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Alexander Skarsgard is featured in the new Calvin Klein… commercial? Is that what we’re calling it? Call me crazy, but I don’t like this new movement in high-end advertising to create these too-artsy-fartsy “short films” to promote their products. You know why? Because instead of a one-minute long commercial in which I can easily dissect and detect the dong, I have to sit here for ten-plus minutes watching Skarsbutt in slo-mo. Here’s the commercial/short-film with my commentary below. Unfortunately for all of us, this doesn’t have the raw bang-me-in-a-hurricane intensity of the last Skarsgard Calvin Klein ad which I covered.
0:15 – This is what happens when Alex Skarsgard farts near an open flame.
0:35 – is that Skarsbutt rolling down the hill? Is he actually banging that poor girl as they’re rolling?
0:54 – Something against time, against the world something. Who wrote the voiceover? The same genius behind Brad Pitt’s Chanel ads?
1:16 – Are those solar panels? I feel like I’m watching a commercial on MSNBC.
1:20 – Crap, the solar panels are on FIRE!!!!!
1:23 – Oh, hello Skarsgard. Why are you dressed like Tom Wolfe?
1:30 – The message: Alex Skarsgard’s burning loins will set fire to solar panels, y’all.
1:58 – Who abandoned the Calvin Klein models at Alcatraz?!
2:02 – Please let Alex take off his clothes and get into that metal bathtub. Please?
2:05 – He’s finger-banging the water.
2:22 – Don’t put that dirty swamp-water finger on my face. DO NOT.
2:28 – The swamp-finger down the cleavage thing would be hotter if she actually had cleavage.
2:33 – Stupid voiceover is stupid.
2:43 – Now it’s hot. Sweaty. Denim. Back that ass up and let’s have mirror sex.
2: 54 – HOT.
3:03 – OMG HOT.
3:15 – *lights cigarette*
3:20 – VIKING DONG LOVE FIRE.
3:56 – Damn, was he trying to set her on fire?! That’s a cold-ass Viking.
4:05 – Ooooh, he’s back in the denim shirt.
4:30 – What does the ball symbolize? Something about ballers? Shot callers?
4:50 – I’m getting kind of bored, so I’m going to skip ahead.
5:24 – Why is she on the ground? Why is he petting her like a dog?! Crap, what did I miss?
6:00 – Now they’re back at the Fire Fart House. I don’t get it.
7:30 – Viking Dong is so powerful, it shatters glass ten feet away.
8:15 – Damn, is she trying to kill the Viking? VIKING HATE CRIME.
Everything else – SO BORING. This short film was utterly pointless. All they needed was the stuff with them in denim, where The Viking is banging her in front of a mirror. That’s literally all they needed for a short film.
PS… The lady’s name is Suvi Koponen. Sure. That’s a real name, I guess.
PPS… BONUS VIKING! He was photographed in Los Feliz yesterday. Enjoy.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Advertising, Alex Skarsgard
- Zach Galifianakis is awesome [Buzzfeed]
- Prince at the Billboard Music Awards [D-Listed]
- Bieber’s Billboard look [Go Fug Yourself]
- Married to Medicine recap [Reality Tea]
- Celebrity first marriages [Pajiba]
- The last Mad Men baffled a lot of people [Lainey]
- Karolina Kurkova’s crazy hot dress [Moe Jackson]
- Jennifer Garner on set [Popsugar]
- Kitten vs. Lizard [CDAN]
- Doetzen Kroes’ great butt [Celebslam]
- Shameless star Jeremy Allen White [OMG Blog]
- RIP Ray Manzarek [Bossip]
ASkars I want to lick your beautiful Viking dong.
Too far? Actually scrap that I don’t care.
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Oh my, Miss Kiki! That’s a lot to swallow with my morning cornflakes (pun intended)
I think I might need a warning before hearing about his Viking longboat first thing in the am.
