There are certain moments in history that you’ll always remember where you were when they went down, such as the Challenger Disaster, JFK’s assassination, and (unfortunately) the afternoon when O.J. Simpson drove a white Bronco in that notorious low-speed chase. As it happens, I was on summer break after my first year of college, cleaning rich people’s houses for some extra cash (and that wasn’t even my worst job ever), and catching an eyeful on the television as I ran a vacuum cleaner.
Amazingly, news on the criminal trial of O.J. Simpson (where he was of course found “not guilty” of killing Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman) continues to this date. Several years ago, TMZ briefly posted the PDF file version of O.J.’s reprehensible If I Did It book, within which OJ stated that he would have used an accomplice to help him clean up after committing the murders. Also (and this is timely) just a few days ago, Christopher Darden (one of the inept prosecutors on the case) gave a talk that included his assertion that Johnnie Cochran ripped up the liner of those famous gloves so that O.J. wouldn’t be able to properly wear them in court. I also seem to remember that O.J. allegedly stopped taking his arthritis meds so that his hands would swell up too, but that’s a moot point.
Now O.J. houseguest Kato Kaelin is talking again because … why not? Just for kicks, here’s a transcript of Kato’s original testimony in O.J.’s criminal trial, during which Kato stated, “I know my job is to be a hundred percent honest, and that’s what I’m going to do.” Kato went on to claim that he and O.J. had gone for hamburgers that evening but that he’d lost track of his benefactor during the time that the murders took place. Now in a new interview with Page Six written by Cindy Adams, Kato says that O.J. totally did it, and he’s only admitting it now because the statute of limitations has expired. Just like a total perjuring tool:
Unless you were born after 1996, you know Kato Kaelin. In the Year of Our Lord 1994, Kato Kaelin was famous. Hot. Headlines. Front page. In everyone’s mouth. On everybody’s lips. TV, radio, newspapers. Kindergarten kids crayonned his name. More mentions of Kato and lawyer Kardashian than today’s mentions of Kanye and Kardashian’s kid Kim.
He was a star of O.J. Simpson’s trial for killing his wife, Nicole. At their house that night, he saw, he heard. He knew who, what and where. The prosecution labeled Kaelin a hostile witness. Unemployed, a freeloader, did he tell the truth then? The world smelled O.J.’s guilt. Simpson went free.
Ask Kaelin today, this very minute, if O.J. — currently jailed in Vegas on a separate charge — killed his wife, and I repeat his exact words:
“The statute of limitations has now passed . . . so I can now say . . . yes, he did it.”
Why didn’t he come forward and tell the truth? Ask why he let O.J. Simpson get away with murder, and I repeat his exact words:
“I was too scared. I was terrified.”
Time and his moment have passed. Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here together in memoriam of Kato Kaelin’s dead career. He says: “People hated me. I’ve been spat upon. They threw gum in my coffee.”
Little bit of a personality, little bit of a talk-show host and guest, little bit of a D-list actor in –minus movies, little bit on game shows, poker tournaments, reality things that didn’t make it. He’s now starting a Web site to answer questions, chat personalities, maybe do a book.
[From Page Six]
Here’s an almost immediate update from TMZ, who apparently has the likes of Kato on speed dial. Naturally, Kato said he never spoke any words about O.J.’s guilt to Cindy Adams:
We just spoke to Kato in Beverly Hills, and he insists he NEVER did an interview saying OJ murdered his wife. He says he has no idea where the quotes came from, adding, “I would never say something like this.”
Kato Kaelin just told TMZ … he NEVER told the New York Post that he knows OJ Simpson murdered his wife or that he’s only coming forward now because the statute of limitations on perjury has run.
Kato says he was shocked when he read the report which quoted him as saying, “The statute of limitations has now passed … so I can now say … yes, he did it.”
Kato tells TMZ … he never said any of those things to reporter Cindy Adams or anyone else.
Kato says he has expressed his opinion over the years … that he THINKS Simpson killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman … but tells us, “I have no first hand knowledge.”
What a douchebag, right? As if Cindy Adams would just make crap up about Kato for the hell of it. Of course Kato really said that stuff to Cindy, and one of two things probably happened: (1) Kato made it up just for attention (which he is duly receiving) because he knows that nobody cares about him for anything other than the fact that he was O.J.’s house guest when the murders occurred; or (2) Kato really knows that O.J. did it, but Kato is worried that O.J. will have some thug friend beat his ass. I think both options are equally plausible. Damn, this guy is shady.
Kato Kaelin shown on the set of Pop Stop TV News Live on 8/02/12; O.J. Simpson shown at Johnnie Cochran’s funeral on 4/6/05; photos courtesy of WENN.