Charlie Sheen wants to be a “sugar daddy” to his new goddess, Lindsay Lohan

Charlie Sheen is a mess. He abuses women. He once shot a woman. He’s a horrible drug and alcohol addict and it’s like he’ll never recover, ever. He loves paying for sex. He loves hanging out with p0rn stars and hookers and dealers. And we still don’t know exactly what happened when all of his cars kept being “stolen” and then driven off cliffs and sh-t. I’m just saying… the man is a MESS. And yet… I still think Charlie is probably more “together” than Lindsay Lohan. Maybe Charlie is just better at “maintaining” some veneer of sobriety or competence, or maybe it’s sexism, or maybe Charlie’s problems stem from his addictions rather than general douchery and entitlement (which is what happened in LL’s case). Like, Charlie is an addict, and his bad behaviors stem from his addictions. Lindsay is a raging a—hole who happens to have drug and alcohol problems. In any case, the Enquirer claims that Charlie is pretty much in love with Lindsay now. He wants her to be his new “goddess”. And he shall name her “Goddess of the Firecrotch.” You know what? The only thing that surprises me is that this hasn’t happened sooner:

It’s a match made in hell! Hollywood’s baddest boy, Charlie Sheen, has fallen for Lindsay Lohan! Charlie has not only given Lindsay $100,000 to pay down her back taxes, he’s wooing her to join his FX sitcom. And that’s not all – insiders say he’s also got romance on his mind!

“Charlies is in hot pursuit of Lindsay,” said a source. “He wants her to be his new goddess. Charlie has a soft spot for lost causes [Editor’s note: Make that a “hard spot”] and with all her problems – not to mention her latest arrest – Lindsay certainly qualifies.”

If anybody can relate to bad behavior, it’s Charlies. “Charlie believes in second chances – and that Lindsay is smoking hot!” said an insider.

While filming their scenes for Scary Movie 5, “Lindsay had Charlie cracking up in bed, which is the world’s biggest turn-on for him,” revealed the source. When Charlie learned Lindsay owed $233,904 in back taxes, the thrice-divorced star reportedly forked over $100,000 of his $250,000 Scary Movie salary to Lindsay to help her chip away at the debt.

“Since then, Charlie’s been showering Lindsay with gifts and bombarding her with emails and phone calls,” said the source. “And Lindsay’s loving it! She’s always wanted a sugar daddy, and a romance is blooming.”

“Charlie thinks that Lindsay has been unfairly trashed in the media, especially over her Liz Taylor movie,” said the source. “He believes that a solid TB gig could help her pay off her debts and rebuild her Hollywood reputation. Now Lindsay’s bragging that she asked Charlie to be her business manager.”

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

I would still like to know how much money Charlie managed to save from Two and a Half Men. Because I was under the impression that he “blew” it all on blow and hookers. So, if he doesn’t have that much money left, how will he be able to afford to be Lindsay’s gross sugar daddy? Ew. Ugh. Don’t make me think about it. Also: Charlie gets turned on by funny women? Are p0rn stars notorious comediennes or something?

Anyway, Gossip Cop’s unnamed sources (?) say that Charlie isn’t pursuing Lindsay. I’m surprised that anyone even cared enough to deny that. You know what? I think I might endorse Charlie and Lindsay becoming a couple. At least the crack-mess will be contained in one general area, right? Unfortunately, it’s looking more and more like Lindsay thinks she’s the new Penny Lane or something – she wants to be the tour bus entertainment for The Wanted. That’s so gross.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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112 Responses to “Charlie Sheen wants to be a “sugar daddy” to his new goddess, Lindsay Lohan”

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  1. logan says:

    When it get right down to it, they deserve each other. I bet MaMa Lowhan is foaming at the mouth. Although I don’t like news of the nasty sort so early in the morning, makes my coffee taste bad.

  2. Eleonor says:

    This would be a match made in crackdealers heaven.

  3. gee says:

    I love the idea of this couple. Crackie Power Couple to the max.

  4. laura says:

    I could not imagine …a more perfect couple! They are made for each other.

