The new trailer for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters has arrived, and I’m astonished at the pure awfulness of the project. Obviously, the movie stills and set candids we’ve seen so far already made it quite clear that this would be no masterpiece, but at least the film looked like it might be a cheesy good time with the likes of an easy-on-the-eyes pair — Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton. Then again, this is one of those “cool” attempts to reinvent a fairy tale, and those usually end in disaster, but I’m wondering exactly why Renner signed onto this mess. Did he fall prey during one of those moments where his agent suggested diversity in projects; as in, “Son, you’ve appeared in far too many criticially acclaimed and financially successful movies over the past five years. It’s time to mix it up and do a really crappy film.” Or maybe someone blackmailed him into this mess. Here’s the trailer, and we’ll discuss below:
This looks terrible, right? And not in a good way. Overally, I’m feeling very ashamed that I can’t even get it up when Renner pulls the trigger on that gun because — let’s face it — the man knows how to wield a weapon and look very sexy while doing so. Here though, the hackneyed story and the awkward, mechanical dialogue do nothing to quell the “reinvented fairy tale” gimmick. What’s even more telling is that this movie was originally set to arrive in theaters on March 1, 2012 but has been pushed back until next January, which is widely known as the month designated as a cinematic wasteland. All apologies to Jeremy Renner (whom I adore as an actor, and he’s got a cute little bubble butt too), but I won’t be watching this movie at all.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and EW.com