:

    Winnie the Pooh – obese, honey addict

  3. Vern says:

    Could Larry the Cable guy possibly have been anymore whacked on coke? His mouth was ready to jump off his body! I got a contact high just watching.

  4. jess says:

    i could only listen to a few lines of that skit, because I was so sick of hearing him awkwardly laugh and make uncomfortable faces. If you have to laugh at your own jokes, they probably arent that funny.

  5. xiaoecho says:

    Alexander THE great—-Invaded Mesopotamia :lol:

    another dodgy type invaded Mesopotamia a few years later

    George W Bush THE president who pissed away the entire worlds goodwill after 9/11

  6. Mike says:

    By the way Diva,
    What is a “Pooh”?

  7. Mike says:

    Carnac the Magnificent- Could see through those envelopes the whole time

  8. Diva says:

    Oh, I don’t believe it is ours to question what a Pooh is. It just is. And Winnie is THE Pooh, so, you know, it’s exclusive.

    Or something, I don’t know, lol.

    I admit I did Google it, and got a rather boring story of a bear named Edward and a swan named Poo, and Winnipeg. But my favorite was in Wiki Defs… POOH: Pull Out Of Hole… as any fan of Pooh, meaning Winnie the, would know, there were many times that silly old bear had to be Pulled Out Of Holes in trees when he was feeding his addiction.


  9. Anni says:

    Billy the Kid – Ugly serial killer made hero.

  10. Mike says:

    Note to editor-love the pic of Herbie and Lindsey- herbie totally has that look like “Im not gunna call her”

  11. Mike says:

    Ann- another little known fact-
    Billy the Kid was actually an adult

  12. George says:

    When will the liberal media stop bashing Pliny the Elder?

  13. Codzilla says:

    Jabba the Hutt: Delusions of grandeur. Ate small, unfortunate creatures alive. Had a cool monster in his basement.

  14. Trillion says:

    CB posters, gotta love y’all. Where else can a political discussion turn to humorous references to both Pliny the Elder and Jabba the Hut?

  15. Mike says:

    If you cant laugh at yourself….
    Laugh at Pliny the Elder

  16. stellapurdy says:

    Thurston Howell the 3rd, picks Ginger Grant as his running mate

  17. daisyfly says:

    How could you forget:

    Oscar the Grouch: agoraphobic pack rat

    Dora the Explorer: Perpetual six year old with slight simian fetish

  18. Natasha says:

    I’m left wondering why it matters that “Joe the Plummer” isn’t licensed. Do we now need qualifications to ask our presidential candidates questions about their policies? I must have missed the memo.

  19. Le Petomane says:

    Bozo the clown-Strange fetish with custard pies/ best friends with Cookie the clown.(I still want a schwinn bike though.)

  20. Chamalla says:

    Zorba the Greek?

    Abdullah the Butcher? (professional wrestler, can fit five poker chips in a dent in his head….)

    Erik the Red – No one trusts a stinking Viking…..

    Bob the Goon from the first Batman. So bad the Joker himself offed him.

    Chamalla the Fabulous – by day, quiet entrepreneur and celebitchy poster, by night a fearless crusader for truth, justice and a good cheeseburger. Okay, I made that up…..

  21. Jenna says:

    You know, I still don’t know who on earth ‘Joe the Plumber’ is. :oops:

    @Chamalla: LMAO! I’m right there with you for a good cheeseburger.

  22. geronimo says:

    :D @ Winnie the Pooh – obese, honey addict.

    Also loving truth, justice & decent cheesburger seeking Chamalla The Fabulous!

  23. Mike says:

    I figured you did Anni- just being silly!

  24. Baholicious says:

    I guess this means ‘The The’ is safe since there’s no middle ‘The’ :mrgreen:

  25. Mike says:

    The The is safe
    But I dont trust
    Mott The Hoople
    or Toad the Wet Sprocket

  26. cally says:

    Aww don’t worry Gandalf, I’d trust you!

  27. Julie says:

    How can CHUCKLES THE CLOWN not have been mentioned!!!! One of THE classic Mary Tyler Moore episodes featured his demise, poor Chuckles! I remember when he filled in for reading election returns during a snowstorm or something lololol. Can’t dis Chuckles!!!

    Oh, and THANK YOU FOR ”Pull Out Of Hole” for POOH definition! A lifelong quandary finally answered!

  28. Samantha says:

    You can’t forget about Minnie the moocher…She was a lowdown hoochie coocher. :wink:

  29. Chamalla says:

    @Samantha – that song is totally going through my head now. : )

    Hats off to everyone on this thread, I haven’t had a belly laugh like this in I don’t know how long. Yay for bringing the funny back to politics, even if we have to go WAY off topic to do it.

    *passes umbrella drinks and tasty cheeseburgers to entire thread*

  30. Diva says:

    Oh, wow… had to go YouTube the Betty Boop with the Minnie the Moocher song!!!

    Looooooove that one! Thanks for reminding me of it so I could enjoy it again!

  31. Mike says:

    the exception to the “the” rule-
    Andre the Giant-
    he was really a giant and by most accounts a very personable, fun-loving, and generous man