  5. Saphana says:

    its so romantic how alike they are.

    from her pov it makes sense, Sheen is loaded and he wont drop her because of bad press. from his pov it doesnt make so much sense. im sure there are less crazy and better groomed women out there for less money.

    • NerdMomma says:

      I think Sheen likes his women as crazy as possible. This seems like a match made in heaven for both of them. It won’t last long, though.

      By the way, I have to disagree with one thing in the post. I think Charlie Sheen, just like Lohan, is an entitled asshole. Like her, he’s an asshole with addiction problems. The only difference between them is that he has the party (hookers and drugs) delivered to his house and stays mostly out of the public eye, while she keeps partying in nightclubs.

  6. BRE says:

    Interesting that Charlie is so much more accepted by celebrities (and, well, everyone) than Chris Brown. Both are abusive to women but I guess Charlie’s family name helps him.

      • mln76 says:

        I’ve always wondered if he kept his real name Carlos Estévez if he would still be a hero to the jerks out there.

      • Kate says:

        I don’t think you can ignore the fact that we live in a culture where the violent young black male is an entrenched, racist cliche, and that goes treble for the music industry – he might get away with it more if he were a movie star; but I don’t know, because no black male movie star I can think of has behaved this badly.

        Chris Brown, for all that he is a piece of work, has less bad form with women than Charlie Sheen by a country mile. Admittedly that’s probably mainly because there’s such an age gap – and it’s possibly also because Sheen comes from a loved acting dynasty, plus has starred in much-loved movies/TV, as opposed to music. But – it’s also true that there is a real dissonance between press coverage of the two. Sheen is a misogynist, women-abusing a-hole. But Chris Brown is way more hated on. And raising colour in that context is, IMO, legitimate. It may not be the issue, but there’s no reason someone shouldn’t question it – and questioning racism is not in itself racist, IMO.

        Though people who play that card with Halle Berry, by now, seem to be reaching. I’m not sure they are, when it comes to why Charlie Sheen gets away with so much. A rap artist who’s done all he has would be loathed far more. I think that’s undeniable.

      • tina d says:

        Aww poor oppressed white people.

      • Mrs. Ari Gold says:

        The photo of Rhianna’s beaten & swollen face, to the point where she looked dead, is one of the differences between Chris Brown and Charlie.
        That photo makes a huge difference in the minds of the public.

        But there is also no denying that if Charlie was a woman or black he would not be given the free pass – and almost hero status- that he gets.

    • NerdMomma says:

      I think they’ve both been accepted/supported at a level they don’t deserve. People are still making music with Chris Brown, people are still making shows with Charlie Sheen. Neither one has shown shame for what they’ve done, both continue to be messes, and I wouldn’t want anyone I know alone in a room with either.

      • mln76 says:

        Charlie Sheen has been celebrated as a hero and a god for his coke addiction and woman beating in the mainstream. While there are stupid people who support Chris Brown most of the coverage talks about forgiving him. Meaning at least the behavoir is treated as wrong.
        As for Sheen people barely acknowledge the repeated arrests for Domestic Violence and just talk about his ‘hookers and blow’ stories.
        Both of them are horrible people.

      • V4Real says:

        @Min76 I agree

        Sheen has been arrested for Domestic abuse repeatedly and still has a very bad coke habit but people and the industry seems to overlook that. The man did a tour about it for crying out loud. Chris Brown also seems to be very popular despite his domestic abuse and lack of sensitivity about what he has done. They are both jerks but I guess as long as they bring in the big bucks, their faults can be overlooked.

        WINNING as Charlie would say.

    • Masque says:

      I suspect Charlie is supported by the entertainment community because he knows too much about too many people. Hollywood is a dirty little town and he wallows with the dirtiest.

      So I imagine the lack of condemnation is less about acceptance and more about fear.

    • FingerBinger says:

      I’m not sure why people keep making this about race. Mike Tyson has admitted he abused Robin Givens and is also a convicted rapist and now he is co-hosting The View and doing one man shows. Mel Gibson is white and people don’t seem to be very forgiving in his case.

