Charlie Sheen wants to ‘mentor’ crackie Lindsay Lohan: ‘I love her’

The only people who want to save Lindsay Lohan at this point are buffoons, crackheads, enablers and the delusional. And Charlie Sheen might be all four. Lindsay is in a particularly bad place right now, as she faces criminal charges in LA and NYC, plus a probable probation violation, plus she owes back taxes for 2009, 2010, and 2011, so all of her accounts have liens on them. If Charlie Sheen is still as wealthy as I think he is (?), he would probably be able to take care of her back-tax situation with relative ease – although she would still be millions of dollars in debt because of legal fees, her crack hoarding, etc. My point is that Charlie doesn’t want to simply “give” Lindsay the money. He wants to “help” her in the long-term. He wants to be her crack mentor.

Charlie Sheen wants to become Lindsay Lohan’s savior, and he thinks he has the credentials and cred to do the job.

Charlie tells TMZ, “I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not. She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.”

He adds, “If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.”

You’ll recall … Charlie and Lindsay struck up a friendship while working together on “Scary Movie 5,” after which Charlie cut Lindsay a $100,000 check to help with her tax problems. Lindsay’s now returning the favor by appearing in an upcoming episode of “Anger Management” — actually, that may be Charlie doing Lindsay another solid.

Shockingly, Charlie still claims they’ve never hooked up, “I love her, I respect her, and I’ve never laid a finger on her that wasn’t on film. How ya like me now, America?”

[From TMZ]

“I’ve never laid a finger on her that wasn’t on film” – so they only make love in front of cameras. That doesn’t shock me at all. But even though Charlie is still trying to help out his crack-sister (and truly, I think Charlie is trying to help her in his own special way), Lindsay is all “STFU, Charlie!” Because why not? It’s not like Charlie is just handing her $100,000 checks. Oh, wait.

Lindsay Lohan is rejecting Charlie Sheen’s offer to mentor her, grousing that she wishes he’d just shut up.

Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ … while she appreciates everything Sheen has done for her — and he’s done a lot — she would NEVER take him as a mentor. She’s saying she knows her life is “out of control,” but doesn’t think the precept, “It takes one to know one,” is the way to go.

As we first reported … Sheen told TMZ he thinks Lindsay needs a mentor and he believes he’s the man for the job.

She says she’s grateful Charlie gave her $100k for her back taxes and supported her in “Scary Movie 5.” Lindsay says she talks to Charlie from time to time … but gripes he has no business talking about her to the media.

According to our sources, Lindsay has been regularly meeting with a therapist and feels the consistency has helped.

Do therapists recommend dumping a patient’s lawyer. That would be a good start, right?

[From TMZ]

Again with the “therapy”. I would love to know if her therapist is real. I would love to know if Lindsay actually sees this therapist with any regularity. I would love to know how Lindsay is paying her therapist. As for Lindsay trying to tell Charlie to back off… good one.

Here are some photos of Charlie with his new (?) girlfriend Georgia Jones in Dublin over the weekend. I can’t. She looks so young. That’s ridiculous.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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42 Responses to “Charlie Sheen wants to ‘mentor’ crackie Lindsay Lohan: ‘I love her’”

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  1. dcypher1 says:

    The crackie blind leading the crackie blind. This sitch should get interesting. Like a cracked out soap opera for crackheads I luv it. their ment to be their crack luv and luv of crack. Too much crack.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    In the first pic, the girlfriend looks like a teenage boy

  3. skylla says:

    I can’t decide if I should: HAHAHAAHAAA or feel sorry for these delusional people.

  4. ShazBot says:

    I think his “only on camera” meant their scenes in Scary Movie 5 and Anger Management (where she apparently plays his love interest?)

  5. Liz says:

    Do you remember the Daryl Hannah line in Wall Street when she tells Charlie Sheen ‘its harder to be poor when you have had it all?’ I keep thinking about that line when I read about LL. She had it all and she has lost it. Really, it is almost too tiresome to even read about her now. She has become a joke, a punchline and a tragedy. She will never, ever be part of any meaningful movie or TV show and she is on her way to becoming an obscure answer on Jeopardy. No wonder Dina appears drunk and/or high all the time – she is probably beyond frantic her meal ticket has expired.

  6. logan says:

    with her five head and double chin she does a striking pose.

  7. NerdMomma says:

    Yeah, I can tooootally believe that every time they’ve made “arrangements” for her to pay off that debt, they’ve had a camera in the corner rolling…

  8. JL says:

    Poor Charlie, he thought the crackwhore was for sale. Well she is but this is “therapy” week on the crack calendar – try again next week Charlie.

    Flashback to old cpommercials….
    Sorry Charlie; that’s not tuna with good taste nor is it tuna that tastes good.

  9. Hautie says:

    Lohan is never going to get her sh*t straighten out, till she gets rid of all the leeches in her life.

    I always think about how bad Drew Barrymore had gotten. Before she was even 18. No one would hire her for squat. No one wanted her around.

