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Ryan Lochte is featured in the new issue of ESPN The Magazine. Apparently, the theme of the “Music Issue” is getting star athletes to dress up like rock stars. And Lochte was chosen to recreate Nirvana’s iconic Nevermind album cover. There’s a lot of shade to be thrown, of course, but what’s hilarious is that even legit outlets have no qualms about being the first ones to shade. USA Today released the first excerpts from Lochte’s interview, and it’s just… magic!!!
Ryan Lochte will recreate Nirvana’s iconic Nevermind cover for ESPN The Magazine’s upcoming music issue. It will feature the same blank stare and dangling dollar bill, but feature a Speedo-wearing grown man instead of a naked baby. And instead of generation-defining music, the inside will feature advertisements for Red Bull.
Lochte’s cover comes out this week, but ESPN has released a preview in which the gold-medal swimmer says the following things:
– “Iconic Nirc-vana”
– “The cover is definitely global, brah.”
– “If you look at the baby, he’s definitely happy in the water. And that’s what I am.”
– “He’s chasing after a dollar bill. So he’s always on the grind.”
– “Trying to perfect the perfect the shot in the water was kinda easy for me. Just because I spend about four hours a day, every day of my life, in the water.”
– “Usually when I go swimming, I have goggles on. So when I didn’t have my goggles on for this shoot my eyes were definitely burning.”
– [Blinks five times in two seconds] “Am I blinking a lot, cause I feel like it.”
– “Hopefully everyone’s reaction when they see it, they’ll be like, daang, look at that guy. I honestly think I nailed the shot.”
“The cover is definitely global, brah.” JEAH BRAH!! But honestly, I think my favorite quote is “He’s chasing after a dollar bill. So he’s always on the grind.” JEAH FOREVER. I go back and forth about Lochte – is he a sweet-natured douchebag who is basically harmless, so yelling at him is like kicking a puppy? Or is he a mean-spirited d-bag who deserves to be criticized because he’s such an ignorant ass? I can’t figure it out.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Written by Kaiser
Posted in Ryan Lochte
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i wish this douche would go away.
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+1
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haha funny!!!
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Should have been naked.
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Yeah, that’s the only reason why I came here. No Lochte Dong
Boo!
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He seems harmless. But re-creating that cover was a terrible idea. So cheesy. I wish I could unsee it.
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I vote he’s a douche!
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no matter what he does ,it shall always be “STUPID” brah!
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This is so stupid but it totally cracks me up.
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That red vest deserve to be criticized for sure!!!
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I was a huge RL fan. Then I went to college. Then I read one of his interviews.
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Ditch the speedo, Ryan! Prove that baby isn’t more hung that you. LOL
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I don’t get why people call him a douche.
He is so harmless…
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Neither do I. Hes honest about his aspirations and hes harmless. He really is like a puppy.
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My worst nightmare. Dumb, cocky, no self awareness. There’s nothing worse.
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Weird Al’s was better!
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He doesn’t seem like a douche to me. He’s simple minded. I laughed at the baby always on the grind quote!
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Yeah, he definitely isn’t the brightest bulb. I don’t get douche vibes, though. I laughed at his quotes-I wonder if on some level he gets how dumb he sounds and is in on the joke?
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I don’t think he’s a douche, I think he’s just…dumb. If he does douchey things it’s probably by accident because he doesn’t know any better! Honestly, I think my cat is smarter.
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No…. Just don’t ruin a classic album please. Can’t stand this guy, he’s a joke.
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I never understood why he was considered so hot and shamefuck-worthy. I saw the picture under the headline and for two seconds thought it was Jason Segel.
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This is so dumb. Just go away and stop being a celebrity.
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He definitely has the “blank stare” down hahaha.
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Um, there is nothing at all mean about him. You have absolutely no evidence, let alone proof, that he is so I don’t understand the obsession the public has with kicking this guy in the nuts constantly.
And btw, doing so does not make you smart or smarter than him.
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I’m going with the puppy route. I don’t think he tries to be a douche-he just is one. He isn’t the brightest bulb in the box-or he’s hiding it really well-and I can’t think of an actor outside of Sean Penn (seriously go watch I Am Sam) or Tom Hanks could pull it off for this long or so convincingly.
I think he’s adorable and I’d totally do him-and then send him on his way.
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Seriously, if he wanted to really get some publicity, he should have done it without the speedos and just had them stick one of those “parental advisory lyrics” stickers over his junk. That would have made people sit up and take notice and everyone would be clamoring for the unedited version which he could then have leaked onto the net in a few weeks time to get more notice.
You want your 15 minutes, brah, you gotta think like a Kardashian!
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+1
Love him!
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He reminds me of the Ryan Shay character on Suburgatory: very sweet but not that bright. Lochte doesn’t seem to be a mean person and sometimes I think he’s pushing things to get more laughs. Of course, other times I don’t think he realizes the full extent of his ridiculousness.
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I wonder where is that baby now? Hes the one who gets to say ya thats me on the cover of nevermind omg.
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