    • Dena says:

      I think they’d make a good couple. He would obviously be the daddy she needs. He would give her stability (cause he is stable in his own way), he has money (which she obviously needs and likes to spend), and they could get high and clean together. More to the point, though, they could perform crack head antics together and have crack head sex until their hearts are . . . well burst. He might even keep her out of the spotlight and holed up in his home since she doesn’t seem like she has a real one of her own.

      Re: how he is treated. If the two of them hook up, it would be interesting to see if they get treated like Whitney Houston and Bobbie Brown. The roles are simply reversed here but the addictions and over the top behaviors are the same.

  7. the original bellaluna says:

    I swear, if they breed, it will be THE END OF US ALL. That child will be the Unholiest of Unholies.

    Mark my words!

  8. kristin says:

    I think the difference is Charlie knows he’s an addict, while Lindsay continues to pretend she’s not and keeps thinking we all still believe her.

  9. mimifarrow says:

    Blohsheen? Sheehan? It wasn’t me it was the Tiger Blood!!

  10. Cleveland Girl says:

    If these two get together, it will be a tragic situation for both parties.

  11. Cookie says:

    They would be truly perfect for each other, if this is true.

  12. Quinn says:

    The difference? Sheen was naturally smarter than Lindsay will ever be…his brain is fried now, I’m sure, but he had more to work with in the beginning. Lindsay is that person we all know, who thinks she’s WAAAYYY smarter and more clever than she really is. Sheen never lied about his shenanigans, and that makes you automatically more likeable than the person who lies about it (poorly) and thinks she’s pulled one over on you.

  13. Mira says:

    They probably will OD on their first night of togetherness.

  14. Hubbahun says:

    Dear Charlie

    Your dad is Martin Sheen – you should be ashamed. Given Martin’s moral and ethical values and downright bloody loveliness, I feel sorry that he saddled with a son like you. Get a freakin grip!

    • CLJ says:

      One of Martin Sheen’s appearances on Ellen a couple years ago really stuck in my mind. She was great and gracious, of course, and mentioned Charlie’s troubles very obliquely and with sympathy. And Martin’s response really hit home for me how sad the situation is for their family. He basically said, “Yeah, everyone mocks and makes fun and just sees a celebrity as an abstract figure in the headlines, but that’s MY SON and it’s been deeply painful for this family.”

      No love lost here for Charlie Sheen, but I just get sad when I read about him now. Probably a good reminder that in all celebrity trainwreck cases, there’s likely to be good, decent family members somewhere in the wings who really have a lot of emotional torment to bear.

  15. dread pirate cuervo says:

    If this is true, I predict the following:
    1) there will be at least one sex tape & it will come out soon
    2) LiLo will catch fire, literally
    3) LiLo will be rushed to emergency to be treated for a prolapsed anus (when I think of her, I ALWAYS think of the ass-to-ass scene from Requiem For a Dream)
    4) they will both be arrested for kidnapping/sexual assault of some unsuspecting hooker
    5) Crack wedding! But Charlie will have iron-clad pre-nup. He’s a crazy drug addict, but he’s not stupid.

  16. goodquestion says:

    Jed Bartlet should veto this, ASAP.

  17. Aubra says:

    C’mon y’all…keep an open mind about this! That would be some sexy cracakness happening! I could see him being a sugar daddy/lover friend to her too!

  18. dcypher1 says:

    Captain save a ho strikes again. I guess crack + crack= supercrack

  19. Elceibeno says:

    Charlie Sheen is worth dozens of millions of dollars. He has enough money to blow for a very long time.

  20. Talie says:

    I really don’t think she’d have a hard time getting some shady rich dude in Bev Hills to marry her…I’m really surprised she’s resisted.

  21. ladybert62 says:

    They are perfect for each other.

  22. Annie says:

    Charlie is a mess, but he’s smart. He knows when to get better. After the comedy tour mess he left the scene and came back. He’s doing better. Lindsay thinks she’s an A-lister and that she can do whatever she wants. The fact that she’s partying when she’s in so much trouble with the IRS just shows she has no clue how bad things can get for her. It is one thing to have a DUI, but evading taxes? I’d be hella worried. Yet she’s following a boyband and worrying more about getting laid.

