As I already talked about, Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce today, right now, of this very moment. Ryan Seacrest has confirmed the news (he produces their shows), and every media outlet is running it, so it’s on. TMZ says that she’s going to be citing “irreconcilable differences” which is funny because how “irreconcilable” is anything after only 72 days? It’s not like they’re being tortured, you know? “Oh, I just don’t know how much longer I can go to parties and have my photograph taken with my husband! IT’S TORTURE.” Anyway, now we get to play the fun game of “Why Are they Really Splitting Up?”
*Theory #1: TMZ claims that the fight that led to divorce was about Kris Humphries wanting to move back to Minnesota. TMZ claims, “We’re told Kris was passionate about eventually settling down in Minnesota, where he’s from … and believed Kim was on board with the plan. She wasn’t. Sources tell us Kim — who’s from L.A. — wants to stay near her family … and she also feels that staying in town is the best thing for her career.”
*Theory #2: Us Weekly’s sources say that Kris “isn’t drinking the Kardashian Kool-Aid” and it was causing major problems because he wouldn’t just fall in line. Also, he’s bored and doing nothing because of the lockout, and it was driving Kim crazy.
*Theory #3: Kim and Kris were living in NYC with Kourtney, Scott and Mason-Dixon. Kim told People that the living situation was “not ideal” for newlyweds.
*Theory #4: Kim is already boning someone else. Hollywood Life thinks it might be Linnocent’s old john, Vikram Chatwal. Reggie Bush is probably in the mix too. Or what about that dude Kim was already sexting while she was engaged?
*Theory #5: It was always just a dumb lie, a storyline promoted for the reality show. It was all for ratings and money and famewhoring and gifts and freebies and an excuse to throw a party. It was all business.
*Theory #6: This is my theory – it wasn’t all a lie, just mostly a lie. I think that Kim didn’t really love Kris, but thought he was easy-going enough to be married to for a short time. I think the basic thing, the crux of all of this is that Kim simply wanted to have a wedding. She wanted to plan a wedding and wear a white dress. She didn’t think about anything beyond “walking down the aisle”.
Also: I can’t believe I was right about a “A Very Kardashian Divorce: The Kardashian Khristmas Special”. Except maybe this one will be a Thanksgiving special. In any case, they didn’t make it to the end of the year, so I win.
Photos courtesy of WENN.