Paris Hilton is proving once again that she has a near endless ability to spin any news into good news. Following revelations that her lazy left eye is the result of a botched eye lift the heiress has cut a deal with The Spinach Growers of America (SGA) to appear as their new Paris ‘Popeye” Hilton Spokesperson. That ain’t just spin … it’s a salad spinner.

Miss Hilton has controversially refused to follow Doctor’s advice and cease her near constant use of the zombie blue contact lenses, which are reportedly aggravating her condition. One source close to her medical team reports: “That eye has been drooping like the backend of a lazy hound dawg for years … let me tell you … she keeps up like this — that dawg won’t hunt much longer!”

But in yet another example of Hilton hubris turned savvy Paris has transformed her permanent wink from a medical problem to a financial asset. “Popeye” Hilton will be launching a multi-media, vitamin rich, international advertising campaign to bring Spinach back from it’s recent troubles with E. Coli — which recently killed one and sickened 187 other spinach eating unfortunates .

Feeling uneasy about their industry’s future, and not knowing what it might take to win back public confidence. The SGA was thrilled to hit upon the Parisian solution.

“Nowadays when the public thinks Spinach they think fecal-matter borne, deadly bacteria — with Paris as our spokesperson we have turned that into a positive. Everyone knows she’s America’s number one Petri dish and all the more popular for it.” said SGA Media rep Alice Goon ‘” and given that our previous Popeye was a Sailorman we look forward to Leno, Letterman and Stewart doing endless seamen jokes.”