    The funny thing is she WILL drive Charlie crazy like she did Jack Nicholson. Jack paid her bills and helped her out, rumor has it, but as soon as she brought her drama (and her sticky fingers probably) to his home he kicked her out for good.

    • Elo says:

      Whoa what!? Jack Nicholson? I have a really hard time believing that he paid for anything or helped her. Generally old Hollywood seems to have severe distaste for the unprofessional behavior and entitlement exhibited by the young actors today. Sources or it didn’t happen.

    • CLJ says:

      I think Charlie’s (relative) turnaround isn’t so much to do with him or his inner strength or anything like that. But it does illustrate why Lindsay will likely never, ever truly turn her life around. Sheen’s surrounded by really loving, caring family that – mostly out of the headlines – have tried their best to intervene and help him. He is incredibly lucky to have people that still genuinely care about his wellbeing, not just hangers-on and goddesses-for-hire, etc.

      Lindsay has no one like that. I mean, I get the sense that her siblings care, but it’s not on equal footing. Maybe the relative celebrity/fame of Charlie’s family members remove some of the imbalance of power/celebrity ego problems, too. In any event, while he’s a total trainwreck, I think his troubled path is still a kind of best-case, never-gonna-happen ideal for Lindsay.

  23. Lady LaLa says:

    ” Godess of the Firecrotch” Thanks for the laugh, luv you Kaiser

  24. Jackson says:

    Yeah, this all sounds about right.

  25. janie says:

    Jack Nicholson? There is no way! Lilo’s brain is fried & Jack has too many other offers!

  26. BLOGAHOLIC says:

    I feel sorry for this woman and pray she can beat her demonds. Such a Shame.

  27. kimchee says:

    Charlies’s last 2 wives are much hotter than Lindsay. He’ll have to play reverse Kanye and make her hotter instead of not-hot-anymore. Good Luck.

  28. Moore says:

    How is Charlie not an asshole? This man is just as much of an asshole as LL. They both have problems with their addictions, but as obnoxious as LL is she has never shot someone.

  29. KellyinSeattle says:

    I feel badly for Martin Sheen. Lindsay has awful parents but Charlie has Martin, who is much more level headed. Can’t be easy having him for a son. Family dinners: Emilio (acting normally), Martin (acting normally), Charlie (jumping on the table).

  30. lylaooo says:

    GOOOOD make this happen….can u imagine this?? i can totally see lindsay with her face full of bruises adn Charlie with bites…soorryyy !! hahahhaha it would be so funny this 2

  31. biker180 says:

    Can’t wait to see the three eyed six fingered kids, a new Honey Crackhead Boo
    show on the horizon

  32. Memphis says:

    Now there’s a picture I don’t want burned into my memory — Charlie and LiLo going at it like crack bunnies.

    I threw up in my mouth a little just typing that.

  33. Madriani's Girl says:

    Oh these two are so gross. The stench the two of them would create together would burn off what’s left of the ozone layer and probably pollute the moon as well.

  34. Crackinotti says:

    Her side boob shot! Are those ruffles trying to make a run for it or what?

  35. Barbara says:

    Charlie has always had a free pass with me in his antics…but this could be the deal breaker for me. If he took up with this woman he would lose me as a fan forever.

  36. Grace says:

    Oh crap. This is definitely a murder-suicide waiting to happen.

  37. Eric says:

    Denise Richards left him when she found Bed with his boyfriend, Lindsay is perfect cause she does not mind sharing…

  38. emmie_a says:

    Charlie is a vile disgusting loser. Pure scum of the earth. …He’s too good for Lindsay.

  39. Anna says:

    Yes, this is exactly the right progression. This is the next logical move. I’m on board.

  40. Izzy says:

    Crackie crackie crackie crackie crack crackie crack crackie… whew, sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. So many cracknanigans in one post. It’s exhausting!

    *quietly sips cracktini*

  41. Bess says:

    Hey, doesn’t the Cracken have a hearing in LA next week for the new charges? If she’s on the road with the boy band, she must not be required to attend the hearing.