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Good God that man is hot! The denim scenes were my favorite. Thanks for the bonus pictures
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Viking Dong indeed. Mmmmmmmm
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Meh. Much as I loved the commentary (and might want to request it for all future video clips), I’m not feeling the Viking-love.
And they TOTALLY photoshopped his hairline in the top pic. In the pap shots, he looks like he might be heading into Jude Law territory.
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That’s not in Jude territory is it? In comparison to other pics it looks like they’ve move his hairline forward but not necessarily added hair. Jude on the other hand, they seem to flat out add hair in some pictures. Has he had a hair transplant by the way?
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You’re right. Jude territory might have been an exaggeration. I do agree that Jude probably had a transplant, although he seems to have been marginally more subtle about it than Affleck/Piven when they got it done.
I do think that Askars is receding, though, The top shot is noticeably different to the candid pics.
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Ahhh that’s what I haven’t been able to put my finger on about Ben lately, his hair. It seems I barely notice things like that until they get to Travolta Wiglet of Doom level. Euggh for reasons unknown Piven makes my skin crawl.
Jude Law, I’m never quite too sure what went on there, especially because he wore that horrible beanie hat for ages.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2202296/Jude-Law-sports-MUCH-fuller-head-hair-Toronto-International-Film-Festival.html#axzz2K1SS7fb1
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Sigh. Jude just looks so lovely with hair, I don’t care whether it’s real or not.
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it can’t be as bad as all that can it?!? I don’t care, I’d still hit it-all day, and all of the night..
I can’t watch the ad since I’m at work but love the commentary..
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His hairline defo looks like it is receding. Lets see how his appeal holds as he is a “pretty” boy. Bald suits some men but they tend to do be a bit more macho (Bruce Willis, Billy Zane, Jason Statham) but I guess we shall see with him. He might end up getting a transplant so we may never know.
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Hot viking is hot,i think even bald,Alex will still be very much fu*kable!
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His dad is pretty thin/balding, but he’s still the hottest Skarsgard in my book!
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I tend to think that since he has the same features as his father, including hairline, that he will age in the same way.
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Why does he always have his head down? Does he think its sexy or is it a tall thing?
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It’s a tall thing
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Definitely a tall thing. I do it all the time.
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This is stupid. When does True Blood start again? I haven’t seen him naked in awhile.
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+1
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June 9, 2013
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Well, I’m wet.
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LOL at your review
I think it’s ridiculous but he’s hot as hell so there’s that. I’d hit it for sure.
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That was my exact reaction… meh… meh… meh… HOLY SH!T… meh… meh… meh…
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Your commentary – too funny!
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Well, perfume commercials are always ridiculous, aren’t they? The whole notion of advertising a scent on television is absurd.
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Someone should tell Roger Sterling drugs are helluva bad, this ad is pointless. And the Skars is HOT, all they needed was to put him under a shower.
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Amazing, sexy and ridiculous. Cracking up at the commentary. Nothing like the Viking and a giggle in the morning. I think I can properly face the workday now. Oh wait…*smokes cig* Scorchingly HOT. I’m with Miss Kiki.
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Um. Oh my…………..my morning just got brighter.
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I didn’t watch the video because the play by play is priceless. Lol at mirror sex. It’s great isn’t it?
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Such a viking stud. I’d break it before returning it.
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The lines are….AMASINGLY STUPID. But the execution is FLAWLESS. (Can’t blame the man for doing his job!)
Now, we need to discuss THEM JEANS and their TRAGIC CUFF SITUATION. (Because, seriously? FOR REAL? WTF MAN?)
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Sexy or ridiculous?
The two are not mutually exclusive. It was both. But, I’d watch it again, because the man is SO DAMN HOT.
Also, I never thought I’d be jealous of a chick named Suvi Koponen. Think I’m going to go photoshop my head on her body right now…
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The only part that is fun to watch is the dirty broken bathroom part. My one complaint though is they did not show him enough, too many close ups of the bony alien model chick. Meh. He is painfully sexy though. He sure works the camera well, even in the boring parts of the arty fartsy video.