    But she cut off everyone. Got dried out. Got humble and figured her sh*t out.

    And lets be real. Lohan could crawl her way out of her nightmare. If she had enough insight to cut everyone off. And go dry out.

    But we all know she won’t. So here we are. Charlie “Save a Ho” Sheen trying to mentor the ultimate crack head.

  10. Skins says:

    The girl is Georgia Jones porn star

  11. Lizzie K says:

    Haha, so Charlie is all like, “Let me help you, crack-sister!” and Lindsay is “Get AWAY from me, Charlie!”

    I kind of think both of them deserve this. I hope Charlie tries to mentor Lindsay for a really long and public time.

  12. K-rock says:

    I thought he got his teeth fixed? They still look a mess to me.

  13. Madpoe says:

    Someone check the expiration date on Sheen’s tiger blood.

  14. grabbyhands says:

    That’s so rich. Because yeah, he TOTALLY has it so together. Isn’t that another one of his porn “goddesses”? Not to mention, the line “How do you like me now, America?” tells me all I need to know about how benevolent this gesture is.

  15. Lulu says:

    Aren’t credentials and ‘cred’ the same thing? Anyway, the only thing Charlie has to offer is how to function in society (sort of) is as a crack-head, which is something that dear LL hasn’t yet mastered. I suppose that is what he thinks he can teach her.

  16. Cathy says:

    Bwahahahahahahahahaha……that’s more than funny. He’s a mess, she’s a mess. Imagine the crack shenanigans they could have together

  17. CC says:

    This should be interesting…ool

  18. Nicolette says:

    There are no words for this. Just no……….NO.

  19. KellyinSeattle says:

    Charlie is starting to look old (esp. compared to the pic of him w/ Justin Beiber’s sibling)…but he comes from Martin Sheen, so I can’t really hate on him much.

  20. Bess says:

    This is the payday White Oprah has been scheming towards her entire life. Does Charlie realize that if he invites the Cracken into the crack house, White Oprah, Ali and Cody are moving in as well?

  21. erika says:

    Her therapists name is Dina. Ironically, that’s the same name as Lilo’s mom…huh. Funny. Instead of a tissue box next to the couch she offers lines (Coke). btw, she’s not a network provider….

    “show me the money” …..bitch! Only CrackHo has the gall to go up against the Ma-Sheen. Kinda rude to cast him off after all the $$$ he gave her, of course, he didn’t hand it all over to her and therefore, didn’t really help. And she doesn’t need help y’all! Even the River Nile is too small to accommodate all of this ho’s DENIAL.

    and secretly….I love it

  22. boo says:

    I’m so sure that LL is upset about all this “I’ll be your mentor” coming from Sheen. Lindsay does not have a problem remember? She’s perfectly ok and does not want anyone to interfere in her life. It’s funny how on her slide down to nowhere ville, she still thinks that she has it together and that she will earn that Oscar one day! What a joke.

  23. Hakura says:

    If she manages not to kill herself, or someone else, I can see her in Charlie’s position one day (Offering her ‘wisdom from experience’ to the next unfortunate ‘falling star’).

    Considering how her face/skin looks right now? I think her not wearing makeup would be enough to scare people away from their little white lines.

  24. the original bellaluna says:

    Am I the only one who thinks this could be both wildly entertaining (just picture Charlie tracking her down at The Chateau, etc…and dragging her drunk ass home by her weave – comedy!) and POSSIBLY beneficial?

    I mean, if anyone knows how to be a semi-functioning crack-headed drunk, it’s Charlie.

  25. Kathryn says:

    I wish people would stop covering Lohan altogether. She is a MESS, we know. There is no news with her besides how drunk/high/psycho/klepto/f-ked up she is. When the media goes away so will Lohan and we will never have to care about her again. Also, she is way too proud for this, but if she got I don’t know a REAL job other than sleeping in and doing drugs with money she doesn’t have she could actually begin to pay people off. Except she is so messed up, she can’t even get to work when all she has to do is work a few days of the year, let alone 9-5 like a normal person.

  26. the original bellaluna says:

    And now this walking cone zone’s Cousin Vinny is working on a plea deal that doesn’t include rehab.


  27. LeeLoo says:

    I do think Charlie is in the wrong for speaking publicly about wanting to help Lindsay but I do believe he means well. I really think Lindsay is taking advantage of someone who has enough on his plate already and she should be more gracious of his offers to help, even if she declines those offers. Being this is Lindsay, all I can see her taking complete advantage of her. He should help someone who wants to be helped. More importantly, he needs to better help himself before he starts cleaning another person’s home.

  28. Str8Shooter says:

    Of course this ass-clown loves her!

    Douchebags tend to love other douchebags.

  29. babyturnsblue says:

    she must roll around in cheetohs since she’s broke and can’t afford real spray tans anymore.

  30. Starlight says:

    I am glad there is somebody who cares to help her before it is too late.