Gwyneth Paltrow, peasanty imposter: ‘I am not on a detox, I am not on a diet.’

On New Year’s Eve, I finally got around to writing about Gwyneth Paltrow’s second foray into cookbook-writing. For the record, I do think Gwyneth “writes” a great deal of her cookbooks, in that those are actually her personal stories, and maybe she makes some of that food for her kids. But Gwyneth doesn’t want you to know that she’s got a co-author (Julia Turshen) or that she has a team of “co-chefs” who are working on the actual recipes. She doesn’t want you to concentrate on that stuff because those people are peasants, and you’re buying the cookbook because of GWYNETH!!

Anyway, I bring that up because many of us were disturbed when we found out what Goop’s second cookbook was going to be about, what the “hook” was. That hook: Gwyneth had been diagnosed with anemia, a vitamin D deficiency, and high stress levels, and her “doctor” recommended that she eliminate coffee, alcohol, sugar, eggs, wheat, meat and processed food to heal her body. For real. She’s vitamin-deficient from all of the “cleanses” and crazy “diets” and then she found some quack who told her to cut out meat, wheat and eggs to remedy her maladies. And then she wrote a cookbook about it, because Gwyneth wants to give us the gift of anemia and vitamin deficiency too.

But in Goop’s latest newsletter, she tells us that unlike her typical New Year’s cleanses and crash diets, Gwyneth began this new year by eating food. PEASANT!! IMPOSTER!! J’accuse!!

Happy 2013! I am not on a detox. I am not on a diet. I know, New Year’s cleansing and all that. Not this year. Can’t do it. Maybe later in the year. Maybe in the spring. So for now, I would like to continue with my pasta and cheese, but perhaps be more mindful of ingredients. I asked my friend Dr. Frank Lipman about his list of superfoods so that I could incorporate them into my diet a bit more. If you are going to eat pasta, why not serve it with a walnut pesto (walnuts are on his list)? You get my point. We had great fun in the goop test kitchen coming up with these ways to incorporate these miraculous foods into very tasty recipes. We hope you enjoy.


[From Goop]

Gwyneth goes on to recommend some dishes that are heavy on the “superfoods” which include “avocados, beans, blueberries, cruciferous vegetables, spinach, walnuts, wild salmon, dairy-free chocolate (in moderation) and chia seeds.” What I can’t get over, however, is Gwyneth’s mindset. She really does have such a severe eating disorder and such a significantly warped body/health image that she feels genuine GUILT and PRESSURE because she didn’t do a cleanse for the new year. She’s… defensive about eating real food! And by the way, she’s implicitly promising to “cleanse” in a few months. And Goop’s cleanses are pretty much anorexia with some fancy fruit juices.

Gwyenth also included a photo of her kids on holiday in St. Lucia:

Photos courtesy of WENN, GOOP.

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41 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow, peasanty imposter: ‘I am not on a detox, I am not on a diet.’”

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  1. T.Fanty says:

    I’m sorry, but I’m starting to love Gwynnie for the same reason I overcame my adversion to Mariah Carey. She’s just so insanely delusional, that I can’t help but find her enormously amusing.

  2. Elisabeth says:

    she needs a pill addiction to humble her

  3. Agnes says:

    She can’t just “be” and “eat”, can she? Everything has to be a freaking production, even EATING NORMAL FOOD. We, the peasants, applaud your bravery. I swear, all those detoxes and cleanses must have flushed out what was left of her brain.

  4. LadyMTL says:

    I can’t stop laughing at the line “If you are going to eat pasta…” Maybe it’s just me, but it sounds incredibly bitchy, sort of ‘well, pasta is for peasants and you shouldn’t defile your body with it but if you ARE going to eat pasta, be sure to add some hippie type walnut thingie on top.’

    Or maybe it’s me who’s bitchy because I’m fasting for a blood test and right now I’d eat walnuts right off of the tree.

