George Clooney tells Stacy Keibler he’s dying, just so he doesn’t have to marry her

For a while now, I’ve been saying that George Clooney seems like he’s in more pain than he’s admitting. My father dealt with severe back pain for years and years, and that’s the same look Clooney has. George seriously messed up his spine when he filmed Syriana back in 2005, and he’s been dealing with health issues related to that injury ever since. It’s in the way that he stands, the faces he makes when he doesn’t think the camera is on him, the way he walks… dude is in pain.

So, here’s the question: if you’re already in agonizing physical pain, why not use it as an excuse to not get married? This is what George has asked himself. He knows the time is nigh – Stacy Keibler is going to be expecting something, anything, in the way of commitment. She has her eye on the prize. She wants the ring. So George basically told her, “Look, baby, I’m probably going to be dead soon.” And she’s all, “YES, that’s why I want to marry you, you old fart. I would marry your g—damn corpse.”

George Clooney would rather be fitted for a noose than a wedding band – so he’s come up with an incredible new way to weasel out of marriage. The 51-year-old actor is now telling girlfriend Stacy Keibler he doesn’t have long to live!

Gorgeous George has been dating the 33-year-old beauty for nearly two years but insists he’s unfit for marriage because he’s falling apart from a variety of ailments, including recurring bouts of malaria, say sources.

“George says his body has been so beat up by a host of accidents and maladies over the years that he’d make a terrible husband and dad,” an insider told The ENQUIRER.

“But Stacy’s not buying it. She thinks he’s just playing the sympathy card so she’ll feel sorry for him and won’t press him to tie the knot.”

As The ENQUIRER reported in 2004, the Oscar winner practically broke his neck when he fell while filming “Syriana,” and medical experts say he could have been paralyzed or even died.

“I thought I’d had a stroke,” the actor told a reporter. “You can’t see and you can’t stand.”

Clooney wound up suffering such excruciating headaches he admitted he considered suicide. The activist actor also is afflicted with malaria, which he got while doing humanitarian work in Sudan in January 2011.

The illness has flared up at least two times, including last Christmas. Even though Stacy’s not happy about it, she understands that George’s biggest problem is a terminal case of wedding bell phobia, says the source.

“She realizes George will indeed die before he ever gets hitched!”

[From The Enquirer, print & online edition]

Poor Stacy. And poor George. I’m sure all of that kinky wrestler sex is probably rough on his back too. So why does he always go for the wrestler types? Or the Italian ladies with Adam’s apples? It’s like he has a death wish! Also: I had totally forgotten about the malaria. That must have ravaged his system too! Damn, George is in really bad shape these days. He needs to stop with the party girls and wrestlers and find a perky nurse-maid, you know?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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40 Responses to “George Clooney tells Stacy Keibler he’s dying, just so he doesn’t have to marry her”

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  1. Kali says:

    Aren’t we all dying a little every day? So I say dump her and party like there is no tomorrow because isn’t the world suppose to end in a few days any way?

  2. Joanna says:

    He needs to find a classy woman his own age who won’t be as active as the 30 yr olds. but no, like most men, he thinks he can be pushing 90 and still get a 25 yr old. delusional, delusional. the only reason he, and other men like him, get younger women is one thing: $$$$$
    but i guess he doesn’t mind being a bank. if he was with a woman his own age, they’d want an equal relationship. so he pairs with women not his equal in money or intelligence so he can always be the big shot.

  3. DanaG says:

    George already has dumped her that is why we haven’t seen any pictures of them together since New York. They were “together” in Cabo but not a single shot of them actually together. Since then George has been everywhere except with Stacy. Meanwhile Stacy has been partying her butt off and probably already has George’s replacement set. Stacy is just raking in the cash while she can. Funny how George always seems in less pain when she isn’t around? Most are guessing she will be around for award season she is after all George’s red carpet girl don’t you find it funny they are NEVER together except ON a red carpet? Talk about slow on the uptake it’s all a con. Stacy isn’t getting a ring just a paycheck.

  4. Miss M says:

    Hmmm…I don’t think this story is true, but it’s funny (not the pain/death part)what magazines create to sell.

    Honestly, I don’t think George is this sexual active man. The reason is that spinal injury is one of the top causes of male erectile dysfunction. This would explain a lot the timing of his injury and the “girlfriends” he had after that (Sarah, Eli and Cray).

  5. India says:

    Yea George, give up the wrestlers and women with adam’s apples and find a decent nurse maid. That’s the ticket!

  6. Christina says:

    Oh please. Not this whole ‘women are so anxious to tie George down’ thing again.

    Stacey is no fool. She knows EXACTLY what the ‘arrangement’ is. She’s not the first of George’s ‘escorts’, and won’t be the last. She’s clearly doing her best to milk it while she can, precisely because she knows she’ll be dumped within months. The notion that she’s desperately trying to get George to ‘commit’ is nonsense.

    • forfor says:

      Totally agree.

      And does it ever occur to anyone that some women have no interest in getting married or having kids? Perhaps that’s Stacey. We don’t know because we don’t know her. But don’t assume she’s pawing at George and trying to “cage” him in. Sheesh.

      • Christina says:


        I would have thought the whole ‘women are desperate for a ring’ stereotype would have died a death by now. Of course, some women do want to get married, but by no means all. And given that just about every study available shows that average reported levels of happiness drop for women on marriage, and rise for men, I reckon it’s MEN who should be desperate to get the ring!