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Why is a delicious man like that participating in a creepy ad with a lifeless mannequin? I agree with the others, the mirror/ denim part was best. And no woman would be that effing passive and bored with a guy like Skarsgarrd. WTF? SNL is going to have a field day.
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He’s just so nice and tall. We’d look so good together. He really should call me.
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Suvi Koponen is a Finnish name just like Alexander Skarsgård is a Swedish name. Yeah foreigners are so weird, they don’t even have American names! (sarcasm).
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+1
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I’m too stupid for this shit
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They photoshopped his hairline in the commercial. You can see that his hair is receding in the paparazzi shots.
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That was ten minutes of awful. The paycheck must have been HIGH for ASkars to go so LOW…
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Ugh, WHY do I have to work normal people hours when he is So close to my neighborhood that I can just drive down Sunset all day and possibly have a VIKING DONG SIGHTING?!?!!! cryyyyyy!!!
ok now, off to watch the “film”
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so ps. I think your commentary is leagues better than the actual vid. That swamp water finger in the face comment killed me girl.
I just couldn’t pass 3 min mark. And I LOVE the viking dong. So so bad
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This slow-mo ad reminds me of his Melancholia film. Goodness, he is sexy.
I looove the first pic of him in that blue sweater. His hair looks great. Lots of great shoes in that ad and the model’s white coat at minute 2 is gorgeous. I definitely would.
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Oh wow, it was cheesy, but Alex made it worth watching, he makes my teeth sweat
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The “film” is ridiculous. I’m with Kaiser, don’t get this whole existential film/ad trend. I’m embarrassed for him, though he is scorchingly hot in it. The girl is totally forgettable.
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I really dig his long legs. It’s a rarity in actors/models today for men.
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Oohhh I know! The legs are gooood. This “film” is not.
It could’ve been 2 minutes of hotness and instead it’s 10 minutes of stupidity. If the gifs people on tumblr are making are better than the “fashion film”, your director sucks. I don’t get this trend either.
But two AS posts in as many days? I’m all for it.
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So he does nothing to me but I always see him whenever his gets his coffee or sandwich or whatever there.m It’s not in Los Feliz it’s in Franklin Village, just cross the street of the Celebrity Center Scientology. The place is called Oaks Gourmet. He gets his beer there and often comes with his younger brother and they often speak Swedish. When they recognize him all girls are flocking like peacock. He is super super skinny and super tall but his face has very thin features. I actually had a few conversations with him. Very nice lad.
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I’m jealous… he needs to come in France, with Fassy and some of his hot sweden friends…:)
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+1, but make that New Zealand.
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That was so ridiculous. He is gorgeous and sexy, though, and he needed to be shirtless at least once. What some actors do for money.
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Absolutely absurd, but he is mind-numbingly hot so I watched it. With the sound off.
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embarrassing to be called a film/art…. he’s super photogenic
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I saw ZOOLANDER last night, having not seen it since it was first released. I can’t believe that was him.
His face and body have changed so much and he looks like a man now. not so much when he was younger.
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yee-haw!
grindin’ down in the dirt ‘Sookie-style’ is what Skarsi does best.
oh yeah ba-by, yeah!
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Has anyone read the book knight and play I can so imagine Alexander Skarsgard playing Lucian
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I watched this Sunday night. I thought it was so ART that I started thinking of James Franco…in cornrose like his character in Spring Breakers. I started giggling imagining him running around behind Askars. Then the denim mirror scene happened and I…never mind…TMI.
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I liked it. I agree that films like this are pretty cheesy but I liked this one. I’m sure it had everything to do with the fact that Skars is in it.
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Amazing sexy or ridiculous? Neither. He’s amazingly, ridiculously sexy!!
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I don’t get all this arty farty nonsense. All you need is Alex- naked – holding a sign saying “Buy Calvin Klein stuff”. Sales would rocket!
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