  5. Esmom says:

    Meh. I can’t hate on her. I’m sure she addressed starting the new year without a cleanse because a lot of people vow to start eating right after the holidays. Often it involves some sort of drastic measure.

    And if she does in fact have an eating disorder, it seems Hollywood, and its insane expectations about weight, is probably mostly to blame.

  6. Bored suburbanhousewife says:

    After reviewing her list of permitted foods (beans, cruciferous veg, nuts) I believe I understand the apparent marital coolness between her and Chris: she must be horribly gassy all the time.

  7. Nashville Girl says:

    I wonder if the Krispy Kremes I just ate for breakfast are on her super food list?

  8. Bronwyn says:

    i don’t understand. she is very health conscious, eats healthy food, and has insane work out regiments. You’re not going to look like that eating garbage and processed foods. Good for her.

  9. lucy2 says:

    I still can’t get over the whole – hey, my first cookbook made me anemic and vitamin deficient, so here’s another one, listen to me again! Ditto with the exercise stuff.
    The obsession with cleansing/detox (which she shouldn’t need if she eats so healthy!) and the way she talks about food definitely makes me think there are some serious issues there.

  10. Cam S says:

    I currently work at a holistic/functional medicine clinic and our acupuncturist does blood work, hair tests, metal toxicity tests etc. He used to be a vegan for 25 years also while he lived in India and could never cure an illness that had plagued him most of his life. Long story short- he now eats meat. Rough decision for him, but also when we get patient’s test results back we can ALWAYS tell who is vegan/vegetarian because most have vitamin deficiencies or low immunity.

    I am NOT saying that lifestyle is good or bad, just that their test results all look the same, and it’s easy to spot.

    We had a patient with parasites, Candida (too much wheat, carbs), and high blood sugar try to give me advice on how to live healthier. Needless to say, I didn’t listen. I am a firm believer in moderation. Eliminating entire food groups is not the solution for most

    • shady says:

      agreed, although I did eliminate gluten which cleared up my eczema, I still eat a moderate amount of healthy carbs.

      Some free food advice for Gwyneth: Low iron, eat some red meat!!! A and D deficiency, God liver oil preferable fermented everyday, you’re probably K2 deficient too so eat some grass fed butter too. Voila!!

    • Turtle Dove says:

      @ Cam S

      Don’t you find that her diet is basically a Candida diet…. definitely not invented by Goop.

      Candida doesn’t just come from that diet, although the Candida themselves can cause someone to crave and eat more carbs and highly acid foods. Antibiotics are a big culprit in tipping the balance in the gut.

  11. sirsnarksalot says:

    With the blindingly obsessive food restrictions, body obsession, insane workouts and power cleanses one thing is perfectly clear…girl probably hasn’t gotten laid properly in years. If she was half as happy with her life as she claims to be, she wouldn’t need all this nonsense to transform her self into something “better”. Leave Chris and get a real life.

    • Miss Thang says:

      I think you couldn’t be more right. She is OBSESSED with diets and cleanses and beauty treatments and exercise regimines and I think that’s because she is bored with her real life. She has this idea of what life could be or should be and she just does not live up to it.

      I have also read that a lot of people with eating disorders feel out of control of their lives, so they exert hyper-control over what goes into their bodies and how it comes out. She reminds me of that kind of hyper-control.

  12. j.eyre says:

    “You get my point.” – as a general rule, no… no, I do not get your points.

  13. Pandora says:

    Love her for the same reasons T.Fanty and Miss Kiki posted above. She’s a crazy person.

    Picture of her and the kids is cute!

  14. Kate says:

    Actually…gluten(wheat, rye or barley) is TERRIBLE for ANYONE to eat. Research is finding that it could be the cause of most auto-immune diseases. Eggs, dairy, seafood, and meat are all in the top 10 foods that people are allergic to and don’t know it. We are so used to how we feel with these foods in our systems….sinus congestion, headaches, migraines, seasonal allergies and hormone imbalances…that we don’t realize we are living in a constant state of an allergic reaction to the “real food” we are ingesting. Coffee and alcohol are given why she would cut those out. Most people’s weight is inflammation from allergic reactions NOT fat from eating fat. We have been fed a bunch of crap about how to eat.

