Salma Hayek covers the new issue of Lucky Magazine… I think it’s the May issue. The cover shoot is meh – you can see some shots here, as well as the full cover interview. Am I the only one around here who used to love Salma back in the day, but as the years go on, I find her more and more insufferable? I get the feeling that many of you have always disliked her. But for me… it’s rough because I used to consider her one of my favorite women. Not so much anymore. Anyway, Salma is trying to relate to all of us in the cheap seats, I’m assuming. Being married to a billionaire makes you forget how to relate to people, I think. Here are some highlights:

She used to be depressed about her pimples: “My skin?! When I was 25 and I left being a soap opera star in Mexico to go try to be a movie star in Hollywood and all of Mexico was laughing at me? And I could barely get work as an extra? You want to talk about bad skin? I had acne. And this acne was so bad, it sent me into a severe, severe depression. Like I couldn’t leave the house. I’d wake up in the morning and lie there and touch my face before I got up, just to prepare myself to look in the mirror!”

She used to overeat too: “The next stage with that sort of depression is food – too little or too much. Guess what I did? I was fat and broken out. I couldn’t leave the house and I couldn’t pay the rent!”

A director friend saved her: “Alfonso Cuarón—amazing director—he came to the house. He did not play it down, he did not try to say, Oh you look fine. He said you can’t do this to yourself and taught me to meditate, relax. I got myself back together!”

She’s never Botoxed: “Botox, trust me I’ve been tempted—but I resist! Think about what happens to your muscles—and your skin—if you’re sick and don’t move for a few days. It all atrophies! Plus, if you freeze a muscle in your face, other muscles have to compensate! And once you stop, what does that look like?”

Living in Paris: “It’s nuts, how good the people look, too,” she continues. “Nobody’s overweight, everybody’s well dressed, no tennis shoes—somehow, even though they walk all over the place, everyone manages to wear real shoes, nice shoes.”

Parisian hair: She points at her chic, low ponytail. “This is very Parisian. My husband, it’s funny, but he hates it when I have this Parisian hair! He loves my crazy-maniac-madwoman just-got-out-of-the-shower hair. He is like the lawyer for my thick, wild, natural hair. He’s like, ‘Why make it suffer?’ But you know for 45 years I’ve got this big hair, and these big boobs, and I’m this tiny person and sometimes—you just want to be … smaller.” She flips the ponytail, flashes her kohl-lined lashes. “He’s probably right—my mom always said, ‘You think you know better than God?’”

Skincare: She went on Accutane. “I didn’t want to, but it cured it. Since then my skin’s forever sensitive and dry.” Before this episode, her skin had always been pretty good, she says: She’d spent her childhood practically swimming in face creams and potions, all concocted by her grandmother, who gave them to family members and friends. “She’d take me with her to the pharmacy to get her materials. She knew what she was doing—she died at 96, with no wrinkles!”

Fatty foods = no wrinkles? “You know Latin people? African-American people? How our skin ages more slowly? Even though we’re dramatic, we move our faces, we eat higher-fat foods, we’re the ones with fewer wrinkles—it makes you wonder.”

Diet and exercise: “I like to eat,” she sighs. “I’m always on the edge of how much can I eat without looking too—you know. If I eat something salty, it makes me want something sweet. I eat something sweet, then I want salty. And exercise is not my thing, though I do it. “Not like Demi [Moore, her close friend]. She’s so disciplined, I wish I could be like that.” She looks at me; Moore has been reported to be in rehab. “You watch,” she says. “Demi will be back. She’s an inspiration to all women.”

Looking good for her billionaire husband: “If you’re in love with someone, you always want to conquer them anew. Even if we don’t go out, I like to look nice for him. He inspires me. There are men who don’t notice what you’re wearing, and that’s cool. But when you make an effort, François appreciates it so much.”

[From Lucky]

I’m still not sure what she was promoting. Maybe her skincare line, Nuance? Probably. She’s also got a part in Oliver Stone’s Savages, which comes out later this year. Or maybe she was just promoting SALMA! Honestly, she doesn’t come across as insufferable in this piece, and she kind of reminded me of Sofia Vergara a little bit, with the homespun wisdom of Latin grandmothers and all. As for Salma’s theory about African-American and Latinos’ aging and whether there’s a correlation with eating fatty foods… er… what? Is that really a theory? That the more fatty foods you eat, the better you’ll age?

Photos courtesy of Lucky, WENN.