      • Becky1 says:

        Yeah, I’m Stacy knew what she was getting into. If she was that desperate for marriage and kids she’d have left George by now. My guess is that she plans on riding this relationship out and getting whatever she can out of it. If she wants marriage and kids she’ll do it later with someone else.

  7. littlemissnaughty says:

    Poor Stacy? No. Girl knew exactly what she was getting into. WHO is clearer on the issue than Clooney? Nobody. I understand that women think they can change a guy’s mind but for once, I’m on the man’s side. Because he’s always been so very clear about this and I highly doubt he’s the type of guy who would then lie in private and tell her marriage is an option. Why would he? He doesn’t have to.

    But oh my gawd, poor George with the back pain and the malaria. I had a herniated disc in my spine when I was still in high school. The pain … oh Lord. One and a half years of PAIN. It messes with you because no way you can take painkillers for that long.

  8. Maritza says:

    George stopped being gorgeous a while ago, now he just looks like his dad.

  9. booboocita says:

    I’ll probably get all sorts of flak for writing this, but … I never found him all that attractive to begin with. I liked his character on “ER,” and I thought he was terrific in “Syriana” and “Good Night and Good Luck.” He’s a fine actor, no denying that. But even when he was younger, I found him attractive — good looking, even — but not va-va-voom, if you know what I mean. I certainly never looked at him the way I look at, say, Jason Momoa.

    I think the guy’s rep as a ladies’ man is sufficiently established that if StacyK thinks she’ll “change” him, she’s sadly deluded. As for the perky nursemaid, … hmmm. I suppose Stacy could do a little training at her local community college as a nurse’s aide. All the same, she’d probably be better off getting her hands on a Hallowe’en slutty candy striper costume for herself while hiring someone competent for the heavy lifting.

  10. Skaffie says:

    But little George can use Vi@gra, and come back to life,right?

  11. mkyarwood says:

    I think Stacy is going to win this George girlfriend game. Not with a ring, mind you, because I don’t think she’s interested in one from him either. If you’ll notice, most of her friends are women with lesbian rumors surrounding them as well. He likes wrestlers because they can fit the Rande/Cindy quad arrangement.

  12. lin234 says:

    If that excuse is true, Stacy is thinking, “That’s exactly why we need to get married, someone needs to inherit that money. I’m up for that job!”

  13. DT says:

    This story seems bogus. Clooney is always up front about the marriage thing. Why would he make up this ridiculous story?

  14. LisaMarie says:

    It’s deja vu all over again. These girls know what they’re hired for. I don’t believe for a second that any of them expect a ring. They’re there for a job and when the contract is up, they’d better have saved enough money up to take care of them as they fade back into obscurity.

  15. truthful says:

    and Stacy thought she was different, LOL

  16. Starlight says:

    Stacy looks more like a bodyguard to him than a date. What a good idea. A woman bodyguard. George, you’re a genius.

  17. Other Guest says:

    The other week when I was in the check-out line, I was reading the Enquirer and it said that Stacy wants to have George’s baby, but he can’t because he is sterile.

  18. phlyfiremama says:

    Acupuncture & Chinese herbs can help BOTH the chronic back pain and the malaria symptoms and headaches~

  19. skuddles says:

    Ah, so that’s why he always looks rough these days… didn’t realize he was so messed up.

    I have a hard time believing he told Keibler he was dying just to dodge the marriage bullet – but it makes for a damn funny headline :D

  20. Grace says:

    Maybe George has an illness that is not malaria. Cancer? HIV? Possibly. He sleeps around enough to have any kind of disease but he is a spineless coward for not just saying what the truth is up front.
    He was never really that handsome to start with.

  21. Holden says:

    Poor Stacy? Uhm, she’s had a pretty good run for someone who doesn’t seem to work and its not like the guy doesn’t have a track record…

  22. taxi says:

    The extent of his neck injury wasn’t fully diagnosed until spinal fluid was leaking from his nose a few days after he was injured.

    Wrestlers have strong & flexible bodies. Maybe Stacey’s able to work in positions that are beneficial for a partner with spinal issues.

  23. Mazy says:

    I cannot believe the comments they are almost as bad as the trumped up story. You people went all the way from his back to cancer and then to HepC. Yes George Clooney had a bad accident. He had a tear in the Dura that wraps aroung the spinal column, I suspect he will have pain from that for the rest of his life, not to mention his other medical problems. Do you people see what he accomplishes in one day with all his humanitian work, never mind his job. He will always stay sexy because it is not just looks it’s what’s inside the man, his kindness and love for his fellow human. We could all take a lesson.

    • lin234 says:

      I found the comments a bit amusing – of course in a unbelievable way. I don’t believe the story either. It’s just speculation. It’s what gossip is all about right? Well… until you’re looking at photos of a director with his face between a starlet.

      But to be serious, back pain is a very serious condition. It’s sad he got it from a filming accident.

      Please don’t preach that “looks don’t matter” especially when talking about George. When was the last time he had a relationship where you looked at his girlfriend and thought, ” Wow! He’s with her because she’s so smart!” There’s a reason we joke about his latest piece – women are all interchangeable to him. When it comes to women, what’s inside him is pretty nasty.

    • Other Guest says:

      @ Mazy
      George’s mom is that you?