    • lrm says:

      You are right, and actually, it’s the quality of the wheat/gluten that is the problem, combined with how much of it is eaten generally.
      Historically, it would be eaten through the colder, winter months, and it was hardy enough to grow in many environments-but by springtime, people would move on to other things and the body would get a break from it, to decongest. it is very mucous building, as a food, and mucous is a factor in so many ‘conditoins’: candida, digestion, chronic pain, weight, cellulite, etc.
      So, HIGH quality wheat, eaten during the fall and winter combined with other foods, would be a very different situation than what most diets are.

      As with most things in the american culture [i am american], people do better just ‘getting rid of it’, b/c it’s a simplier solution than learning a more nuanced understanding of subjects. Plus, honestly, people who go gluten or just wheat free, have an easier time going off all the processed, ready made foods, cheap dairy and low quality meats included in that. It gives people a focal point for choosing healthier overall, not just with the wheat. They end up eating less packaged sweets, sugars, etc., too.

      So i always wonder how studies can establish that a positive result is solely related to the wheat, in every single case.
      It’s a set of variables.
      That said, i am personally MUCH better w/o wheat and gluten, overall. feel better, better digestion, more energy. For me, it’s fact, regardless of research or studies….

    • Mel says:

      THIS. Yes, yes yes! I was in denial about this for years when my doctor was trying to get me to go off wheat. Then I developed autoimmune thyroid disease (hashimotos). I immediately stopped wheat (and rye, barley, spelt, etc.) and my thyroid went back to normal. If you have any autoimmune condition at all, you should NOT be eating gluten. Actually everyone would be better off without it. Read Wheat Belly for the best explanation of why. BTW, going off gluten eliminated my daughter’s migraines and took my other daughter’s BMI down to normal (with NO OTHER CHANGES to diet/lifestyle).

    • Shoe_Lover says:

      YES to all of this.
      I was always sick, always tired, couldn’t focus (brain fog), had constant headaches and my Doctor ran some tests and the doctor found I was allergic/intolerant of wheat, gluten and dairy. I cut all of it out (I also don’t eat meat so I’m vegan) and I have never felt better. Last week I couldn’t get gluten free pasta and thought “it’s fine, regular will be okay just this once” WRONG!!!!! I was so sick the next day

  15. videli says:

    I must confess that I’m a peasant who’s been eating chia seeds everyday for a while now. My hair grows like crazy, unlike before.

  16. poppy says:

    can’t do her goop poop cleanse now -bey’s gonna play the white house and she’s hoping to attend. can’t risk pulling an al roker!
    this year she is going to give and give.

  17. dcypher1 says:

    Girl please why trying to act like u eat real food all of a sudden. Who are u trying to fool goopy we all know ur anorexic and u dont eat food its for peasants. Stop pretending to eat cus we all know you and its not working.

  18. Incredulous says:

    Ah yes, if plan A fails, try plan A.

    Other books in this range include:

    Fidelity by Tiger Woods

    Sobriety by Charlie Sheen


    From Kenya to the White House by B-Rock the Islamic shock

  19. Yvonne says:

    If her cookbook is anything like her website it is totally ridiculous and done out of boredom versus anything that’s actually practical for the majority of people.
    I don’t like how she panders to being normal when she has no clue that normal people are stuck eating what their budget allows . Granted, I can’t stand Paula dean either …. Ok I’ll say it , I just don’t like her face or her constant talk about weight , food and luxury towels !
    I did like her in contagion .

  20. Alecsma says:

    Is that her breast implant we see in the photo with the kids? I know there had been rumors of a discreet enhancement and it looks like it could be true.