    • Madisyn says:

      Wednesday with be the ‘witching hour’ for everyone’s favorite FVCK UP. As far as we know, for this arraignment on the 12th, she does NOT have to be present, but we may know a little more of whats going on, very curious as to what the next step is. Can’t wait for CRACKTINI Wednesday!

      Blohans “HOMELESS HOOKER BUS TOUR’ will come to a close today because the band is performing in London on Sunday. Maybe they’ll let her ‘live’ on the bus in the meantime?

    • Izzy says:

      That or she just doesn’t care, just like the time she “lost” her passport while partying in Cannes.

      FTLOG, will someone just throw her stupid azz in jail already?!

  42. Annie says:

    Gawd, they both look AWFUL in these pictures.

  43. Phil E Stein says:

    Charlie looks terrible in that cover photo. It seems the ravages of time and hard living have finally caught up with him.

  44. Eric says:

    I suspect it’s crystal meth instead of crack, and Charlie not taking meds for his mental disorder

  45. Shannon says:

    “Charlie thinks that Lindsay has been unfairly trashed in the media, especially over her Liz Taylor movie”

    Yeah, he clearly didn’t bother to watch it.

  46. Bess says:

    I can’t believe this trick is in NYC at the same Jingle Ball concert.

    Lindsay Lohan just took a pic with some young fans backstage at #z100jingleball

    • Dena says:

      . . . And that’s the thing, Bess, LL has become a cheap trick. And that’s why she should take Charlie Sheen up on his offer. Instead of being publicly humiliated for dollars as a cheap trick, with her reputation spiraling southward in the process, she can do so privately. He will/would probably allow her to live off of him–just like he has all of the other women. She can use that time to rebuild her on finances, etc.

    • Bess says:

      The other gossip sites are making it sound like Blohan is “with” this Max George guy now.

      Besides really nasty s*x, what does Max George get out of being known as Blohan’s boyfriend?? IT’s not like she’s thought of as a sex symbol at this point.

  47. Toblerone says:

    This. Needs. To. Happen.

  48. erika says:

    G*D dern’ it Celebitchy!!!

    Hate it when I can’t log on until the evening Pacific time and you’ve got a roster of stories like this one!!!

    huh….the ‘tour bus entertainment’ for The wanted….huh….I think I saw a pr0n like that once….

    seriously….i’d be pissed if charlie and HoLo hooked up, this twatty biotch doesn’t deserve ANYBODY or ANYTHING right now! bare bones it lindsay, (gross) we all want your ass sucked up in federal prison.

    god, government people, cops, IRS DO YOUR BLOODY JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. Dredz says:

    They’re perfect match astrologically. A Virgo and a Cancer could be soul mates :D

  50. Winter says:

    I know this is off topic, but in other awful people news, Kim Kardashians kitten Mercy died.

    • jwoolman says:

      I just read that, too. Very sad, but overly bred cats often do have congenital problems like the one that killed her. Thankfully her last weeks were with someone more nurturing than Kim… who turned out to be allergic and gave Mercy to someone who had just lost her 17 year old cat. So the good news is that there will be no other cats in Kim’s vicinity for me to worry about! Really.

  51. Juicy Lucy says:

    Nothing like two addicts supporting each other. Gotta Love Charlie.

  52. silver says:

    I’m not a fan of Lindsay at all, but even I hope she doesn’t hook up with Charlie because she will very likely end up beaten or shot, & she has enough problems already. keep chasing that harmless, dopey boy band, Lindz!

  53. e.non says:

    gawd, he looks older than his father.

  54. Really? says:

    That pic of him with the cig, man, i thought it was a wax figure of him, a rather terrible rendition, but the man does not look healthy.

    He looks like his next appointment will be with a coroner or something, it seems all the shite he’s pumping (including Queen HoHan) has had an embalming effect on him. SO NOT SEXY. I suggest he only hire prostitutes who are trained in CPR. Where he sees tea bag, i see toe tag. His number is up soon.

    Have fun, kids. Just don’t have any.